


The Logical Choice

by writteninweakness



Series: The Logical Choice AU [1]
Category: Amnesia (Game & Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Angst, Established Relationship, F/M, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Post-Canon, Slow Burn, Some Fluff, Some Humor, college professors would be more accurate, full of tropes and cliches, set after the normal end in Ukyo's world
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2019-08-25 15:27:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 107,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16663420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writteninweakness/pseuds/writteninweakness
Summary: After years of failed relationships, she came to the conclusion that she was incapable of love. Still, she wants a family, and there just may be a solution to that. Choosing the man who sees love as just a chemical reaction in the brain is just logical, right?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So... I started this AU before, thought it was probably better not to do it, but then I finished Things Lost in the Fire and was rather depressed by the state of my Nano project and my inability to do other things, so I revisited it while trying to decide on fic and replaying a route in a different game and decided to go ahead and put the first chapter together.
> 
> Then I took another break from Nano and did the second, and... I don't even know anymore.
> 
> It is important to know that this is after the normal end of Ukyo's route, that has an impact on her memories and feelings. And the heroine goes by Kokoa here. After finding it for Things Lost in the Fire, I've decided it is her name for all my stories regardless of AU, at least so long as they're Kent/Heroine stories.
> 
> And I'm doing the two chapters for the inital posting thing because... I do feel awkward about this one, too.

* * *

_Love is a chemical reaction in the brain,_ Kokoa wrote on the board, aware of the eyes on her as she did. She'd chosen her opening words carefully, intending to provoke a reaction, and she was sure she had, all of the students watching her to see just what she was going to do now.

After all, what psychology class would start out with a statement like that?

“When you see those words, what is your first response?” she asked, facing the room again. “If you're like me, they're grounds for a fight. And boy, did I fight with the man who said that to me.”

She heard a bit of laughter going through the room, knowing it was a bit tense and uneasy. They were all unsure what to expect, her and her students. She gave them a bright smile, trying to ease a few fears. She was not the scary kind of teacher, never could be, no matter what happened to her, not that she'd even believed she could teach at all five years ago.

“He and I had two very different opinions on how people worked and why,” she said. “It didn't make either of us wrong, but then again, it wasn't like either of us to admit we were.”

She got more laughter from that, and she smiled. This had felt like the right introduction for her class, but she'd been a little unsure of it before today. It was good to see it working now.

“He believed in looking at everything through logic and using pure mathematics and science to explain life, where I believed in emotions and allowing for things that just can't be explained, things well beyond science but not necessarily spiritual. We all have our moments that defy reason, and love above all else, is irrational. Some people say you can choose who you love, but I've never found that to be true myself.”

She'd wanted it to be, she'd even tried to make that work, but she hadn't. She should have been able to love them, but she didn't. She never felt what she should have, just that same aching emptiness inside her. She didn't understand that, but she had almost accepted that she never would.

And at the same time, she hadn't. She wanted to find an answer, any kind of answer, to her problem, but she hadn't. No amount of analysis like she was used to or even trying to apply logic or reason to it had worked.

It left her with a conclusion she didn't much like but feared was true.

She wasn't capable of loving anyone.

She wasn't a monster, not a sociopath as they used to describe it, and she didn't think she was going to label herself as asexual or aromantic—she didn't fit those things, not really, but she also didn't have a better explanation for the way she was.

She shook her thoughts off. She was the teacher here. She had a class to instruct. She couldn't afford to get caught up in that same endless debate. She didn't know what was wrong with her, and maybe she never would.

“Psychology is the study of human behavior,” she said, “and what I've just mentioned illustrates a couple different ways of doing just that. Can you apply logic and reason to everything we do? Not necessarily, but then when we analyze typical behavior, we see patterns that recur often enough to make it seem like maybe there is rhyme and reason to the choices we make. So we see where emotions and science connect, to a point, and yet at the same time, that same friend of mine wouldn't consider this much of a science at all.”

She heard more laughter and managed a smile. “Go ahead and take out your syllabus. We've got a lot to look forward to this semester.”

* * *

“There she is, everyone's favorite aunt,” Sawa said just before Kokoa was mobbed by a trio of kids, all of them clamoring for attention. The boys were loud, but their younger sister, never one to be outdone, had to yell over both of them, making Sawa wince. “I'm sorry. It's been a while since we've been able to get together. I'm sure you can tell how much they missed you.”

She smiled, knowing full well how true that was since her first quarter had passed so quickly, and she both loved it and felt like she was drowning in trying to keep up with her class. She turned, greeting each child in turn, ruffling hair and passing along gifts. Kaya clutched her book to her chest, beaming in happiness. The boys didn't seem so glad to see theirs, but she really didn't know what else they expected.

She was a teacher now. She was obligated to give books as gifts.

“I'm glad we were able to meet tonight. I'm looking forward to the pageant.”

“Yuriko's been so excited,” Sawa said. Then she grimaced. “Though she wouldn't let me make the costume and insisted on having Mine do it.”

“Mommy can't sew,” Kaya said, and Sawa frowned at her. “That's what Aunt Mine says.”

Sawa put a hand on her hip, glaring at Mine as she came up to join them. “So I can't sew, huh?”

“Oh, don't take it personally, Sawa,” Mine said, clucking her tongue. “You can do plenty of things better than I can, but you'll rush things and end up sewing the legs where the sleeves are supposed to go like last year.”

“That was kind of funny.”

“Not you, too,” Sawa said. “You're going to make me feel like a failure as a mom.”

Mine rolled her eyes. “You? No way. Just because you can't sew doesn't make you a bad mom. I know I would never manage all of these guys. That's just way too many. I can barely take care of our dog, but four kids? You're wonder mom.”

She smiled, listening to her friends, but once again, that pang was back in her heart. She had thought teaching would be enough, but it hadn't stopped that ache that she felt when she thought about her own plans. She'd thought for sure she'd have her own family by now.

Instead, she was alone, with a long line of failed relationships and bitter resentment behind her. She didn't know how she'd gone so wrong, but she did think Kent would find it ironic that the woman who used to argue with him about love no longer believed herself capable of it.

Oh, she loved all of Sawa's kids. She loved her friends. She loved her parents.

But romantic love? She couldn't even feel that for Shin or Toma, dear as they were to her, and if she couldn't manage it with them—or with Ikki, who'd tried hard to seduce her—something must be wrong with her. She'd devoted herself to her studies of psychology trying to understand herself, and she'd tried all sorts of relationships and partners trying to find what she'd been missing.

Every time she did, that same emptiness inside her made her end it, and most of them hated her now, not that she blamed them. They'd felt something for her. She hadn't felt anything for them.

She really understood Ikki now, but she knew he'd gotten his happy ending, settling down with one true love, while she was still single and had alienated a lot of people who used to be friends.

“Go sit with your father,” Sawa said, shooing the kids toward the seats. As soon as they were gone, Sawa faced her with a sigh. “Why did they have to get my energy? I'm cursed.”

Kokoa laughed. “Oh, Sawa. You don't know how much I envy you.”

Sawa frowned. “Are you okay? I know we haven't talked in a while, but you sound really down. Is this... about him?”

Kokoa shook her head. “No. I mean, I... I don't think I'll ever stop feeling guilty about how it turned out because he... really cared about me, but I didn't love him back.”

“Why are you feeling guilty?” Mine asked, frowning. “It was an arranged marriage, right? You both went into it knowing what it was. He knew there was a good chance you'd never love him. You told him that repeatedly. He's the one that tried to demand it from you.”

“Yeah,” Sawa agreed. “That's not your fault at all. I mean, most people want to believe that arranged marriages can turn into love because that's the fairy tale, but it doesn't always happen, and he should have been more reasonable.”

“Instead, he was scary, and you were totally right to divorce him.”

Kokoa flinched. She knew that Sawa and Mine were right, but her parents and his had been a lot less understanding about the situation. He was far worse.

“You are really okay, right?”

She nodded. “I'm okay. I've got my new place, and my teaching job is going very well so far. He hasn't contacted me in a couple months.”

“If you're sure,” Mine said, though she sounded doubtful. “Oh, but let's not be like that. The kids will get worried.”

“Yeah,” Sawa said, clearly not wanting that at all. “Oh! I know what will cheer you up. Come on and say hello.”

* * *

She felt herself get tugged along, and she wished she could stop it. As dear a friend as Sawa was, and as much as she loved the kids, it was still slightly awkward for her to be around Sawa's husband. He was a good guy, a sweetheart, and he was amazing with the kids, but Kokoa still remembered him as an incorrigible flirt who had tried to seduce her more than once.

Ikki had little Kaya in his arms, and the girl smiled smugly down at her brothers who were pouting as he directed them to their seats. “One of you on either side of us. You lost the privilege of sitting together.”

“But Dad—”

“Did you or did you not hit your sister while you were 'playing' with each other?” Ikki asked, his expression a bit stern and scary. “I thought so. Now sit.”

“Thank you, Daddy,” Kaya said, wrapping her arms around Ikki's neck and snuggling against him. He looked at her with such love, and Mine made a bit of a noise.

“Oh, he's so hot as a superdad.”

“Mine,” Sawa said, which made Ikki laugh as he drew her close, pulling her in on his other side.

“Come on now. You know I only have eyes for you, don't you?” Ikki said, holding her against him. “I mean, there are a couple other ladies who have a hold on my heart, but I don't think you can fault me for loving Kaya and Yuriko.”

Sawa shook her head. “Of course not, but you start talking like that and I remember why we have four kids.”

“I'm always ready to make another,” Ikki teased, making her cheeks go red. Kokoa laughed, and he looked over at her. “Oh, Kokoa. I'm glad you were able to make it. Yuriko was afraid you'd be too busy.”

“No. I mean, my new job has me pretty busy—I never realized all that went into teaching—but I wanted to be here. And I'm going to be at the game next week, boys, don't look at me like that. I haven't missed an event yet, have I?”

“Only a dinner invitation here or there, which with Sawa's cooking, who can blame you?”

“Hey,” Sawa protested, and Ikki grinned at her. “Okay, fine, I know I can't cook, but I wasn't even the one supposed to do the cooking either time.”

“It wasn't about the cooking,” Kokoa said. “I just made the mistake of scheduling the due date for a big paper on the same day as the meal, and I had so much grading to do I was up all night. I worked straight through dinner at home and was not good company. That's all it was.”

“That's good.” Ikki smiled at her. “I'd hate to think you were staying away because of me.”

“Not at all.”

“Aunt Kokoa, will you sit next to me?” Kaya asked, squirming down from her father's arms. “I don't want to sit next to Akito.”

Her brother glared back at her. Sawa and Ikki sighed in unison, but she took Kaya's hand and took the seat in between her and her brother. She leaned over to Akito. “This way I get to sit between both of you. That's nice, isn't it?”

Akito managed a smile, and she smiled back.

* * *

“She was the absolute cutest pie ever,” Kokoa said, still smiling after Yuriko's performance earlier. She was very much her father's daughter, even if she looked almost exactly like Sawa. 

“Mine's costume was perfect, wasn't it?” Sawa said, smiling brightly. “I'm glad that worked out, since I didn't get her sketch at all. That's what happens when she plans it with her father and he makes it about math.”

“There are many things I love about this woman, but her ability to do math is not one of them,” Ikki said, holding Sawa tight again and kissing her cheek.

Mine sighed, looking a bit jealous again. “Oh, you two. You're so in love it's disgusting. And how does it even work? I know it's not your eyes with her, even if they worked on her once, but sometimes I really don't get it.”

Kokoa grimaced. That wasn't a fair thing to ask. It made it sound like what Ikki and Sawa had wasn't real, but it was. Sawa might not be what anyone thought of when they pictured the love of Ikki's life, not delicate and extremely feminine, but what Ikki actually needed was someone who challenged him, and Sawa could. As soon as she'd found the willpower to overcome the effect of Ikki's eyes, she'd shown herself stronger and more of a possible match than anyone. They were over ten years and four kids strong as well. This was real, and Kokoa was sure of that.

“What was that joke about pie, anyway? I don't think anyone got it,” Mine said, rubbing at her forehead. “That was your doing, wasn't it, Ikki? Having your poor daughter do a skit on math, of all things. Could you be any crueler to her?”

“Yuriko likes math, just like her father,” Sawa said, shrugging. “Her smile when he laughed was worth it, I think.”

“It's still weird.”

“Math isn't that weird. It's more applicable than we realize most of the time,” Kokoa said. “We don't even think about how much we use it in our daily lives.”

“That's just a lie that teachers use to convince us that torture in school is worth it.”

Kokoa frowned. That wasn't how she was at all. “It is not.”

“Hmm. To hear you defending math. Now that is a curious thing,” a voice said from behind her, and she whirled around, staring up at the man behind her. Kent still seemed tall as ever, and she supposed she'd still expected that same long coat of his he'd worn all time after that summer when the weather went strange. “I don't remember you being especially fond of it yourself.”

“No, but I did have help to appreciate it,” she told him, unable to help the smile. “This is—I haven't seen you in forever, Kent, not since you left for London the second time. I heard you chose to stay over there for research... but you're back now?”

He nodded. “Though it is not entirely accurate to say that I was in London all that time, I have been back in Tokyo for the past year.”

“Ken,” Ikki said, pushing past his wife and Mine to go Kent's side and hug him. “Glad you made it. Yuriko will be thrilled, though you'll have to apologize to her because the seat we saved for you was empty the entire time.”

“Regretfully, I was late, so it seemed better to take a seat in the back and not disturb the performance. I did arrive in time to see her, though.”

“Uncle Ken! You made it!” Yuriko threw herself at Kent's legs, holding on tight. He frowned down at her in surprise. “Did you see me? They wouldn't let me take pi out more than ten decimal points, but it still makes a cool costume, right?”

Kent looked at the pie crust and tugged on the fabric to unravel it a little. “Oh. It is accurate. I thought for a second you had it wrong, and I would have to have a discussion with your father.”

“I haven't forgotten pi,” Ikki said, shaking his head at Kent. “Shame on you, thinking I would.”

“He would have just blamed Mine anyway since she sewed it,” Sawa said, and Mine frowned. “So I guess it's a good thing it wasn't me.”

Ikki shook his head. “You do plenty. Quit thinking you have to be the perfect picture of womanhood to please me. I like you just how you are. You're plenty seductive.”

“Ikki!”

“You haven't changed much, Ikkyu.”

“I hope I never will.” Ikki grinned, giving Sawa a saucy smile that made her blush red again. “You coming with us, then? We're taking Miss Pi out for pie.”

Kent sighed. “I am afraid I can't. My responsibilities require that I return home. It... It is not a good day. I hope you understand.”

Ikki nodded. “Of course. Don't worry about it, Ken. We do understand. You do what you need to do, and give them both my love, okay?”

“Our love,” Sawa corrected, and Ikki nodded, picking Yuriko up to her delight and distraction. “The kids all want to do something for them, so just let us know when he's feeling up to it, okay?”

Kent nodded, though he seemed rather subdued, even for Kent. What were Ikki and Sawa talking about? Kokoa hadn't even known Kent was back in the country. Why hadn't they told her?

“Oh, Kent,” she called out before he could leave, and he turned back to look at her. “It was good to see you again, even if we didn't get much of a chance to talk.”

He smiled at her. “Yes, it was. Goodnight, Kokoa.”

* * *

_I still believe in love. I just don't love you._

She winced at her own words, shivering and pulling the blanket closer, not wanting to get out of her bed. She hadn't slept again, lying awake all night, unable to let go of the fear, not even in her new apartment. She'd thought it would be better once she was back behind good security, not just what little she got at the hotel, and she'd had a wonderful night out with Sawa and Ikki and the kids, but she still hadn't been able to rest.

She should never have made that admission, she knew, but she was not doing either of them any favors by pretending otherwise. She was damaged, and she had suspected it for years, since back in her first year at university, but by now she was sure, with each passing year and failed relationship.

Though her heart still ached sometimes like it remembered things she didn't, she'd never been in love, and she never would be. It wasn't fair to anyone to pretend.

She rose and went to the window, looking out at the city. She had hours before she had to be up for class, and she didn't know what to do with herself.

She was alone, and she knew now that she always would be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She learns a bit of what has been happening with Kent and tries to figure out more about herself and what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remembering Kent's small speech at the end of Ukyo's normal route and then adding it with other parts of the route and some of his other actions, I wanted to do a fic where Kent comforted her after she started crying without being able to remember what happened.
> 
> That was kind of messed up for Nhil/the gods to do even if she couldn't forgive Ukyo's actions since she had no idea what she was grieving. It came to me that Kent would try and help her in his awkward way, and that's what he talks about here. That may still happen as a side story or a flashback, I haven't decided, but I referenced it anyway.

* * *

“Doctor! Wait up!”

She turned, hearing a student calling out to her, making her stop in the middle of the courtyard. She knew that voice. It always reminded her of Mine, though this girl wasn't related to her old friend at all. She looked nothing like her, with short dark hair and no affection for any kind of ruffles, always wearing pants and a boy's shirt.

Suki ran the rest of the way up to her, stopping and panting to catch her breath. “About that test on Friday—what is with all the math on the study guide?”

“Statistical analysis is a part of studying psychology. This is just a practical application of what you should already know by now.”

“But... it's math.”

She had a feeling no one had discussed this with Suki when she registered with this major. She knew she hadn't really expected all the math when she chose it herself, but she'd been lucky—she'd ended up working with Ikki, who lured Kent into the cafe, and they all learned a lot from him.

Though Sawa never did get the hang of it and failed the study course he'd arranged to help them all with their grades.

“Statistics allow us to make sense of the information we're gathering as psychologists and to understand it. They're very important to what we do.”

“Now that's the second time I've heard you defend math. Were I another man, I might believe it some kind of delusion,” a familiar voice said from behind her, and she turned around with a smile as she looked up at him. Kent was smiling down at her in return, though this time she thought he looked a lot like he belonged—he had the same kind of sweaters the other professors seemed to favor and could easily pass for one of the other faculty members. “Though as Ikkyu and I have not been keeping much company and it is quite early in the day, I'd say it's nothing more than my own disbelief.”

“I told you I learned to appreciate it,” she said, wondering what had brought him here. “I know we didn't have much of a chance to talk the other night at Yuriko's pageant, but I didn't expect to see you again so soon.”

He nodded. “Now that we have met again, it seems surprising that we did not before, as we appear to be similarly employed, Doctor.”

She flushed. Not only was that strange to hear from Kent, but she'd completely ignored Suki. “I didn't know you were teaching here. Um, obviously. Suki, if you have not already signed up for a statistics course, this is the man you should take it from. And I recommend his book as well.”

Now Kent was the one who looked red. “I am certain it is out of print, so do not trouble yourself looking for it. Though I am tasked with at least one statistics course this semester and another next semester, so it may well be possible for you to be my student.”

Suki nodded, not managing a word. She muttered an apology and backed away, bowing.

“She reminds me of Sawa,” Kent observed. “Though she sounds more like Mine.”

“I thought so, too.”

He smiled at her, and she wondered just how wrong it might be to hug him. They'd all gotten pretty close at the cafe, even Kent, and he'd been rather kind after that accident at the school. She still didn't know how she'd end up there, unconscious, or why she was so sad afterward. She felt like it must have been some kind of trauma or something, but she couldn't make herself remember, no matter how hard she tried.

“You look troubled.”

She shook her head. He was too perceptive sometimes. “Just remembering, that's all. I... I still don't know what happened when I ended up in the hospital, and as much as I don't want it to, it unsettles me every time I think about it.”

“Not remembering something like that would be troubling,” Kent agreed. “Your mind would fill with possibilities and that would lead to distraction and perhaps even fear.”

“Exactly.”

“If you like, we could formulate more reasons why it happened, though as I recall, we had stretched into the ridiculous by the time I left for London.”

She giggled. “Right. We were on alien abduction, weren't we?”

“Something like that, yes,” he agreed, smiling back at her. “It is good to see you again. Ikkyu, of course, insisted upon meeting as soon as I was back, but I have not seen anyone else from Meido No Hitsuji. No, wait, I do believe I heard Toma is now working with my mother and our paths did cross once or twice.”

She would say it was strange that Toma wouldn't have told her that Kent was back, but then she and Toma didn't talk as much as they used to before. She knew why, and she knew she'd caused more problems between him and Shin, and she couldn't fix them. They sometimes managed to forget they were there, but things had never been the same. That was her fault.

Still, Ikki hadn't said anything, either, and that was a little weird. He and Kent were such good friends it wasn't like him not to mention something like that.

“I'm glad we ran into each other,” she said, forcing those thoughts out of her mind. “I'd like to talk more, too, but I'm sure you have a class to teach soon—I know I do.”

“I will not keep you,” he said. “I feel certain that now that our paths have crossed on campus, they will cross again.”

She nodded, smiling at him one more time before excusing herself to run back to her classroom. She was the teacher, and she was going to be late.

Still, it was worth it to see Kent again. She was glad to see him doing well, and teaching—well, that was surprising, but not bad at all. He'd been a good instructor when he was still a student, and with all he'd learned doing research in other countries, he must know even more than before, which was a lot. She wondered if he'd be willing to talk to her classes about statistics. She should ask him.

She smiled to herself as she entered her class, her mind full of plans.

* * *

“Sorry I'm late,” Sawa said, dropping down into the seat across from her. “It has been so crazy lately. I didn't even think I'd be able to get out of the house today—one school project after another with both kids sick? Sometimes I don't even know why I had kids. The boys are so mean to each other when they're not feeling good, which makes the whole thing ten times worse.”

“You know you love them,” Kokoa said, since it was true. Sawa said stuff like that when she was tired, but that didn't mean she didn't love her kids or being a mom. She did. She was just as tired as all moms sometimes got.

“I do.” Sawa smiled. Her fatigue still showed, but she was happy as well. “I'm glad we were able to meet for lunch, though. I am so ready for a break.”

“So you left the kids with Ikki?”

“He agreed to take some time off from work even though this is technically his busy season, what with taxes and all, but he's better at managing time than I am.” Sawa reached up to her shoulders. “And he promised me a massage later. I'm looking forward to that.”

Kokoa smiled. “Yes, I'm sure.”

“Don't say it like that. You make it sound dirty.”

“You're married to Ikki, Sawa. It _is_ dirty.”

Sawa's cheeks flamed, though if she tried to deny it, Kokoa would have to point out that they had four kids, so there was no way that she could.

“I almost miss Mine,” Sawa said. “It's a bit of a shame she's working now, too.”

Kokoa nodded. “It's been a while since we had a girl's night.”

“True. I could go for one of those,” Sawa said, closing her eyes as if picturing it. “Hmm. Maybe if Ikki would take the kids for a night... it is his busy season, though, so that won't happen.”

“He could always get Kent to help him, even if Kent doesn't do accounting in general.”

“Oh, no, that wouldn't be fair to ask at all.” Sawa sighed and reached for her tea. “Kent's got his hands full with his parents. I wouldn't burden him more.”

“What?”

Sawa's eyes got wide, and she put a hand to her mouth in a grimace. “I wasn't supposed to say anything. Ikki told me and told me not to, but there I go with my big mouth again.”

“Sawa, what is going on?”

“Oh. Um...” Sawa swallowed. “Last year, um... Kent's dad... he had a heart attack. And... um... his mom got pretty sick when he was in the hospital, and Kent moved home last year to take care of them. He... really didn't want anyone knowing about it. His mom's doing better now, back to work part-time, but his dad's recovery has been a lot slower, so... Please don't tell him I told you. Or Ikki. They'll be so annoyed at me because my big mouth got away from me again.”

Kokoa nodded, though she wasn't sure she could keep knowing from Kent when she saw him again. She'd been wanting to ask him about giving her class a start on the statistical analysis they'd need for psychology, but could she even do that now?

“What is it? You look worried. Did... I didn't think you ever met Kent's parents. I haven't seen much of them myself despite being married to Ikki. Are you okay?”

“Oh, yes, and no, I didn't meet them. I just had this thought of asking Kent to help my class a bit with the math they'll need, but I can't ask him that when he's so busy.”

Sawa shook her head. “I'm sure Kent would be happy to do that, and it's not the same as asking him for girls' night. He wouldn't do that, but helping your class out is different. And I can live without a girls' night for a bit even if the kids are getting on my nerves some. There are other days when they're sweethearts. It's just hard when they're sick and being nasty to each other.”

“I really do envy you,” Kokoa said, turning her tea cup around again. “I always thought I'd have kids of my own by now.”

“There's still time.”

Time, maybe, but everyone expected her to have a partner to raise the kids with, and no matter how many times she'd tried it or who with, she never felt enough. She'd hurt so many people trying to find love, and she was sure of it now—she just couldn't feel romantic love.

Her heart lurched, and her chest got tight, and she grimaced, hating that feeling. If her heart was so sure she'd been in love, why didn't she remember it?

No, she was incapable of it. She knew that now.

* * *

Kokoa sat in the school courtyard, taking advantage of the pleasant weather to do some of her grading outside. She felt like she was drowning in the assignments she'd given her class, and she was the teacher. They must hate her.

She'd never hated her psychology professors, but then she'd been frustrated with them, since the whole statistical analysis thing got sprung on her late into the course and almost made her want to quit. If not for Kent, she probably would have, since she had been so bad at math at first. He'd helped her and everyone else at the cafe through their courses, and all of them owed their degrees to him.

Well, Sawa had still failed math, but Kent had still tried with her, even as much as she'd hated him back then. It was kind of funny to think of her being married to the math ogre's best friend.

Something clattered, and she looked up to see Kent grumbling to himself as he bent down to pick up his phone and other papers he'd dropped. She didn't know how she'd missed him during the first part of the semester—she saw him everywhere now, even if they didn't speak much.

She saw one of his papers flutter toward her and caught it, holding on so it couldn't blow off again. He finished gathering the others and shoved them back in the folder.

“Kent,” she called out to him, and he looked over at her with a frown. “This one almost got away from you.”

“Oh.” He walked over to take it from her. “Thank you.”

“Are you okay? You seem a little... off.”

“Off?”

She nodded. “I'm not sure how to describe it. You're not yourself, though I shouldn't say that—we still haven't spoken much since you've been back, but you just seem... well, I thought the other night you were subdued, and then you were kind of animated when you spoke with me around Suki, but today you're like that night and... maybe you're just tired?”

Kent gave her a slight nod as he sat down next to her. “I suppose you could say that.”

She bit down on her lip, trying not to bring up his parents. He didn't want people knowing, and she wasn't supposed to know. Sawa had told her not to tell Mine, and if Mine didn't know, then Kokoa had to keep quiet, didn't she?

“I hear you are one of the more popular members of the faculty.”

“What?”

He nodded. “You've made an impression on your students that the others have noticed. Students have been trying to get changed into your classes or dropped their courses in favor of enrolling again when you'll be their instructor.”

She flushed red. “Oh. But... I was just thinking they must hate me. Look at this mess of papers I'm grading, and that's not the only assignment this week and Suki's not the only one to complain about the math and I even thought about asking you to give a guest lecture on statistical analysis but you're so busy I couldn't dare and—I can't be popular. That's... so unsettling.”

“I think it would be less believable if they said it about me, seeing as I was dubbed a math ogre when my role of instructor was unofficial, though some of my students say I'm at least preferable to Old Hasegawa.”

“He's still teaching? He was awful when I had him. I only passed his course because I worked with you.” Kokoa shook her head. That was unbelievable. “And he's deaf, too, but won't admit it. I asked him questions, and he didn't hear me. That's not fair. He must have failed half of us.”

“I did not say it was a ringing endorsement,” Kent said, smiling faintly. “Though I would not be opposed to giving a guest lecture on statistical analysis. That actually is more my specialty since I was in research so long. I... I am not entirely sure that taking this teaching position was wise, though it did allow me to reside in Tokyo, which was necessary at the time.”

“But you're a fine teacher. You may be a bit serious about it, but I learned best from you, at least when it came to math.”

He took his glasses off and cleaned them on his sweater. “That is kind of you to say, but I am under no real illusions as to my skill as an instructor. Were my parents in better health, I would not stay in this position at all.”

She looked down at her hands. Had she given him some sign she knew? Had Sawa admitted to telling her?

“Oh. You are likely unaware of this, but... my father had a heart attack last year. It was rather sudden, he'd shown no signs of poor heath or heart disease prior to it, and it was... severe. My mother's health suffered as a result, and she ended up hospitalized as well.”

“I'm sorry, Kent.”

“It is not your fault. As I said, we were unaware of any underlying condition with my father, and though perhaps my mother's condition might have been preventable if she'd reduced her workload while he was in the hospital, we cannot be certain that is true. They are both in advanced years. I was not born when either of them was very young.”

She still couldn't face him. “I wouldn't want to ask anything of you right now. You have a lot of responsibility to manage, and if you don't want to be teaching...”

“If you believe it would help, I am willing to do it. And I didn't say I didn't want to teach, only that I am aware that I am a poor instructor.”

“No, you're not.”

He gave her a sad smile as he rose. “I think your students will disagree.”

“Then I'll make them take an anonymous survey afterward and prove you wrong.”

* * *

Kokoa set her lesson plan aside and looked at the website again. Why was this idea so scary for her? Shouldn't it be the ideal solution? She wanted a family, didn't she? So why not choose this path with a child in need? That only made sense, didn't it?

Yet the word adoption scared her, and she wanted to close the browser. She couldn't even say why. This was different from the pain in her chest she got when she thought about love. This was just fear, and she knew it. Adoption would be less scary if she was doing it with someone she loved, she was sure of that, but she wasn't going to have that, not in that sense.

She could give love to a child who needed it, though, couldn't she?

She sighed, and the knock on her door made her jump in her seat.

“I didn't realize I'd startle you. I thought you'd be expecting me.”

She forced a smile. “Sorry, Kent. My mind has been elsewhere a lot lately. Not quite like before... but no, I suppose it is a bit like that. Do you think it's possible those aliens who abducted me could have changed me so much?”

“I'm not sure I understand how you think you've changed,” Kent said as he entered the classroom. She checked the clock. There was still ten minutes before her students would come for the afternoon session. He was early, but that was like Kent. He was either right on time or early, never late.

She shook her head. “I'm being silly, I guess. I thought I'd accepted something and could take the next step past it, but I guess I'm still a coward.”

“I never thought that of you,” he said, still frowning at her. “What makes you say that?”

She flushed. She couldn't tell him she was considering adoption because she was incapable of love. Or that she was scared of it. And a little sad to lose out on actually having the baby herself. She knew it made sense, but that part of her was selfish—she wanted to do all of it, like Sawa had, even when it was making her miserable. That was so stupid.

“Do you think... I'm just afraid to remember? Like thought I was brave enough to confront anything that could have happened then, but... I'm not?”

“Well, it is true that it was likely some kind of psychological trauma rather than a physical one that caused it as they could not find any sign of that on you when you were found, but that doesn't mean you were afraid to know. You seemed rather determined to me, and for a woman who can eat an entire cake in one sitting because she's told not to—”

“Oh,” she cried, her face burning now at the memory. “I'm so sorry about that.”

He laughed. “I don't know why you're sorry. It was your cake, and I was amused to see you do it, if slightly concerned.”

“I was mad at my mom for telling me not to eat it all because I'd get fat,” she admitted. “I... She'd come down to take care of me and was trying to help, but I was so sick of her trying to run my life... It was like... she blamed me for not remembering what happened.”

She winced, that admission still stinging now as it had when she first realized how she felt, how she saw her parents' actions at the time.

“Kokoa?”

“They didn't think I should be on my own anymore, that me showing up at the college like that was proof I wasn't capable of being alone... and I was so mad at them for it I not only ate an entire cake... Is that really why all my relationships fail? Am I sabotaging them to spite my parents? Oh, please tell me that's not it.”

Kent leaned against her desk. “Did your parents choose those partners for you?”

“Only once. They...” Kokoa stopped herself from telling him all about her arranged marriage. That was too much, and he wouldn't want to know. “Just the once.”

“So these were decisions you made for yourself in who to date. And did you choose them because you wanted to impress your parents or to spite them?”

“No. I... I wanted to... I wanted to be in love. I cared about them, they were friends, and I tried for more and... Well... that didn't happen, but... It wasn't because I was thinking about my parents. There were a couple they would have been happier about than others, some they actually would have hated to know about, but they were all my choice. It wasn't about spite, even with the ones they would have disliked.”

“And the reason these relationships ended?”

“I didn't love them.”

“Then it would seem to me it is not about your parents at all, though that's hardly the most empirical approach to assessing your situation.”

She found herself laughing even as she had to brush tears out of her eyes. “Thank you, Kent. I would have been obsessing over that, but you're right. It wasn't about my parents. It was about what I didn't feel when I was in the relationship.”

He gave her a smile in return, and they both looked over as the door opened and her students started filing in to the room.

* * *

Kokoa collected the surveys as her students left the room, already pleased by what she'd seen on the top marks of everyone's paper. That just confirmed what she already knew—Kent's teaching made math more accessible, whether he was able to acknowledge that or not. He had such a passion for his subject, for one, and when he went making it relatable to the every day, he made it easier to see why people needed it. Math was more than number problems in a classroom, though it did help he'd managed to tell a hilarious story about Ikki and a math problem that made him cry, too.

She got the last paper from Suki, who hesitated before passing it along to her. “I think you're right. He'd be the one to take any math class from. He's not boring, at least.”

“Not boring!” Suki's friend said. “Try _totally_ good looking. He can give me private math lessons any day.”

Suki frowned, shoving her friend out of the door as Kent neared them. He'd already collected his things and Kokoa knew he'd be leaving soon.

That disappointed her, actually. She should be embarrassed after what she'd said earlier, but Kent had used logic and made her feel a lot better about her stupidity, so she wanted him to stay.

“I fear I will never be suited to public speaking.”

“Are you kidding? They really clapped for you,” she said, “and once I get through these surveys, I can prove they liked it. You heard them laughing, right?”

Kent sighed. “Yes, I did. I seem only to be funny when it is completely unintentional.”

She frowned. She was about to say something to that when she heard someone behind them.

“Oh, look, it's Ken. Excellent timing,” Ikki said as he and Sawa walked into the classroom. “You free today, buddy? We're celebrating. Sawa's parents have the kids.”

“I suppose that depends on how things are at home,” Kent said. “I haven't heard anything from the part-time nurse or my mother, but they don't always tell me if things are bad. Though he did seem better yesterday. He's doing research on plants again.”

“Then I will call your mother and confirm that it's fine since I know you would use any excuse you could to weasel out of a celebratory dinner,” Ikki said, and Kent frowned at him in a way that make Kokoa sure Ikki was right about it.

“I'd ask if you got promoted, but you work independently, so that's not it.”

“Nope,” Ikki said, grinning widely until Sawa smacked him.

“This idiot knocked me up again.”

“Oh, don't say it like that,” Ikki said, wrapping his arms around her. “For one thing, you very much enjoyed making the baby—ouch—and you love all our kids.”

“I do, but five? I thought we were done after Kaya. I'm not sure I'm ready for more.”

“The number does seem slightly excessive, but that is very like you both,” Kent said, and Ikki frowned at him. “Still, congratulations are in order, so... consider them given.”

“Thank you, Ken.”

Kokoa forced a smile, even as her heart ached in a way different from usual. Her whole being felt brittle. Sawa was having another baby, and Kokoa would be alone forever. She knew it was wrong of her, but she was having a hard time being happy for her friend.

Still, she got the words out, and they sounded convincing. “Congratulations.”

* * *

Later that night, after a few too many drinks with her friends and even more alcohol in the privacy of her own apartment, she curled up in bed and tried to convince herself that it didn't matter. She didn't have to have a baby herself to be happy. She had her students. Her job teaching. Her nieces and nephews. She had a good life. She didn't need more.

Wanting it was different. It was so irrational it was dangerous, and she didn't like herself for it at all. She hadn't said anything mean to Sawa when they were celebrating—Mine had made a few borderline comments, but Kokoa had stayed cheery and supportive.

That just made her heart break a little more.

Though maybe she had her answer. Maybe this was it. She was that selfish—she wanted a baby of her own, not someone else's. It didn't matter how much it would mean to a kid in an institution that she could give them a home.

She was selfish, and she wanted that child to be her own, one she carried and gave birth to and raised. She was a horrible person, but... maybe if she had a baby of her own, she'd feel like adopting later? She shook her head at herself and covered her head with her pillow.

She was being a fool. She couldn't have a baby on her own, though she could adopt and—wait. There was a way to have a baby on her own.

No. That was crazy. She didn't want to have a baby with a stranger. Impossible. Completely impossible.

Unless...

No. That was even crazier, and he'd never agree to it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things push her to one conclusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first time I started this story it was without a lot of this background and build up, with only the conversation after this one with Kent, but I think all of that is important to understand why she makes the choice she does.

* * *

In the morning, hungover and miserable, she told herself to forget the whole idea, but she couldn't. All through her classes, her mind wandered to the possibilities. She wanted this more than she'd been willing to admit before, but now it seemed clear to her. She was ready to be a mother, and she didn't want to let go of that dream because she was incapable of romantic love.

She kept trying to focus herself back on adoption, but it wasn't working. She didn't know how she'd already convinced herself that she needed to carry the child herself—she didn't remember even thinking about it before, but now it was all her brain would think about.

She sighed, taking out her phone and checking her messages again, hoping for a distraction.

 _How's teaching life these days?_ Mine asked. _Let me know if you can meet me for lunch or something. I've got news._

Kokoa shook her head. She had a feeling she already knew what that news was, and she didn't know how convincing she'd been last night in being happy for Sawa and Ikki, but she couldn't make herself do it again. She needed time, and then she'd be over this and back to being a supportive friend, not a selfish jerk who couldn't stand someone else's happiness.

She hated herself a little right now.

 _I think I already know. It's about Sawa and Ikki, right? Number five._ She was pleased her message didn't sound like she was jealous or unreasonable. It was neutral, and that was good.

_She told you first? Oh, well._

Kokoa almost laughed. _We all know how you feel about kids. I mean, I'm a bit jealous, but you just think they're crazy, right?_

_I don't hate kids. I do think five is too many, but..._

The screen hovered on that for a while, the icon indicating that Mine was typing but nothing came through. Kokoa frowned. Was something wrong with Mine? Or had she said too much? Had Sawa told Mine she was acting weird about the kids thing? She hoped she hadn't shown it that badly.

_I'm having one, too._

“What?” Kokoa dropped her phone, and it slid across the desk before she could stop it. She swore under her breath and reached for it, trying to tell herself she was wrong.

_One what?_

_Baby, silly. I was going to wait and tell you at lunch, but since you're so busy, I don't know when we'll meet. Sawa's super excited. We're going to have a baby shower together this time._

Kokoa really hated herself now. She forced a smile even though no one could see her and made herself type. _Congratulations, Mine. I'm so happy for you._

_I'm a bit scared, but this time should be it, right? And I've done okay with the dog, haven't I? I can be a mom. Can't I?_

_Of course. You'll be great. We'll celebrate later, okay? I have to get back to class._

She didn't look to see what Mine replied to that, shoving her phone away where she couldn't see it and leaving the room before anyone could walk in and find her crying.

This would pass. She was happy for her friends. She really was. She was allowed to be a little sad for herself, though, too, wasn't she?

* * *

_The practical application of math is everywhere, though many refuse to believe that. It is a common misconception that it is only about numbers, addition and subtraction._

Kent grimaced at the words from his speech. Had he really said that? It was terrible. He should never write a lecture like that again. And why was he even thinking about it now? He had already given it, there was no need to practice it, and he couldn't take back what he had said. It was done, and mercifully the humiliation would be short-lived as none of them were his students.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up at his mother's face peering down at him from the other side of the couch.

“Shouldn't you be at the college?”

He checked his watch and shook his head. “I still have twenty-nine minutes.”

He'd given himself a large gap in between his morning classes and the afternoon so that he could return home and see to anything his parents might need before the end of the day, and he had some time left yet. He hadn't meant to doze off here, but he'd been out too late with Ikkyu and his wife only to come back to papers to grade and a long night again.

“You do not have to come home every day to check on us. He is much better.”

Kent closed his eyes. His mother was supposed to be logical, but her ability to delude herself about her husband's condition was painful to watch. She truly wanted to believe his father would get better. His father, on the other hand, was already coming to terms with his unlikely recovery.

_“It is the natural order of things. We age and die. All and all, I much prefer it this way. It is my body that deteriorates and not my mind. I do not think I could stand it were it the opposite, but this is... tolerable.”_

Kent tried to shut out his father's voice as he rose. He heard the words over and over again, always with a similar emotional reaction—he didn't care if his father could accept the situation. He couldn't. He, as a son, was not ready to lose either parent.

“I'll help you get ready to go.” His mother began to gather his papers from the couch, stacking them into a pile. “Oh, what's this? This isn't for your class, is it?”

Kent reached over and took the paper from his mother's hands, not sure why that speech was sitting on top of things. “It's not.”

“Then why write it? And you can't say you didn't. I know your handwriting well by now.”

He sighed. “I gave a guest lecture yesterday.”

“You gave a guest lecture? That's not like you. Have you overcome your reluctance for public speaking, then? That was your concern in taking the teaching job when no research ones were available.”

“I have not, but a friend asked me to do it for her psychology class, and I agreed.”

His mother looked at him. “This friend must be very special, then.”

Kent took the papers from her. “I suppose you can consider her an old one, as we worked together back when I was in grad school and Ikkyu got me to work at the cafe part time. That is all.”

His mother shook her head. “The fact that you call her a friend makes her special enough, since the only other person you've ever used that word for is Ikkyu.”

Kent grimaced. He had called others from the cafe friends before, hadn't he? He must have. “I have to go, Mother. I will be late for class.”

“Bring your friend by for dinner sometime. We will order extra food from the caterer.”

He frowned. “You know you no longer have to do that. I am quite capable of preparing our meals, and neither of you has voiced any complaints since I took over doing so.”

“Oh, but you want to be free to socialize with your friend, not worry about cooking. It is fine. We'll order more.”

“If I invite someone over—and I am not—I will do the cooking.”

“Tonight is a good night.”

“It is not, and I'm leaving now.”

* * *

Kokoa knocked on the door, almost tempted to turn around and go in the opposite direction. She wasn't sure that she was up to this, not after how badly she'd reacted to Mine's news. She didn't understand why she couldn't get over herself and just be happy for her friends. It wasn't right to feel like this. They hadn't done it to hurt her, and they should be happy about it. Five was a lot, sure, and Mine was worried about being responsible enough for her first, but that didn't mean they couldn't enjoy the idea of what was coming.

She had no right to ruin their joy.

“I don't have office hours today. Fridays only. That sign has been posted since the beginning of the semester.”

“Um, does that mean this is a bad time?”

She heard a bump and a bit of a scuff and then footsteps and the door opened. Kent frowned at her but stood back to allow her inside.

“It's not a bad time. I just was not expecting you.”

“I understand. I almost didn't come, but I got through these on my lunch break and I thought you should see them,” Kokoa said, holding up her surveys from the day before. “You got great marks as a guest lecturer.”

“Impossible.”

She laughed. “Here. Read them if you don't believe me, but most of them gave you five out of five as a rating, none of them less than three.”

Kent shook his head. “Unfortunately, I don't have time for this today. Going out with Ikkyu and Sawa cut into the evening when I would have graded papers, and I am behind on them when I should be returning these by the end of class. I should have been done with them but somehow managed to fall asleep during my lunch hour and am still quite behind on everything and my mother keeps texting me to insist I invite you to dinner—”

“What?”

“I have never guest lectured for anyone before, and my mother has taken that to mean that you and I are as close as Ikkyu and I are, and that misconception has her insisting on having dinner with you. You do not have to come. It is merely an annoyance that she's chosen to pester me about it today. I should have known she would when she was not up to working in her office. She's easily bored, anyone with a mind as sharp as hers would be, and so she has nothing better to do without someone to distract her from this course.”

“Oh.”

Kent picked up his phone again. “I've asked Toma to send her some files to review even if it's not needed. He said he would, so that should cease.”

Kokoa's stomach twisted up at the mention of Toma. She knew she hadn't any right to know, not after breaking his heart, but she still heard herself asking all the same. “How is Toma?”

Kent looked at her, frowning again. “I thought you were childhood friends. Don't you know?”

She shook her head. “We... don't talk anymore. It's been a long time since I've seen him. It... Actually, that goes back to your first time in London, I think.”

“Oh. Well, I suppose he's well enough. He seems busy with my mother's law firm, though I do not know much. Even though he is my mother's assistant, he is an attorney in his own right, and I think he has much of his own work to do besides making sure my mother has what she needs. Were she not such an established part of the firm, I doubt they'd do as much for her under her current circumstances.”

Kokoa nodded. She didn't know what else to do under the circumstances. “Well, I shouldn't keep you. I just wanted you to know you're not as bad a teacher as you think you are.”

“Thank you. I think.”

She laughed, almost tempted to tease him with that comment by Suki's friend, but she was not nearly bold enough yet.

And yet somehow, other too bold words came out of her mouth. “What do you think of it? Sawa and Ikki having another kid?”

Kent stopped writing, setting down his pen. “I... I do not know. It is hardly my place to judge whether it is welcome for them, though they do seem to be managing with their present circumstances. Their home is large enough, Ikkyu's income supports their family so that Sawa's is rather unnecessary, and the children seem to be doing well. It is odd to think of Ikkyu as a parent even now, but he has proved more responsible than most gave him credit for.”

“Yeah.”

“Is something troubling you? You think it is unwise?”

“Oh, no. I... it's wonderful, really, that they're so happy and can have more kids and it's not bad at all.” Kokoa sighed. “I suppose it's stupid, but with both Sawa and Mine having babies, I feel a little... left behind. I always thought that would be me, and now... well, I guess I have my students, so...”

Kent shook his head. “I don't think that's a real substitution, not an equal trade, but if that helps, I cannot tell you not to see it that way. Still, if I were interested in having children and someone told me that my students or even having my parents dependent on me as they are now was sufficient, I would not agree.”

“Then... you have no interest in having kids?”

“I am not opposed to the idea, but it's not a priority at the moment, even if some have suggested I should... take that step before my parents deteriorate further. I will not rush it because of such a thing, and I have not yet found anyone I believe suitable for such an undertaking.”

“Oh.”

“Are you certain you feel well? You're rather red now, and before that you were pale, and I'm not at all convinced you're not running a fever.”

She grimaced. “I think I'm still a bit hungover, actually. I'll see you later, okay, Kent? Don't forget to look at those surveys when you get the chance. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.”

* * *

“Are you okay? You've seemed a bit quiet the last few days,” Sawa said, happily munching down everything in sight. “You barely respond to any of our texts.”

Kokoa nodded. “I've just been busy with my classes. I assigned a paper, and I got a bunch of questions right before it was due and I've been trying to grade them ever since they were turned in, but the weekend wasn't enough. I'm pretty tired, and I still have to write that test for next week.”

“You are such a good teacher,” Mine said, snatching up a bit of bread before Sawa could get her hands on it. They didn't have anything left of their appetizer, and they were going to be eating the decorative lettuce in a minute.

“I try to be.”

“You really don't sound like yourself,” Sawa said. “This is more than being tired, isn't it?”

“It has to be,” Mine agreed. “You're making that face again. It's almost like when they found you at the college and you couldn't stop crying for days afterward and you never knew why. Did something like that happen again?”

She shook her head. She didn't think it was possible for that to happen twice, though she still didn't know what caused it. Her heart ached even more than usual these days, but she'd figured that was about her own ridiculousness. She was so jealous, and it was wrong of her.

“I've been looking into adoption,” she admitted, and they both stared at her. “I... I still want a family, after all, and I don't think love is in the cards, so... maybe adoption is the answer. Though I hear you two and... even when you're complaining about being pregnant, I'm a bit jealous. I even thought about doing that... in vitro thing.”

“You're kidding,” Mine said. “Wow. That's... I mean, you? You have the guys coming around all the time, always did. You could probably get any of them, so why would you need to do that?”

“I don't want to have a baby with a one-night stand,” Kokoa said, frowning. “It would be too awkward and could cause problems later. I've got an ex-husband who's proof of that. Some guy I met who thought he had rights to the baby? No. I don't want that at all.”

“You want to have a kid and not involve a guy at all?” Sawa asked, frowning. “Are you sure you're not—”

“No. I mean, yes, I'm sure. I... I sort of tried that, too, and it didn't work any more than my other relationships did,” she answered, shaking her head. “I've had enough time to try just about everything. I ruined friendship after friendship trying to make things more, and even a few instant attraction romances just... died. I had an arranged marriage. I thought that was my answer, but it wasn't, and I really do think adoption or in vitro is a better solution.”

“That's so sad, though.” Mine wiped at her eye, shaking her head. “Hormones, but really... you're the last person I thought would be alone.”

Kokoa flinched. She had that same feeling, but it hurt even more to hear it from someone else. 

“I don't think you should give up,” Sawa said. “There's still time, and you could still find love and everything else you want.”

“I don't know. I still feel so... empty,” Kokoa said, and though it was irrational, the more she thought about it, the more she convinced she was that she could fill it with a child of her own. “You really wouldn't understand. Either of you.”

“Kokoa—”

“You stay and eat. I have papers to grade.”

* * *

Kent frowned at his phone again, wondering when Ikkyu had decided that allowing his wife to have Kent's number was a good idea. Perhaps it was for emergencies, though he hardly thought this qualified as one, and if Sawa was attempting to drag him into such strange things as pregnancy cravings or the like, he would not tolerate it.

He stopped to check the message and his frown deepened when he saw the words on the screen. Why would Sawa make such a request of him?

_Can you please check on Kokoa? She's really upset, and I don't want her to be alone, but she won't answer my calls or texts. Please, Kent, I'm begging you._

He sighed, starting to compose a reply. _I think it best you not involve me in such matters._

_I'll give your number to Mine so she can text you until you agree. We both will._

_Don't be absurd. And do not give her my number. You only have it in case of emergencies, and she does not get it at all. I will see if she is in her office or the courtyard. That is all._

_Thank you, Kent. You're the best._

He snorted at that and put his phone away, still not sure why she would call upon him for something like this. He grabbed his coat and pulled it on as he left his office, taking the first door to the courtyard.

He didn't have to look far to find her. Somehow she managed to stand out despite her smaller size, and he would have said she could blend in with the students around here, mostly, though she was older now, too, as they all were.

He crossed the courtyard to her. She seemed fascinated by her hands, though he knew that was unlikely to be her true occupation.

“Did you ask your students to lie on that form?”

“What?” Her head jerked up, and she blinked a couple times as though she did not recognize him at first. “Oh. Kent. I... No. I didn't. You saw me gather them up, and you were there when I handed them out and they were moaning about having to fill them out. I never said to do anything but give us honest feedback about your lecture.”

“One of them wrote that you should give me her number.”

Her eyes got even wider. “What? I didn't see that—I know Suki's friend said she wanted private lessons and you were totally hot but she didn't write that on her paper. I would have seen that, and I didn't.”

It was his turn to blink. “You mean that request for lessons was not genuine and more like something Mine or Sawa would do to get a man's attention?”

“Yes.”

He shook his head. “That's ridiculous. What about me is attractive?”

She frowned, going a bit red. “Um... Plenty of things, actually. You're passionate about math, and that shows when you talk, but you're an impressive figure because you're so tall and while you don't wear quite as interesting a coat as when you were in grad school, that one is still pretty flattering in cut and your hair is... well, it was kind of tempting when we worked together and it went every direction because I wanted to play with it and straighten it out but the way you wear it now with it partially smoothed back like that is nice, too, and... your glasses, actually. You look good with them and without them and... Kent?”

He sat down, feeling rather awkward. He'd never expected her to say any of that about him. Of course he'd known she was attractive—most of the men at the cafe were in love with her or so it would seem—and customers certainly made their interest known as well, and she'd aged well, becoming a more mature beauty than before, where she might have been a little too innocent.

That, of course, was still present. She had no idea what she'd just said to him, did she?

“Sawa was worried about you and texted me. She even threatened to give Mine my number for her to do so as well,” Kent admitted, not sure what else to say. He certainly had no desire to revisit what she'd just said. “I'm afraid my comment about the surveys was mostly pretense, and I should have chosen another as that... it seems to have failed spectacularly.”

“Oh.” She twisted her hands into her skirt. “I'm sorry you had to come after me.”

“You had some kind of quarrel with your friends?”

She sighed. “It's stupid.”

“I admit I'm hardly the best person to seek comfort from, but if you would like to discuss it, I will listen. You may find me a little more balanced of opinion than Sawa or Mine.”

“I... Maybe. Though... not here.”

“Very well. There are several cafes within walking distance if you'd like, though I do have a vehicle if that is not enough distance for you.”

“No, I'd rather walk.”

* * *

She tried to gather her thoughts as she walked along with Kent. He didn't push her for any conversation, which was fine, since she needed to sort through everything in her head. She was not sure she knew what she was doing, despite all the thought she'd been giving it. She was so frustrated with Sawa and Mine she might well be making a rash, emotional choice.

Then again she was about to talk to the man who was the most logical, rational person she'd ever met, so he'd stop her from that, wouldn't he?

She was safe, then.

Kent opened the door for her, holding it as she went in. She sought out a table by the window, away from the other customers. She sat down and gave her order, still working on what to say.

Would he understand her reasons? Sawa and Mine didn't, and she knew her parents didn't, that was why they wanted her to do the arranged marriage—that and they wanted a son to take over the business.

Kent ordered for them, and she was surprised to find he still remembered what she liked after all this time. That made what she was about to do both harder and easier at the same time.

“I would begin by reminding you that anything that Sawa or Mine says right now is likely influenced by their condition and should not necessarily be given the same weight as you might have done before.”

She nodded. She knew that as well. She still waited for the server to bring their drinks before saying anything more. Was she really going to ask for this?

She wanted it, and that feeling hadn't gone away or changed even though she'd tried to persuade herself against it. So maybe she should just say it. If it was impossible, wasn't it better to know?

She took a sip, swallowed it, and looked up at him. “I want to have your baby.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kent reacts to her suggestion, and then things get more complicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first scene here was the original opening one, but I think it's better it came later. I realized more emotional nuances to this and tried to account for them as well, though it did turn a bit into a comedy of errors as well.

* * *

“Let me see if I understand this correctly,” Kent said, frowning as he spoke, and she wasn't sure if that was his thinking face or she'd offended him by her suggestion. Admittedly, it was a big request, and kind of an odd one, but she'd given this a lot of thought, and he really was the only person she'd ask it of, even if she might have gotten volunteers from a couple of her friends before she ruined their relationship completely. “You want me to have a child with you?”

She winced. “Not exactly. I don't actually want a relationship. I know I'm not explaining this well, but I... I don't think I'm capable of falling in love, but I still want to be a mother. What I'm looking for is someone who could help me do that who wouldn't be a stranger but also wouldn't expect more from me than I can give.”

Kent considered that for a moment. “I see. You are only interested in a genetic donor.”

She flushed. “Is that horrible?”

“If it were such a terrible thing, such facilities would not exist, and it is the only option available to some couples and women in situations similar to the one you describe. Some people are born infertile or become that way in the course of their life, and yet modern medicine has made it possible for them to overcome this challenge.”

She nodded. “I know.”

“You are the one that raised the possibility, after all.”

“I am, and I don't—it's just that Sawa sees it as giving up, because if someone who couldn't trust anyone for years to get close to them can be happily married with kids, there has to be someone for me out there. Mine thinks the same, but she's also been married more than once and thought she loved all of them and now she has love and a baby on the way. I know that, as much as I tried, and as deeply as I did bring myself to care, I... I never loved any of them. I couldn't.”

Kent set his tea cup down and looked out the window of the cafe. “I admit I've had similar trouble with relationships. Mine have never lasted nor produced sufficient stimuli to consider it anything close to love, while Ikkyu, who previously traded away all his girlfriends after a sum of three months, has now settled with one woman, to the surprise of everyone. Yet he seems quite content in his domestic state and is well on his way to producing enough offspring to make a small dynasty of his own.”

She smiled at that image. The idea of Ikki running around with a gaggle of kids was really endearing, and she knew he was a good father. He had always been kind, even if he was a flirt, and she'd liked him, but only ever as a friend—not for his lack of trying, either.

“I have always believed that changing partners ensures the greatest chance of producing offspring and when affection is gone, it is best to move on,” Kent said, his eyes still on the distance. “Though none of those relationships I mentioned lasted long enough to produce anything at all. It seems I am not a desirable life companion.”

She knew that saying she believed there was someone for Kent out there went against her own conviction about love. If she wasn't capable of it, then it would just be insulting to tell Kent he was and would find it someday. She doubted he wanted such empty words, since her meaningless promise wouldn't change anything.

She twisted her napkin, needing courage to ask him for his answer. “Would you consider it, Kent? Being a donor?”

“I have been,” he said. “I have... conflicting thoughts on the matter so far.”

She frowned. She'd thought it would be easy for him to decide. He'd either dismiss the idea as ridiculous or he'd agree because he was a good choice. She'd had all her logical reasons prepared for him—he was still single, there was no history of any major diseases in his family, and he was smart. All of those things made him a good candidate, but what really mattered to her was that she did trust him while not having to worry—as she might with Shin or Toma—that he'd want to have more involvement in her life than she was willing to allow.

“Conflicting thoughts?”

“Logically, it is better for any child to have two parents—acknowledging, of course, that some people are not meant to be parents nor should they have access to children—but in the case of a child who has two capable parents, they have a more stable environment as well as a better support system. After all, if one parent were to become ill, there is still a second parent to oversee the child's care. And I find I must ask... what would happen to your child if something were to happen to you?”

She winced. That she still didn't have the greatest answer to, since her parents were also against this idea of hers. They both felt she should wait until she married, and that was why they'd pushed for the arranged marriage. If she was so set on a family, she could do it again, but she didn't want that. She wanted her child to have a family full of love, and while she couldn't love anyone she'd dated, she knew she'd love her baby.

“I see. So your parents disapprove of this course you've suggested?”

She nodded. “I'm not too old yet to have children later, and they think I should keep waiting. Or... accept another arranged marriage.”

He studied her. “Is your objection to that the same objection as before? Both parties would be entering into the arrangement well aware of the lack of affection, and it would provide the additional support I mentioned before, if only for the child.”

She sighed. “I know we'd both agree to it, but do you really think it's that beneficial to have two parents who can't stand each other in those roles? I lived with people before, and it wasn't just awkward. It got to be really bad before I had to move out. The fighting, the anger... I don't want my child to experience that on a daily basis. And I know that even if I tried it with a friend, it would end the same. The ones I did try it with... we're not friends anymore. And I'm divorced for a reason.”

Kent nodded. “I suppose I could see that. That would negate the seemingly obvious solution to that particular objection. It may even complicate matters more than I had realized. Were you expecting me to have an immediate answer?”

She shook her head. While she had kind of thought Kent would, while she might have hoped he would, she knew she wasn't asking something small or simple. This was a child, and it would make a lifelong bond between them, even if she didn't need him to be involved at all.

“In that case, I think I would like to finish my deliberations on this matter in private. I will have an answer for you within a reasonable amount of time, though I do not want to name it for fear of rushing the decision.”

“Take as long as you need,” she said. “I'm... I'm really just glad you were willing to hear me out. It... it is a lot to ask of anyone.”

* * *

Kent managed one text to cancel his final classes for the day and left the car where it was, needing a walk to clear his head. He had not expected any of what Kokoa had said to him today, and while he supposed he understood why he might seem like a good choice for such a proposition, he felt a strong emotional reaction to the request that he'd barely contained in that cafe.

Had he been blind to it all this time, or was this a new feeling? He was not entirely certain. He knew he'd found her one of the easier ones to talk to and deal with at the cafe, since Mine and Sawa were loud and rather unintelligent, particularly when their conversations all seemed to revolve around guys and how to attract them. Shin didn't have any interest in making friends, and they rarely worked together as they shared responsibility for the kitchen and were almost always on opposite shifts. Toma was not difficult to get along with, Kent supposed, though they'd never been close.

He could not say what his relationship with Waka had been, exactly, though he'd never had a particular quarrel with the man.

So, then, aside from Ikkyu, Kent's friends from the cafe were really just one friend, and it was Kokoa.

Fine. That was understandable.

And it wasn't entirely illogical to think that she'd have the potential to mean more to him than that because she had been the only one in that position. She was perhaps not the most intellectual woman he'd ever met, but she was not unintelligent. She was willing to improve herself, he'd learned that before when she took that math course from him, and that had increased his admiration as well.

He just hadn't expected to feel something like this, even as much as they had become closer friends again now that he was back in Tokyo. He would attribute that to their shared occupation, but he also knew that had she not had such faith in his teaching ability, he would not have given that lecture and likely would not have stumbled over that invisible line he now awkwardly found himself on the other side of as she asked him for something he almost wanted to give—and yet at the same time completely refused to do.

His thoughts were conflicting, that was true. He was not in any particular rush to become a father, but now that the opportunity was presented to him, he was having trouble picturing it happening with anyone else besides her.

That said he should honor her request, except...

She didn't want him. She wanted a piece of his genetic code, and that stung more than he had the ability to say.

He didn't particularly care for the idea of stepping back and being completely uninvolved in the life of his child, even if he knew her to be most capable. Their parenting strategies were likely at odds, and they'd make a mess of doing it together, yet how did he simply ignore knowing that he had a child? That was not like him at all.

Kent had no idea how to feel about any of this, and he knew he wouldn't discuss it with anyone, not his parents or Ikkyu. He couldn't. The humiliation of telling Ikkyu of this would never end, and his parents... well, aside from wanting involvement in the child's life, would likely agree. They would see no downside to having Kent reproduce, as that was a biological imperative, but he could not feel comfortable with it in this proposition.

He was having a very emotional reaction to this, and he didn't know what to do about it. All attempts to apply logic were futile, and he found himself only further unsettled by the time he reached his house.

He went through the motions of reheating a meal for his parents but ate nothing himself, his mind too preoccupied for food to have any sort of appeal, even if he was aware of the basic need for nutrients.

He closed himself in his room, knowing it would be a long night alone with his thoughts.

* * *

She shouldn't have asked Kent. She regretted it already. What kind of a position had she put him in? She barely knew him, now and even before when they worked together, even if they'd gotten a little close after that incident that left her unconscious at her school without any memory of what happened. She'd spent many hours with him discussing possibilities though they never did manage to come up with a satisfying answer before he left for London. Their contact after that was sporadic, and it was only now that he was back in Tokyo, teaching at the same school as her, that they were like friends again.

And what did she do? She went and screwed that up by saying what she'd been thinking in the worst possible way. Could she have made more of a mess of it than saying _I want to have your baby?_ She didn't think so. She'd hurried to explain, but she knew that if Kent had been drinking his tea at that moment, even he would have spit it out all over her.

She felt so stupid, but she'd asked anyway, and now it would always be between them, ruining any chance at friendship they'd ever have, and it was her fault, again. She was so bad at love she couldn't even keep herself from sabotaging her fledgeling friendship with Kent, could she?

Oh, she wanted to tell herself that she'd asked him because he was the logical choice—he didn't believe in love, so why would he think anything of an arrangement that had nothing to do with love? Everything was perfect, right? Kent was a rational man, he'd understand her reasons, and he'd probably agree with some of them.

That didn't mean she didn't feel guilty. She did. She wished she'd never said anything to him at all. Maybe if she'd done it differently, she could have had his help talking herself out of this blind insistence on her own child when she knew adoption was better, but instead, she'd backed him into a horrible corner and hated herself for it.

She buried her face in her pillow and used it to contain her scream of frustration and despair, angry with herself all over again for her stupidity.

Tomorrow she'd apologize to Kent, in person, and tell him to forget the whole thing. She had to. That was the only right thing to do. She couldn't fix what she'd done, but at least that wouldn't make it any worse.

He deserved so much better than what she'd done, and she wouldn't blame him if he chose not to talk to her again. She wouldn't if she were in his place. Oh, hell, if a guy asked her to do what she'd asked him, she'd have smacked him in the face. True, it was different for women, they carried the children for nine months but the men didn't have to be a part of it, but still.

She'd been terrible to him, and she had to apologize.

* * *

Her phone rang, startling her awake when she swore she'd just closed her eyes. She'd been up all night trying to figure out how best to apologize to Kent, finally deciding on a card, something home-baked, and a book he might find interesting, all of which she had to make and buy before going to work, so she was probably going to cancel her first class today. She had to catch Kent before he went to his class, though, which would be difficult unless he ended up canceling as well.

She put the phone to her ear. If this was Kent to tell her no, that was fine. She deserved that. Though she didn't think he'd do it by phone call, even if he probably didn't want to see her again.

“Hello?”

“Daughter.”

She bit her lip to keep the groan from escaping. She didn't want to talk to her father today. “Yes, Father?”

“We wanted to know if you were coming this weekend for the ceremony.”

She sat up, now wide awake with horror. “You're not actually going through with that, are you? You can't.”

“It was agreed upon, and we have no better candidate,” her father said. “We need an heir to continue the business, and he already agreed.”

“No. You can't. He—we never should have gotten married, and he's not—you don't actually want him as a son. You can't—you can't make that man my brother. That's not right. You know what he did, how he threatened me, the angry things he said and how he kept calling and harassing me after I moved out. How can you think of adopting him?”

“It was your actions that ended the marriage. You left him.”

“Because I didn't love him and he was pressuring me for more and I couldn't give that to him. I told you all of this,” she said, fully humiliated all over again. She'd failed, yes, but only because she couldn't love him. What he'd done in response had scared her so much she left before he became physical with his threats and demands, and she knew she wasn't wrong to do that.

How could they think that she was in the wrong? How could they possibly make that man their heir and her brother? 

She couldn't face being married to him, and she wouldn't allow them to make her related to him. “If you do this, then... I can't be your daughter. Please. Don't.”

“Kokoa, you are still our daughter, but you have to understand our position. We need an heir to continue the business. You agreed to that when you married him.”

“That was before I knew he was so dangerous. I didn't know him, or I never would have done it. I just wanted...” She closed her eyes with a wince. She'd wanted a family, and she'd fooled herself into thinking that was the way to get it. She'd thought if they both knew they didn't and wouldn't love each other, they'd somehow make it work, but he'd demanded everything from her, and when she couldn't give it, she began to fear he'd take it by force.

She left. She knew she'd made the right choice from how he carried on after she did, and even after the divorce, he still tried to make demands, so she knew he hadn't changed. He couldn't be trusted with their business or anything else.

Maybe she should have gone to the police, though he'd never actually done anything.

“The ceremony is this weekend. You should be present.”

She shook her head. “I'm not coming. I... I told you. If you do this, I can't be your daughter.”

She hung up first, not able to bear his refusal to hear her. She didn't understand why they'd still want that man, not after all she'd said. Was having a male heir so important to them? Important enough to throw her away like nothing? Oh, they thought that they could have both, but she knew better. She could never be family with them again if they made him a part of it.

He'd only try and make those demands again. Maybe even hurt her this time.

He'd have her family's business to use as leverage. It would be a disaster.

* * *

Kent rose slowly and dressed with little expediency, having no desire to rush into his day. He didn't know how he could teach with his mind preoccupied, which led him to believe he should face Kokoa early and give her an answer, but he did not like the conclusion he'd reached, either. He did not want to voice it, nor was he prepared to so do at present.

He left his shirt partially unbuttoned as he went into the kitchen. His mother had been in and out early today, judging by the mess she'd left behind on the counter, and he made a note to check with Toma and see how she was doing since that was rarely a good sign, more of a _I'm going to leave early so my son doesn't know I'm not feeling well_ sign.

Sometimes he thought he'd become the parent all of a sudden, that their roles reversed as soon as he moved back home. She was never this flighty before, was she? He made another note to ask his father about that.

He poured himself a cup of coffee and had just taken a sip when the doorbell rang. That was strange, but he supposed that it was not impossible. Was his father's nurse early, then? That was unlikely, but he had to check anyway.

He went to the door and opened it, not at all prepared to see Kokoa standing there.

She swallowed, holding up a bakery box. “Um. I brought cake. I wanted to make it myself, but there really wasn't time, and I didn't get the card, but I had to see you before work and apologize.”

Kent stared at her for a moment before managing to step back and let her in. He couldn't summon words, not when she said apologize, but he could get her off the doorstep, at least. He turned to his coffee cup. “I was not aware you had anything to apologize for.”

She winced. “Of course I do. I put you in a terrible position yesterday. I was horrible. I should never have asked that of you. I'm not even sure I meant to, not completely. I think I thought I was going to have you talk me out of it, but then I said it—blurted it out in the worst way possible—and then I made it worse as I tried to explain it. It was wrong to ask that. I didn't treat you like a friend. I tried to abuse your logic and twist it around and... I'm sorry.”

Kent blinked, still failing to find words to respond to her. He sipped from his coffee as he thought it over. “You believe you offended me by the request you made?”

“You can't tell me I didn't. Who would want to have that asked of them? People are more than a bit of DNA, and no one wants to be a genetic donor, do they? Well, no, I guess some people don't mind because those places exist, but still...” She lowered her head and held out the cake. “I'm still sorry.”

“I suppose in that sense it is not flattering at all, but there is perhaps something to the fact that of anyone you could ask, you did ask me,” Kent said, shifting his coffee to take the cake so she'd stop offering it to him. He carried it back to the kitchen, leaving it on the counter.

He found she had not followed him, so he returned to the front room where she stood, looking even more agitated than before. “Kokoa?”

“You said that, and my mind made me want to back out of the apology and ask you again,” she said, looking miserable. She put a hand to her head and started pacing. “My parents decided to adopt my ex-husband as a _mukoyoshi._ That was agreed upon when we entered the arranged marriage.”

Kent frowned. “I suppose I was aware you had no siblings, but I had no idea that would be necessary for your family.”

“It shouldn't be,” she said. “I... I want to hate the fact that I'm not enough because I'm a girl and that—but I don't even want their business. I don't, but... I also can't let them go through with it.”

“They still intend to do this despite the divorce? Why would they do that?”

She sighed. “Because I am to blame for the marriage ending. Or... Well, it's true I didn't love him. I told you about that. I haven't been able to love anyone, but he still expected that of me. He expected... everything as a husband.”

Kent tensed. “Did he—”

“No, but he was... I was sure he would, so I left him first,” she said, lowering her head again. “And so I... I had this stupid idea that if I were pregnant, then... they could stop the adoption because there would be a male heir—or at least a chance of one—and then... but it's this weekend and I'm being so stupid but then so are they... Why am I not enough, Kent? I went to school, and I got a degree, and maybe I didn't get married and have a bunch of kids, but not for lack of trying. There's something wrong with me. There has been since they found me at the college and I couldn't remember what happened to me. I don't know what I did, but I broke something inside me and I can't fix it. I don't know how. I wish I did. I'd fix it and be the daughter they wanted, but I can't be...”

Kent found himself once again possessed by the same urge he'd felt before, when she'd started crying at the cafe and couldn't explain why she was so sad, not to anyone including herself. He pulled her close and held her, well aware of how inappropriate it was. She was not a sister or a girlfriend, and he should not do this, but she needed something he had no words to give, only this awkward action.

“We could speak to my mother or Toma and see if there is a legal way to block this adoption.”

“If your mom could, but Toma... He hates me now, Kent. I... I told you I tried to love friends and couldn't, didn't I? I dated both him and Shin—separately—but it doesn't matter. I couldn't love either of them, and they both ended up hating me... and each other. I broke their relationship for good. I hate myself for it. I didn't... I thought I could love them. I thought our friendship was enough, but it never became more, and I ruined everything.”

If that was true, it did explain why she'd seek to avoid relationships in general.

“And I almost ruined us by asking you for this,” she whispered. “I'm sorry. I was feeling so—I couldn't stop thinking that I'd get over the emptiness that's inside me if I had a baby, and it wasn't enough to adopt and I... I messed it all up.”

He did not think that blame was hers alone. He could have been more honest yesterday when she asked him why he was conflicted, though he'd refused, and even now, he didn't want to tell her the truth behind his reluctance to agree. It was not an insult over being a donor. He wasn't bothered by that but by his own feelings. 

Something clattered in the other room, and Kent let go, rushing into the other room to find his father on the floor, a bunch of potted plants over turned next to him.

“Father.”

“It's not so bad as it looks,” his father said. “I'm clumsier than I used to be, that's all. More upset about my experiment than anything. Help me with this dirt, will you?”

Kent sighed. “You're on the floor to scoop up dirt?”

“Of course. I have to rebuild the experiment as soon as possible. Might not get another chance,” his father said, his brightness in the face of his mortal condition infuriating. “Kent, I told you. I don't mind if it's my body that's failing.”

“I know.”

* * *

“Oh, hello, there,” the older man said, looking around Kent's legs at her. “I didn't know Kent had guests. I'd invite you in, but I've made a mess of my lab, as you can see.”

Kokoa flushed red at being caught. “Um... I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

“I'm fine. Just a bit annoyed to have to restart this one again. Maybe I should work with something a little less likely to spill and ruin the experiment,” Kent's father said. “Hmm. Perhaps I should observe fish instead. What do you think, son?”

“I don't know,” Kent said, sounding absolutely miserable, and she could kick herself for putting her troubles on him. She certainly couldn't ask his mother for help with a legal problem right now. That was just wrong when they had so much happening here.

She was being selfish. She knew she couldn't change her mind about the adoption, but the baby thing was a different matter.

“You must be the special friend Kent gave a guest lecture for,” his dad said as he rose, standing up and bracing himself against his desk. “It's nice to meet you at last. My wife has been trying to get Kent to invite you to dinner for at least two weeks. Since he hasn't, let me do so now.”

“Oh, I—”

“Have you experienced Kent's cooking? It's quite amusing to tell, as he used to be completely incapable of it, but now I think he could rival many famous chefs.”

“I have, actually, tasted Kent's cooking,” she said, not sure what else to do. “I worked with him at the cafe when he was in grad school. I was only a waitress, but it was hard not to try the things Kent made as they smelled and looked wonderful.”

“Has he made you anything since he got back? He picked up several recipes in London and Paris. They may interest you. You'll make her something from your travels when she comes to eat, won't you?” Kent's father asked him, and he stared back in response. “Your mother will be pleased to have her come.”

“I know that, but it's not—”

“You should give Kent some consideration,” his father went on. “He may be new to his position, but there is already some talk of offering him tenure, and there are other advantages to a union with him. We may not have everything, but you would be quite comfortable with him.”

Kent grimaced, his face red. “It is not like that with us. Come, Kokoa. I'll show you out.”

She gave his father a smile and bowed to him. Kent's father smiled back at her, in good spirits, going back to his plants and making notes.

Kent guided her back toward the front door. “I apologize for my father. His health has not been great lately, and while he insists his mind is fine and not affected, clearly it is for him to speak in such a way to you.”

She almost laughed. “Kent, I think that's pretty normal of parents. Mine would always stress my good points to my boyfriends when I introduced them. And they may have built up the impression of me far too much to my ex-husband.”

Kent shook his head. “It is simply because I rarely have guests. They have seen too much in our relationship as it is. I will speak to my mother tonight about the legal aspect of that adoption you mentioned and tell you what she says.”

“You can do that at dinner,” Kent's father said as he passed by them on his way to the other room. “I've already informed your mother she's coming.”

“She never agreed to that. She is not coming. Father—” Kent sighed as the other man went out of earshot. “I don't understand. Neither of them are hard of hearing.”

She couldn't help it. She giggled. Then he frowned at her, and she giggled harder, unable to stop herself. His parents were so cute trying to matchmake him, and Kent getting flustered over it was actually adorable.

“You do not have to come.”

“No, I think I do.”

“You can ignore everything they said, and it will be worse if you attend, so don't.”

She could understand why he said that, though she didn't want to embarrass him by drawing attention to it again. “Are you walking to class or driving today?”

“Walking. I left the car there yesterday.”

“Then I'll walk with you.”

* * *

Kent realized he was outpacing Kokoa by a lot and slowed down, trying to match his steps to hers. She was so much shorter that he hadn't even realized how much she'd struggle to keep up with him as they walked.

He cleared his throat, feeling awkward. “I... I should just say what I was going to tell you—”

“No.” She almost looked afraid of his answer. “You don't have to. I was wrong to ask, and I am glad you seem willing to forgive me and help me with this adoption thing, but you don't have to, so you don't have to say it.”

He sighed. “And yet I should give you an honest answer.”

“I suppose I deserve whatever lecture I might get, so... yes, if you feel like you should, go ahead and tell me. A cake does not make up for what I asked of you.”

“My parents are in ill-health and concerned about me being single. Prior to meeting you today, my father had convinced himself he'd die before I got married. What if I had suggested to you that you marry me to get what you wanted?”

She blinked. “You mean... marry you so you'd agree to be my donor?”

Kent grimaced. “That was the basic idea of behind the question, yes. I realize that's a bit of an extreme—”

“But that way you'd make your parents happy by having a wife and... I'd be married so my parents would have a different son-in-law to adopt, so we wouldn't even need another legal reason to block the adoption.”

Kent stared at her. “Um, that wasn't exactly what I meant. I was trying to say that—”

“Yes.”

“What?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kent struggles with her impulsiveness, and so does she.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I... had a rough couple days when it came to writing and I will admit I almost deleted this story I felt so badly about everything. I left things be for a bit and... then part of Ikki and Kent's conversation came to me, so I tried again. This is not exactly the light, fluffy accidental romance idea I was going for at all, but then my fics usually do have minds of their own.

* * *

“Oh, I'm going to be late,” Kokoa said, biting her lip as she went red. “We can talk more about this after school, right? I'll meet you at your office after my last class.”

Kent nodded numbly, watching her leave, sprinting across the courtyard to reach the other wing of the facility. He stayed rooted to the spot, uncertain how to move forward. That conversation had not gone at all as he'd planned. He'd intended to point out that he could have made an equally unreasonable request of her—he hadn't, but the possibility certainly existed in his parents' minds—and then she'd actually accepted his unreasonable request, even though it was actually theoretical.

He put a hand to his face, tempted to cancel classes again. He didn't know how to react to that. Of course it might well have been her way of continuing to apologize. She was saying she'd agree to it because she wanted to make the awkwardness of her own question less pronounced.

And yet it was not, and Kent was more unsettled by the matter now than he had been when she first asked him. He'd been ready to tell her his decision, though she would have spared them both by backing out of the request, so that was not necessarily an issue.

The problem, then, was that he hadn't been direct enough, when he usually was, and that had led to a completely different source of confusion.

She was completely out of sight now. Kent forced himself forward and toward his own classroom. If he swapped his lesson plans around, he could have his students watch that video instead of attempting any kind of lecture—he knew himself to be incapable of any coherent speech today—and that would spare him for the day, but what about the next?

What would happen when they spoke later? Would she tell him that it wasn't what he thought? That was almost preferable, but if it was that, then... That didn't solve anything. The issue would be hidden and buried, and that seemed appealing, to a point, but Kent wasn't sure that was any kind of solution.

He took out his phone, hating the idea even as much as he knew he had no other recourse. He could not discuss this with either of his parents, if he was not careful, he'd say too much in front of the students, and he had no one else he would consider a friend.

_I need to speak with you. It is... rather urgent._

_You want to meet for drinks later? I finally smooth-talked the in-laws into taking the kids for the evening and was planning on surprising Sawa, but we can talk for a bit first if you want. She actually enjoys it a little when I've had a bit to drink. Something about the real me and it being really adorable when I get clingy._

Kent shook his head. He doubted that very much, but then Sawa must have odd tastes to have tolerated Ikkyu for as long as she had. Though she was correct in one sense—Ikkyu was freer with some of his thoughts and emotions when drunk. Kent could never consider the clingy aspect anything but annoying, however, and he generally avoided allowing Ikkyu to drink much when they were together as he did not enjoy being stuck as a pillow for any amount of time.

_If I cancel my morning classes, can we meet earlier?_

_Whoa. Did something happen? Are they back in the hospital? Let me know the room. I'll get flowers and a card and be there in fifteen minutes._

Kent grimaced. This was not working at all. _The crisis is personal and only slightly related to my parents, though my father did his best to complicate the matter this morning. Neither of them are in the hospital. She left early, though, which is never a good sign._

 _Yeah, Toma will be bringing her home by noon,_ Ikkyu agreed. _You think you need to be home by then? I mean, if you're desperate, I know a thing or two about math and I can cover for you a little._

Kent was tempted to take him up on that. _You are busy._

_Not too busy for a friend, and you're too responsible to cancel classes on a whim. Plus if your parents are having a bad day, you should be with them. That's how it goes with family. I've already got arrangements in place for the kids after school, so I'm good. Sawa said she was going to work today because the nausea and fatigue let up on her, and I was going to get ahead a bit on my work, but you know I can do it later. As long as I meet the deadlines I've given, I'm good. I always allow extra time. I call it the kid clause._

Kent pinched his nose. He had a headache already, and they hadn't even had a proper discussion yet. _Never mind. I have to get ready for my class._

He put his phone away and entered the classroom.

* * *

She shut the door to her classroom behind her and winced, wanting to slide to the floor and die. She was so stupid and impulsive. Kent had to hate her for that. Just the way he'd stared at her after she said yes... Oh, how could she have done that? Yes, he'd asked, but that didn't—maybe he hadn't meant it at all. He had seemed pretty surprised that she said yes, and what must he think of her for agreeing to it like that?

She must seem desperate.

Truthfully, she was a little. Maybe a lot. Her parents' decision, the way they ignored what she'd said about her ex-husband, that made her want to block it as quickly as possible, and she had thought that maybe a baby, a child, would be enough, but then Kent said marriage, so of course she jumped at it. Still, why? She'd never been this impulsive before, had she?

No, she had. She knew she had a weakness for that. She'd done some things before that were rather foolish, and even now her heart lurched with the thought. She hadn't thought that she could be so impulsive in feeling, not when she couldn't love, but her heart was disagreeing with her, again.

She grimaced. Why couldn't this be simpler? She wanted to be able to do this the normal way. She should be able to meet someone, date them, fall in love, marry, and have kids. Even doing things a bit out of order would have been fine, but she hadn't. She hadn't managed to do any of it in any order. Sure, she met people, she even dated, but she never fell in love. She'd married but hadn't had love, hadn't dated, and she still didn't have children.

She sighed. She didn't want to think about that again. She'd go back to the same foolish thoughts that led her to rush into asking the impossible of Kent, and she couldn't let herself do that again.

Maybe if... well, she had to talk to Kent again, she knew that, and she should clarify all of that, but that would have to wait until later. For now, she had to focus on what she could do herself.

And her classes, but she had already decided before she left the house to switch for a video instead of her planned lecture since she wasn't going to be able to speak after apologizing to Kent.

So she would use that time to figure out what else to do.

If her parents really believed that her ex-husband was still a good man, was there any way she could change their mind? She hadn't told them everything that happened, so maybe if they knew that, if they heard any of his harassing messages, they'd give up this idea.

She'd find a way to prove to them he wasn't worth having as a son, though it still hurt that she wasn't enough as a daughter.

* * *

“Okay, since when does math class get a movie day? And when would that ever happen under your watchful eye? I mean, I think we both agree that any movies made about math are either boring or ridiculously exaggerated.”

Kent did not look up from the papers he was attempting to grade. “I do not find them all as boring as you do, though most are quite exaggerated, that is true.”

“You do seem pretty calm for someone in crisis. Though I do know you better than that, so you may as well tell me what's going on, Ken. Shouldn't you be packing up to head home for your lunch hour now?”

Kent shook his head. He was not going home now. He couldn't, not with these conflicting thoughts within him. He didn't want to speak to his father who had made plans for Kokoa or his mother, who was certain to be home by now after being forced into it by Toma, and if Toma was still around—No. Kent refused to see Toma under the current circumstances. Even the idea of acknowledging the part-time nurse was difficult.

“Okay, what is going on? You... If it's a break you need from your parents, let's arrange one. We'll either get the nurse or shuffle things so Sawa and I can do it for you. Everyone needs a break, and there's no shame in that.”

“I believe I may have gotten engaged this morning.”

Ikkyu knocked the pencil holder off Kent's desk, scattering them across the floor. “Um... what?”

“Admittedly, I am not entirely certain that is what happened. I was attempting to speak in hypotheticals, so it doesn't make sense that her answer was yes, but it was, so I am confused.”

Ikkyu bent to start gathering up pencils. “I have a very hard time picturing you proposing marriage in even a hypothetical sense. Are we talking about an obscure scientific use of the word? I'm not even sure what that would be, but you'd know it and use it like it was commonly understood, which would cause you problems. It has before.”

“I suppose I should say that the confusion actually begins with her wanting to have my child.”

Ikkyu knocked the pencil cup over as soon as he'd set it down, once again sending the contents all over the floor. “Well, damn. I always knew you were enough of a hot-blooded heterosexual man to melt any woman's ovaries, but I hadn't expected that.”

Kent frowned. “I find what you said just now highly disturbing.”

“It's a compliment.”

“Then kindly refrain from ever giving me another.”

Ikkyu laughed, setting a handful of pencils back in the cup before gathering more. “Oh, Ken. I just meant that you've always gathered your share of attention, and it's not like I didn't know you were attracted to women. There have been some that doubted that or said you were asexual, but it's me. I know you better than that.”

Kent rubbed his forehead. He didn't want to think about that right now, either. He had done some research into the other aspects, but he did find that his behavior and stimulus allied with an attraction to women, even if he did not date as much as Ikkyu and had yet to manage a successful relationship.

“At any rate, it is not what you think. She didn't actually desire me for that aspect, only my genetics.”

The pencils scattered a third time, and Ikkyu looked at the floor as if deciding not to try and pick them up again. “Are you saying she just wanted your kids because you're unnaturally tall?”

“No, she wanted me to be the genetic donor only and have no involvement in the child's care.”

Ikky stared at him. “Okay, that's it. We need drinks for this kind of conversation.”

“No.”

“I'm not kidding. I feel like I must have been drinking, but I'm sober, so... I need to be drinking,” Ikkyu said. “And you just marked that question wrong.”

“So?”

“That's where the kid writes his name.”

Kent sighed. “It could still be wrong. It's a very strange name for a student. His parents must enjoy astronomy or mythology.”

“Not the point. Let's go.”

* * *

“Now start this back at the beginning,” Ikki said, leaning back into the booth, his drink in hand. He needed a few of these for Ken to start making sense. He wasn't the type to joke about something like this, but it was still far too strange to comprehend sober. “A woman wants to have kids with you and agreed to marry you, but she's only interested in you as a sperm donor.”

Ken grimaced. “Do not call it that.”

“Except it's true.”

“I don't care if it's true. If you call it that again, I will leave you here. This conversation is difficult enough without you using the worst possible term for the matter. I... This is humiliating.”

“The idea that you're good enough to have kids with but not good enough to have sex with?”

“Damn it, Ikkyu.”

Ikki downed his drink, needing to be a bit more drunk to keep himself from saying stuff like that. He knew he shouldn't tease Ken, but it was hard not to, even if that wasn't the way of a friend, not really. He was better than this. He felt like he'd just reverted to the boys' age and was Yamato picking on Akito again.

“Okay, explain this to me. How did this conversation even start?”

“Out of nowhere,” Ken said, reaching for his own drink. “I... We'd barely been served at the cafe, just having tea, and I had no idea that she was about to say she wanted to have my baby. I couldn't find words to respond, and she went on to explain that she wanted a child but not a relationship and thought I'd be someone who could understand that.”

“Ouch.”

“She did apologize this morning, but... yesterday my pride was quite injured, though that was hardly the only issue with her suggestion. Even logic disagreed with it, but my response was far more emotional than I liked.”

Ikki swallowed. “Um, Ken, are you saying you... have feelings for this woman?”

“I... I did not think I did, but my reaction to her suggestion has me questioning that. Am I reacting that way simply because she insulted me—even if her words were partially true—I am more likely to understand her reasoning as well as to have the emotional distance to think dispassionately about it and yet—I was not flattered even if she likely could have her pick of men to fill such a role and—am I actually that heartless, do you think? Would you assume that I would willingly be no part of my own child's life?”

“No. I don't see you really being in a position where you would have a child without advance planning of at least some degree—you're not a one-night stand person and don't drink enough to where you'd risk a night of unprotected sex which is what you'd need for this to happen, but even if it did, you're too responsible not to step up and do as much as the woman was willing to let you do. You'd give money, though in all likelihood, you'd get taken advantage of and marry her to support her only to find out later you were not that drunk and it was not yours.”

Ken groaned, leaning his head back against the booth. “Why do I even talk to you?”

“We are actually friends, and I am not saying that to be mean. I really do think you're lucky no one has tried that so far. Because you are a good guy and you would do the responsible thing, and some women will abuse that.”

“That is not the case with this one. She was upfront about her wishes and the fact that she feels that she cannot fall in love and—”

“Wait. Kokoa is the one who asked you to do this?”

Ken flinched. “I had no intention of telling you that.”

“Yes, but you just did,” Ikki said, trying to come to terms with that revelation. Sure, he'd heard that from Kokoa himself. They'd tried dating before he and Sawa got together, and while it had been fun, Kokoa insisted she didn't feel enough for him and broke it off. That stung, but he was long since over it by now. He and Sawa had a good thing, and he loved her more and more every day. He loved their kids and their stupid, fantastic normal life.

“Can you ignore that for the rest of this conversation?”

“Not really.”

“Then I think I should go. I do still have classes to teach this afternoon and—”

“Okay, so telling you I suspected you had a crush on her back when we all worked at Meido No Hitsuji is just going to—”

“That's absurd. I never had any sort of... crush on anyone.”

Ikki had expected that reaction, but that just made things worse. He was almost certain Ken had real feelings for Kokoa, and as much as she was a great friend and the kids loved her, that trail of broken hearts behind her meant she shouldn't go anywhere near Ken. “Tell her no and be done with it.”

Ken put a hand to his head. “That's where it gets complicated.”

“No, you just say no and—”

“She came this morning to apologize and to retract the request.”

“Then you're done and—”

“Then my father invited her to dinner and told my mother she was coming.”

Ikki winced. “Well, that's still not—”

“And while we were walking to the campus after that, she told me she didn't want my answer because she thought I should hate her for it, and I tried to tell her that I could have just as easily made an unreasonable request that she agree to marry me to appease my parents and... that is when she agreed to do it.”

Ikki winced. “Oh, this is a really good mess, but no. Don't do it. I love her dearly as a friend, but she's in the same position I was back when I thought I was a prisoner of my eyes, and she will chew you up and spit you out. So, no. Just no.”

“I think she only agreed because she's afraid of her parents adopting her ex-husband as a _mukoyoshi,_ so it is not the crisis it seemed, but I was too unsettled to see it clearly earlier. I did not want to deal with your teasing, so I wasn't going to say anything at all, and a part of me does regret it still but I am clearer now and—”

“Why is she still worried about the _mukoyoshi_ thing? That's done. The marriage is over.”

“Apparently they're still planning on going through with that adoption.”

Ikki shook his head. “Oh, hell, no. I know she didn't want to tell them what he was really like, but she was hiding at our house or Mine's for weeks before she finally found an apartment with enough security to keep her safe. That's not happening.”

Ken frowned. “She said he didn't harm her. Was she lying?”

“He grabbed her a couple times hard enough to leave bruises, but even just the way he terrified her meant he did her harm. He left obscene messages for her, kept demanding she go back to him and give him his dues as her husband... She wouldn't, but she was scared and the police as much as told her they couldn't do anything about it. Stupid thing is, she still blames herself for it because she didn't love him the way he loved her—”

“I am far from an expert on such matters, but that seems like obsession, not love.”

“Agreed.”

Ken sighed. “I told her we could ask my mother to see if it was possible to block it. Her other solutions were the child or... marriage, though in speaking to you I see her desperation—”

“Desperate or not, Ken, you can't marry her just to block the adoption.”

“I never said I would.”

“And you can't marry her just because your parents think you need a wife.”

“I never said I was doing it for that, either. We've already had this conversation, remember? It isn't just them that have introduced me to people they think I can date since I've been home.”

Ikki grimaced. “Okay, I know I'm slightly guilty of that, but I just didn't want you feeling like a third wheel if you went out with me and Sawa or even if Mine and her husband join us. It's your parents' friends that are the worst. I don't even know why they think it's any of their business if you're married—”

“My parents must have expressed some desire to see me settled or for grandchildren that they are not directly telling me. My father, of course, told me he'd accepted I wouldn't marry before he died, which I think is a lie but also—”

“Made you feel guilty as hell about being single?”

Ken sighed. “Yes. Intentional or not, that is what happened.”

“I don't think it's bad to get married if you really love the person, but if it's not mutual and for the right reasons, it'll be a mess like Mine's first two marriages.”

“I think I have more sense than Mine.”

“Maybe, but we're all fools in love.”

* * *

She stopped at the door and stared, trying to tell herself this wasn't her fault and failing completely because it was. It had to be. She knew that. She'd been the one to make things awkward and uncomfortable, asking what she did and being so thoughtless when it came to Kent—did she really think that he wouldn't be hurt by a request like that? What did she assume he was, some kind of robot? She'd been so focused on her part of things that she hadn't given enough consideration to his feelings.

And then this morning...

Or was this about his parents? If it was, then maybe her visit to his home was to blame, and she sighed, not sure how to fix any of the messes she'd made at this point.

_Classes canceled. Check syllabus for your homework._

Wait a minute. That wasn't a Kent note. No, that handwriting didn't look like his, either. That was someone else's.

“Ikki?”

“You've gotten better. Normally I'd have walked up right behind you and you never would have heard me,” he said, leaning against the wall next to Kent's door. “That's good.”

She hadn't actually heard anything, but she let him think she had rather than explain that she'd recognized his handwriting. If she had gotten better at listening for someone coming, it was because of her ex-husband, but she didn't want to think about that, either. She'd panic and say something to Ikki about that, too, though if he was here and classes were canceled and he smelled a bit like alcohol—had he and Kent talked about what she did?

Oh, no. She supposed she deserved anything Ikki might say, but she really wasn't in the mood for any teasing or lectures.

She turned to face Kent. He looked back at her with a frown. “Um... I know this really isn't fair of me to ask after everything, but... I do need to talk to your mother if I can.”

Ikki frowned. “Why would you want to talk to my mother? She's... I barely speak to her, and I'm her son. I shouldn't even tell you what she said about number five.”

“You're not calling the child number five.”

“It was a classic Hollywood movie about robots. It would be hilarious.”

Kent sighed. “I'm sorry, Kokoa. He had far too much to drink at lunch today. You seem more distressed than this morning. What happened?”

She flinched. He'd noticed. “Um... I tried sending my parents some of the voicemails he left me as proof he wasn't to be trusted, and they said... I was desperate and making wild accusations and he knew this would happen and warned them about it. He's got them wrapped around his finger and I... I'm scared of what he might do.”

“Damn it,” Ikki said rather loudly, getting the attention of half the students in the hall but remaining oblivious to it. “How can they take his word over yours? What is wrong with parents?”

Kent frowned. “I fail to understand as well. Your word should have more weight than his. True, that is an arbitrary bond by blood, but that is still valued highly in most countries and—”

“Ken, tangent.”

“Oh.”

She almost wanted Kent to go on. He sounded so normal and calm that she wanted to hear him speak more, but she knew that wasn't really something she could ask for at the moment. “So... um... can I speak to your mother about this? I need to know if I have any legal options.”

Kent nodded. “Of course. I already told you that we would consult her. That has not changed.”

“I know, but I...” Kokoa couldn't bring herself to speak of this morning, even if Ikki might already know. “I just... I wanted to make sure I hadn't... I don't know any other lawyers besides Toma, and I told you why I can't talk to him, so I didn't want to have said or done something that meant I couldn't talk to your mom about it. I just can't—”

“You did not do anything that would cause that,” Kent told her, far too matter of fact about it. She nodded, trying to force a smile. It wouldn't come.

“I realize that I've been really... I don't even know what to call my behavior lately, and I said things and asked things of you that I shouldn't have, and I know I already apologized once, but it's not enough and I—”

Something in her pocket buzzed, interrupting her, and she took out her phone, frowning at the message on the screen.

_I will get what's mine._

She shuddered, almost dropping the phone.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They try to find a legal strategy. Sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got long and awkward. I thought I knew what I was doing, but I didn't, as usual.
> 
> Oh. And I had to name Kent's mother because it was just too weird for Toma not to call the woman he works with by name, though technically he should call her by last name. I guess I'll have to decide on one of those to use since canon doesn't provide one.

* * *

“Kokoa?”

She did not answer. Kent frowned, concerned. Ikkyu, never one to respect boundaries, took the phone out of her hands, staring at the screen. “How long has this been going on again?”

“It... that's the first one since I changed my number.” She lowered her head. “I don't... how does he even know to send that to—it's not him. It can't be, can it?”

Her look to Ikkyu suggested she wanted him to lie to her in a misguided sense of comfort, but even without knowing as much of the details of the situation as Ikkyu did, Kent thought there was a much more likely scenario here.

“Kokoa, I know you don't want to think it, but there's—” 

“No.” She shook her head, trying to deny Ikkyu's words even as her eyes started to shine brightly with tears. “No, I don't—they wouldn't. Would they? Would they really have given him my number? Why? This can't be right.”

Ikkyu winced. “If they don't see him as a threat, they probably don't think much of giving out your number to him. In their mind, he isn't going to hurt you. He has your best interests in mind. They may even want you to get back together with him.”

“No! Never!”

Kokoa's cries caught the attention of the students in the hall, but she didn't seem aware of that, tormented as she was. She put a hand in her hair. “Oh, this is all my fault. If I'd just—if I hadn't married him or if I'd told them everything back then or if I'd actually been able to go to the police when I first left him...”

“No, stop that,” Ikkyu said. “This is not your fault. He wants you to think it is, but it isn't.”

“I concur with Ikkyu. Regardless of how he might feel about you—and his actions suggest that his feelings are far from genuine and certainly not benign—he has no right to make such demands of you or manipulate your parents. He should not have your contact information to make threats, and the fact that he is still doing so shows that he has not changed. He is still a danger to you.”

“I was so afraid he'd get me outside the house that I couldn't leave even to go to the police. That was stupid. So stupid, but he... he knew were Ikki and Sawa lived and Mine, too, and he said he'd find me and I couldn't go out. I was terrified he'd do something to the kids or something if he knew I was there at all, so I... didn't go out until it was too late and they couldn't see my bruises anymore and...”

Kent touched her elbow, wishing he knew how to do more for her. “You are not to blame for this.”

She looked up at him. “How can you say that after how I treated you? I—I can't believe that. And I find myself wondering if I... What if I did something back in college? That time I don't remember... maybe this is punishment for that.”

Kent shook his head. “That's a flawed and highly emotional argument. I can refute all those points if you like, but we should continue this conversation elsewhere.”

She bit her lip and then nodded, as if remembering where they were.

“Come. Let us see if my mother has any advice to offer in this situation.”

“I... Yes, thank you.”

* * *

Kokoa found herself between Ikki and Kent, feeling rather safe despite the circumstances. She'd become aware of everyone watching them back at the school, and it was embarrassing, but worse, it was unsettling. She couldn't help thinking it was him, that his eyes were the ones on her, and she hadn't lost that sense that someone was still watching them, so she should be scared, but Kent's looming figure was actually a comfort. Ikki was making chit chat to distract her, though she was hardly paying attention and Kent responded with more annoyance than anything else.

She was fine. She'd get through this. And she'd do it with the law if at all possible.

She found her eyes on Kent's hand. She wanted to take it even if she knew that she shouldn't. She couldn't take Ikki's, though she didn't want to as much. Kent seemed so much more... solid. Sturdy. Tall, too. Ikki was a nice man, and she knew that he was fit, but sometimes she still thought he was too irreverent. Not that he'd ever not taken this threat from her ex seriously, but she really felt better with Kent at her side.

She shook her head at herself and forced her eyes back on the path in front of them. They must be close to Kent's house by now.

“I'm going to call Sawa now that I've seen you to the door, okay?”

She looked over at Ikki. “Why did you walk all this way with us? You must have left your car back at the school.”

“It's fine.”

“I imagine it is because he was being overly vigilant,” Kent said. “I have no idea what your ex-husband looks like, but Ikkyu would recognize him.”

She winced. That was true, but she no longer felt safe. She was worried all over again. If Ikki, too, thought he was there, what if he was? She remembered from their days at the cafe that Kent and Ikki were both pretty good at sensing other peoples' presences. They'd had this long running joke when Kent gave Ikki a new problem, and while most of the others thought they were insane, she'd always thought it was hilarious. Waka had enjoyed it, too. She had to admit, the first time it happened she'd been very confused, since they were talking like enemies when they were friends, she hadn't known Kent very well so he intimidated her, but then it was about math and she'd laughed so hard she cried. Sawa and Mine shook their heads and said she was crazy.

“Hey, was that a smile? See, I make a pretty good knight in armor, valiantly protecting the fair maidens of the world.”

“May I remind you that you're married?” Kent asked, and Ikki shrugged. “Though it is somewhat of a relief that you did smile, Kokoa, if slightly curious as well.”

She nodded. “It is strange, but I was just... I started thinking about how you two would sense when the other was sneaking up on them with a math puzzle and it made me smile, I guess. I didn't even realize I had, but I do remember those times. You two were so funny.”

“Oh, wow, I don't think I've done that in... Hell, Ken, how long has it been?”

Kent frowned at him. “Two weeks ago, I believe, though the specifics of that moment elude me. I do know for certain you did it when you brought Yuriko here to work on her presentation.”

“True, she loves that act. Kaya gets scared of Uncle Ken, though, so Sawa banned it from the house.”

Kokoa could see it. “And the boys?”

“Forever disappointed when it's a math duel and not with samurai swords or kendo.”

Kent frowned. “Kendo comes from a sword form and—”

“The point being that they want us to duel with 'real' weapons. Not even sure a few movements of aikido would be enough.”

“Likely not as it is meant to allow for defense without injuring the attacker,” Kent said, going up to the door. “If you'd rather wait with Ikkyu while I verify that my mother is home, you may.”

“No, I'll come in if that's okay,” Kokoa said, not wanting to wait outside. She felt better indoors, even if they were all probably overreacting to this. Neikan wasn't here. He'd be with her parents, right?

Still, she shivered and followed Kent inside.

* * *

“And that precedent is what led to the establishment of that law in the first place, which means that we should focus on it as a strategy.”

Kent almost stopped in the hall, though knowing Kokoa would bump into him made that a poor decision. He generally chose not to interrupt his mother's conversations, but he would have little alternative today, as he brought home company specifically to speak to her. He knew from what he'd heard that she was likely speaking to Toma, which would be fine in other circumstances but far from ideal at the moment.

He was about to tell Kokoa to wait there when his mother called out to him.

“Kent, I forgot to call the pharmacy and have them refill my prescription. Could you do that for me before they close?”

“I called the refill in three days ago,” Kent told her as he went around the corner. He knew her habits well and had anticipated that she'd try and skip her medication for the entire week, not just one day. “I had intended to pick it up yesterday but circumstances led to me forgetting to do so.”

“I suppose I can pick it up tomorrow, then.”

He eyed her from the doorway. “I think it best you let Toma handle the courtroom for you and stay home. Your color is rather off, and the stress of an actual trial could mean another hospitalization.”

“He worries too much, doesn't he?” Kent's mother asked Toma. “A good, dutiful son, but very concerned with the worst that could happen.”

“Toma had to bring you home today.” Kent shook his head. “I wish you'd act with more cognizance of the limitations of your health. It is irrational to do otherwise.”

She pursed her lips. “I am fine.”

“You did promise me you'd rest after I brought you home,” Toma told her. She flushed, caught like a child. “Sorry, Kent. I really was going to leave her to rest, but then we got to talking again. Your mom has a fascinating legal mind.”

He was aware of that, even if his own interests had never allied as much with his mother's strengths as his father's.

“Ah, but Kent brought home a friend for dinner, so I will rest now.”

“That is not—I did—my friend needs to consult you on a legal matter, but that is not something I feel you should—”

“It can wait.” Kokoa said, her voice almost inaudible behind Kent, and she didn't seem to want to come into the room. He turned back to face her. As much as his mother did not look well, he knew that Kokoa's situation was actually quite urgent. “I don't have to—”

“Kokoa?” Toma's eyes went a bit wide, like he'd been spooked. Kent had not expected that reaction, but he did not believe it was as terrible as Kokoka had imagined it would be.

She flushed, not looking at him. “I'm sorry, Toma. If I'd known you were here, I wouldn't have—”

“No worries,” Toma said with a smile, sounding pleased to see her. Kent watched him, uncertain. She'd been sure he would be angry, but he did not appear upset. Kent was not the best with emotions or social situations, but he would like to believe that was genuine. “It's been a long time. You... You look good.”

She shook her head. “Please don't—”

“It's been a long time,” Toma repeated. “We're years away from that. Years and hours and hours' worth of therapy.” 

She blinked. “I...”

“Court mandated,” Kent's mother said, sounding amused. “This one lost his temper with a judge.”

Toma flushed. The room became tense, and Kent knew of no way to alter that sense. That he usually left to others. His mother might have managed it, but she was more likely to make it worse because she was the one who'd started embarrassing Toma. She'd probably tell them the full incident if she started, and Kent did not think that would help matters.

“Where are my favorite logical people at?” Ikkyu called out, and Toma frowned again just before Ikkyu poked his head into the room. “Ah, there you are. We have dinner. I know it's not Ken's gourmet cooking, not one of his recipes from overseas, but it should be plenty edible.”

Sawa shook her head. “I don't know why you say it like that. It's not like I made it.”

Ikkyu shrugged. “Few things compare to Ken's cooking. You know that.”

She nodded. “Agreed, though you're not half-bad at it sometimes.”

“Refusing to alter good recipes to pregnant demands does not make me a bad cook.” Ikkyu saw Toma and frowned a little. “Oh, sorry. I didn't know Ayeka had a guest of her own. And it's Toma. Well, now, this is almost a reunion.”

“Hello, Ikki,” Toma said, another smile on his face. “And Sawa, nice to see you.”

She smiled. “It's been forever, hasn't it? I don't think I've seen you since you quit the cafe in your last year of law school.”

Toma nodded, though his eyes went to Kokoa. “Just about.”

She seemed to move a bit behind Kent. He frowned, not sure what to do now that the house had become overcrowded. He supposed it was not like Ikkyu to stay out of this matter—he was visibly concerned about her—and since he was to meet with his wife for dinner and other activities, he'd ask her to come here instead. She was Kokoa's friend and would be worried as well.

This matter was only more complicated by the amount of people present, though.

“Ah, what a great crowd for dinner,” Kent's father said. “Unexpected, but not unwelcome. We'll have to alter our seating arrangements. Come, Kent. You can help me see to that.”

* * *

Toma watched Kent leave with his father, still trying to understand where he stood. When he'd first started working at the law firm, he'd been honored to work with Ayeka, who was a distinguished lawyer and had even spoken at his school.

He would never have connected that woman to Kent, despite how logical she could be, if he hadn't been assigned to assist her after her husband's heart attack. Oh, he'd heard plenty of stories about her son—Kent was her second favorite subject after the law, her husband her first—but that son was overseas so he hadn't met him and the Kent of those stories was a side that he'd barely shown at the cafe when they worked together, even if it was recognizably Kent in hindsight.

Still, it was strange and even awkward to be so closely assigned to Kent's mom and walk in blindsided by Kent's presence at his father's bedside. That was another Kent he hadn't expected to see, the one taking care of both his parents through their illnesses and recovery. Even now, Toma barely knew what to say to the other man. Kent stayed distant even when asking after Ayeka, and they remained acquaintances at best.

Toma hadn't even known that Kent was still friends with Ikki, but Kokoa was the real surprise. Since when were they in touch? She'd cut off almost everyone from her past, hadn't she?

“Let me take that,” Ikki said, grabbing hold of the tray in Sawa's arms. “And that. No heavy lifting for you.”

She snorted. “This isn't heavy lifting, and I managed worse right up to delivering the others, or have you forgotten that there are four more?”

“I haven't, but I'm a bit overprotective of you with number five,” Ikki said, patting her stomach and stealing a kiss as well as the food she was holding.

She flushed. “Ikki...”

“I love the way you blush when you're pregnant. It's just ever so slightly different but more beautiful than normal.” Ikki leaned into her. “And I'm so taking advantage of those hormones later.”

“Ikki!” 

“Oh, I should see if Ken has a nice side dish to go with this. I bet he does.” Ikki smirked and walked out of the room, giving Sawa another lewd glance as he did.

Sawa just stared after him, but Kokoa giggled. She turned over to her with a frown.

“What? You're a cute married couple. And you show so much affection for each other. It's nice to see. You're so in love after all this time and kids and... It's beautiful,” Kokoa whispered the last part. She tried to force a smile that didn't quite work, and Sawa pulled her into a hug.

“It's okay. I'm sorry I wasn't... I should have listened and not dismissed the way you were feeling. Being told just to be patient isn't really that helpful.” Sawa sighed. “And I can't believe your parents. That's insane.”

“Your parents?” Toma asked. He hadn't seen them in years, either, though he knew his parents were still in touch, all the families from the old neighborhood. He'd heard a few things about Kokoa here and there, and most of them weren't that good. As far as he knew, though, both of her parents were alive and in good health.

“Oops,” Sawa said, grimacing. “I'm sorry, Kokoa. Me and my big mouth again.”

She shook her head. “I did come here to see if Kent's mom knew any legal ways to help with that, so it's fine.”

“Oh?” Ayeka asked, intrigued. “What do you need my help with?”

Toma frowned. She really shouldn't do this now. Though he'd have to talk to Kent and see if there was a good way to keep her home tomorrow. She shouldn't take on the trial as she was now, Kent was right about that. “You're supposed to be resting.”

“I'm sitting,” she said as if that made any difference at all. Toma didn't know how Kent stayed calm with her when she was like this. He found it frustrating at times, and he wasn't even her son. She was a brilliant legal mind, but she was also very stubborn.

“It can wait,” Kokoa insisted. “I didn't want to cause a bunch of trouble for everyone.”

Toma shook his head. He knew that she never intended to do that, but things had a way of happening around her that made trouble anyway. Not that he should blame her for it all—he couldn't say it was because she was pretty or because she was kind that was at fault. She was a good person, he'd still believed that after she broke his heart, but that was half the problem. If she'd been malicious about it, he would have found it easier to accept. As it was, they had what he thought was a good relationship right up until he'd proposed.

Then she admitted she loved him but wasn't _in_ love with him and couldn't marry him.

He forced himself to uncurl his fist, not even sure when he'd clenched it.

“It's not about trouble. It's about your safety. Your parents' safety. They trust him, but he's a monster, and if he gets his way, he could do worse than he already has.”

Toma frowned. “What are we talking about?”

Kokoa lowered her head. “My parents intend to adopt someone as _mukoyoshi._ I... I know he's not a good man, and I want to stop it if there is any way to do so.”

Toma folded his arms over his chest. “You'd have to marry him in the first place, wouldn't you?”

She tensed, but then Ikki breezed back into the room, frowning at Sawa. 

“You didn't even sit down?”

“Pregnant, not broken,” Sawa said, shaking her head at him. “Stop fussing so much. You weren't this bad with Yamato and he was the first. Wait—did Kent give you scary statistics again? Please tell me he didn't.”

“Why are you blaming Kent? Ikki's perfectly capable of researching that on his own,” Kokoa asked, frowning. “Kent said it was your business how many kids you had and not his place to judge, so I don't know why you'd assume he said anything of the sort.”

Sawa frowned, looking at Ikki. “Did you blame all that scary research on Kent? It was really just you? Why wouldn't you just admit that you're a bit worried? You can tell me these things.”

Ikki took her into his arms. “Of course I worry about you. I worry more than I ever want to say. Do you know what I'd do without you? I don't. I can't think about it. It scares me too much. I used to think I'd never find real love, but then I did. It came out of nowhere and surprised us both. I thought you hated me.”

“I kind of did.”

“See?”

She sighed. “I thought you were just a player who went from one girl to another to another, and it was annoying. And the fan club? That was awful. Then you were so miserable when Kent went to London and you didn't have a real friend anywhere in your life and... I don't know. Somehow, we got close, and I saw the real you. That you... that's the one I fell in love with. It was slow and good and nothing like being under the spell of your eyes.”

Ikki rocked her in his arms and kissed her neck. Toma really didn't need to be seeing this. He really didn't. “You two need the room or what?”

“No,” Sawa said just as Ikki said, “Always.”

* * *

“You are not required to remain.”

Toma looked at him, and Kent rubbed at his nose, aware of the headache that had already formed. He needed to rest, but he would not have that opportunity for a while. He was not certain why his parents had conspired to make this a group dinner, but he was far from amused by it.

“You did not ask to be dragged into a meal,” Kent went on, “and while I appreciate what you do for my mother which is not the job you were hired for, you should not have to get caught up in this sort of drama or gathering.”

Toma shrugged. “Every time I think you've changed, you say stuff like that and I realize you haven't.”

Kent frowned. “I... suppose I do not disagree.”

“She tell you, then?” Toma asked. “About the two of us?”

“Only minimal information as a part of a larger discussion,” Kent said, choosing his words carefully. He did not want to imply further knowledge nor speak of what Kokoa had asked of him personally. He did not want anyone else knowing of that. “I do not know details, nor do I want to. It only came up in the course of us discussing this situation that she is now in. When I mentioned that she could ask you for legal advice, she said she couldn't because of your shared past which was somehow romantic in nature and destroyed your friendship with her and with Shin. That is all I know.”

Toma nodded. “That's basically true. Still, her problem is a fascinating one from a legal standpoint, and I'd like to hear what your mother has to say on it.”

Kent shrugged. That was his choice. He would not stop him.

“Sawa, I realize you're eating for two, but leave a bit of that for the rest of us,” Ikkyu said, swiping a bowl from her. “I'm not sure we can be friends anymore, Ken. My wife likes your cooking better than mine.”

Kent shook his head. “Don't be ridiculous, Ikkyu.”

“Is that even possible with Ikki?”

“I heard that,” Ikkyu said. He smiled. “It really has been a long time since Meido No Hitsuji, hasn't it? You'll have to tell us more about what you're up to these days, Toma. Is Ayeka a harsh taskmaster? Her son certainly is.”

“Ikkyu—”

“She's actually sneakier than that,” Toma said as he followed Ikkyu into the other room. “It's only later after you've spoken to her that you realize you agreed to double or triple your workload when it's clear what happened. All that logic... you agree with it, and next thing you know, you're doing three times more research and digging up old precedents and finding obscure laws all to counter her possible arguments to your proposal which you just realized coincides with something she needs for her research, too.”

“Always plan two or three moves in advance,” Kent's father said, smiling at his wife. She smiled serenely in response.

“Hmm. Things make so much more sense now,” Ikkyu observed, and Kent frowned at him, not sure what to make of that implication. “You are so their kid. And don't frown like that. How many times have I lost at Go to you?”

“I believe it is every time so far.”

Ikkyu was the one to frown then. “I'm sure I beat you before. And not just once.”

“Only if you count the game that was lost when you panicked when Sawa went into labor and the board was scattered.”

Ikkyu shook his head. “There were others, and that one does not count. We considered it a draw because we couldn't remember where the pieces were. We also had to count a couple of the ones we were doing online as draws, too, since we lost connection and the moves weren't recorded.”

“That is true.”

Toma shook his head. “And here I thought you were good at any game.”

“Any game using my hands,” Ikkyu corrected, grinning at Sawa in an obscene way. She rolled her eyes. “Go is a lot more complicated than that, and Ken's gift for strategy is brutal, actually. You were just talking about his mom? That's so how Ken operates at Go. And other things.”

“I think I can see that,” Kokoa said. “Kent puts so much thought into everything.”

Kent blinked. “I... I suppose I am somewhat prone to being analytical about most matters.”

She nodded. “That's true, but I couldn't help thinking of your lesson plan and how detailed it was. I have just enough notes to get me through class, but yours are so thorough... I felt rather bad about mine. I suppose I was rather lazy with them. I thought it was good to cover the basic concept and fill in the rest in class as I teach, but I kind of wish I'd done as much as you have.”

Kent frowned, unable to recall when he would ever have shown her his lesson plans. “I find it easier when I've prepared the topic in advance.”

“Though by now you must have seen some improvement in your public speaking ability,” his father said. “You do it nearly every day, and the repetition alone should have made for some progress, yes? You even gave a guest lecture, so you must have seen some results.”

Kent grimaced. He still hated speaking in public, and if he was honest about it, teaching was more like torture for him, but he needed an income to stabilize his family's financial situation after the loss of his father's income and half of his mother's. They had incurred several expenses while his parents were ill, and that meant debt that someone had to repay. He hadn't been able to find a position in research that would allow him the time to take care of his parents' other needs, and while Ikkyu had suggested joining him in accounting, Kent had thought teaching would be a better use of his skills, much closer to research in many ways, even if it had one obvious downside.

“My students loved him,” Kokoa said, smiling happily at him. “Most of them said they hadn't heard anyone talk about math like he did, and at least one of them told me he was the only math teacher they'd ever heard that was worth listening to.”

Kent shook his head. “I still think those surveys of yours were inaccurate.”

“Because at least one of my students wanted private lessons?”

Kent choked. “You said that was about them wanting to... That is... Yes, their motives make that request unsettling.”

“Motive?” His mother asked, reaching for her water.

“Corrupting young minds. I never thought you had it in you.” Ikkyu grinned, and Kent glared at him. Were they seated closer together, he'd have kicked him under the table. The other man just kept on smiling. “Ken here is embarrassed because the college ladies find him attractive.”

“Naturally,” his father said. “Kent is the product of good genes, after all.”

“It's not just that, though. Kent's personality is appealing, more so than the way he looks—which is not to say he doesn't have that, too, but—he's kind and smart and so passionate about his favorite subject. He has a sense of humor and a flair for dramatics and is a truly good friend.”

Kent could only stare at Kokoa. Again, she had no idea what she was saying. Her words now almost made her impulsive utterance from earlier seem... genuine. That was a dangerous thought to entertain. Kent did not look at Toma, though the man's presence here should be all the reminder he needed not to allow those thoughts any sort of ground.

“Perhaps we should speak of your legal issue now. That is why you came.”

* * *

“Oh.”

Kokoa's voice got soft, and Toma hated the part of himself that still wanted to jump in and protect her from Kent. His words weren't offensive, almost innocent, but the cold way he'd said them combined with Kokoa's reaction made Kent seem like a bully. She'd shrank down a little in her chair, looking very much like she'd like to disappear completely.

“It's better if you know your options.” Sawa set down her glass, more sympathetic than Toma would have expected. He'd only known her during his time at Meido No Hitsuji, and that was at the height of the boy crazy phase she shared with Mine. That tendency didn't do her any favors, since she seemed pretty air-headed a lot of the time. Waka was always pointing out her mistakes, and she'd bombed Kent's math class. She didn't seem responsible enough to be a good friend. And now she was a mother. That was a strange thought.

Ikki being a dad was still stranger, though.

“I know. I just...” Kokoa glanced toward Toma and lowered her head again. “I was stupid, and I was wrong... I...”

“Don't go blaming yourself again. You didn't ask for him to do this. You went into the agreement in good faith, even if he didn't,” Ikki said, and Toma frowned. Wait. Had Kokoa actually married this guy? That wasn't possible, was it? She'd said she couldn't get married if it wasn't love. That was what she'd told Toma.

“I know, but... I should never have agreed to the arranged marriage. I thought... Well, I thought it was the only way, and my parents really wanted it because I was still single and not likely to get married with all my other relationships failing like they did.”

Toma looked at her. “You're definitely the last person I would have thought would agree to that.”

She sighed. “I thought it was better not to hurt anyone else. I thought... that was how I could do it. I... I can't... I never felt enough before, and I thought I couldn't... I just... don't you expect arranged marriages to be loveless?”

“Not if the right genetics are in play. That could well mean a good match,” Kent's father said. Toma frowned. Was that really how he and Ayeka got together? Then... shouldn't they have pushed that idea on Kent?

“Except arranged marriages are based on social status or money concerns, not genetics,” Kent said. “It's not likely that genetics are any kind of factor in the selection, for all they claim that it's about 'good breeding.' More accurately, that would be inbreeding since the repeated selection from that limited group of 'good breeding' prospects would inevitably end in a closed gene pool and repetition of—”

“Whoa, Ken. Hell of a tangent there, buddy.”

Kokoa looked at Kent. “I'd much rather you continue than talk more about my... problems.”

“Yet that is the reason you're here. You need advice on what you can do, if anything, to stop your parents from adopting your ex-husband as a _mukoyoshi.”_

“You're divorced?”

She nodded. “I... He... He wasn't satisfied with an arranged marriage and demanded that I be his wife in all sense of the word.”

Toma frowned, but judging from the looks on the others' faces—everyone except Kent's parents who were somewhat neutral about it—that was even worse than it sounded. “Did he hurt you?”

“No.”

“Yes,” both Sawa and Ikki said at the same time. Kokoa flinched. Ikki patted his wife's back as he explained further.

“He'd grabbed her wrists hard enough to leave marks. Handprints. She showed up at our house with them and hid for a while until the divorce cleared. He was still harassing her by phone until she changed her number, and she didn't even go outside to talk to the police.”

“I do not understand,” Kent's dad said. “How can your parents wish to adopt this man? He poses a threat to all of you.”

“I don't... I didn't tell them every detail, and he's apparently been in contact with them more than I have. He's got them believing I'm overreacting and... even when I did pass along one of his threatening voicemails earlier, they... they said I was making it up out of desperation and he'd warned them I would do that. They believe him. And I don't know what to because if he does get my parents' business, he will ruin it because of me. He... he somehow got my number again and sent another threat.”

“They gave him her number,” Kent corrected. “It would seem they are completely fooled by this man, but he cannot be allowed to become part of their family.”

Toma nodded. He agreed. Even if he was still angry with Kokoa, he knew that couldn't happen. This guy would use her family to hurt her. He already was.

“Blocking a _mukoyoshi_ adoption won't be simple. You're the daughter, not the one doing the adoption, not the birth parent of a child being adopted.”

“All this is true,” Ayeka agreed. “You may not have grounds to block it by any legal means, even if you are divorced and he has shown signs of abuse.”

Kokoa winced. “There's really nothing I can do?”

Toma didn't have an easy solution for her. “If they're dead set on having a son, you could always get married again to someone who is willing to be the _mukoyoshi.”_

“That's not really an option, Toma,” Ikki said. “This guy becoming legally family gives him too much power. He can keep harassing her as long as he wants and—oh, hell. If they gave him your number, did they give him your address, too?”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokoa needs a safe place to stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up having to take a break to finish up Nano in time which I did do, just barely. I also was depressed, played two new visual novels, need more fix-it fics, and even replayed Kent's route.
> 
> I miss Orion, and I'm tempted to do a different AU where he has a big part again, or maybe just another detective story.
> 
> Or something.
> 
> Still, I managed an update, and I hope it's okay.

* * *

Kokoa went white, and she shook a little. Her eyes brightened, and she forced them shut, shaking her head as she did. Sawa's heart broke for her, not wanting her friend to be so scared. 

Kokoa didn't deserve this. She might have mixed up ideas about love—who hadn't had a few along the way? Mine had, and it took her two divorces before she finally realized what love truly was, not just someone's appearance. Sawa had been wrong about love as well, and if she was mistaken about it, then Ikki was a giant mess when it came to love, the way he'd only dated for three months and thought that he could never find true love. She knew that Ikki was the last person anyone would expect her to be dating now, but they were married and happy with their kids.

“I think it may be prudent to assume that is the case,” Kent said, and Sawa saw Kokoa flinch. “I do not want to add to your problems, but it would be unwise to think he is also ignorant of your job and your home address.”

“I agree,” Kent's father said. “You should act as though he is aware of that information and take proper precautions.”

“You should also make preparations for filing a restraining order, though it will not be easy to get,” Kent's mother advised. “Has he threatened to kill you?”

“Mother—”

“The police will want proof of how far these actions have gone if they're going to take it to court. She will have to be prepared for a long and unpleasant battle.”

“It's true,” Toma agreed. “There's still a lot of criticism going around for the stalking laws. And if your previous visit to the police wasn't enough to convince them to act, then you may have an even harder time now. That and... the law has a few problems. He has to be warned, twice, before he can be arrested.”

“Are you kidding?” Sawa asked. “Who came up with that nonsense?”

“Sexist bastards,” Ikki answered. “And yeah, I know stalking isn't just a crime against women, but if you think about it, it's probably a big part of it. I mean... the other part of Kokoa's problem goes back to the same thing. A daughter's not enough. They have to have a son for the business.”

“I suppose in some sense that may be true. It does seem as though the laws were drafted by someone who does not see this kind of behavior as the threat that it is or that believes that such a thing can be deterred with words alone. Perhaps it is a flawed concept of honor, that one would save face rather than be arrested, but it is far from likely that someone obsessed to such a level would agree to such a thing.”

“Neikan won't,” Kokoa said. “I've tried talking to him, but he wasn't willing to listen, and then he... I left him. I moved and changed my number and my job and... and he's still telling me he's going to get what's his and... I almost want that to be just my family's business, but I don't believe that's true. He... he sees me as his.”

“You're not.”

“It will not be enough to tell him that,” Kent said. “I think it best you do not go anywhere unescorted for the time being. Unless he is arrested, we cannot assume he won't make another attempt to reach you.”

Ikki nodded. “And you probably shouldn't go home tonight.”

“Agreed,” Kent's father said. “She can stay here.”

“What? No, I—”

“Oh, we're not that old-fashioned,” Kent's mother said as she rose, about to gather up dishes before Toma stopped her and took them himself. She sighed, shaking her head. “It does not bother us if you wish to be with Kent. That is only natural.”

“Mother, I told you—”

“It's fine, Kent,” his father said. He stood and wavered for a second like he might fall, and Ikki moved over to help him. He sighed. “Ah, this body... so surprisingly frail.”

Ayeka looked at her husband, worried. “You had better clean up without us, Kent. Your father needs to rest.”

“He's not the only one,” Toma said under his breath as Ikki walked them both towards their bedroom. 

Kent put a hand to his head, wincing. Sawa didn't know what to say to him. Her parents were still doing well, both of them in good health, so she couldn't imagine what it was like to see them so sick and weak.

Kokoa put her hand on Kent's back. “Are you okay? Is there anything we can—”

“Ikkyu has walked them to their room and they will likely be asleep within a few minutes, as fatigued as they are,” Kent said. “I... I should clean up these dishes and put the—oh. There are no leftovers.”

“Don't even say it,” Sawa warned. “It wasn't just the pregnant lady.”

Toma laughed. “Sure it wasn't.”

Sawa glared at him. Kokoa gathered up more of the dishes and followed Kent into the kitchen. Toma took his stack in after them both, and Sawa looked around at the table. Most of the dishes were already clear, so it wasn't like she could help much with that, since knowing Kokoa she'd be volunteering to help Kent wash up the dishes they already had.

Ikki came back into the room. “I suppose we'd better get you home.”

“Oh, please. I am not that tired.”

“Who said anything about sleeping?” Ikki asked with that evil grin of his, and Sawa shook her head, aware of how bad it was to be tempted by it right now.

“Kokoa needs our help. We're not leaving her behind.”

Ikki nodded, sobering up completely at those words. “We have to make a schedule or something so that we can make sure she does have an escort like Kent said and we'll need to see about that other issue, since there's no way that—”

“How long have those two been dating?”

Ikki stiffened. Sawa blinked. “What?”

“You heard me,” Toma said. “Kokoa and Kent. How long has that been a thing?”

Sawa shook her head. Toma must still hate Kokoa a little, and it couldn't have been easy for him to hear that she'd married, but this was too much. She hoped he wasn't jealous. The last thing Kokoa needed was another ex making trouble. “It's not a thing.”

Toma shook his head. “I don't buy it. Even when we were together, she never looked at me like that. And she couldn't stop praising him and just now she was blushing over the damned dishes.”

“That's probably because Kent's parents assumed the same thing you did and she's embarrassed about it. She does think really highly of Kent, has since the cafe and that math class he ran for us, but they're not dating.”

Toma looked at Ikki. “Why aren't you denying it? You know him better than anyone, right? If he was dating, you'd know. She might not tell Sawa, but Kent would tell you, wouldn't he?”

Ikki laughed. “Well, not if he didn't want to be teased, but I'm pretty sure you're just jealous, Toma. Kokoa's a naturally kind person, and that kindness does seem like more than it is sometimes. We've all been there, right?”

Sawa grimaced. “I really don't like thinking about that, Ikki.”

Ikki sighed. “Well, I shouldn't admit to this as it's such a wound to my pride, but she and I never slept together. I know I've told you that before. And since we started dating, there hasn't ever been anyone in my heart or my bed but you. Well, okay, the kids take our bed over and they keep telling us we're getting a dog and that's sure to stake a claim there, but as far as sex goes... why would I look anywhere besides you? Speaking of, do I get to steal you away home for some torrid lovemaking or not?”

She felt her face flame. “Ikki—”

“I know, I know. Let's see about getting Kokoa to a safe place before we get carried away.”

* * *

“I should apologize for my parents,” Kent said after Toma had left the room. He did not want to have this conversation in front of him. The subject was difficult enough with only Kokoa present, and he knew that it was unavoidable, as she was directly involved. “They do seem to have an erroneous idea of our friendship.”

Kokoa almost dropped a plate, and Kent caught it before it hit the sink. She flushed. “I'm sorry.”

“It is only a plate, and we have others should it break.” Kent rinsed it off and set it inside the dishwasher. His parents did not believe in wasting time washing by hand, even if some dishwashers were less efficient at removing food than others. “Do not trouble yourself over it.”

She shook her head. “It wasn't really about the plate.”

“Oh.”

“I mean, I am grateful that everyone's trying to help me, but I didn't expect—well, first I didn't realize Toma would be here, and I'm sure I hurt him even though I tried not to, but just being here did and talking about Neikan made it worse.”

Kent nodded, busying himself with the other dishes. She did the same, rinsing and then passing them to him to load in the dishwasher. It did not take long for them to clean and load the entire stack that had been used for the meal.

And he still had not managed to say it. 

“You... could stay,” Kent began. She looked up at him sharply, eyes wide. He felt himself redden. “I mean only at the house. There is an additional room as my parents relocated from the top floor to the bottom for health reasons and that leaves one unoccupied upstairs. It is partially full of storage from when we rearranged, but it is not so disorganized that it cannot accommodate a futon, though you can have my room if you'd rather avoid the clutter or even the couch. It is not... too uncomfortable a chair even for sleeping. I have been able to do so despite my height, so...”

“Oh,” she said, her cheeks red as well. “Um... I don't... that is very kind, but I don't know that I should with all I've said and asked of you already and your parents and—”

“You said you were afraid to leave Ikkyu's house in the past when your ex-husband threatened you. Yet he would be completely unaware of our acquaintance and not know to look for you here. You would be free to leave for the police station in the morning.” Kent knew the reasons for offering were logical, though even as he said them, he had to wonder if he was not being foolish in doing so. His parents would continue their wrong impression, and his own feelings were so conflicted he could not comprehend them.

“I... I guess I... But it's too much, isn't it? Maybe a different time would be better.”

“I don't know,” Sawa said from the doorway. “I think it's a good idea, don't you, Ikki?”

Ikkyu hesitated. “Well, Ken has some valid points there, that's true. Kokoa's ex has no idea that they even know each other, right?”

“I did hold onto some of the pictures from Meido No Hitsuji, all the group ones, I mean, but I don't think he thought anything of them, especially not when you, Sawa, and Mine were in them. I mean, he did ask me once who the other men were and if I'd ever dated them, but... I sort of lied about it because he was already scary jealous at that point. Like I wasn't allowed to have a past before him. I said they were all just friends, even Shin and Toma who I had dated.”

“And he never asked you why you didn't date them?” Sawa asked. “Wouldn't he have pushed?”

“I told him that Shin and Toma were like brothers to me, Waka, too, even, and Kent... never saw me that way, so he didn't have to worry about that.”

Kent frowned. That was what she'd chosen to say about him? Did she think, then, that he wasn't interested in women? Had she assumed that as some did and—he grimaced, not wanting to think about that. No, he did not.

“I think Kent's right, and you'd be safer here,” Sawa said. “And as long as it's not a burden to you, Kent, if you're willing... she should stay.” 

“That shouldn't be a problem,” Kent said, aware of Ikkyu watching him. “Would you help me move the other futon into the room upstairs for her? I believe I may have to rearrange some boxes.”

“Oh, that is—”

“Not a problem at all,” Ikkyu said. “We won't be a minute. Keep Sawa off her feet for me, okay?”

* * *

“You have something you wish to say.”

Ikki nodded, knowing that was why Ken had created the excuse about the boxes. The room wasn't that cluttered and the space already existed for the futon, so it would only have been a matter of placing it on the floor, no other preparation necessary.

“I just want to be sure you know what you're doing.”

“Honestly, I question my motives, but... I believe the logic behind my suggestion is sound, even if it may not be the only reason I said it,” Ken admitted. “I do not want to complicate matters, and this will be taken as a sign by my parents, but I think about what she said before about not going to the police because of the repercussions she feared, and that leads me to believe she would succumb to them again if she went home with you and Sawa. I thought about suggesting she stay with Toma if he'd have her, but I do not think even if he agreed to it that it would be a good idea.”

Ikki nodded. He didn't doubt that. “As much as he tried not to show it, he's got a lot of pent up resentment over how things ended with them. I can't say I blame him. He was ready to marry her. She said no.”

“Oh.”

“And then to add insult to injury, she agreed to an arranged marriage. We all know why she did, but for Toma, it has to sting like hell to hear that. You just be glad he doesn't know what she asked of you or the fact that she agreed to marry you, too.”

Ken grimaced, and Ikki winced. He hadn't meant for that to come off quite so... coldly.

“I just mean that—”

“It is fine, Ikkyu. I am aware that her feelings are far from committed to me, and I do not expect that to change. I do not even know that I have any feelings to commit to the matter, only that I was quite unsettled by both her request and her sudden agreement to my ill-timed remark. She is staying here for the night to be sure she can make it to the police station in the morning. Beyond that... well, a schedule should be arranged so that she's not alone when she's walking to work or anything like that, and as it would be a risk to place Sawa or Mine in that position, that leaves you and me to do it, but that should be manageable, yes?”

Ikki nodded. He knew it would probably make a lot more sense to let Ken walk Kokoa to and from work since they were going to the same place. “I think we can arrange that.”

“Perhaps tomorrow at lunch. It is already late, and if we take much longer to settle the matter, my parents may rise again when neither of them should be up.”

That was true. Ken's parents needed to rest. “You think she'll let Toma handle court?”

“I don't know. I hope so as she is not up to it, but she is stubborn. It will likely depend on how my father is in the morning.”

Damn it, that was not much better. “Ken, I know that—”

“It is inevitable, and I know that. You need not fret so much. I am managing.”

Ikki shook his head. “No one manages when their parents are dying, okay? That's just absurd. You can't claim that. You're upset. You're angry. You're already grieving, but you're not managing. That's not the right word. You're...”

“Managing seems applicable. I cope with the circumstances as they are. I do my work, I take care of them, and it... it continues, for now.”

“I might have to hug you if you keep talking like that.”

“Please refrain. I would much rather not repeat that experience.”

“Oh, it wasn't that bad.”

“You were drunk and did not let go of me until you woke up and puked on me in the morning. Your hangover was no improvement on the matter, and you never apologized.”

“Yes, I did.”

“You did not.”

“Yes, I did. I know I did, just like I've won at Go.”

“You are quite delusional, Ikkyu.”

Ikki smiled in spite of everything. Somehow that made things better, and he was admittedly less worried about leaving Kokoa here at Ken's. They should both be okay for the night, and tomorrow they'd make other arrangements.

“I'll take Sawa home then. If either of you needs anything, you let us know. Although, try and give us at least an hour. That's hardly enough time, but without the kids...”

“Oh, go and be perverted at your own home already.”

“Good night, Ken.”

“Good riddance, Ikkyu.”

* * *

“Again, if this is not to your liking, you can have my room or perhaps—”

“Oh, I couldn't take your room.” Kokoa shook her head, all too aware of how wrong that would be. She was imposing enough as it was, staying here at all. She knew she shouldn't, not after all she'd put Kent through in the last couple days, and she hadn't even fixed their earlier misunderstanding.

She didn't know how to, actually. Wouldn't he take it the wrong way no matter how she tried? If she said she didn't want to marry him, she'd hurt him, and if she said she didn't, she made a liar out of herself and trapped them both by doing it for the wrong reason. He shouldn't agree to it even if his parents wanted it. He should marry the person he loved.

That wasn't her. 

And she couldn't use him to avoid Neikan or block the adoption, though a part of her wondered if her parents would back off if she did marry again.

She didn't know what to do. Or what to say.

“Kokoa?”

“Oh, sorry. I was just thinking. I...”

“You are allowed to say you don't want to stay here.”

She nodded. She knew that. She knew that she should just accept this room, but as much as it wasn't bad, not cluttered just like Kent had said, she was uncomfortable here. And then something buzzed and she jumped.

“That is likely Ikki or Sawa letting you know they're home and checking to make sure you're resting yourself.”

She nodded, though when she took out her phone, she trembled. She could see the message on the lock screen, and she stared at it. Part of her wanted to drop the phone, part wanted to throw it, part of her wanted to cry, part of her wanted to scream, and another part of her wanted to run. She couldn't make herself do anything.

“What is it?”

Unable to say it, she held her phone out to Kent. He took it and frowned.

“I think that is quite unlikely.”

“He says he's outside right now.”

“If he is manipulating your parents, he should be closer to them, and even if he is not and he is in the city now, the odds of him being outside this house are slim. He has no reason to connect this place to you, does he?”

She shook her head. “Only if he followed me here this morning, but he didn't seem to have my phone number until after I tried to show my parents the threats on my voicemail. I don't think he knew the number before.”

“Then there is a good chance he's not here. I will go verify this.”

“What? You can't—”

“It is unlikely he is even there, and you will not be able to rest after such a message until you confirm that fact. I will go. This is my neighborhood and my home, and he is less likely to threaten me or attempt any kind of harm.”

“But Kent—”

“It's fine. I'm not worried.”

She still followed him down the stairs, not willing to leave him alone right now. She couldn't bear it if anything happened to him because of her. She didn't want him hurt, and Neikan—she didn't know what he might do to someone he thought she was involved with. That scared her.

“Wait here,” Kent said, and she stopped with a frown. “Though the likelihood of him being outside now is quite small, I would think it best that he not see you when I go out. There you are not visible from the outdoors, and you will be safe. It may even serve to convince him that you are not here if he is. So stay where you are.”

“Okay, but be careful, Kent. I really don't want you getting hurt.”

He smiled at her and then opened the door, stepping out into the night. She waited, worried. She'd feel a lot better if she could see Kent, but he was right. If she allowed herself to be seen and Neikan was out there, then she would only cause more problems and maybe that would make him hurt Kent. She wouldn't do that.

She sighed. Was it really only yesterday she'd been so foolish as to tell Kent she wanted to have his baby? What had she done?

She put a hand to her head, trying to think of another way to make it up to him—even as that part of her betrayed her by wishing Kent would have agreed to it, that she could have that. She'd even agreed to marry him for it, and that... she was so ashamed of herself and the way she'd acted. She was an adult. She knew better. This wasn't like being a kid where she could say she wanted to marry someone and play house for a day. She wasn't talking about carrying around a doll as a baby. They were talking about lifetime commitments. She shouldn't have acted like they were anything less.

She might already be divorced, but that didn't mean that marriage meant nothing to her. She hadn't been willing to take that step with Toma or Shin because what she felt wasn't enough. She'd only taken it with Neikan because neither one of them was in love.

And look what a disaster it was.

The door opened, and she jumped. Kent grimaced as he shut it behind him again. “There's no one there. I walked around the house to be sure. If he was here, he is gone now, though as I said before, I doubt he was here.”

She nodded. “Thank you, Kent.”

“Would you like to finish preparing the other room, then?”

“No, I... is it all right if I sit up for a while here on the couch? I... I'm not ready to sleep yet. I'd like to sit up with some tea and think a bit.”

“I don't think obsessing over the situation will aid you any.”

She shook her head. “I don't want to think about Neikan. I know tomorrow we'll do what we can, though there's not much time before that ceremony they want to have and... I know I probably can't stop it. I thought I should try and sort out some of the rest of the mess I made of my life.”

Kent frowned. “What?”

She flushed. “Well... I don't think I can deny how desperate I got, and even as much as I'd convinced myself I'd found the only solution, what I suggested to you was wrong. And then this morning, I tried to apologize but nothing makes up for that, and then I agreed and you probably think that marriage doesn't mean anything to me at all after how impulsive I was and hearing about this thing with Neikan and me being divorced and—”

“I never saw any evidence that you did not value the idea of marriage. If a quick response to a proposal suggests that, then nearly every married couple in the world has at least one member who would be guilty of such a thing, but I do not believe that is the case.”

She nodded. “You're right. I mean, people say it's weird or a sign there's no love when the person being asked hesitates.”

“Yes.” Kent started walking away, and she followed after him again, not sure what to think until they were in the kitchen. He took out what he'd need to make them both a cup of tea, and she winced. She really didn't deserve this.

“You don't have to stay up with me and talk.”

He shook his head. “I do not sleep much, and I think it better to clarify the issue now rather than let a misunderstanding persist.”

She swallowed. “Yes, that's true.”

“You spoke of wanting an arrangement for a child—”

“Again, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have—”

“You have, more than once, refused to allow me to speak my thoughts on the matter, and I believe that if you are so concerned with the disservice you believe you have done to me, then you should allow me to finish.”

She felt embarrassed and stupid all over again. “Oh. Yes. Sorry.”

* * *

Kent sat down with his tea, watching her take the position next to him instead of one of the other chairs. He didn't know what to say to that, but he did not want to make an issue of it, either. He took a sip of the tea and grimaced, aware it should have steeped for longer.

He set the cup down on the table and prepared his thoughts. 

“I understand now that I have to give up the idea of having my own,” Kokoa said. “I don't want to get some random stranger's DNA from a sperm bank, and I can't put a friend in that position. Not like I did to you. I... That's just wrong. So I will adopt when I am in a good position to do so. I'm just... I think with both Sawa and Mine having babies, I was overwhelmed by the sense that I'd never have children and I panicked.”

Kent could see that last part for himself. He doubted she would have asked him about this if she had not felt so pressured. “One of the main problems I found with your argument—that was in some ways rather sound—was the idea that I would be willing to sire a child and have no contact with it or involvement in its development.”

She flinched. “I... That was so insensitive of me. I don't know why I thought you'd be okay with that. You... you're a really nice person, Kent. You... you would be a good father.”

“I have some doubts as to that, as I'm not good with emotional distress and wonder about my ability to relate to a being with an undeveloped prefrontal cortex, however, I am not opposed to making the attempt if the circumstances are right.”

“Yes. You deserve a chance at all of that... marriage and kids... and you do have time. I shouldn't have interfered.”

He shook his head, almost tempted to laugh. “You have not sabotaged any relationship of mine. I am single and have not dated in the true sense of the term since returning from London. Ikkyu has arranged dinner companions for me when we go out as a group, and my parents and their friends have done the same, but I do not consider that dating in the same sense as I had no prior knowledge that they would be there.”

She tried to smile. “I guess there's that.”

“At any rate, if that were to be the main objection which more or less it is, then the situation is not irredeemable by any measure—”

“Wait,” she said. “Are you telling me... you would have a child with me if we... did have the other stuff? The marriage? Oh. I suppose you already did.”

“Actually, in that instance I was trying to make a point about how I could have made an improper demand of you as well seeing as my parents are apparently quite interested in seeing me marry before their health fails and as of yet I know of no prospects for such a thing as none of those forced dinner companions were willing to endure more than one night in my company nor have I found anyone else who I can even talk to.”

“We talk just fine.”

That was the danger, wasn't it? They were able to converse, and her rebuttals, while not always logical, were usually impassioned if nothing else. She had conviction, and it was nice to debate with someone who had a strong position, even if that position was wrong.

She took a deep breath. “I can't deny that it seems at this point almost like... an ideal solution to all the problems—mine and yours. You'd have the wife you need to satisfy your parents, and we'd have the family environment you want for your child—a home with two parents to share the load. I'd be able to have a child of my own, and I'd have a chance of convincing my parents not to adopt another son since I was married and planning on children.”

Kent nodded. “Yes. It does seem to answer those points, however, the main objection you have to such an arrangement still stands—you do not feel romantic love, and you do not feel it for me. You want your child to have a home full of love. And I have to admit—I would not be willing to sacrifice my own legacy to gain your parents' approval. My father was a mathematician before me, as was his father before him, and that tradition has meaning in the field of research, which I do intend to return to when I can. I cannot let go of that.”

“Honestly, Kent, I don't think anyone should, and I don't even want—” She stopped, gathering herself for a moment. “Is it horrible that I think I hate them? I don't want their approval. I just want to stop him from having any power over me. He'd destroy my parents to spite me, and if it was just them, I almost feel like... like I'd let him do it, but I know he won't stop with them. I'm terrible.”

Kent wanted to touch her, for some reason compelled to offer physical comfort. “You're hurting, so you are reacting with that same anger and pain. What they've done to you is not a small wound despite it being emotional in nature. They have made it clear that your gender makes you valueless to them. They're seem to care nothing for your well-being in either an emotional or a physical sense, as he threatened you with harm and they are ignoring that. You are upset, and I see no reason why you would not be under the circumstances. That does not make you horrible.”

She shuddered and leaned against him, and he moved his arm around her, holding on as she trembled. “I'm sorry. I can't seem to... I'm such a mess...”

“You have made attempts to understand your feelings and alter your behavior. That is commendable.”

She laughed. “Oh. No. That's not... I shouldn't... I'm sorry.”

“I think you should rest. You will feel better tomorrow after you've taken some steps to deal with the situation. Having committed a plan to action generally creates a reduction in stress—at least in one sense. It may increase it in another.”

“Kent?”

“Yes?”

“Would you be willing to... just talk? It doesn't matter about what. Your voice is... I feel calmer already and I don't want you to stop talking. All those tangents from earlier... I didn't want you to stop. Just let me hear your voice.”

“I... I do not know what to say to that.”

“Oh. Um... anything. Tell me about London. Or... math. Anything. Or... what was the theory about alien abduction again?”

He almost laughed at that last suggestion. “Well, assuming the existence of intelligent life elsewhere in the universe and their possession of technology capable of making faster than light travel possible as well as some reason why they would be interested in acquiring humans for experimentation or perhaps just study and their ability to acquire specimens without anyone noticing, it would not be impossible for you to have been abducted by aliens. You were unconscious for four days with no visible sign of injury and yet no recollection of where you had been, so if they had advanced technology as suggested by their faster than light travel and possible teleportation device—though to be honest that whole Star Trek transporter idea is quite far-fetched and was done for budget concerns—you could have been taken, experimented on, and healed before your return without anyone knowing you were gone as well as erasing your memory in the process. This all deals with a great deal of science fiction in that some of this is theory and not at all proven and... Kokoa?”

She didn't answer, having fallen asleep somewhere in the middle of his speech. He grimaced, trying to slip out from under her, certain she didn't actually want to sleep on him, but she caught hold of him and snuggled in closer, apparently intent on using him as her pillow.

He sighed and settled in for a long night.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They wake and prepare to visit the police.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I did end up giving Kent's father a name. I think I found one that meant "wisdom" or "intellect" if the site wasn't lying, and that seemed to fit. Kent's mom has one with a similar meaning, though I didn't note down what it was supposed to be. And I almost gave them the family name from Kent's voice actor, but then I saw a list of surnames and meanings and it said the one was a husband and wife team who wrote textbooks, and really, is there something more fitting for Kent's parents than that? I can't think of anything.

* * *

Daichi leaned down to touch his son's shoulder, and Kent stirred, looking up at him with a frown. He seemed slightly confused as to where he was and what was happening, though that reaction was far from unfamiliar to Daichi. He knew his son well, and when Kent was preoccupied or asleep, it did take him some time to come back to the present. They were quite alike in that manner—in many ways, Ayeka liked to say—and Daichi had always found that pleasing.

Though their son had come to them later in their lives, he had been everything they wanted in an offspring and heir, even if he was at times stubborn. They would not have been displeased to have more children, but Kent had proved all that was necessary.

“Father?”

“Shh. You'll wake her,” Daichi said, and Kent looked down at the woman sleeping on his chest. He sighed, closing his eyes again. “Your mother is still sleeping.”

“You should be as well.”

“Ah, but I am old, and as is consistent with age, my bladder behaves as though it is smaller than it used to be,” Daichi said. “I was forced to rise, as I often am at this hour. You know this.”

Kent nodded. “That is true.”

“You should take her to the police this morning as discussed last night. She seems about Ayeka's size and could likely fit some of her clothes. You did the laundry recently, so you will not have to wake your mother to get any.”

“Also true.” Kent reached up to rub the back of his neck, having slept in a rather improper position for good rest, causing more pressure on his spine than he should have. “You should go back to bed.”

“I will soon enough. My body feels much better than yesterday. I wish to take advantage of it while I can.”

Kent winced. “Father—”

“I would like to finish my experiments if I can.” Daichi was not fooled by his condition or ignoring its inevitable outcome. He was aware of that, and he accepted it as much as anyone could. This was what came naturally as a person aged and their body deteriorated. He would die, they all did, and that was what was happening here. He knew that, and he had done his best to come to terms with it.

Ayeka and Kent had not, and every time they faltered in that regard, he found his own acceptance shaken, but Daichi would continue on. He had his experiments to finish, and he would like to see other events happen as well, but he contented himself with his work instead.

He glanced towards Kent's friend again. He knew a dress of Ayeka's that she no longer wore but would likely flatter the younger woman in such a way that even his very stubborn son would notice. “Stay here a bit longer. I can get her clothes for you. The coffee is already started.”

“You're not supposed to have coffee.”

Daichi smiled. “I know. It's for you. A father can do some things for his son, even if they are small.”

Kent winced, lowering his head. Daichi gave his shoulder another pat before moving off, intent on finding the right dress for Kent's friend.

* * *

Kokoa shifted, bumping something and startling herself into being fully awake. She lifted her head and saw Kent, her face flaming red as she did. Oh, no. She'd fallen asleep on him last night. She hadn't meant to, just thought that talking would help her relax a little before she tried to sleep, but Kent's voice had been so soothing that she barely remembered a thing after he started talking.

“I'm sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for?” Kent asked, frowning. “I cannot think of anything you have done in the last few minutes that would warrant that.”

“I fell asleep on you.”

“Oh. That. It is of no matter.”

She sat back and stared at him. How could Kent say that? He hadn't been asleep when she dozed off, had she? So he'd gotten stuck under her all night, and that couldn't have been comfortable. Look at him rubbing his neck now. No, that was wrong.

“My father made coffee and he said he would find some of my mother's clothes for you to borrow so that we could go directly to the police station.”

“Oh, that's too much. I couldn't possibly—”

“Here we are,” Kent's father said, coming into the room. “I remembered Ayeka had put together a box of things she no longer wears and meant to donate to a charity but keeps forgetting about. Not that you are a charity, of course, but you have need at present, so it only makes sense you have it. This should fit you, and you need not worry it will be horribly out of fashion if that concerns you. Ayeka dressed with taste for court.”

“Thank you,” Kokoa said, taking the dress he offered her. Classic black, the color should be fine for what she was about to do, and she didn't think she was all that different from Kent's mother in size, his father was right about that, though it was still awkward to have him give this to her.

“I will go change as well,” Kent said, rising. He ran a hand through his hair, and it all fell forward in every direction just like it had when he was in graduate school. She couldn't help smiling as she saw that. He looked younger and less burdened for a moment. “What?”

“Just... nostalgia, I guess. Your hair. It's how you used to wear it.”

Kent reddened. “Oh. I... I suppose I haven't done anything with it. Excuse me.”

He left the room in a bit of a hurry, and she sighed as she watched him go. She hadn't meant anything bad by that. She'd liked seeing him like that. His professor look suited him, too, but she liked him both ways.

“He's a bit stubborn, but he's worth it,” Kent's father said, smiling at her. “You should change, though, or you will both be late for work, and neither of you wants that.”

“Oh, no. Of course not.”

“You can use the bedroom upstairs if you prefer, but if not, you can always make use of the bathroom down here. If you need anything else, you should ask Kent. I'm afraid I will have to lie down again, but as Ayeka's still sleeping, that will not be too unpleasant.”

Kokoa nodded, though his words worried her. Was he that tired from finding her this dress? And making coffee? That was... not much at all, though she supposed she didn't know how much he'd had to search for the dress.

She went to the bathroom and shut the door behind her. She took her dress off and pulled the new one on over her head, tugging it down and smoothing it out. She saw a few wrinkles here and there, but mostly it was nice. The cut was simple, just what she'd have expected of Kent's mom other than how low the neckline went.

Looking down, she thought her chest seemed huge, much larger than normal, though that was a crazy thought as it wasn't like she'd gotten bigger overnight. This dress just really emphasized that part in a way most of hers didn't. She bit her lip. Would this really be okay for going to the police?

She could always close her jacket over it, she supposed. She used the comb from her purse to fix her hair as best she could and then gathered her things. She would have liked to go home, but she knew they might miss their first classes as it was.

She walked into the kitchen to find Kent was already there, pouring himself a cup of coffee. He'd changed quickly, but then this was his house and he had everything here. He wasn't standing there obsessing over whether or not his outfit was appropriate. He looked fine, with that dark green dress shirt and black pants, and he'd even been able to slick back part of his hair.

How long had she stared at herself in the mirror, anyway?

“Your father went to lie down again.”

“I know. I checked after I came back downstairs.”

“Oh. You're fast.”

“I've learned the most efficient ways to prepare myself in the morning and employ them. There is no reason to linger over appearances so long as the clothes are clean and buttoned properly, and my wardrobe varies little so it is simple enough to choose from in a hurry if need be, and as sometimes there are crises in the morning to deal with, I prefer to set out two or three days worth of outfits in advance whenever I have extra time.”

She couldn't help her giggles. “That's so... you.”

Kent sighed, filling up a second cup of coffee. “I fail to see why that is so amusing, but here. Have some before we leave. There's no time for a proper breakfast, I'm afraid.”

He turned to pass the cup to her and stopped, staring at her. She frowned. “Kent? Are you okay?”

“What? Oh, yes. Here. Coffee.”

She took the cup, and he busied himself with his own, not looking at her.

“Kent?”

“That cannot possibly be my mother's dress. I don't know where he found it, but I've never known her to wear anything like that.”

Kokoa winced. “Is is that inappropriate? I thought if I put my coat on that it wouldn't be that bad, but if it looks horrible, I don't—”

“It looks good. Too good. One can barely keep from seeing the flattery it does to your figure and certain parts of your anatomy and—kindly forget I just said that.” Kent set down his cup and walked toward the door, not looking at her once as he did.

She flushed, feeling warm. So... Kent liked the way it looked? She was glad, though maybe she shouldn't be.

“We're going to be late.”

“Right. I'm coming.”

* * *

_How's she doing?_

Kent looked over at where Kokoa sat with the detectives, uncertain if he should be with her now or not. He had walked her here, of course, but after their arrival, he had not gone further in with her, allowing her to speak to the detectives alone if she so chose, and she had.

He did not doubt that she had private matters it would be difficult enough to speak about to the police. She had said as much before, though how far her ex-husband had gone in demanding his dues from his wife was something Kent did not know or actually want to know. He should not know those things.

_She seems calm enough._

_Seems? Aren't you with her right now?_

_I let her speak to the detectives on her own. I think you can agree that I should not have all of that information even if I am acting as her escort._

Ikkyu was silent for a moment, which was a relief as Kent did not want to discuss this matter with him. He would like to leave now. He'd had to cancel his first class and done the same for Kokoa when the interview stretched on longer than they'd hoped, but if it took much longer, he'd have to go ahead and cancel the second one as well.

He'd missed far too much of class already. This could not continue or he would lose his job, which he could not afford right now. He knew of no others that would allow him the flexibility to care for his parents, and he was aware of how badly the debt from their hospitalizations had accumulated.

_Okay, I agree you don't need all the details and you're already probably more involved than you should be, but the last time she did this, they didn't take her seriously. Or she backed down. I'm not sure what it was, but that can't happen again. This guy isn't going to quit. He's already shown that. We have to make sure she gets everything she can from the police._

Kent knew that, but if it did not come from her, would it actually do any good?

His phone buzzed again, and he looked down at it. This one was from his mother. _If you have not yet left the police, tell them she wants to file harassment charges. Forget stalking. That won't save her in time, but she has a case for harassment._

Kent grimaced. _You're supposed to be resting._

_I am resting. Your father is reading to me in bed._

_What?_

_Don't forget to pick up the prescriptions today. I assume you had your father's filled as well._

Kent put his phone back in his pocket. He did need to go by the pharmacy later. Perhaps if Ikkyu walked Kokoa home, he could do it then. He glanced back toward her, seeing her rising from her conference with the detectives. That did not look promising.

He crossed over to join her before she could leave them. “Kokoa, my mother advises you to file harassment charges against him.”

“Oh. Um...”

“She doesn't have grounds for that.”

“My mother believes she does, and I am inclined to believe my mother over you,” Kent said, “as she is quite accomplished as an attorney.”

The detective shook his head. “We don't have enough evidence for that. Most of the voice mails are months old and these new texts could be from anyone.”

Kokoa put her hand on Kent's arm. “We've already discussed it, Kent. If we could prove he was behind the texts, it would be different, but we can't. I don't know that we told your mother that last night, and Toma was operating under the same misunderstanding—that we could prove it which we can't.”

Kent frowned. “This is absurd. The only reason he stopped harassing you before is because you changed your number. Now that he has it again, he's back at it, and if there are no charges against him, he will continue to do so. I am almost tempted to consult my mother now despite the fact that she should be resting and confirm that there is still a case—”

“We've told you there isn't.”

Kent regarded him coolly. “I find that difficult to believe, and I will be consulting with my mother on the matter. I see you find that amusing, but I would advise you not to. I have been told that the name Ayeka Mizutani strikes fear into the name of many attorneys, and I would assume that would be the same for anyone hired to defend you against charges of negligence. Come, Kokoa. We are already late.”

She nodded, rushing after him as he turned to leave.

* * *

Kokoa tried to find words to say to Kent as they walked toward the university, but she didn't have them. She wasn't sure what to say. She wanted to thank him, but at the same time, she didn't. They hadn't actually been able to do anything, and having to imply that they'd sue didn't make her feel any better about the situation. She didn't want the police to take her case seriously only because they were afraid of the repercussions for themselves if they didn't. She wanted them to pursue it because there was an actual case. 

She understood why Kent was upset, though. She wasn't sure she felt like the detectives had even tried when it came to her case. Before they'd said she had no proof because the bruises had faded, but she wasn't trying to have Neikan arrested for abuse. She wanted to stop him from calling and harassing her. No, he hadn't left any new voicemails, but she knew he would. He wouldn't just text her.

And she was afraid he had been outside her home last night, and that scared her.

“It is cowardice. Or laziness. This is unacceptable.”

“Kent?”

“I find them completely reprehensible. How can they fail to act under these circumstances? I am a logical person, a researcher, and I know the value of a proven theory, a hypothesis with sound basis, and I see it here. How is it I see it and they do not? These things are not a coincidence.”

She sighed. “No, but what you see as a logical conclusion is something they see as unproven, so they can't act.”

Kent muttered something under his breath, and she frowned, wondering if he'd said what she thought he'd just said. That wasn't like him. She wasn't sure she'd ever heard Kent swear in all the time she'd known him.

“I knew,” she said, and Kent looked at her with another frown. “I knew it was going to end up like this. It did last time, when I couldn't prove he'd hurt me, and I knew the texts weren't enough, but I tried, and that's what matters, isn't it? Trying? It's better than having done nothing at all.”

Kent shook his head. “It is, but it isn't. For ignore something like this, to act as though it was nothing... It's not enough that you went to them if they will not act. That does not make you safe.”

She hesitated for a moment and then took Kent's hand in hers. “You do, Kent.”

He stared at her hand and then lifted his eyes to her face. “What?”

“I feel safe with you,” she told him, completely honest about that. He did make her feel safe even if Neikan could be out there somewhere right now, and even if he was going to get his way and her parents' company. Kent was here, and that was enough to keep her calm despite her fear.

Kent reddened. “I would hardly consider myself sufficient protection, and I won't be with you all the time, that's not even possible, but... I... I am pleased you think so.”

She smiled back at him, so glad that he was here and back in her life, even if she shouldn't be because he wouldn't be if his parents weren't sick. She didn't want anything to happen to them, they were good, kind people, and she felt bad for being happy he was here knowing why he was.

“Oh,” Kokoa said. “We've reached the campus.”

“Yes.”

Kent didn't pull away from her, walking toward her classroom as opposed to her own. She frowned but kept pace with him, not wanting to let go before she had to. She wanted to hold onto that sense of safety until she got to her class. She knew she'd have a hard time focusing as it was. She might need to change her lesson plan again.

“Neither of us brought lunch.”

Kent stopped short of her classroom to look at her. “What?”

“I didn't go home, and you didn't grab anything from your house. We didn't stop at the store on the way here, either. So neither of us has lunch.”

“That is true. I likely will not eat. It is no matter.”

“Oh. Well. There are cafes around the campus. I'll just go to one of them.”

He frowned. “Alone? That is unwise.”

“I... Yes, but I wouldn't force you to eat with me if you didn't want to.”

He shook his head. “No, it is best to eat at regular intervals, and I did not have any breakfast. I had also told Ikkyu we would discuss a schedule for making sure you had an escort at lunch. There is no reason you should not be present for that. We can have him meet us at the cafe.”

She smiled. Kent was so kind. Ikki, too. “Thank you. I'll see you at lunch, then.”

* * *

Kent gathered his things and crossed the campus again. He was already tired, and his neck hurt from the way he'd fallen asleep last night. He should have done more to move Kokoa off him, but by the time he thought she'd relaxed enough to attempt that again, he'd dozed off himself. His neck was a casualty of that, but it would pass. He was more concerned with what she should do going forward. If her house was as compromised as they feared and the police would do nothing, she could not stay there.

He heard voices as he got close to the classroom and frowned. He'd let his own students out on time. He remembered that much, but it sounded almost as though her room was still full.

“No, really, we will have to continue this discussion tomorrow,” Kokoa called out. “You're missing your lunch, and so am I. Go on now.”

“But if that researcher was right—”

“Tomorrow,” she repeated, and he heard her come close to the door to open it. She stopped when she saw him standing there. For his part, he frowned. Hadn't she said she was going to keep her coat over that dress? Why was it off?

Why did he have to notice how much that cut flattered her?

“Oh. Hello.” She was a bit red, not seeming aware of the students moving past her as they left the room. “I'm sorry. We ran over. We were discussing a theory.”

“Naturally. Why do you seem even redder now than you did before?”

“Hey,” the student he'd seen before said, and he looked at her, causing her to shrink back a little. “Are you the same Mizutani who did all that research on plants?”

“No, Suki, he's her boyfriend,” another girl said, sighing as she did. “She's so lucky. No wonder she wore that dress for him. He's totally hot.”

Suki winced, dragging her friend away as Kokoa grimaced.

He chose to overlook the girl's foolish comments and focus on the part that was less exaggerated and embarrassing for both of them. “I see. You used my research as an example of this theory?”

She shook her head. “As a counter. It's a really widely accepted theory, but if you look at through the eyes of the experiment that you did, it starts falling apart.”

“It does?”

She nodded. “Let me grab my coat, and I'll tell you about it on the way to the cafe. Though I swear, Kent, you just about ruined being a psychology major for me. All that logical reasoning. I kept finding myself looking at things that way and poking holes in a lot of what I thought I understood before.”

“Oh.”

She pulled the coat on over her shoulders and pushed her hair out of the way. “It's not a bad thing. It made me a more rounded student, I think. I wasn't just accepting what anyone told me but doing the research and everything myself. I looked at it from both sides, not just one, and it made things clearer. I really value what you showed me.”

Kent nodded. “I suppose I could say the same. I did learn to value more... emotional arguments and factor them into certain responses after my time with you.”

“Oh. I'm glad,” she said, locking the classroom up behind her. “Did you already tell Ikki where to meet us?”

“No. I wasn't certain where we would be.”

“In that case, I have a different one I'd like to go to today if you don't mind eating at a sidewalk cafe. I know they're not always the most comfortable, but I like to get outdoors when I can and with Neikan out there... I'll be cooped up inside a lot, so...”

“Then it seems a reasonable choice. Let's go.”

* * *

She set her menu down, not sure she really cared what she was about to eat. She didn't feel hungry so much as energized. Discussing that theory with Kent on the way over had been lively, just like it was back when they first started working at Meido No Hitsuji together and arguing a lot. She had actually missed that. She hadn't realized just how much.

“I think I understand your popularity as a teacher,” Kent said and then took a sip of his coffee. She smiled. “Your ability to present both a logical and an emotional approach to understanding is rather...”

“Unique?”

“Not necessarily. I'm certain others use it, though I have heard complaints that too many professors make you memorize facts without enough explanation as to why you use them. One of my students even thanked me for telling them why the math principle we were discussing that day had practical applications and was not just a formula they were memorizing for a test.”

“See? You're a better teacher than you think.”

Kent shook his head. “He is a rather odd child. It is more than the _kirakira_ name he appears to have. Not just that strange hood he wears that looks either like he has giant ears or horns. I'm not entirely certain what his intention is, but it's decidedly odd.”

She shook her head. “You don't have to dismiss every bit of praise you hear, you know.”

“I do not.”

“You do, though. It's like you can't believe anyone could like you as you are,” she said, leaning forward to make her point. “We do, though. You're a much better person—and teacher—than you think you are.”

He tried to smile back, but he was clearly uncomfortable with the subject. She thought about taking his hand to make her point. “Ikkyu is late.”

She almost didn't want him to come. Talking like this with Kent was nice. “Is it a problem if you have to walk me home?”

He shook his head. “No, though I will need to stop at the pharmacy. I should do that now. She hasn't texted me in hours. That's not like her when she's stuck at home, though perhaps he is distracting her this time. Only he should be resting...”

“I'm sorry.”

He frowned. “For what? You didn't do anything wrong.”

“No, but this is hard for you, and you have all these other problems. You don't need mine, too. I wish I could help, but I don't know of anything I can do. I just make it worse.”

“That is untrue.”

She shook her head. She knew he was being too kind. She had made it worse, even if only because his parents now assumed they were dating. “I did, but you're still forgiving me when I don't deserve it.”

Kent set down his cup and leaned forward to speak. They were a bit close now, but for some reason, she didn't mind at all. “I don't think there's anything that needs to be forgiven and as for what you deserve—oh. Um...”

“What?”

“Your coat came open.”

She frowned, but before she could ask about that, she heard a voice that chilled her deeper than that strange August when summer became winter.

“Get away from my wife.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They confront her ex, and a few other complications arise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was difficult to finish. I thought I knew what I was doing. Turns out, I didn't.
> 
> And it doesn't help I was caught up in another AU featuring Kent (I blame the pictures from Amnesia World where all the boys are princes.)

* * *

“I'm not your wife,” Kokoa said, shaking her head and hoping she sounded calmer than she felt. She didn't want to let him know how badly he scared her. “We're divorced, Neikan. Accept that and leave me alone.”

He didn't even look at her. She knew that shouldn't surprise her. He hadn't ever really cared what she wanted or what she felt. She had learned early into their marriage that he only heard what he wanted to hear, but she hadn't thought it would end up like this even then. She should have seen it, but she hadn't. He'd seemed like a much better man than this, just distracted or something.

Why hadn't she seen it? She should have. She'd seen Kent distracted, and they had some miscommunication in the past, but he'd also never deliberately shut out her words like Neikan did. Kent's distraction was harmless, sometimes even cute. Neikan... he wasn't even distracted. He refused to hear her on purpose, and nothing about him was cute.

She supposed she couldn't say that people wouldn't find him attractive. Supposedly many women did, but she was not one of them, never had been. She felt nothing for him—nothing but disgust.

Well, and fear.

“You should leave,” Kent said, far calmer than she was. “She has already reported you to the police, and this action only gives her more of a legal case.”

Neikan glared at him. “I've committed no crime. She's my wife. I came to see her. That's completely reasonable.”

She shook her head. “No, it's not. You scared me... even hurt me, I left you, and I told you I never wanted to see you again. I divorced you. I moved, changed my number, reported you to the police. I don't want you in my life. You went behind my back and lied to my parents to get them on your side... You're the unreasonable one, but it won't get you anything. I am not going back to you. And even if they adopt you, if you destroy their company, that won't change. You can't make me do what you want. I won't be intimidated by you. I won't give in. Just go away.”

Neikan didn't even look at her. “I believe I told you to get away from her.”

“That is correct, and yet I have no intention of doing so,” Kent said, and she actually wanted to cry when he did. The relief of knowing he wasn't going anywhere mixed with a fear of Neikan attempting to hurt him had her all over the place, and she didn't know what to do now. “Even were your words true, you have chosen to believe the worst of a conversation that was in no way inappropriate. That is hardly the action of a reasonable man. If us discussing the health of my parents is enough to provoke you into irrational jealousy, I have to wonder how you could ever have a conversation with anyone. Indeed, it suggests that you would not allow her to speak to anyone else were you able to prevent it. Tell me, do you want to lock her away where no one can see her? Is that your intention?”

“I don't have to explain myself to you.”

She sighed. “Just leave. I mean it, Neikan. Go away. If you leave now, I won't call the police and I won't file charges, but if you stay, I will.”

“They won't come. I've done nothing wrong in warning this... this man away from my wife.”

“Again, you are divorced. You have no legal rights in this case, and we have both asked you to leave. She's been more than fair in her request, but you remain. I think you are about to leave us no other recourse, and should you do so, you will regret it.”

“Are you threatening me?”

“I do believe the implied threat came from you first, and no, I am stating a fact, as I believe it can be said with some certainty that you will not like the course you are setting yourself down nor much of what you are about to hear.”

“Kent,” she began, not wanting him to put himself in danger for her sake. Neikan already seemed to blame him for everything, and that wasn't right. “He just needs to leave. No, we can. Let's go.”

“I'm not going anywhere without my wife.”

“I'm not your wife. We're divorced. Get that through your head.”

“She is correct. You are legally divorced, and you have no right to call her your wife. In fact, I believe one could argue that I have more right to that claim as she did agree to marry me yesterday and could be considered my fiancée—therefore my future wife.”

Kokoa felt her face flame. What was Kent doing telling Neikan that? That was a misunderstanding, wasn't it? Hadn't they sorted that all out last night? They weren't getting married at all.

“Furthermore,” Kent rose to his full height, which made Neikan back up a step. Though he was taller than Kokoa, he still only barely came to Kent's shoulder. “She is under my protection, and if you attempt to harm her, you will answer to me.”

Neikan stared at him, mouth open but unable to find any words. As he moved his jaw, trying to speak, Ikki jogged up to them.

“What's going on here?”

“Neikan was just leaving.”

“Uh... I...”

“You need an escort? Because I'll make sure you leave,” Ikki said, glaring at him. “Just say the word.”

Neikan looked at her. “This isn't over.”

* * *

Kokoa shuddered in her seat, and Ikki wanted to reassure her, but doing that in front of this bastard would only let him think he'd won and could get away with doing more. That couldn't happen. They were making sure Neikan left. Now.

Ikki reached for him, but he dodged Ikki's hand. Still glaring at them, Neikan balled his fist before walking away. Kokoa let out a loud sigh, and one glance at her showed she was near tears again. Damn it. That bastard.

“I should have hit him.”

“That would have been excessive and played into his hands. We cannot afford rash actions that he can manipulate into other things. However, that said, I do believe that we made progress today.”

Kokoa's head jerked up. “How can you say that? He didn't listen to a thing I said. Again. And then you... you...”

“I led him in the conversation to where I wanted him, for the most part. It's not conclusive proof, but I believe they will be more willing to listen to you after having heard this recording.”

“Recording?”

Ken held up his phone. “Admittedly, I did not capture the whole conversation, but as he was too irrational to be reasoned with and that much is clear, this should help in securing an actual result from those idiots calling themselves police detectives.”

Kokoa stared at him. “But... you... you said...”

“I didn't say anything untrue,” Kent said. “You are under my protection, such as it is, as well as that of Ikkyu. Did you not understand that?”

“No, but that's not... It's not all you said.” Kokoa seemed even more distressed now than she had been when Neikan standing there.

Ikki frowned. “Ken, you didn't do any threatening of your own, did you?”

He shook his head. “Aside from telling him that he would answer to me, which is both vague and misleading a statement. Rather unlike me, but then it was calculated to allow him to deceive himself into thinking what he would—and while he may have thought it meant I intended to do him physical harm, I was speaking of the legal consequences that we can bring against him.”

“Right.”

She continued to stare at him, but Ken's phone buzzed in his hand. He checked the screen and frowned.

“Ken?”

“It's Toma. I... I have to go. Ikkyu, will you see to it that Kokoa gets back to the campus safely? And... I... please cancel my classes for the rest of the afternoon.”

Ikki winced. “Ken, if this is about your parents—”

“I'll handle it, but please notify my class. I have to go.”

“Kent, we can come with you. I don't—”

“It may not be that serious, but Toma believes that I'll have more success in talking my mother into going to the doctor again than he has, and I haven't gone to the pharmacy yet, either. It's not—I have to go. Kokoa—no, both of you—please stay safe. Ikkyu—”

“I've got it, Ken. You do what you need to do, okay? Let me know what's going on and if there's anything we can do.”

* * *

“I think we should just go. I can't concentrate on my class thinking about Kent's parents.”

Ikki gave her a look, studying her so hard she got uncomfortable. She didn't know why he was staring at her. Was it because she'd said Kent's parents and not mentioned Neikan? She supposed she should have said that, too.

“It would have been too much just trying to concentrate after Neikan,” she admitted, “but Kent's parents are such nice people, and they opened their home to me and his father found me a dress this morning so I didn't have to go home and could go to the police and... Kent's been so kind and... wonderful. He's been wonderful. I had no right to expect him to be half as forgiving as he was, but he has been and so patient with all of my desperation and stupidity and insensitivity... He shouldn't be facing this alone, Ikki. I want to help him. I told him that earlier, before Neikan interrupted us.”

Ikki nodded. “I understand. We all feel the same way about helping Ken as much as we can, but Ken prefers to deal with his parents himself as much as possible. It's a pride thing on all their parts. His parents don't want to need anyone, and he doesn't want people knowing they need someone. And you've heard his dad. Daichi's more or less made peace with dying. Ayeka hasn't accepted it, and Ken has a really hard time with it, too. They're logical people, but that doesn't mean that death is any easier for them. I have a feeling if Ken's dad goes, his mom won't be long after him, and admittedly, that worries me. I don't know what Ken will do if he loses them both. He's independent, don't get me wrong, but he's not that close to many people. Losing them means losing... his world as he knows it.”

She winced. “I really didn't mean to get Kent caught up in all my problems. I had thought... I guess I was too optimistic, thinking Neikan had been stopped by moving and changing my number. And then this... need got the better of me and I... I can't believe I asked Kent for that... only I can because he... he really is a good guy. He'd be perfect if I wasn't... me. If I wasn't damaged in this way that makes me... I don't even know what this is...”

Ikki stopped, putting his hands on her shoulders. “Look, I am not saying Ken doesn't have a lot going on with his parents, but you cannot go blaming yourself for everything in the world. That's how creeps like Neikan get their hooks into people. I have it easier than most when it comes to how you and I ended... I got lucky and found the love of my life. Last person I thought it would be—well, maybe not, I suppose there were other less likely possibilities—but Sawa and I ended up fitting really well. The others like Toma didn't have that, not as much, but that still doesn't mean you're evil or to blame. You tried to make things work. I know that.”

“It wasn't enough. Isn't enough. I...” Kokoa shook her head. “I hurt them. All of them. Even you, though you've moved on.”

“All anyone can do is hope going into a relationship. You're still figuring it out as you go along. I mean, I thought I had it worked out, the three months thing, but that wasn't a solution. It took way too damned long to see that. I tried to protect myself from disappointment by ending it like that, by never getting involved past the physical release, but you know it was never enough. You want love just as much as I did. You know I understand your situation better than most people do.”

She nodded. “Yes.”

He eyed her for a moment. “Someone called you a female Ikki, didn't they?”

She winced. “Well, sort of... He was really mad, and he knew both of us, so... I guess it was easy to say, and that was still before you settled down with Sawa.”

“You were different. You didn't go for just a physical relationship and keep your heart uninvolved. You wanted to care. Not like me. I didn't because the way the relationships ended always hurt when I did care, and I was tired of hurting. It wasn't until Ken left for London that I understood what I was doing. I'd tried burying the loneliness, thought I had it beat, but the my only real friend went to another country. I could call him, send texts, even video chat and play Go, but it wasn't the same as having him nearby. I missed my friend, so I even got worse with women for a bit, but then... Ken being gone reminded me that I didn't want just a warm body and a bit of pleasure. I wanted someone who gave a damn and treated me like a real person. Sawa didn't even like me at the time, but she ended up listening to me, and that started something real, something that lasted, and it made me feel like a fool for not working for that all along, to hell with the eyes and the fan club. I could have found someone who understood me in spite of that, but I'd stopped trying. You kept trying for a lot longer than I did, though when you did stop...”

“I married Neikan and really screwed things up.”

Ikki sighed. “Neikan had a lot of people fooled, so don't think that it was just you. You thought you were doing the right thing for your parents and even yourself since you've got this... problem falling in love, but that doesn't mean you're a bad person.”

“I...”

Ikki nudged her chin up. “Stop feeling so guilty all the time. I know that's easy for me to say, but I'm also saying it as someone who did actually screw a lot of people over—literally, in my case, as I wasn't in love with any of them—and I had a lot to make up for when it was all said and done. If I'd let myself wallow in the guilt—if Sawa had let me do that, I'd still be there today. Instead, between her and Ken I got a pretty good verbal ass kicking that got me to do what I needed to do. You're taking steps, too. Don't forget that. Now, are you up to teaching your class today or not? I would volunteer to do yours for you, but I was going to take on Ken's for him because he's had to miss a lot and the last thing he needs is to be worrying about losing his job, too, with the medical bills.”

She hadn't even thought about how bad those might be. She didn't want Kent to have that pressure, too. Maybe she could even find a way to pay a part of the bills. She'd have to look into that as well. Or a meal. Something small, but he was so busy, so even that was some help to him. She had to find out.

“I can handle my class. Thank you for taking care of Kent's, Ikki.”

Ikki smiled. “Of course. He's my best friend. Why wouldn't I do this for him?”

* * *

“She's asleep now,” Toma said as he opened the door. “They both are.”

Kent nodded, looking a bit haggard, and Toma almost regretted rushing him home, but he hadn't thought he had much of a choice. He didn't know all the details of either Daichi or Ayeka's conditions, though he'd learned a lot more about Ayeka's than he had Daichi's simply by working with her. She'd always been a hard worker who put in a lot of hours, but she'd seemed fine until her husband's heart attack.

Was it just trying to care for Daichi that had pushed her beyond her limits? Or was there more to her illness than simple exhaustion? Had to be, didn't it? Still, no one had ever said what that was. They just let him go on thinking it was only about her overworked.

“I may have called you home for nothing. Maybe she just needs to rest.”

Kent shook his head. “I did think it was strange she'd stopped messaging me. She tends to send a lot of texts when she's bored at home.”

“That doesn't sound like your mother.”

Kent rubbed at the back of his neck. “To be bored when she's not actively working? How does that not sound like her? It is completely like her. It is extremely rare for my mother not to be working. She feels that anything less than the most efficient use of her time is wasteful, even if she does delegate some tasks to others. She is simply aware that getting someone like you to do her research affords her the time to work on other things that should be done by her instead.”

Toma frowned, not really liking that much. “Okay, but if she's all about efficient work loads and getting others to do stuff for her, then...”

“How did she become so ill? Health is not that renewable a resource. Once it has started to decline, it is difficult to restore. Years of long hours will take their toll on anyone, and she is not as young as she used to be. She was not even that young when I was born. Both of my parents were well-established in their chosen careers by the time they met. It was never expressly said, though it may well be that her age was a factor in why I am their only child. At any rate, she has never slowed her workload despite her age, and then when my father had his heart attack, she was still attempting to maintain those hours when he was in the hospital.”

Toma nodded. “That's it, then? She just... wore herself out?”

“Thus far the doctors have found no other cause for her illness, though that is hardly conclusive proof.” Kent shook his head. “She has grown tired of the doctors saying it is just fatigue and has refused further testing, if that is what you're asking.”

Toma wasn't even sure what he was asking. “Well, I came to tell her how the trial went—”

“It's over already?”

“Yep. Seems they heard the opening argument she prepared and folded. Asked for the settlement we'd offered before and that was it.”

“That seems... foolish.”

Toma was a little disappointed himself. “It wasn't what we expected. We put months into preparing for this thing, and having them just give up on day one wasn't part of that plan at all. The fact that they went to trial in the first place... I thought they were more stubborn than that.”

Kent nodded. “That would seem to be true since they were offered a settlement that was reasonable and even might be considered in their favor. That is... No, I am being paranoid. I do not think that would be the case at all.”

“What?”

Kent shook his head. “No, it's foolish.”

“Kent, just tell me. I'm not going to think it's stupid because... well, it's from you, and you're one of the smartest people I know. The others are here, too, but you... Whatever it is, I'd rather know.”

“This case is related to another one, isn't it?”

“Yes. Why?”

“It is perhaps possible that their intention with forcing this trial was only to push my mother's health too far for her to participate on the other case.”

“Damn,” Toma said, but it made sense because Ayeka Mizutani was a name people feared when it came to court cases. She was logical and always presented her cases in a way that few juries or judges could argue with. Her opponents rarely stood a chance because she did cover all angles and possible loopholes. She'd only lost a few times, and most of those cases were surrounded by rumors of corruption on the part of the judges and opposing side.

“It is a paranoid thought, though, and please pay it no mind. I am... rather stressed at present.”

Toma didn't know that he was going to forget it, not when it made sense. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe it was what those bastards really wanted—Ayeka off the case. “How are things with you and Kokoa?”

“If you are asking about her case, the police claimed she lacked evidence of Neikan's guilt and were unwilling to pursue an arrest or even issue a warning. That should change as he showed up at the cafe where we were waiting for Ikkyu and refused to leave unless she went with him. He did leave when Ikkyu arrived, though I believe he will return.”

Toma clenched a fist. How could those idiots do nothing? And what the hell was with this? “You left her alone?”

“I left her with Ikkyu as it appeared there was a need for me to return here.”

“And Ikki was going to stay with her for the rest of the day?”

Kent grimaced. “We had previously discussed having one of the two of us escort her if she was outside, and I believe that he would make sure he was there at the end of the day to see her home, though I did not ask specifically. Your message—”

“No, you're right,” Toma said, recovering himself a little. He couldn't believe he'd done that. Sure, it was hard to put away years of being someone's protector, but he'd tried to leave the role of big brother behind a long time ago. What happened to her now wasn't his business, and he didn't want to be involved. The last time hurt too much—and his own feelings scared him sometimes. “You... You had to come. And she was with Ikki, so she's safe enough.”

“I think it unlikely she would risk leaving on her own even if Ikkyu failed to return to the school, though I will ask him later. If you will excuse me, Toma, I would like to see my parents now.”

* * *

“So, are you single?”

Ikki almost laughed. He should have known it would happen, though he wished it wouldn't all the same. He hadn't taken his glasses off, not once, but his eyes were causing their usual trouble. He was not interested in collecting a new fan club, not after all these years. He'd come such a long way since then, and he didn't want to go back to that at all. The only adoration from young girls he would ever need came from his daughters, and he had Sawa as well to keep him honest.

“I'm very much taken, ladies, and while the interest used to be flattering, it's a bit alarming now. Go on. You'll forget this feeling soon enough.” 

They gave an exaggerated sigh, and Ikki had a feeling there would be trouble soon if he didn't get out of here. He should have made Sawa break for lunch to join them. Things always went better when he had her with him. Even if he got surrounded, he could stay calm because she was with him—though if they hurt her, all bets were off.

“Excuse me,” one of the male students said, pushing past the girls to where Ikki was. They glared at him, but he ignored them. “I had a question for Professor Mizutani.”

“Walk with me, and I'll see if I can answer it,” Ikki told him, not sure what this kid could want but grateful for the intervention anyway. His eyes had been enough of a problem when he attracted girls his age, but to have college kids throwing themselves at him now? He couldn't let that go further than a few dreamy eyes here and there. “I didn't focus on the same kind of math as Ken, but as I said at the beginning of class, we're friends and have probably discussed it before even if it's been a while.”

“It's not actually a math question.”

Ikki frowned, giving the kid another glance. He seemed a bit familiar somehow. Maybe he knew Ken and that was why? “Not a math question. Well, I suppose if you've got a bit of—”

“I was just wondering if he's okay.”

“That's all?”

“He canceled classes twice this week and then you came in to teach for him, and so I was just worried that he might be sick or something.”

Ikki looked at him. He didn't seem to be insincere, but it was a little strange to hear it all the same. Not that the students didn't have a bit of cause for concern, but Ikki wasn't sure he'd ask about any of his math professors, and he was majoring in economics back then. Even Ken wasn't close with his professors, and they were pushing him towards studying abroad.

“Why do you ask?”

“Why would it be wrong to ask about my teacher?”

“Ken would certainly find it strange,” Ikki admitted. Ken didn't really seem to understand why anyone would like him, and he never seemed to form any positive relationships with his colleagues or coworkers. He'd come closer to that at Meido No Hitsuji than he ever had before or since. “Are you sure you don't have a bit of a—”

“That's not it. I just... He's a good teacher, and I only was willing to take these classes because he was teaching them. If it wasn't for him, I know I wouldn't understand it.”

“Well, admittedly, I heard horror stories about that one professor here and he's still teaching, but I don't know why you'd think that only Ken could teach you. He's not really a teacher in general.”

“I think he is,” Kokoa said, and Ikki looked over to see her waiting beside her classroom. At least she hadn't left yet. He'd been afraid the delay with the girls would have made her think she should go on her own. They couldn't afford to let her risk it, not after what Neikan did today. “He made it possible for me to understand the math I needed for my degree, at least.”

Ikki stopped himself from saying he'd been ready to teach her. He would have enjoyed that at the time, but now he had his one love, and it wasn't Kokoa. “That's true. He did make it simpler for you, didn't he?”

“Well, I felt pretty stupid at first, but I managed,” she said. “I'm sorry I interrupted you, though.”

“It's fine. I was just asking about Professor Mizutani. I should go.” He pulled up his hood and hurried away, disappearing down the hall with a speed Ikki envied.

“That was weird.”

“Oh, I think I understand a bit more of what Kent was saying, though,” Kokoa said, and Ikki frowned at her. “Well, he might not be the same student Kent told me about, but I think he might be. Kent said he was odd, and he _was_ a little strange, but he seems harmless enough. Kind of sweet in an awkward way. He was asking about Kent, then?”

Ikki nodded. “I didn't want to explain because Ken really doesn't want people knowing about his parents and it's not something you'd go telling his students anyway. That's not their business. If Ken chooses to tell them, it's different, but he won't, I don't think. He didn't want anyone knowing before, even when things were bad and Daichi was in the hospital.”

“I'd like to stop at the store if you don't mind,” Kokoa said, and Ikki frowned at her. “I know it's not much, but I thought I'd bring them dinner tonight for all their help. I wouldn't mind making it for them. That would be a bit less for Kent to worry about. I know it's not much, but I still want to do it. Do you mind?”

Ikki shook his head. A small part of him, well aware of how a simple act like that could go the wrong way, almost tried to tell her no, but he hadn't heard from Ken since he went home, and he was worried himself. Taking them a meal was a good idea no matter what was happening. 

“Of course I don't mind. Let's get something that Ken doesn't normally make so it's a bit of a treat.”

* * *

Toma gave the man on the couch another glance, frowning. That was unexpected, though nothing today had gone as planned. Having them back down on the court case was strange, and the more he thought about it, the more convinced he became that Kent's paranoid idea was right.

That left him unsettled, and with all three members of the Mizutani family down for the count, Toma didn't feel right leaving. Sure, maybe they were just asleep, but Ayeka was worse than yesterday despite resting, and Daichi didn't look much better than she did.

Having Kent out when he was the one taking care of them... No, Toma didn't like it. He'd rather someone else was here, just in case, but he couldn't find the number for the nurse—though he swore Kent had put it up somewhere—and when he got it this time, he'd put it in his phone, but until he had it, he was going to stick around.

He heard the doorbell and frowned again. Kent didn't stir, so Toma left him where he was to answer the door.

“Kent fell asleep on the couch,” Toma explained to the two confused people on the doorstep. Kokoa winced, looking like she wanted to leave back the way they'd come. Toma supposed he didn't blame her. Things were still awkward between them, even if he'd done his best to let it go. “He checked on his parents and did a few things around the house. I was about to leave when I noticed he'd sat down and passed out. The nurse never came, so... I stuck around a bit longer just in case.”

“We won't wake him,” Ikki said, moving past Kokoa with his hands full of grocery bags. “Though Kokoa did her best to buy out the store while we were there.”

“What?” Kokoa flushed, looking embarrassed, though at least she hadn't cried out loud enough to wake Kent. That would not have been good. “I did not. I was just thinking Kent probably hadn't made it to the store and we ate so much yesterday that we likely used up what was left of his supplies, so I got some basic ingredients to help with that, that's all.”

“For like every meal you know he knows how to make, so basically the whole menu at Meido No Hitsuji,” Ikki teased, smiling at her as she got even redder. “It's fine. It's good. I think Ken finds cooking relaxing or he wouldn't be so stubborn about doing it when he's got so much else on his plate.”

“Well, yes, but... I really just wanted to help. Everyone was so kind to me. Kent's parents gave me a room to stay in here so I was safe even if Neikan did go by my place like he said in that text and then his father gave me one of his mother's dresses so I'd have something to wear. Kent took me by the police station, and his mom gave him legal advice for me even though the police didn't think there was a case. He walked me to the school and to the cafe... stood up for me when Neikan wouldn't listen to a word I was saying... That was just today. I needed to do something for Kent to thank him for all that.”

Ikki smiled. “And you are, so stop worrying about it so much, okay? Let's get these bags put away, and then if Ken's not awake, I think I'll try and get him up to his bed.”

She nodded. “Yes. I don't think he got enough sleep last night.”

Ikki stopped, staring at her in what looked like concern. “Uh, Kokoa—”

“It's not like that,” she said, horrified. “It... We both fell asleep on the couch talking after Kent checked outside for Neikan. He'd texted and said he was outside the house, and I couldn't calm down even after Kent looked around the neighborhood. So he was nice enough to talk to me for a bit and... I fell asleep listening to him. He must have dozed off after I did, so we both slept on the couch, but it wasn't... that.”

Ikki nodded, though Toma thought he still looked troubled. “It's not like Ken to fall asleep like that. He never could rest at the school when anyone else was in the lab, and even at my apartment he wasn't able to relax very often. Damn it, he's going to run himself into the ground if this keeps up.”

“Speaking of... that's really all it is with his mom? I asked Kent, and he said they hadn't found anything so Ayeka won't go back for more tests, but... if he's the same way...”

“Well, there's not a person in this family that's not a workaholic, actually, but I think Daichi went for a full genetic workup after the heart attack. There was no history of it or anything, so they went looking further back, but that came up empty. I'm sure they did something like it for Ayeka, though Ken never told me what they found—I just know about Daichi's because he told us.”

“Oh,” Kokoa said. “I hope Kent isn't sick, too. He should get more rest. I should never have gotten him caught up in all this.”

“Hey, stop blaming yourself,” Ikki said. “Don't make me get Sawa over here to lecture you. You're not the one with the problem, Neikan is, and we're all here to help as your friends. Just accept it.”

“I...”

“And come help me put these groceries away already. You can start heating up the food while you're at it. Even if everyone's asleep now, that could change by the time it's done, and they all need to eat.” Ikki didn't wait for her as he walked away. She gave Toma a quick glance and rushed off 

He shook his head and followed after them. He wasn't sure if Ikki planned on staying very long, so he should find out before he left.

“Are you planning on staying for dinner?” Ikki asked as Toma entered the kitchen. “There should be enough with what Kokoa picked out for tonight, especially as my wife's not here to have any, if that's a concern.”

Toma shook his head. “I figured I'd head out as soon as Kent woke up, but since you're here...”

“Oh, I'm not staying,” Ikki said, shaking his head. “As long as it's not an emergency and everyone's just resting... well, I have four kids of my own to think about, so...”

“It's fine, Ikki. Don't feel guilty. You helped Kent a lot today by taking over his class.” She gave him a smile, and he smiled back at her. Toma didn't know how it was that easy for him to be friendly with her. Hadn't she dumped him, too? Yet it was like that hadn't happened, and he was almost like a brother to her. “And Kent would call you if he needed you, but he won't be alone, so it's fine.”

Toma frowned. “You're staying?”

“At least for dinner.”

Ikki shook his head. “I think it's better if you stay here at night. Neikan could be watching your house now, and we don't want to give him that advantage. He'd definitely try and intimidate you there. Here's safe, and you have a room of your own.”

“I know, but I can't keep making trouble for Kent, and Neikan got the wrong idea about us at lunch—and Kent actually made it worse by what he said—so he'll probably try and find where Kent lives or works and... What if he tries to hurt him because of me?”

“Well, from what I saw, Ken had that guy pretty well in hand when I showed up,” Ikki said. “Ken does have the height thing going for him. That makes some people uncomfortable, and Neikan looked like one of them. Besides, didn't you hear us discussing the boys' endless disappointment that our duels have never gone beyond an aikido move?”

“Kent knows aikido?”

“Eh... well... even with the height thing, some jerks figured he was an easy target because he was foreign, so he did end up getting mugged a couple times when he was abroad. He decided to add to his training.”

“Add to it?”

“You also mentioned kendo,” Kokoa said. “Does that mean the two of you have that kind of training, too?”

Ikki put a finger to his lips. “That's a secret.”

“You're teasing too much. If you want to reassure her, be plain about it. It's a bit strange to think of Kent in one of those courses, but then you two with your math duels belonged in an anime or something, so I suppose I could see you knowing some martial arts, too.”

Ikki bowed. “Yes, sensei. The mind is the ultimate weapon.”

Kokoa giggled. Her face got red again as she looked behind Ikki.

“You are ridiculous, Ikkyu,” Kent said, getting a grin from Ikki. Toma had to wonder if he'd known all along Kent was there and that was why he'd said it. “What is all this?”

“I... I got some groceries and a meal for tonight,” Kokoa said. “I... Thank you for everything today, Kent. I...”

“It's fine. I'm going to check on my parents.”

* * *

“Did something happen between the two of you?” Toma asked, and Kokoa stared at him, unable to answer that. She couldn't say what she'd asked of Kent or how wrong it was or even mention how mixed up things had gotten when the idea of marriage came up. 

And then, today, what Kent had told Neikan...

“Why would you say that?”

“The way you're falling over yourself to apologize while he seems pretty distant, for starters,” Toma said. “And then there's that look on your face right now.”

“Lay off, Toma. She's feeling guilty about the world right now, and you're not helping,” Ikki said. “Ken gets like this when things have taken a turn for the worse, and it's not her fault. He pulls away when it comes to emotions, that's just how he is, and right now... he's afraid of losing them. Neikan's still harassing her, and she's overcompensating for what he did today. Not that we're not all worried about Ayeka and Daichi—you are, too, or you wouldn't be here—so there's that, too, Kokoa genuinely wants to do something for them and for Kent. That's not a crime.”

“Ikki, you don't have to defend me. It is true that I want to make up for things I've done, not just to Kent but to others, and... Neikan... he's making such a mess of everything. I don't want him to hurt anyone, but Kent and Ikki have both stepped in to protect me, and it worries me as much as I'm grateful for it. And I know you said yesterday that you were past what happened between us, but I still feel terrible about it. I... I never meant to hurt you. I thought...”

“Don't,” Toma said, holding up a hand. “I'm... We were friends for a long time before that, and it's hard to shut off. That's all. I even considered offering to go with you to the police next time. Having a lawyer on your side could help.”

She bit her lip. She didn't feel like she could accept help from Toma, even if it would maybe make the police do something. “I know Kent thought that recording our conversation today would help, but I'm not so sure.”

“He recorded it?”

“On his phone. Ken said it would show how unreasonable Neikan was, if nothing else.”

Kokoa sighed. “It was like he wouldn't listen to anything I said. And he kept trying to twist what Kent said around, but Kent... he was calm. That seemed to make Neikan worse.”

Ikki smiled at that, but then he turned and frowned at the doorway. “Ken?”

“Please stop what you're doing for dinner.”

“You all need to eat—”

“I believe I must take my father to the hospital.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kent takes his parents to the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I knew that I wanted to do something with this chapter/night for the characters, and I tried and failed to get it there, and so then this happened instead.

* * *

“What? I thought they were just sleeping and wasn't it your mom having issues earlier?”

Ken grimaced. “It... he was sleeping, but his breathing is extremely labored, and I doubt he's getting the proper amount of oxygen. It... It may well be a sign that his heart is...”

Ikki winced. He couldn't find words right now, not when Ken couldn't even finish that sentence. They knew what it meant, but it was still hard to imagine, and harder still to see Ken struggling with it like this. Not that anyone should be okay when facing their father's mortality, but Ken wasn't usually emotional, which made this that much worse.

“My mother insists on coming as well. For once, I do not disagree, as I believe she should also be seen by a doctor. So there won't be any need for dinner. She's already mostly ready, though I have yet to move him to the car.”

Toma frowned. “You sure driving him's okay and you don't need an ambulance?”

“I...” Ken hesitated. Ikki knew that Toma meant well, but that really wasn't helping right now. Kent didn't need to be worrying that he was making the wrong choice about his dad's health.

“I'll drive you,” Ikki said, and Kent frowned at him. “Someone with a clearer head should do it, and that way you're free to see to anything they might need on the way. We don't know that it's that bad yet. Maybe... they might want to put him on oxygen therapy. Didn't they discuss that before?”

Ken nodded. “Yes. They did think a portable oxygen tank might be necessary.”

“So maybe it is now. We'll see,” Ikki nudged him toward the door. “Let's go get everyone settled. Kokoa, do me a favor and text Sawa, will you? I'm going to be a bit late.”

“I can drive them,” Toma said, and Ikki stopped with a frown. Toma shrugged. “You've got a family to get back to. I don't.”

Ikki didn't miss Kokoa's flinch at that, and she turned to busy herself with putting away the food. He wanted to tell her that wasn't her fault, either. Toma had plenty of other chances since they'd broken up, he was sure of that, even if Toma hadn't said anything. This really wasn't the time for that, though. Ken needed him.

“I can drive. It's not necessary for anyone else to be involved. You can go home, Ikkyu, and you as well, Toma. The offers are... appreciated, but as I said, not necessary.”

“I'd like to go with you.”

Kokoa's words made Ken stop just when he'd started moving again. He stared at her, not the only one who was.

“I wouldn't feel right staying here alone, and I don't really want to go to my apartment when Neikan might be there. I know I could go with Ikki, but you might need help, and I'm small enough I can fit in the backseat with your parents and take care of them if they need anything on the way. That would be helpful, wouldn't it? You could focus on driving that way, and Ikki's right—you don't have to do this alone.”

Ken drew in a breath and let it out. “I have to admit, that would be... having someone there...”

Ikki grimaced. Ken did not sound good at all. “I still think you should let someone else drive.”

Toma nodded. “I'll do it. Ikki can go home to his family. Kokoa sits in back with your parents, and it all works out.”

“I am not incapable—”

“Stop being so stubborn and accept that we're going to help you.” Ikki wasn't about to leave Ken on his own for this, not when it could be the beginning of the end. Ken needed support, and even if Kokoa went along or Toma drove, that wasn't enough for Ikki. Sawa would understand. She'd worry, but she'd understand.

The kids would be okay as well, though Ikki wasn't sure he wanted to tell them about this just yet. He'd bring them by if it looked like things wouldn't improve, but for now, he didn't want to upset them. It would be better if they came after Daichi was settled no matter what.

“Very well.”

* * *

Kokoa glanced at Kent's hand, wondering if she dared take it. The drive to the hospital had been uneventful, with his parents quiet, his father mostly asleep the entire time. She'd been worried that she would need to do more, and she hadn't really been sure she could have if she'd needed to, since she didn't have more than a very basic first-aid training. She was glad there wasn't any emergencies along the way.

That didn't make things any easier on Kent now, since he was stuck waiting for word on both his parents. His mother hadn't been happy about having to be examined, but Kent insisted, and Toma backed him up, so she had little choice. Kokoa was glad that Ayeka was seeing the doctor, too, but now that they were here, all Kent could do was wait, and knowing him, he was considering all the possibilities, most of which were bad.

He had to have figured out the worst case scenario by now, if not dozens of them, and with those in mind, he would be expecting bad news, but even if he was preparing himself for it, that had to be painful. He was suffering, but he hadn't even so much as looked at her since they got here.

Kokoa sighed, wishing she had the right words for this. Lacking them, she went back to the idea of holding Kent's hand, but while that had helped her so much earlier, would he even want her to do that now? Kent looked at her, and she winced. 

“I... I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you that it's going to be okay, but you know better than me what their health is like and their chances and... I wish you didn't, a little, because you have to be so worried and scared, and I don't think you're the type to hope for the best, especially if you know the odds against it, so I wish you didn't. Kind of. I just... I wish I could spare you any of this or make it better, and I can't even say the words people would to reassure you... I don't have anything to give when you really need it, after all you've done for me, and I'm not saying that I have to do it just to repay you... I want to help, but...”

She took a breath, knew she'd grimaced again, but she took his hand anyway. “It's not enough that I'm here and you're not alone, not when I can't even say something useful.”

Kent shook his head. “I do not think words are what anyone really needs or even wants under the circumstances. As you said, you cannot tell me that everything will be fine, as we both know that is very likely untrue. I do not want false words of encouragement. I find them useless, not you. I... I am not the sort of person who takes comfort in platitudes. I prefer honesty, even if in this case... I am not ready for either of them to die, as much as I know it is inevitable at some point. This is natural progression, and I understand that, but I... I can't. I don't know why it bothers me so much when I was apart from them for so long. I didn't have to see them every day. I lived in other countries, spoke other languages, and was independent in ways I'd never been before. I truly did not need them, and yet when faced with their mortality...”

It was her turn to shake her head. “There's a huge difference between knowing you can still see someone even if they're far away and knowing someone is gone forever. I haven't lost my parents—though it feels a bit like it but I'm also so angry I don't know that I think they're any kind of loss—but my grandparents are gone. I mean, even just... I've been able to talk to Toma a bit now, but when it was first over with him or with Shin... It was... devastating. Not quite the same as that strange ache in me that I still don't understand and can't get rid of, but... I almost didn't tell either of them how I felt, how it wasn't... enough on my part just so I wouldn't lose them... because I did. You're allowed to fear missing your parents, and it will be harder than anything you try to prepare yourself for... that's how grief is. We don't react rationally and say, 'this is how it's meant to be.' Even with animals I know I won't be able to keep for long, it's so hard to lose them... and these are your parents. When you're a child, your parents are your world. They're all you know. And that changes and lessens as you age, but even so, you still care about them and want to have that connection to them.”

“I...” Kent didn't finish whatever he might have said, but she didn't have a chance to ask him about it when the doctor approached them.

“Mr. Mizutani?”

Kent nodded. “Yes. What can you tell me about my parents?”

“I'd like to keep them overnight at least for observation. As you noted when you brought your father in, his oxygen levels are low. The cardiac unit will be monitoring him to see if there is any change in that and whether or not he can be supported by an oxygen tank. Your mother's condition is a bit more difficult to treat.”

“It remains idiopathic, then? The only explanation is fatigue and stress?” Kent frowned. “I do not care for that as an answer.”

“I'd like to do further testing as well. Your mother has consented to remain as long as your father is here, and we've arranged a room for them to share. One of the nurses will be by shortly to take you there.”

“Thank you,” Kokoa said, glad they'd finally heard something about the condition of Kent's parents.

The doctor nodded and walked away. Kent lowered his head. She gave his hand a squeeze, and he sighed. He seemed so tired, and she wished they'd give him a bed, too, even if he wasn't sick.

“Is it terrible if I say it could have been worse?”

Kent looked at her and managed to laugh. It was short and a bit wrong, but he still laughed, leaning his shoulder against hers, and she really wanted to hug him now. That would be too far, right? Still, he needed something, and he'd done so much for her...

“Mr. and Mrs. Mizutani?” 

Kokoa frowned, looking over at the woman who'd spoken. She wore scrubs, pink ones, and had a cheery smile despite where they were. 

“The doctor wanted me to show you to your parents' room. Please follow me.”

Kent rose, letting go of her hand. She swallowed, not sure why it upset her so much that he'd done that. She almost wanted to grab for his again, but that wouldn't be right, especially not when the nurse had clearly gotten the wrong idea about them. Just thinking about that made Kokoa go a bit red, and she wondered if she should go home. She'd have to get a ride, though, since Toma had left hours ago, and Ikki hadn't been able to find anyone who could watch the kids, not as of his last text.

She shook her head, rising to follow them. She didn't want to be left behind, and she should know which room they were in so she could bring flowers or something by in the morning.

The nurse went into a room ahead of them, and Kent stopped by the door, waiting for her. She thought she felt his hand brush her back to usher her in, but when she looked back at him, he'd moved away from her. He sat down in the first chair, lowering his head again.

“Thank you,” Kokoa told the nurse, who bowed and left the room. Kokoa crossed over and took the seat next to Kent.

“I suppose we should contact Ikkyu,” Kent said, reaching into his pocket for his phone. “He can take you home.”

She nodded, knowing she should do that, but the look on Kent's face went against his almost calm words. She saw him hesitate before typing, and she reached over to put her arms around him like she hadn't before.

Kent shuddered. “Kokoa...”

“It's okay,” she said, holding onto him, knowing that he needed a minute to let go of the tension from all that waiting for the worst. She couldn't leave him alone right now. She wouldn't. “Just... rest a little here. It... it's not as bad as either of us feared, so... you just rest.”

Kent said nothing, but he didn't pull away, and she held on, hoping she was some help to him this time.

* * *

Kent's neck ached, and he was aware of that before he was fully awake. When he opened his eyes to take in the two hospital beds, he wanted to close them again and shut this nightmare out. He was not here, and they were not dying. He was fine.

Wait. Why did he have a pillow?

He lifted his head and frowned. He'd somehow managed to fall asleep on Kokoa, which explained the pain in his neck from the awkward angle, but it also didn't make sense. Why would she let him do that? And why had he not stopped himself? How had he fallen asleep without sending her home?

Her hand reached out as if seeking something, and she frowned before opening her eyes. He swallowed, knowing an apology was due.

She looked over at the beds. “How are they?”

“Still sleeping, which is both odd and a relief,” Kent said. She took his hand, and Kent tensed. She closed her eyes again like she'd like to go back to sleep herself. “I suppose we should—”

“I can get the coffee,” she said, rising. “You stay here with them.”

Kent stared after her as she left. He shook his head and rubbed at his neck as he tried to come to terms with any of this. He took out his phone to text Ikkyu, but the screen remained blank. He tried the power button and got the battery image on the screen. Honestly, he couldn't remember when he'd last charged the phone, so it shouldn't surprise him, but they'd have to use Kokoa's phone to reach anyone to get her to work today. He'd have to cancel his classes again.

He heard a knock on the door, and turned back with a frown. Kokoa wouldn't need to do that, would she? Though now that he was more awake, he regretted letting her go to find the cafeteria on her own. That shouldn't have happened.

“Dr. Mizutani?”

Kent frowned. Something about that voice was familiar, and when he looked back, he saw why.

“Oh. You _are_ that Mizutani,” Shin said, shaking his head as he did. “I thought it might be, but I wasn't sure until just now.”

Kent took in the suit that Shin wore, still confused. He didn't look like someone who worked for the hospital, and he had already made payment arrangements with this hospital for the previous bills, so that should not be an issue now. Further, why would anyone here address him with the title that went with his degree? He was not the sort of doctor people expected at a hospital.

“Why are you here?”

Shin reached up to the back of his neck in a familiar gesture. “That. It seems that someone broke into the university and vandalized a classroom last night. Specifically, your classroom.”

Kent added that to the suit and still ended up frowning. “I don't see why that would gather the attention of a detective as you seem to be, yet I do have a position as an educator at present, so that does not seem impossible.”

Shin grunted. “Stupid politics.”

“Ah. Someone from your office is a close friend of the dean's, is that it?”

“Yeah, pretty much. And since I went to that place, they figured sending me to deal with it was even better. I have seven other cases, but this one takes priority. Complete crap. If they didn't have laughable security, we wouldn't even be talking now.”

“I would have thought that after that... incident on campus with Kokoa, they'd have changed their policies, though I never investigated too deeply into them. I was only there to teach and did not feel my life was under any great threat, not from anyone there, at least. My students are mostly indifferent to me, with my approval rating as 'better than Hasegawa.'”

Shin snorted. “That wouldn't be hard to top. Damn. Does that mean there's plenty of people who would want revenge on you?”

Kent shook his head. “Not to my knowledge. I was forced to reduce much of the coursework I planned to assign this semester because of... where we are now and my circumstances—I cannot keep up with the grading right now, but that should have improved matters unless someone is really bothered by the emergencies that keep forcing me to cancel classes.”

Shin's eyes went to the beds. “Your parents?”

Kent nodded but did not elaborate. He did not need to discuss that with Shin, even if the other man was investigating something tied to him.

“So I was about to get lost again, but then a nurse helped me and gave me these so I didn't have to go all the way to the cafeteria,” Kokoa said as she reentered the room. Shin stiffened, and she rounded the corner, stopping short and almost dropping one of the cups in her hand.

Shin caught it before it spilled everywhere.

“Oh. I... Um...” She swallowed. “I didn't know that you had another guest, and I didn't know Shin was here. I should go.”

* * *

“No,” Kent told her, and she stared at him. Shin had to admit, he wasn't expecting her. That was one hell of a surprise. He'd known he was about to see Kent when he came, but Kokoa? Nothing could have prepared him for that.

He'd been so angry, quick to cut anyone off the moment her name was mentioned, and so he hadn't actually heard anything about her in years. He'd made that happen, shutting out all word of her and anything to do with her. He certainly hadn't expected her to move on and sink her hooks into Kent, of all people. The hell.

She was here with him, though, and that wasn't something anyone could deny.

“Shin is here investigating some vandalism, and I believe this may actually pertain to you, so stay.”

Shin frowned. This was about Kokoa? Well, damn, that made the damage at the site make more sense, but at the same time, this was the last thing he wanted. “What?”

Kent nudged Kokoa to the chair. Pale and distressed, she shook her head. “Please tell me he didn't do anything to your house.”

“Not that I'm aware of, but apparently my classroom was vandalized last night,” Kent said, and she winced. He faced Shin. “As I said, this may pertain to her. You're certain only my classroom was targeted? No others? Kokoa does teach at the same university, though in a different building.”

Shin glanced at her, but she didn't look at him. Was that how they'd gotten together, working at the same place? He'd thought it was a bit weird Kent was teaching these days—he was all about research, though he was also one hell of a cook and probably could have gotten hired anywhere for that if he'd wanted to be. 

“I guess they had a guard making his rounds who caught this guy in the act, managed to chase him off but not catch him. He might have been planning to do more.” Shin didn't know. No one would until they had this guy in hand to talk to, and even then, he might not admit to anything. “They didn't get a good enough look at him or a clear picture on any of the cameras they do have, but you think you know who did it?”

“Neikan,” Kokoa said. “He's... My ex-husband.”

Shin balled his hand into a fist. Damn it. He shouldn't even care anymore, not now, not when all that was long since behind them, but it was still hard as hell to hear that she'd gotten married.

He almost felt a bit of satisfaction that she was divorced, though.

“A certain... misunderstanding of our relationship has been happening with increasing frequency of late,” Kent said, and Shin frowned at him. Wait, was he saying they weren't actually dating? “When her ex-husband saw us eating lunch together yesterday, he made that assumption as well.”

“That you two are... dating?”

Kent started to say something, but a noise from one of the beds had him moving, and he went over to the far bed, speaking to the woman there in a low voice.

“We're not,” Kokoa said, and Shin looked back at her. “People keep assuming that. His parents did. The doctors and nurses here did it last night, and I think the policemen I spoke to yesterday assumed that, too. A few of my students thought that because Kent gave a guest lecture for me and because... Kent's been escorting me around a lot.”

Shin folded his arms over his chest. “Escorting you?” 

She shuddered. “Neikan threatened me. He... he won't accept our marriage is over, and he... he's stalking me. He probably did this to Kent's classroom because Kent told him to leave me alone yesterday. I... It's my fault. I...”

Shin found himself angry again, though for an entirely different reason. “Look, I may not have liked how it ended between us, but that doesn't mean he has any right to threaten you or harass you.”

She stared at her hands. “I don't know. This feels like... I'm finally getting what I deserve for breaking your heart and Toma's and everyone else's... Why else would it be you that got this case? That's just... I know it doesn't change anything, Shin, but I am sorry.”

He sighed. This was not what he wanted to do right now. “Do you know where your ex-husband is now?”

“I'd imagine he's waiting for her to go to work now,” Kent said, rejoining them. “Given what happened, the campus would not seem safe enough a place for you right now.”

“Arrest him for harassment,” the woman called. “She's got a case. I'll prove it in court if I have to.”

“You rest, Mother,” Kent said, putting a hand to his head. “Let's continue this conversation somewhere else.”

* * *

Ikki checked the sign on the wall and headed down the corridor toward the room number he'd gotten, drawing close to the door. He had figured Ayeka and Daichi would be here overnight, at least, and that was for the best, really, though it bothered him that he hadn't heard from Ken since last night. He knew that anything major would have meant a call no matter what, but Ken's silence was a bit damning on its own.

He shook off the thought and opened the door, catching sight of his friend as soon as he did. “Ken, remind me why I ever had kids.”

“Ikkyu, I don't think—”

“Yamato almost got himself suspended this morning before school even started because he was in a fight. Turns out these little bastards were picking on Akito, so I don't blame him one bit, but just as soon as I'm done dealing with that, I get a call from Yukiko's school—apparently your math problems are some kind of child abuse because she was in tears when she couldn't solve it—and I explained to them that it was for me, not her, which means you need to create some on her level sometime because she's clearly not happy with the ones the school is giving her, but I'm still the villain here somehow. And Kaya's running a low fever so she had to stay home, which was fun trying to talk the grandparents into watching over her since the morning sickness Sawa thought she was over she's not over. She wanted to come, but she's still not up to it, and I almost dragged her here anyway because she's got me worried now, but she said she'd be fine and Mine was coming over anyway, so she'd at least have company if something happened. That's my morning so far. Please tell me yours was better.”

Ken hesitated. “I... We were actually about to discuss this further elsewhere.”

Ikki frowned, but then he saw Shin standing there looking angry at the world as usual, though the clothes had changed a lot. Well, still black and red, but with the red being his tie, of all things, and a suit. Shin in a suit. Strange times indeed.

“It is like old home week. Now we just need to run into Waka and Rika, and the cycle will be complete,” Ikki said. “Not that likely with Rika as she's got some fashion thing in Milan or something right now, and I don't even know what Waka's up to these days, but it might just happen since everyone seems to be showing up again.”

“What?”

“First Toma, now you.” Ikki shook his head. This was a crazy old world, wasn't it? “Well, I don't mind talking elsewhere, and don't even start, Ayeka. I can tell you should be sleeping. You just snuggle in next to Daichi and rest up for us, okay? You both gave us a good scare yesterday.”

Shin grunted and moved past Ikki out the door. Kokoa hesitated, but Ken took her hand and helped her up, leading her out of the room. Ikki followed after them, shutting the door behind him.

“How are they?”

“Father's oxygen levels are still low, and he may not be able to leave the hospital,” Ken answered. “She insists she's fine, but they still don't know why she's been so sick, so I don't know what her true state is.”

“I can cover your classes for you again if you want.”

“I'm not sure that's necessary.”

Ikki frowned. “Why not? You're not suggesting they're going to fire you over this? You made arrangements when you took the job and—”

“His classroom was vandalized last night,” Shin said. “That's why I'm here. I got the case.”

Vandalized? “You think it was Neikan? Damn it, I should have hit him yesterday.”

“You would have played into his hands.” Ken shook his head. “You'd have been the one arrested, not him, and he'd have what he wants. He needs to isolate Kokoa from any friends or protection to achieve his goals.”

“That's not going to happen. We won't let it.” Ikki looked at Shin again. “So... detective. That mean you can arrest this bastard?”

Shin grimaced. “Maybe. I'd have to prove he did the vandalism, which he might have since someone wrote 'mine' on almost everything, and that fits with what I've heard so far of this guy and why he might have gone after Kent, but I still have to prove it.”

“What about for stalking or harassing Kokoa?” Ikkki asked. “He sent threatening texts from a blocked number, he showed up where we were meeting for lunch, and he claimed to be outside Kokoa's house one night at least. Plus, he did stuff when she first left him. He just... lost track of her for a bit when she moved and changed her number.”

Shin frowned, looking at Kokoa. “That true?”

She nodded. “He... he couldn't accept that I didn't love him, and even though it was an arranged marriage, he demanded I act as a wife to him and... I left him, so he called over and over until I changed numbers and then... I finally moved on from Ikki and Sawa's place to a new apartment in a secure building, but... he was going to be a _mukoyoshi._ My parents... are still in contact with him.”

“What Kokoa is not saying, but we believe to be true is that her parents gave him all of her contact information, details on her job, and the address of her new apartment.”

Shin stared at Kokoa. “Damn it. What the hell is wrong with them?”

Kokoa winced. Ken touched her shoulder, and she leaned into him for support. Ikki couldn't help a bit of a frown. Not that he wanted to think it was a bad thing that Ken was being supportive, but given the other stuff going on with them, he wasn't so sure they should be that close.

“It would seem that like many abusers, Neikan seems like a good man to outsiders. Her parents are fooled. We are not.”

Shin nodded. “Yeah. Well, I'll go around his place and have a chat with him—”

“Wait. Don't.” 

“Kokoa—”

“Shin, he... he was irrationally jealous of anyone in my life,” Kokoa said. “He hated Ikki even though that was over such a long time ago. I kept that picture of all of us from Meido No Hitsuji, and he... he pushed me about my involvement with all of you and... he might recognize you and do something horrible because you were my friend. He's been so awful to Kent just for being my friend. Even Sawa and Mine... he didn't like me spending time with them.”

“Typical abusive controlling behavior,” Shin said. He shook his head. “Don't worry about it. I'll be fine. This is my job.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things progress after the vandalism incident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never meant for this chapter to take so long to get here... It has been difficult to write lately between the migraines and the depression, and this story was a little harder to figure where it was going than the other AU I've been working on.
> 
> Not good excuses, I know, but I finally have an update, so that's something.

* * *

“I have to say, that was a little weird,” Ikki admitted after Shin left, and judging from the look on Ken's face, he felt the same. Kokoa looked miserable, though Ikki wasn't surprised by that. She blamed herself for all of this, after all. Not only had she broken Shin's heart back in the day, but Neikan was out of control and had gone after Ken.

The classroom was kind of an odd choice for revenge, though, wasn't it?

“Do you think Neikan did anything else? What if he was at the house last night? None of us were there, so he could have—”

“The house is still in my parents' names, not mine. Even after they became ill and there was discussion of making a trust to handle the expenses, the house was not transferred over to me, so it's unlikely Neikan was able to learn its location for certain. We are not the only Mizutanis in the city, and without a public listing of my address—which I do not believe exists—Neikan should not have been able to narrow it down yet, which is why he targeted the university as those records are public and my classroom is no secret.”

Kokoa nodded. “Yes, that makes sense.”

Ikki could see it as well, but that didn't make it any easier for Ken, who would feel responsible for the damage. That would set him back a lot, and with the new hospital bills, he would be feeling a lot of pressure. They needed something to take some off that away, though Ikki's resources were limited, too. His work and Sawa's covered their bills, and they had a bit of savings for emergencies, but not a lot. He'd have to reassess things to see if he could find a place where they could cut more expenses and help Ken out more.

If Ken's research had been done more for profit than intellectual reasons, he might have made more when he was abroad, but what he did have, he'd already put towards the past bills. Ikki knew there wasn't much left in the way of savings despite how practical all three of them were. One long illness could eat through the best of savings, and they didn't have just one—they had two.

“You're staying here, right, Ken?”

“Yes.” Ken frowned a little. “Are you—why would you think I wouldn't? I know that they are not likely to change within the next few minutes or even hours, but that does not mean that I—”

“I was just going to say that I'd take Kokoa over to the school if she wanted. Sawa sent a change of clothes for you, so I've got that for you, and we can stop and pick up something to eat along the way. Then you won't miss all your classes.”

Kokoa nodded. “I... Yes... that would be good.”

Ken frowned at her. “Is something wrong? You seem... I am uncertain of the correct word to describe you at the moment.”

“A mess?” Kokoa suggested. “I don't know what to think right now. Seeing Shin again was a shock. I... I wasn't expecting to see him, and he was... He was still angry. I know he was. And I hurt him again. Not just by being here, but because I chose to marry Neikan... I apologized, but it's not enough. And... I... Neikan destroyed a classroom because of me. He went after you because of what you said, and that's... I don't know how we're going to stop him. And your parents are here, and I don't want to leave you...”

Ken swallowed. “I... I am fine, and I do not think that there would be any need for assistance here that the hospital cannot provide. You should not miss more work, and certainly not for my sake.”

Ikki watched the two of them for a moment. He wasn't sure of what he thought he was seeing, but if he was, then he really didn't know how to feel about it. This situation was a little too complicated to see it as a good thing, and it might not be what it seemed.

He touched Kokoa's arm. “Come on. Let's get you to work.”

* * *

“Hey. Good timing,” Toma said as he answered the phone. “I wanted to pick your brain a little.”

“It figures you want something from me.”

Toma shrugged. Calling Shin without something specific to say or talk about always ended badly. They'd managed to fix a few things since the big fight that should have been it forever, no going back after that, but it wasn't what it used to be. They'd been so good at pretending for so long that they could easily have fallen back into those same patterns again, but they'd actually let out that anger and frustration for a change, and not holding back actually helped for once.

They weren't ever going to be the kind of friends that were easy going with each other, but they no longer buried everything for someone else's sake. Not having someone to save face in front of in the middle of things had opened up their friendship and exposed it for what it really was.

And what it wasn't.

Now he thought he could say it was a friendship and mean it, not like before. Not that Shin would agree, but he never did. He still didn't want to admit he cared about anyone.

“You want something, too, or you wouldn't be calling right now,” Toma pointed out. “Something you need?”

“You first.”

Toma grimaced. Hell, no. Shin would not want to hear this, and he'd hang up before asking what he wanted if Toma said anything about Kokoa. She was off-limits. They didn't talk about her, ever. “It's not important. What did you need?”

“Can people even make someone a _mukoyoshi_ if the couple is divorced?”

“Well, yes, technically,” Toma said, frowning. That question—that wasn't—could it be that Shin had spoken to Kokoa already? When? “It's an adoption as an heir, not just a marriage. So if they chose him, they could still adopt him even if there was a divorce.”

“That's messed up. Why would anyone do that?”

“I have no idea,” Toma admitted. Even if Kokoa's parents liked this guy a lot, the fact that their daughter had divorced him should have stopped them. She wouldn't do that without a reason, and it wasn't like he'd been able to stay friends with her after they split. Even if he liked her parents, he would not have gone ahead with the adoption—not that he was asked—because it would have been too damned awkward. “Why are you asking? This... doesn't have anything to do with Kokoa, does it?”

“How the hell did you know that?”

Toma shook his head. “I'm not sure you actually listen to me. You know I work with Kent's mom, right? They dumped her caseload on me when her husband had that heart attack, and I still help her some even though she's been back at work. Or she was until yesterday. She had a bad turn, and the husband took a worse one, and Kent took them both to the hospital last night. And... Kokoa was there last night. She and Kent work at the same university, and he led her to his mom to try and deal with this whole _mukoyoshi_ thing.”

“That's all it is? She was still at the hospital with him this morning.”

Toma grimaced. “Well, I admit, the first time I saw them together, I started wondering if they were dating, but Sawa denied it. I thought you were long over her.”

“I am. It's not about that. I have someone—I'm not discussing that with you.”

“You're so cute when you have a crush on someone.”

“Screw you, Toma.”

Toma just smiled. Shin must really care about this one to get that defensive about it. “Let me know a good time for you, and we'll have a double date.”

“No.”

“Oh. This is very serious. Have you proposed yet?”

“Shut up, Toma,” Shin snapped. “Why the hell didn't you tell me that Kokoa was being stalked by her ex-husband?”

“We don't discuss Kokoa, remember? That's our unspoken rule.”

“Yeah, but this is my job. If he's threatening her, I should arrest him.”

Toma frowned. “What happened?”

“Someone vandalized Kent's classroom last night. Probably her ex, but I can't be sure of it yet. I'll have to wait on forensics if he doesn't admit to it when I talk to him.”

Toma grimaced. “Don't underestimate this creep. Ikki said he left marks on Kokoa before, and she's scared. Ikki and Kent did what they could to reassure her—oh, damn it. Did Kent give you the recording he made of that guy harassing them yesterday? Because he did record it on his phone.”

“I don't think his phone is working. I tried calling it before I went over to the hospital.”

“He probably forgot to charge it with all that's going on, but he did seem to think it would help the case even though the detectives they spoke to blew her off yesterday. That was before he showed up at lunch, but still. They were dicks to her, and Kent was ticked off at them.”

“Kent got angry?”

Kent had a lot more emotion than people realized. “He wasn't screaming or cursing or anything, but I could tell he was angry. That, and exhausted. He's dealing with a lot right now. Frankly, the last thing he needs is Kokoa making things worse for him.”

“Right. Well, I may be able to arrest this jerk and end that part.”

“I hope you can. He sounds like a real bastard, and that's coming from me.”

* * *

Kokoa looked at her classroom and sighed. She didn't know how to do this right now. Nothing here was damaged. The whole place looked nice and clean just like it had when she left yesterday. She hadn't been able to see Kent's classroom—that was shut off with tape and notices—but that didn't make it any easier, knowing that it was damaged and it was because of her.

She checked her lesson plan again and shook her head. No. She couldn't do this. She should have stayed with Kent at the hospital. She was worried about him, even if he said he was fine. He wasn't fine, and he shouldn't be alone. He might be with his parents, but that wasn't the same.

“Professor?”

She looked over to see Suki standing there. For a second—just a second—she'd thought it was Mine even though she was supposed to be with Sawa. Kokoa forced a smile. “Oh, hello, Suki. I think you're a bit early for class.”

“I know. I just... well, it's all over campus that one of the classrooms got trashed,” Suki began. “And I heard it belonged to that friend of yours. The math guy. So I thought... I don't know what I thought.”

Kokoa's smile was more genuine this time. “Oh, that's kind of you to ask after him. He's actually dealing with... other personal matters today which is why he didn't come in after hearing about the classroom. I'm not sure if he'll be back tomorrow. Ikki might end up taking over for him again. I do know the detective looking into the vandalism—he was a childhood friend of mine—and I am sure he'll find the person responsible for it.”

She didn't tell Suki that it was her own ex-husband who'd done it. She didn't want to talk about Neikan. They hadn't seen him anywhere around campus, but she couldn't help worrying that he would come back even if he had committed a crime here last night. He was losing it, and she didn't understand. Why would he even want her that much? She was no prize.

“You know the detective?”

“We both do, actually. We all worked at the same cafe when we were students,” Kokoa said. “Kent was in the kitchen, and so was Shin. I'm a bit partial to Kent's cooking, but they were both good at it and hard workers. Shin's a good man. He'll find the vandal.”

Suki nodded. She seemed to accept that, about to take a seat when her friend came running up to them. She panted, barely catching any breath before she spoke.

“Is it true you cheated on your gorgeous math guy with the super hot dreamy model who taught his class and he had a meltdown and destroyed his classroom?”

Kokoa stared at her. How had that gotten so far from the truth? “What?”

“That's crazy, Lin. No one would do that. How many times do you have to be told, anyway?” Suki demanded. “She never once said that she was dating Professor Mizutani. And if by 'super dreamy model' you mean that guy with the spade tattoo, I'm pretty sure I've seen him before—with his wife.”

“He had a bunch of young girls around him yesterday. If he's married, he's not faithful.”

“That's not true,” Kokoa said. “Ikki is married, and he's devoted to her. She's my best friend, and Ikki is like a brother to me. He's been helping both me and Kent, who happens to be his best friend. Neither one of them are jealous of each other like that, and they wouldn't be. That's just not the kind of men they are. And while Ikki does have a condition that makes his eyes seem... somewhat hypnotic and does attract crowds sometimes, he's not going to do anything with those girls. He was just there helping Kent because he had an emergency at home.”

Suki sighed, shaking her head at her friend. “She always believes the worst, wildest gossip, and it's never true.”

“You didn't see him with that crowd of girls.”

“And you haven't seen him with his wife,” Kokoa said, making the girl frown. “When the woman Ikki loves is in the room, he only has eyes for her. That's how it's been since he fell for her. It hasn't changed, and it's beautiful to see. He's a very devoted man. And a good father. If you spread that rumor about him, you're not just having fun or passing on information. You'd be hurting a good, happy family. And you'd tempt me to fail you on purpose.”

“You wouldn't do that.”

“She should,” Suki said. “There should be consequences to you or anyone else spreading that kind of nonsense. People don't think, and they accept it as true, but do you know what it would do to her reputation alone if you keep up this cheating rumor? Even just the one that they're dating could get them both in trouble, but it would be worse if it was about cheating and if someone really thought that was why the classroom was damaged.”

Kokoa really did not want to hear that. She didn't want to cause more problems for Kent.

* * *

“And remember the assignment is due next week. Don't put it off to the last minute,” Kokoa called to her students leaving the hall. She stopped when she saw him and frowned.

Kent waited for more of the crowd to pass before going closer. Now that he was here, his decision did seem somewhat foolish, but at the time he made it, he'd thought it was reasonable. He took over holding the door as the last students passed by them.

“Did... something happen? I wouldn't have thought you'd leave when they—”

“They took both my parents off for testing they told me might take hours. It was very firmly implied that I should go home. My mother refused to have me with her for any examinations—I do not know that I'd want to be, but she has never liked being naked in front of anyone besides my father—that did not come out right.”

She smiled despite his clumsiness with the words. “That's understandable. I mean, as kids we might intrude on our parents when they're not ready for us, but that doesn't mean they like it, and you're grown now. She'd wouldn't want that vulnerability showing, especially not when she's sick.”

Kent nodded, reaching up to rub his aching neck. “I couldn't even be in the room for the tests they're doing on my father. I'm sure they thought I should clean up, eat, and maybe even sleep, but I have no appetite, and I could not rest now. The possibilities raised by all these tests... I thought it was better to have some kind of occupation for my mind. Between the tests and uncertainty over what you might do for lunch without Ikkyu on campus, I... chose to come and see the damage to my classroom.”

Kokoa winced. “Oh. I... I'm glad it's just more tests, but I'm also... you should know that there are some really unpleasant rumors going around already about what happened.”

He frowned. He'd never put much stock in rumors and tended to ignore them. “Why does that matter?”

“Well, for one, half this mess is because of people assuming we're dating, right?” She didn't look at him as she spoke, and he found his reaction to that unsettling. Why should it bother him so much? “And if it was Neikan, then it could get even worse, though it's bad enough people think that you and Ikki had a fight over me.”

Kent blinked. “Ikkyu and I...? I don't think that... To be honest, I can't recall any instance when we argued to any meaningful degree. It was not my place to disagree with his excessive dating habits, and I admit that I found them more intellectually fascinating than morally questionable. I was focused on experiments to understand the cause, not on the impact that behavior had on anyone—not Ikkyu, not the others. And while we have had other debates and discussions, I don't believe it was ever the sort of thing we had to 'make up' over or anything like that.”

She seemed to smile at that. “I think they say that you should always be able to fight with friends—that it's best to have the ability to overcome that—but if you don't have to fight, that should be good, too. And it's not just that... I have this feeling that the two of you probably resolve your issues in other ways... like math puzzles.”

Kent stopped to consider that. “Hmm. You may be correct in that. I did tend to give Ikkyu ones that were nearly unsolvable when I was irritated with him.”

She laughed, and he smiled at her as they resumed their walk. He did find he was unsettled by her words, since the idea of someone blaming this on Ikkyu was actually repugnant. Or was he the one that was supposedly to blame?

“I should probably speak to someone while I'm here,” Kent said. “I did explain last night that I was taking my parents to the hospital and likely would not be able to teach today, but that does not cover the vandalism.”

She nodded. “I suppose that even with Shin investigating, they'll want to talk to you. And... we had probably better tell them it was about Neikan.”

“We cannot prove that, and speculation there will not help anyone. It would be better to wait until Shin can confirm what we suspect.”

“I suppose you're right about that. It's possible it wasn't Neikan.” She frowned. “It's kind of silly to think, but... Ikki did gather a crowd again, and I remember what that fan club was like. It's hard to think it went that far this fast, but it's not impossible.”

Kent nodded. That was certainly possible. The women that developed an obsession with Ikkyu were far from reasonable, and his eyes remained a part of why he'd chosen to run a business for himself instead of work for a larger company.

“I didn't even think of mentioning it to Shin.” Kokoa grimaced. “I should have. I don't have his number anymore. Did he give it to you?”

Kent shook his head. “Likely there would have been little point in giving it as my phone died sometime last night and I did not have a charger with me.”

“Oh. Do you have one in your office? You should get it while you're here.”

He nodded. “That was one of the other reasons I came.”

She gave him a warm smile, wrapping her arm around his, and Kent had a very unpleasant feeling, much as he wanted to deny it, that the main reason had been her. Not because of her ex-husband's threats. That was an excuse. 

He fully intended to keep using it. Rationally, he knew better, but he found himself incapable of acting rational with his parents' mortality looming over them. He didn't want to face it, and he didn't want to admit how desperate he was not to be alone.

He had Ikkyu, who was a good friend, and Ikkyu's family, but that was not the same as his own, and the idea of spending any time in that house, empty without them—he'd done it the first time they were in the hospital, but Kent could barely face it now.

“I'll go back with you.”

Kent looked over at her with a frown. “To my office? We are already nearly there.”

“No, to the hospital. It doesn't make any sense to drag Ikki back here to escort me home, and even then... I can't go to my apartment, can I? I... I'd like to be there for you and know what's happening to your parents—I know that's not—”

“It's fine. I... I should not let you cancel your classes again, but it does make some sense for us to return together and... Yes. It's practical.”

He was sure he was just saying that to convince himself, but at this point, he did not care.

* * *

Shin looked at the address again. No, this was definitely the one listed for Neikan Shirashi. Still, the place must have been vacant for months. The mailbox overflowed with letters, and the windows showed enough of the room to be sure that there was no furniture there. If this was where Kokoa had been living with him when they were married, she might have taken some of that—though Shin wasn't sure because it sounded like she'd left in a big hurry. She shouldn't have been able to take any of it.

So had Neikan moved after she left?

He might not have updated his address, especially if he was planning on this, even if Shin's fellow officers had ignored the stalking and abuse in the past. Maybe it was the _mukoyoki_ thing. Maybe he was going to live with Kokoa's parents—he could already have moved in there instead.

That didn't help Shin much. He had no idea where this guy's base was here, and he had to have one since he was still stalking Kokoa. If he had been the one that trashed that classroom last night, he was already well past deranged. Shin wasn't sure how he had fooled Kokoa's parents, but then they probably were will willing to believe the worst of her when it came to men, considering how her relationships had failed in the past.

They'd sure as hell thought that Kokoa should have married Toma, and when that failed, they settled for Shin, but she'd rejected them both. At the time, Shin had been angry enough to hate them both, but his issues with Toma weren't even about Kokoa as much as they'd both believed that before she was out of the picture and they actually talked about what the hell was going on with them. These days, Shin knew she'd been right to end it when she did. He couldn't make her love him, and he knew it could have been a lot uglier when it ended if she'd continued to fake it.

Whether he wanted to admit it or not back then, he'd known. He knew her well enough to know when she was lying, and what she felt wasn't enough.

Shin had moved on. He wasn't hung up on her. He wasn't sure why her ex-husband had fixated on her like this, but if he was the kind of man who only saw a woman as property, then he would think Kokoa still belonged to him.

If he really thought she was dating Kent...

Was it just because Neikan had been interrupted that he hadn't gone after Kokoa's classroom? Or was it because Neikan wanted to take on his rival instead? Was he afraid to approach Kent directly, or was this another progression and the bastard would attack Kent later?

Shin's phone rang, and he grimaced as he answered it. “What?”

“Nice to hear your voice again. You have a problem with me giving Kent your number? He sent me a text to tell me his mom was still in for testing and asking me to check on that case for her—I think he wants her to have a distraction while she's in there—”

“Toma.” Shin cut him off, not needing to hear more. “I'll call him again. I have some more questions for him anyway.”

“The school gave you his cellphone number?”

Shin had gotten all the contact information the school had for Kent, since he was investigating the vandalism. “I have it. I told you that earlier. Why do you care, anyway?”

“It may be nothing.”

“Don't be a pain in the ass.”

Toma let out a breath. “Okay, there's a good chance this was just about Kokoa and it's her dick ex-husband, but something Kent said yesterday has been bugging me... He said that the reason the opposing counsel Ayeka and I were up against folded in court yesterday was because they were using that case to push his mother's health too far.”

“What?”

“Kent said himself that it was paranoid, but it fits. It was so damned weird that they fought us for so long to go to trial and then dropped it as soon as I made the opening argument. It is paranoid, but he might not be wrong about it. Especially when the doctors can't figure out what's wrong with Ayeka. They blame fatigue, but she's working a lot less now. And Daichi's heart problems came out of nowhere, from what I understand.”

Shin frowned. “You're not actually saying someone targeted his family? Why would they do that? For a court case? What about Kokoa's ex-husband? He's the best suspect for this vandalism, and he's not connected to that case, is he? And how long have Kent's parents been sick? This doesn't fit.”

“It might not be. It probably isn't, actually, but if they are pulling this crap against Ayeka... I don't know. Does it bother you that this guy only went after Kent's classroom?”

A little. “A guard interrupted him.”

“So it could just be that.” Toma sighed. “I don't know. This whole situation is weird, and now you're involved as well, so it feels that much stranger. Maybe it's nothing. Maybe it's not. Any luck finding Neikan?”

“Checked the current address on file. He's not here. Hasn't been for a while.” Shin shook his head. “Not done yet, though. If he's watching Kokoa, he'll be near the school, and I can get him there.”

* * *

“Anything from the hospital?” Kokoa asked, watching Kent check his phone now that it was working again. She hoped nothing bad had happened while he was here. She'd hate that. She knew he hadn't come just for her, but he'd already sacrificed a lot to help her.

Kent shook his head. “These are mostly from Ikkyu last night. And this morning. One from the school to inform me of the vandalism... Nothing of great concern.”

“Oh.” She saw his look and forced a smile. “Well, it's good, but it's bad, too, right? Sometimes it's worse not to know, but I'm also glad nothing happened while you were gone. I... I want your parents to... I'd like them to get better, not worse. I know that's not neccesarily possible, but... they're so kind... And you are, too, you're so... I don't want you hurt, and losing them... I am making this worse, aren't I? I shouldn't have said anything.”

Kent gave her a slight smile. “I fear that were I trying to reassure you in similar circumstances, I would have said much worse.”

She shook her head. “You aren't that bad. You were... I don't think I ever properly thanked you for all you did after I got out of the hospital. I... I was so lost and confused and... I needed some way of understanding the gaping hole inside me. You helped me look at the possibilities, even the ones that scared me, and I... felt like I could face them because you were there.”

Kent frowned at her. “Because of me? Why would I be so reassuring? Even now, my ability to relate to others is... not what anyone expects. I am still frequently disliked, and I am afraid I did not even manage to support Ikkyu much despite our longstanding friendship, and my parents... I can't...”

“You're so solid and dependable, and your parents know that. So does Ikki.”

“Dependable? I think Ikkyu's sentiments are usually expressed as some sort of exasperation... I need a keeper, I'm worse at taking care of myself than his kids, I forget everything that's not part of my research...”

Kokoa knew he could get caught up in that, so she couldn't tell him he didn't, and he did seem to forget some basics—like eating and sleeping—when he was, at least according to Ikki's stories, but she'd also seen him with his parents as a caregiver and he'd been there for her after she got out of the hospital. Maybe she was just a source of curiosity for him, but even so, he'd still helped her.

“You're more than that, though. Maybe you're not that good at taking care of yourself—though I think you've improved since those stories Ikki likes to tell—but you're there for the people who need you. We know we can depend on you. Your parents do. Your mom said so. And I think Ikki does know that, too. He just likes to tease you. I know I know it.”

He looked at her, and she wasn't sure what she saw in his eyes, but it both thrilled and scared her. Something about it seemed like what she wanted, and yet a part of her wanted to run away.

“Kokoa, I—”

“I told you to stay away from her.” 

Kokoa looked over at Neikan's words. He rushed towards them, and she thought she saw something in his hand. She couldn't tell what it was—he moved too fast—and then Kent pushed her out of the way. She stumbled back a little as Neikan rammed into Kent. No, that wasn't right. He tried, but Kent managed to sidestep just in time to avoid him, so he just sideswiped him, falling forward onto the ground.

She stared at him, swallowing, trying to figure out what to do. She turned to Kent, and her heart lurched.

“You're bleeding.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Neikan's attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never meant for this update to take so long. I have been plugging away at this chapter off and on when I wasn't sick, but the migraines were so severe lately I haven't gotten much of anything done. It's only now that I'm almost feeling human again that I could finish it.

* * *

Kokoa felt sick. Dread had her stomach, and she couldn't move. Kent had gotten hurt because of her. That was the last thing she wanted. She had wanted to make things better for him, not worse, and here he was bleeding because of her. Because Neikan was unreasonable and wouldn't leave her alone. She never should have married him, never should have brought him into Kent's life.

“It's a graze,” Kent said, and he reached for her. She trembled. “Kokoa, look at me. He didn't hit me with the force he intended or at an angle that would do much damage. I'm surprised it even managed to break the skin.”

She swallowed. “Are... are you sure?”

“Why are you so worried about him?” Neikan demanded, getting back to his feet. “I'm your husband. You should be thinking about me.”

“We're divorced,” she said, shaking her head. “Why can't you understand that? Why won't you leave me alone? Why do you have to ruin everything? I told you when we got married it was impossible. I told you I didn't—couldn't—love anyone, but you still thought I'd love you. Punishing me for that... it's wrong. I...”

“You said yes to him,” Neikan said, tightening his grip on the knife. His hand had no color, and he was shaking with fury. “You're just a lying—”

“I would rather you did not finish that statement.” Kent took a step toward him, and Neikan backed up, still intimidated. “You are nothing more than a bully at heart. She's smaller than you, and you're good at manipulating people, so you think you can get your way, but when it comes to actually facing me, not only did you feel you had to be armed, you are not able to continue your assault when I confront you in turn. You are a coward.”

“Are you trying to provoke me? I already made you bleed once.”

Kokoa hoped that he wasn't. Neikan had already attacked them, and she thought he would try and kill Kent if he had half a chance. Did that mean they should run? Or was it better to stay here and stand their ground? She didn't know. She just wanted the option that wouldn't end with Kent hurt again.

“You are a fool as well. You attacked in a public place in broad daylight. What exactly did you think you were going to accomplish?” Kent frowned. “Do you not realize you've gathered a crowd? And you've confessed in front of all of them, not that they needed it after seeing what you've done.”

“They'll be on my side.” Neikan was insane. She couldn't think of any other reason why he'd believe that. “She's my wife, after all.”

“No.” Kokoa almost screamed it. “I'm not your wife. We're divorced. And no one is going to side with you over Kent—he was only trying to help me—to protect me—from you.”

“I never hurt you.”

She shook her head. “You're lying. You left bruises and even if you hadn't—listen to yourself. Do you think this is right? How a man's supposed to act? It isn't. I'm not your property. You don't have rights to me. And I can't forgive what you've done.”

Her heart lurched with her own words, and she felt ill all over again. The world spun, and she thought she was going to fall. Her chest was so tight she couldn't breathe. What was this? A delayed reaction to Neikan's attack? She didn't think he'd been able to hurt her, but this feeling... something was wrong. Very wrong.

And yet... she knew it. This was familiar. That ache...

“Kokoa?”

Kent's voice sounded distant, and she wasn't sure if that was his hand she felt on her arm or not. Everything was strange. She'd had this sensation before, back when she'd get overwhelmed for no reason she could tell and cry like she'd lost a part of herself or something—she still didn't understand what had happened. 

She couldn't focus, couldn't think. They were in danger, weren't they? So she was just scared and upset and—no, that wasn't it. That didn't feel right. Was she... Guilt. That... no...

Something jerked her, hard, and she bumped into something solid and held onto it in desperation, unable to make things clear.

* * *

Shin grimaced as he shut the car door. He didn't want to be here, not when there was a good chance that this was another dead end and would come to nothing. Even if it didn't, he'd probably run into someone he didn't want to see. He wasn't a coward, but at the same time, he wasn't looking forward to dealing with all that baggage again.

He crossed the campus, making sure to check the areas he knew were good for lurking around unnoticed, places where Neikan might be if he was looking to catch Kokoa off-guard. He'd made it through a few of them before he heard the commotion from the next wing and started running.

Kent still managed to stand out above the crowd, though plenty of students had gathered, some idiots even recording it on their phones. That would help, he supposed, in making a case—no way in hell this guy was getting away with all that proof—but damn it, who the hell stood around and recorded a fight instead of doing something useful about it?

“She's my wife!” Neikan raised his knife and swung it towards the two of them—Shin wasn't sure who he was aiming for since Kent was half-shielding Kokoa, leaving them close together. Kent pushed Kokoa out of the bastard's path when she didn't move herself. Shin swore and dove after Neikan, knocking him to the ground. “Get off me! I'm going to—”

“Jail,” Shin finished for him, knocking his arm into the ground to force him to drop the blade. As soon as he did, Shin bent his arm back behind him and cuffed his hands together.

“I have every right to defend—”

“Save it,” Shin said. He didn't want to hear it. He hated hearing abusers rave and blame their victims. This guy wouldn't be any different, and he already wanted to pound the guy's face in. He looked up at Kent and Kokoa. “You okay?”

Kent's shirt was torn in a couple places, but he didn't seem to notice as he turned to Kokoa, frowning. He looked her over and then touched her shoulder, giving her a light shake when she didn't even blink. “Kokoa?”

She shuddered and almost collapsed. Kent caught her, and Shin gave Neikan a shove.

“The hell did you do to her?”

“That is the odd thing,” Kent said. “I did not think he managed to injure her, and yet she... Perhaps it is simply the trauma of it. She seems to have gone into a sort of... fugue state.”

Shin didn't like this. “What?”

“I believe she may have held back in telling anyone exactly what he did to her when he threatened her and scared her into leaving him.” Kent adjusted his hold to support her better. “Do you need us to stay, Shin? I was about to return to my parents at the hospital. Kokoa had planned to come with me rather than make someone come escort her home, though now that you're here—”

“She's not going with you,” Neikan said. “She's my wife, not yours, no matter what she said. You don't get to marry her. She's mine.”

“Shut up.” Shin put his knee on Neikan's back, adding to the pressure holding him down. “You're divorced, idiot. You're also going to jail. I was just going to ask you about vandalism, but I have you for assault now.”

Neikan struggled in Shin's hold. “You're just another one of her toys, Shin. She used you and discarded you, didn't she?”

Shin grunted. Maybe it had felt like that at the time, but he was over it. “Who the hell cares if we dated back in college? That doesn't change what you did. You assaulted them in front of a crowd—and a police detective—and some of those kids have it recorded. You can't talk your way out of this. No one will believe you.”

Shin saw the campus police coming closer. Took them long enough. He showed them his badge. “I need statements from the crowd and any videos they recorded.”

“Understood.”

Shin looked at Kent. “How bad is it?”

Kent shook his head. “My injuries are minor. I was able to move out of his path when he attacked, and while he still managed to draw blood, it is a graze at best. I'm more concerned about Kokoa at the moment.”

Shin had to admit that he was as well. She should have snapped out of it by now, but she was still limp in Kent's arms. “Can you manage her on your own?”

“Yes. Unless you wish us to wait for an ambulance, though I do not believe it necessary.”

“I can help, Professor Mizutani.” A young man stepped out from behind the others, moving closer despite the campus police. “Please.”

“It is unnecessary,” Kent repeated as Kokoa mumbled something into his shirt and seemed to rouse herself a little.

She grabbed hold of Kent, causing him to tense. “Don't... don't leave me...”

“I would hardly do such a thing in your current state. Come. We should get you to the hospital.”

“No hospital... not safe... locked away... please don't...”

Shin frowned. “What are you talking about? No one's going to lock you away. Well, that is probably what this asshole was planning, but he can't do it now. He's going to jail, and he'll stay there. You're safe, Kokoa. Just let Kent take you to the doctor so they can check you out.”

She looked at Kent with a frown. “Is that what you wear under all the buckles? How long does it take you to put on that coat, anyway? Do you leave some of them buckled so that it is faster to get on and off? Are some of them just for show?”

Shin was torn between wanting to laugh—he was sure everyone who met Kent back in college had to wonder about that with that coat of his—and being seriously worried. Had she somehow... regressed?

“That coat was a casualty of my first stay in London.” Kent seemed rather upset by that. Shin had to admit it was weird seeing him without it, even if it had been years since they worked together. “So it is of no importance now.”

Kokoa still looked confused. “I... I don't feel... something is... wrong.”

“Go to the doctor already. Kent, just take her and go. Stop coddling her. You're being worse than Toma.”

* * *

“I was a bit worried when I didn't see you here,” Ikki said, frowning at Ken as he came in the room. He didn't want to say how awkward it was to be in the room with Daichi and Ayeka when they were in the hospital more or less against their will without Ken as a buffer. “Where'd you go?”

“They suggested I go home to rest,” Ken answered, and Sawa snorted at his words. She wasn't doing too well with the smells in the hospital, but they'd both been worried about the Mizutanis and were not about to leave before they knew what was up with Ken. “I could not rest, so I chose to check on my classroom instead.”

“Ah, Kenchi-kun,” Ayeka said as she rose from her bed and went to her son's side. “What is this? You've been hurt.”

Ken sighed. “It's a graze, Mother. I'm fine, and since when have I ever been Kenchi-kun?”

Ikki would like to know. He'd never figured Ayeka for cutesy nicknames, and it did look like Ken was a bit embarrassed by the name, if the red around his ears was any indication. “It's new to me.”

“They gave her painkillers for the tests,” Daichi said, though he smiled fondly at his wife. Ken looked at his father. “Relax, son. It's exactly what you thought it was. They want me to stay here on the oxygen therapy for a bit before they'll let me take a portable kit home with me.”

Ken looked relieved, and then his mother hugged him, making him tense up and frown. “Painkillers for tests?”

“Your mother wanted a local anesthetic before they drew blood, but that required a needle as well, so they gave her a pill instead, but it seems it was stronger than anticipated.”

“Oh, goodness. This will be like that time Ikkyu brought that sake and—”

“Oh, now that was fun,” Ikki said, and Sawa swatted him. He shrugged. He liked seeing the rational ones let loose a little. He looked over at the doorway. “Hey, Kokoa. What are you doing just standing there?”

She flushed. “I was just... I...”

“They concluded their examination, then?”

She nodded. “I'm fine. I... They didn't find anything again.”

Sawa frowned. “What's going on? What happened?”

“Neikan came after us at the school. I... He cut Kent. And I... I had some kind of... I don't know. It got confusing and a little... blank. I...”

“I believe she may have had a... fugue. The previous trauma and today's events apparently triggered it,” Ken said. “Neikan was apprehended—Shin came to the school to ask more questions and was able to detain Neikan there. As his actions drew a crowd that saw fit to record the whole thing, I do not believe Neikan can deny what happened or talk his way out of it. This should be over. I... am glad that you were uninjured, Kokoa. They... did not wish for me to remain during your tests, either.”

She flushed again. “Well, I... Nothing happened.”

“That's not the face of nothing happened,” Ikki said, aware of Sawa nodding next to him. “Are you sure you're okay?”

Kokoa shivered. “They kept pushing about what caused it. I don't... I don't even know. I was... I was worried about Kent because I saw the blood, but Kent was... calm. He was trying to talk Neikan out of attacking again, and then... I don't know. I felt...”

“Damn it, Kokoa.” Ikki shook his head. “If Neikan—”

“He didn't. Why does everyone assume he did?” Kokoa shivered and ran her hands over her arms. “That's what they assumed led to... whatever it was that made me space out, but it wasn't. I just... I told him I couldn't forgive him...”

“Kokoa? You're... pale again. Are you sure you're all right?”

She shuddered. Sawa went over to her and dragged her to a chair. “You sit and rest. You've been through a lot today. Just rest. And be glad—it's over. Neikan's been arrested, and since it was Shin, it'll be handled right.”

Kokoa nodded. She still seemed a little off, though. Ikki hoped that just meant it hadn't settled in, though he'd need to ask Ken about what happened when they were alone. He'd rather not worry Sawa any. She was having a bit of a rough time with number five, whether she was willing to admit it or not.

They were lucky that Mine and her husband were willing to take the kids so they could be here for Ken. He still needed more help.

“Wait. You got checked out, too, didn't you?”

“It was a scratch.”

Ayeka eyed her son with suspicion. “Kenchi-kun, you'e lying. I know that look. Let me see your wound. Wounds. Your shirt is torn here and here and—”

“Mother.” Ken pushed her hands away, though Ikki got a glimpse of a bandage, at least, which suggested that he had seen the doctors after all. That was good. “I told you. It's nothing. An irritation. Please stop fussing and go lie down again. You are not well.”

“No. I don't need to—”

“You want me to tell Toma of your fear of needles?”

She grimaced, but she did not fight him as he guided her back to the bed, helping her sit with a tired sigh. Ikki watched them with a slight smile. These moments where Ken and his parents showed their familial affection were nice to watch. A little rare, even, since logic ruled that house, but they still cared about each other. 

“I can tell him if you like.”

“Shin?”

* * *

“This is a bit of a full house,” Shin said as he walked into the room. He felt a little strange being in with Kent's parents. He'd never actually met them before, and when he was here before, they were both basically asleep. That made it even more awkward.

“Oh, this is nothing. If Mine and the mister show up with our kids in tow, then it will be,” Ikki said, and Shin frowned at him. “We do have four of them, and Mine agreed to watch them for a bit.”

“Practice.” Sawa smiled and moved her hand over her stomach in a circle. Shin stared at her. She was kidding, right? Mine had... kids? “Don't look so scared, Shin. She's still got about seven months to go yet.”

“I'm not scared.”

“He's totally scared.” Ikki grinned and wrapped his arms around Sawa. “Relax. Mine's not as bad with kids as she thinks she is. We know, or we'd never let her watch our delinquents. And her latest husband is a good man. Responsible, hard-working. The opposite of the guys she used to go for, but she got over her pretty boy phase the hard way, so she's learned a few things over the years.”

Shin shook his head. “I never said anything.”

“You have a very expressive face,” Kent's father said. “Oh, don't look at me like that. I'm not so frail as all that. I need supplemental oxygen at the moment. Not the worst it could be. I understand you used to work with Kent?”

Shin nodded. “We all worked together back at Meido No Hitsuji. Kent and I had the kitchen.”

“It's nice to meet you. Kent never was very good at bringing his friends home. We might never have met any of them if the one wasn't willing to invite himself over.” Kent's dad looked over at Ikki, who shrugged, smiling a bit. Shin wasn't surprised to hear that Ikki had done that. He was surprised to hear Kent's dad call Shin a friend, though.

“I do not know that Shin would consider us friends, though I will admit I am grateful for his intervention today.” Kent sounded exhausted. Shin knew that tone from long, busy days at the cafe. “I am sorry we were not able to stay and give our statements before. I assume that is why you are here now?”

Shin knew it could have waited, but he needed a break from that jerk back at the station. “That ex of yours is a piece of work. Made me so mad I needed some air. What about you two?”

“There's nothing wrong with me,” Kokoa said. She looked down at her hands. “Again.”

Kent looked over at her with a frown. “Are you suggesting that the traumatic incident is actually related to something further in the past and not to Neikan's behavior while you were married?”

“It's nothing. Ignore me.”

Shin wasn't sure he could. She was one of his oldest friends, and this was a case. He had to know what had happened this afternoon. “I've seen a few of the videos they took this afternoon, so I know most of it, but they didn't start recording until it was clear something was going on, so I do still need statements. Neikan denies he did anything wrong. He said he was just there to get his wife.”

“We're divorced. Why can't he accept that?”

“He's far past reason, it would seem.” Kent looked down at his side. “He said as much, though. He ordered me away from his wife, came at us with the knife. I didn't quite dodge it, so he grazed my side with it, but it was a minor wound. I believe you probably did see the rest on the videos, but I can go further if you want.”

Shin shook his head. “Not now. You will have to give a formal statement, but you've confirmed what I knew, and that's enough for the time being.”

Kent nodded, taking the other chair. “Very well. I will make arrangements to give my formal statement later.”

“Thank you, Shin.” Kokoa forced a smile. “I'll do that, too. I... Not now. I...”

“You still seem somewhat unwell. I think it best you remain here for a while in case something happens.” Kent sounded concerned, and Shin couldn't blame him. What happened earlier had been strange, though she had plenty of reason to be upset. Her ex-husband was insane, and Shin was sure he would have killed Kent if he'd had the chance.

“We can take you back to your place when we go,” Sawa told her with a bright smile. “We won't be leaving for a while yet, though. Mine is bringing the kids here.”

Shin frowned. Why would they do that?

“Grandpa Daichi,” two boys burst through the door and went right to the bed, talking over each other as they reached him and making no sense, though the old man smiled through it as they did.

“Uncle Ken!” A young girl rushed in and went right to him, climbing up into his lap. “I did it. I solved the math problem. It was hard, but I got the right answer. My teacher told me I did. See? I did it, and Dad couldn't.”

“Hmm. This answer is technically valid.”

“What? That's not true. No way,” Ikki said, frowning as he went to snatch the paper from Ken's grasp. “Okay, Ken, that's not fair. You're not supposed to give me ones that are impossible.”

“I didn't. I said that it was a technically valid answer because as her teacher puts it, 'using standard formulas, this problem is incalculable.' However, I expect more of you and you would not stop at mere standard formulas.”

“Oh. So my answer isn't right?”

“It is correct on a technicality, but it's not the solution to the problem, no,” Kent told her, and her crestfallen expression even got to Shin. Kent lifted her chin and gave her a smile. “Your persistence is admirable, and I will create some problems for you that are closer to your level of knowledge while still challenging for you. You may wish to avoid these ones in the future, though, as they are made to frustrate your father.”

“Really? My own problems? Thank you, Uncle Ken. You're the best.” She curled up against him with a contented sigh. Kent just frowned at her.

“No, Aunt Kokoa's the best,” the other girl said as she claimed Kokoa's lap. 

“Well, I feel loved,” Mine said, putting on an exaggerated pout. The adults laughed. “Some thanks I get for bringing them all here when they really wanted to see Grandma Ayeka and Grandpa Daichi.”

“We appreciate you, Mine,” Sawa said, her hand on her stomach again. “I'm afraid when it comes to Yuriko, nothing is better than math, so she's her daddy's girl and Kent will always be her favorite. Little Kaya changes her mind a lot, though, so don't be surprised if she picks you later.”

Mine smiled. Then she saw Shin and her eyes got big. “Oh, wow. I haven't seen you in forever, Shin. How are you? You look good in that suit.”

He sighed. “Why is always about looks with you?”

“You're grumpy as ever. Why can't you accept a compliment? You looking good in a suit does not make me shallow. I am not saying it because I'm coming onto you. I had your type as my second husband, and I hated every second of it,” Mine said, folding her arms over her chest and glaring at him. “I'm happily married now. I doubt you can say that.”

Shin grunted. “Like I'd tell you about my relationships.”

“It'd be better if you did. Then Kokoa won't sit there obsessing over how she broke your heart, pushed you away from everyone and everything since you weren't very sociable in the first place,” Ikki said. Shin gave him a look, but Ikki wasn't fazed. “Look, she thinks after you and she were over and after she and Toma were over, you guys were both miserable. You broke your friendship and hate her because you're miserable and alone. Tell her you're not. Even if you're still mad at her, she should know you didn't just wallow in it.”

“Toma would have wallowed. I didn't.” Shin glanced toward Kokoa, who had buried her face behind her niece's back, hiding in shame. “Fine. Whatever. I have someone.”

“That's good.”

Mine looked at her. “Are you okay, Kokoa? You don't sound okay.”

“We experienced another encounter with Neikan. He proved violent, and it was very distressing for Kokoa.” Kent adjusted his glasses, frowning again. “It is safe for her to return home, though perhaps it is best she is not alone.”

Kokoa bit her lip as she looked up at Kent. “You... want me to leave?”

“I... I would have said it would be better for you, but perhaps it is not. You should not be alone now. I... Perhaps it would be best if you were to go with Ikkyu and Sawa. Or perhaps Mine and her husband.”

Kokoa looked down again, and Shin almost wanted to smack Kent, though it wasn't like he was doing something wrong this time. Sending her home should be the best thing, and clearly the guy was looking out for her, but it wasn't what she wanted, was it? She wanted to stay here with him.

“It might be better if she sticks around the hospital, just since we're not sure what happened earlier,” Shin said, grimacing a little when he realized he was still protecting her. “Kent, you got a minute? There's something else I want to ask you about.”

* * *

Kent set Yuriko down, much to her apparent displeasure, and stood. His side ached, that wound not helped any by the child that had been squirming around in his lap a moment ago. She had not been aware of the injuries, he did not think, or she would have reacted differently, but she could be quite blind when it came to things outside of math.

He followed Shin to the door and shut it behind them. “I have told you everything of import regarding the events of the day, and you did say the formal statement could wait. What is it you want to say to me?”

Shin frowned. “I told you I had a question.”

“And yet even to someone like me, the look you gave me said you had much to say. You disapprove of something I did? I admit I did not much care for how that confrontation went, though relatively little harm was done.”

Shin grunted. “It's better that you didn't do anything overly heroic. That would just make this messier since the guy keeps insisting he was doing the right thing. Guy's delusional, but he believes it enough he'd convince others, maybe even with the videos people took. No, this isn't—Toma said that you had a theory about what was going on with your mom. That maybe her illness wasn't what it seemed.”

Kent blinked, shaking his head. “No. That's not quite it. I never said I suspected anyone of poisoning her or anything. It is true that it has been idiopathic so far, but that does not mean that it was caused by someone else attempting to do her harm. I did suggest that a court tactic was used to force her to withdraw from an upcoming trial, but that was based on an assumption of her opponents knowing of her poor health and taking advantage of it, not... an attack. It was underhanded, but not necessarily criminal.”

Shin watched him for a long moment. “Are you sure about that?”

“Yes, reasonably so. With as many tests as my mother has been subjected to since she became ill, it seems unlikely they would not have seen some kind of poison were that the case. And while it is true that neither of my parents showed any sign of poor health prior to my father's heart attack, it never seemed to be suspicious before now.”

Shin nodded. “Fine, then.”

“You disagree? I suppose it is... it is not impossible, though for me it seems more like reaching for any false hope I might have. If someone were to have caused this, and it is not just the natural aging process, then... I can believe they will recover. I do not have to fear their death. And yet... I believe it more likely that it is just that... they are in advanced age. They are dying. That is... a fact.”

Kent leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. Voicing that truth was still difficult.

“I can look into it if you want,” Shin said, and Kent frowned again. “I mean it. If they manage to make this look like natural causes, they get away with it. And maybe it is just that, but how can you be sure now? Won't it bother you for the rest of your life if you don't at least look at the possibility?”

“I am afraid my thoughts have been elsewhere of late, more concerned with what would happen if I lost them than how. With the other things I have been caught up in as well, I fear that even the paranoid side of me that created the theory has not had enough time to occupy my thoughts. I... It has been quite busy of late, between this last scare that led us here to the hospital and Neikan's threats toward Kokoa.”

“You know better than to get too involved with her.”

Kent glared at him. “And what business is that of yours? I must warn you—you sound a bit too much like her ex-husband right now.”

Shin shook his head. “I'm not saying this because I'm not over her or because I'm jealous. I'm not. I just know what it's like to get caught up in her, how hard you try you can't get out of the patterns and the same damned instincts... I should be done with her. I am done with her, but I was ready to tell you off back there. Don't fall into that trap. You can walk away. You should.”

Shin turned to leave, and Kent said nothing as he walked away.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone needs a bit of time to rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a case, again, of knowing where things needed to go but being unsure of how to get there. I think I finally found it without overcomplicating things, so that's what this is, and I was finally able to make progress again, which is nice.

* * *

“Are you sure you don’t want us to take you home?” Mine pressed, and Kokoa shook her head. She didn’t want to go home now. She wasn’t ready to face an empty apartment, and she still felt… off. She wasn’t sure what had happened earlier, when Neikan was there.

She almost thought she’d remembered something, but if she had… She’d already lost it again. She couldn’t be sure what happened, and since the doctors couldn’t find anything, she didn’t know what to do. She wanted to know what she’d remembered or what it was—just a fugue? Something else? Was more wrong with her than she knew?

“I’m sure. I’d like to stay here with Kent.”

Kaya tugged on her shirt. “Auntie Kokoa, when you marry Uncle Kent, will you have lots and lots of babies like Mommy and Daddy?”

Kokoa stared at her. Where had that come from? Just because she was the aunt and Kent was the uncle didn’t mean marriage. She supposed she shouldn’t have said she wanted to stay with Kent, but it was true—just not what her niece seemed to think it was. “I…”

“Kaya, that’s not something you ask people,” Sawa said, grimacing as she pulled her away from Kokoa. “What have we told you about appropriate questions?”

“Yuriko wanted to know, too. She didn’t want Kent giving Auntie Kokoa math problems if she didn’t get them. I said she wanted to marry Uncle Kent herself, and she hit me.”

Sawa winced, but Ikki just laughed. “That makes Ken one popular guy, though as much as he is my best friend, I don’t think I want him marrying either of my daughters.”

Kokoa did smile a bit at that, since she thought Kent was a bit old for Yuriko, though her crush was a bit cute. Kent was a bit lucky, though, since he’d been out in the hallway and hadn’t had to be there for any of it.

As she thought that, he opened the door and came back in, looking more tired than he had when he left the room. “Kent? Are you okay? Did Shin—”

“It was unimportant. Toma has no discretion, it would seem, or perhaps everyone is a bit too paranoid. I corrected the misapprehension. That’s all.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“You seem tired. Are you going home now?”

She swallowed. “Oh. I… I am going to stay, actually.”

Kent tensed but nodded, taking the other chair again. She thought he really should go home and rest. He did not look well. She turned to Ikki, wondering if he might be able to persuade Kent to go home. She did not know that she could.

“You could use a futon,” Ikki said, and Kent frowned at him. “I’m not kidding. You make me wonder if you’re bleeding a lot more than you admitted because you’re pale and not moving very fast. Maybe we should have the doctors look at you again.”

“Do not fuss. I am fatigued, I admit, but the wound is only a graze. I will rest when it’s quiet.”

“It is impractical for you to sleep here when you are injured,” Daichi said, shaking his head. “We are fine. Your mother is already asleep, and I am improving. You need not fear us disappearing in the hours you go home to rest.”

“Father—”

“This is what we want for you. It is not right that you become ill and run down for our sake, nor is it practical. You are injured through no fault of your own, and you need rest. Would you not say the same to either of us? Have you not being doing so to your frustration of late?”

Kent sighed. “Yes, but that is different. Your heart condition is severe, and this is nothing.”

“My condition is being managed, as is your mother’s. You need your own rest.”

* * *

Kent unlocked the door and stepped into the house, again aware of the overwhelming silence that it held when his parents were not in it. They were not excessively loud people, not prone to loud music or television programs or even heated vocal discussions, but the house still felt empty, the lack of their presence tangible in a way he would have thought impossible—that was more of an emotional reaction than anything, and he disliked it.

“It’s quiet.”

He nodded to Kokoa’s words. He felt that, deeper and more painfully than he wanted to admit.

“I was afraid my apartment would be like this, even if I do live alone,” she said, looking up at him with a sheepish smile. “That is why I didn’t want to go home. That… and I was afraid if Neikan had found it, I’d walk into a mess and… I’m not ready to face that. He already destroyed so much...”

Kent turned back to shut the door, locking it behind them. “I do not believe he can do further harm. There is too much evidence against him now.”

“I hope so.”

Kent put a hand on her shoulder. “At least tonight you know he will be in jail. He can’t be released any sooner than—is it the weekend already? He may not get released until that is over, though I have quite lost track of time with all that has happened.”

She turned into him, wrapping her arms around him to his shock. “I’m so sorry. I… It’s my fault he hurt you. If you hadn’t been helping me—”

“He was wrong to threaten you. You know that. No one should have to be in that state of fear, and he had no right to demand any of that from you. You may have married him, but that does not mean he owns you or your body. He saw you only as a possession, though, and he warped even that. You are not to blame for what he did.”

“I was so afraid when he hurt you. I didn’t want to lose you.”

Kent felt the same, in that he was afraid of losing her, but he didn’t dare say that. His feelings were much stronger than he wanted to believe, but they were getting more and more undeniable. “My injuries are minor. I am not lying about that. He was too agitated to fight well, and he lacked any training that I could see. I have enough, though all I really had to do was avoid him.”

“I don’t want to lose anyone else.”

She had lost many, in the sense of all her failed relationships and lost friendships. He did not share that experience—he did not get close enough to anyone to have experienced such a loss. If he lost Ikkyu or his parents, though, that would be different.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

She continued to cling to him, and he doubted she would be willing to let go unless forced. Still, they were both tired.

“Let us sit down.”

She nodded, though she did not move very far from him and he ended up bumping her as he tried to get them to the couch. He sat down first, and she almost climbed into his lap.

“I’m sorry. I… I thought I was over this. That I was fine when they asked you to leave me alone in the doctor’s office, but I’m not. I… I’m afraid. If I let you go… you’ll disappear. It’s irrational, but I can’t stop thinking it, and I… I can’t break contact and I keep wanting to get even closer…” She buried her head in his chest, and some of what she said was completely lost to him after that.

He put an arm around her, aware he was not just doing it for her sake. He wanted this even knowing full well that he shouldn’t.

“I’m not going anywhere. You can stay until you believe that.”

* * *

_She could feel the heat of the fire. It was close, too close, and she would be burned up in it if she could not get free. Behind her came the insane cackle of his laughter, and she knew that if he got close to her, he’d kill her. She had been such a fool, believing in him, trusting him._

_She didn’t know why she had. Love was blind, they said, but was it also so incredibly stupid? She felt so dumb, too dumb to live. She’d gone against all sense and reason, and if Kent knew what she’d done, he’d be sure to tell her she was a moron._

_He’d be right. What had made her so sure she could change him? That she was strong enough to face that dark part of him that was willing to kill her? She had all the warnings, and she’d ignored them. Now she was going to die._

_Here. Alone._

_It was all over. Her love was corrupted, a tainted thing that ruined everything it touched. She had been lost to it, and that loss was eternal. She would die here, at his hands._

_She almost thought she’d welcome it. This was her choice, wasn’t it?_

Kokoa jerked awake with a cry. She shuddered and shook her head. That wasn’t real. That wasn’t her. She’d had a nightmare. She didn’t remember ever being trapped in a fire. That hadn’t happened. That was all wrong, it had to be, and she was just twisting things with Neikan, though she didn’t know why because she’d never loved him.

“You’re safe,” Kent said, and she trembled again, though this time with relief and shame. She was glad he was there and alive and safe, but she was ashamed to be clinging to him, to need him so desperately. She must have woken him.

“I’m sorry.”

“Nightmares after what happened are not unexpected.”

“Did you have one? Because if I woke you—”

“I was awake.” He sighed as she tensed. “Don’t think that was your fault. I was almost asleep listening to your breathing when I… All the things that could go wrong with my parents while we’re here and not there… I could not rest.”

“Oh, Kent,” she whispered, wishing she could do something for him like he was for her. His hold felt so nice, so strong and secure, and she didn’t think she wanted to let go, ever.

“Go back to sleep if you can,” he told her, combing his fingers through her hair. She smiled even as she thought she might cry. He was too good to her. She wanted more of it, even if she shouldn’t have it at all.

“Did we ever have a theory about fire?”

“What?”

“For my missing time? Was there ever a fire involved?”

He drew in a breath and let it out slowly. “I believe we discussed it to a degree because there had been an explosion at that same school a few weeks prior to the incident where you were found. They had already repaired the building and were getting ready to reopen it, though, and no signs of a fresh fire were seen. Why? You remembered something?”

She shook her head. “I couldn’t have. It must have been a nightmare.”

“What was it?”

She sighed. “Mostly thoughts. Feelings. I… I had been stupid, trusted someone past anything sensible, was convinced… love would overcome everything. It was… I don’t know. I was in a fire, and I deserved to die.”

“No. Making a foolish decision does not mean you deserve a death sentence. Though… natural selection suggests otherwise. Survival of the fittest should eliminate any idiots along the way, but some still survive. Not that I’m saying you’re stupid—I don’t—that wasn’t my intention. I meant to say that… we are all fools at times. We can overlook simple things or have emotional responses that counter all reason.”

She nodded, though she didn’t feel any better. “I don’t think I… I shouldn’t love anyone. Even if I could… I shouldn’t.”

Kent said nothing, but she thought he tightened his hold on her, and she snuggled into it, craving the sense of safety he gave her. She didn’t know if she would be able to sleep, but she was sure she didn’t want to lose this.

* * *

Kent heard something buzzing and opened his eyes with a groan. He tried to move to find the source of the noise, but he found he was under quite a bit of weight, an entire person’s, in fact, and that would not be dislodged easily, nor should it be cast off so quickly.

She’d been up most of the night, as he had, since she took a long time to settle down again after the nightmare that had woken her.

He hadn’t been able to sleep before that, and even less so afterward. Exhaustion must have gotten him eventually, but last he knew, he’d been trying his best to apply all reason and rational thought to his current state and arrived at an inevitable conclusion.

He was in trouble.

No amount of logic could dissuade certain feelings, and this was dangerous. Even now, though their shared space and proximity should have been benign and meant for her mental well-being, he did not want it to end. He did not want her to move. A part of him felt certain this was the last time he’d hold her, and yet he did not want to believe it.

Still… Neikan had been arrested. She no longer needed Kent as a shield. She would be able to go back to her own life, and it did not include him. He knew that.

He did not know that he wanted to be awake with more of these thoughts. His side was starting to ache, the pain becoming sharper the more he was aware of it. He would have to get her off of him.

“No...”

“Kokoa? Are you having another nightmare?”

Her head jerked up, and she looked at him, cheeks red. “I… Oh. I… Um...”

“Kokoa?”

“Sorry. I… It… Excuse me.” She rolled off and stumbled to her feet, barely standing before rushing down the hall to the bathroom.

Kent shook his head and sat up, stretching some to ease his aches before reaching for the phone. He looked at the screen and frowned. His father had to be joking. They weren’t really ready to release him, were they?

He forced himself up and went up the stairs to his own room, shedding the torn shirt from the day before and picking up one of the fresh ones he’d set aside as well as the rest of his clothes. He gathered them up and headed into the bathroom, changing as he attended to other morning responsibilities.

He finished and was coming down the stairs again when she appeared at the bottom of them.

“Oh. There you are. I… you were gone when I got back and I… I was...”

“I apologize. My father seems to think the hospital will release him, so I went up to change. I didn’t mean to alarm you.”

“Oh. That’s good,” she said, her smile bright and yet somehow upsetting when he saw it. He didn’t think it was fake, yet his stomach was bothered to see it all the same. “Kent? Are you okay?”

“I… Yes. I was just trying to remember where my father said the donation box was,” Kent said, though he’d only had that thought as he said it. She needed a new outfit, not that her current one was bad, but she had worn it through the day and the night.

“Oh. Yes. I suppose that would be good to know.”

“Unfortunately, I do not remember, but my mother did just do some laundry, and as we are in a hurry, that might be easier for now. I will make coffee while you get changed.”

She nodded. “Okay. I’ll meet you in the kitchen when I’m—oh. Where is your laundry?”

He led her to the doorway, and she smiled as she went inside. His stomach churned unpleasantly, and he turned away to go to the kitchen.

* * *

Kokoa followed Kent into the hospital room. His father smiled warmly at them when he saw them, though she struggled to smile back at the sight of the tube around his face that ran down to the machine at his feet. Kent tensed up at the sight of it, but his father shook his head.

“Relax. This means they’re satisfied with this oxygen level for my continued health,” his father explained. “They believe this will ease my symptoms and keep me going for a while yet.”

“Is that so?” Kent looked over at where Ayeka was arguing with the doctor and sighed. “Doctor? If I may interrupt, I’d like to speak to you.”

“Ah, yes. Of course.”

“It’s against medical privacy laws to disclose—”

“Mother, stop being a lawyer for five minutes and understand that as your caretaker, there are things I should know.”

Kokoa bit her lip, trying not to giggle at Ayeka’s expression. Even Kent’s frustration was almost… cute despite the circumstances. She knew it shouldn’t be funny, but she found Kent’s interactions with his family absolutely adorable and endearing. She could see why Ikki and Sawa considered them a part of their family as well.

“Anything he has to tell you, he can say here,” Ayeka insisted. “There is nothing about our health that we ourselves should not know, after all.”

Kent sighed, but he nodded. “Very well. Doctor, if you could explain to me the results of the tests from yesterday and also the actual expectation of the oxygen therapy my father is now on, that would be helpful.”

“Your father’s heart condition made it difficult for him to get the proper level of oxygen, as you already know. The labored breathing he’s been experiencing should ease with the oxygen we have him on, and that will allow him to continue most of his current activities. It is not a cure, but it will stabilize his condition for now.”

Kent nodded. “Understood. And is there still no known cause for my mother’s symptoms?”

“Once again, I come back to the conclusion of stress, I’m afraid.” The doctor glanced at Ayeka. “And a lack of sleep. As your mother is aware of your father’s condition and they share a bed, she may well have been lying awake at night listening to the changes in your father’s breathing and obsessing over it.”

Kent looked at his mother. Ayeka flushed and tugged on her shirt, not looking at anyone. “I see. I suppose that makes sense.”

“I can find no other explanation at present, and if that is, in fact, the case, she may well improve considerably now that your father’s breathing is being regulated.”

Kokoa had to smile at that. This was good news. That meant both of his parents would be okay for a while, and he could take them home without worrying so much. He wouldn’t be as stressed, either. She wanted to hug him again because of it, but she didn’t. Everything seemed to be working out after all. Neikan was in jail, and if it was the weekend—would her parents really have done the adoption if Neikan couldn’t be there? She had to call them and find out.

If that were true, though, she almost thought… would it be wrong to celebrate? She could ask Ikki and Sawa what they thought. Kent’s parents doing better was a good thing, but celebrating could be a bit much right now.

“We’ll go home and see how things go,” Daichi said, smiling again. “I’d rest better at home anyway, though I’d like to check on my experiments.”

“Of course you would.”

“Don’t say it like it’s such a bad thing, son. You would do the same if you could. As it is, don’t you have some lessons to plan?”

Kent grimaced. “Perhaps, but that does not mean that you should ignore your health. Just being on oxygen is not a cure, as you were already told.”

Daichi just smiled and picked up his coat, pulling his machine behind him and leaving Kent to sigh at his back. Kokoa went over and touched his back, trying to reassure him.

“You should rest, too. I know you didn’t get enough sleep last night. Neither of us did.”

* * *

“You’re supposed to be resting.” Kent did not look up from his hands, but that did not mean he was not aware of who he spoke to. With Daichi’s new companion, he made rather a noise no matter where he moved, the little wheels squeaking some along with the occasional wheezing breath he might take from the machine.

Daichi sat down next to his son. “I am. See? I’m sitting here beside you. What concerns me is why you are not in the kitchen.”

“I am no mere kitchen slave.”

“Of course not, but still, I thought you enjoyed cooking, even when you are fatigued. You’ve always insisted upon it in the past. Are you sitting out here in protest? Or is this about allowing her to feel useful?”

Kent shook his head. “I want… distance. I… need it. Let her do as she wishes. She will be gone tomorrow.”

Daichi drew in a breath. The oxygen from the machine had a different feel to it, a sense of impurity that he disliked even if he knew that should not be the case. Yet this was artificial, and he was not breathing on his own. That made him feel somewhat helpless, even if it were a relief to be free of the hospital and able to move on his own.

He felt a more than little helpless as it was his own lack of experience with emotions, not his failing body, that was the problem now. He did not know that he had ever seen his son in such a state before, and neither he nor Ayeka were qualified to comfort him over such a thing. He did not believe the normal response that mirrored the saying of plenty other fish in the sea would be of any use to Kent at the moment.

“That is not what you want.”

“It is. It is for the best. Any confusion over our status was wishful thinking on your part and Mother’s and… we are not together. We never were. I was assisting her, that’s all. And I accept that. She will return to a normal life tomorrow. She already asked if I would walk her back to her apartment. It is fine.”

Daichi shook his head. Kent’s words were far from convincing, even if he was attempting to do so for himself. “No. You are not fine with her going.”

“I am. That is only reasonable, and I am a reasonable person.” 

“You do not lie well, Kent. You never have.” Daichi found it rather a comfort most of the time, though it was hard to face when the subject of discussion was his mortality. This time it was not, however, and that made it much easier. Perhaps even a bit amusing. “It is an admirable thing, for deception has no honor. Do not think you must conceal your feelings. You care about this woman. There is nothing wrong with that.”

“You do not understand. She… If there are feelings, they are not mutual. I am only her friend. There is nothing wrong with that, either. I simply need time to… to forget, I suppose. Emotions do fade, after all, and that may well happen in this case, given time.”

“If your genetics have led you to—”

“They have not, and this is… It is a confusion brought on by multiple stressors, and with the removal of said stressors, or at least the easing of some of them, the heightened response will fade and return to normal levels.”

Daichi nodded. “And if that normal level is, in fact, love? What will you do?”

“I… I have no idea.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dealing with parents proves stressful for Kent and Kokoa, though the morning may well be worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of this I knew was coming, and I knew why it was going to happen, but I hadn't been able to connect other dots along its path for a long time. It needed to come at a time when certain things were settled, and not before, as that wasn't the point, though if I am honest, this story got well off track, so... everything is a bit different from planned. This really was meant as a romantic comedy type thing where they fell in love over him being the logical choice of donor, but... this happened instead. I can't say if it's better or worse, just... different.
> 
> I do think Kent's mom was pretty awesome here, though. Mostly.

* * *

“What is it? That’s quite the expression you’re making.”

Kokoa tried to force a smile for Ayeka. She didn’t want to admit that she was dodging her parents’ phone calls, had been all afternoon and evening, ever since they got back from the hospital. She could feel her phone vibrating again, but she refused to answer. She didn’t want to hear them tell her she shouldn’t have had Neikan arrested yesterday. She wouldn’t hear it.

He had to be locked away, or Kent wasn’t safe. That… Kokoa wouldn’t let anything happen to him. She couldn’t. He meant too much to her, and he didn’t deserve to hurt anymore. He had enough problems without her making it worse.

“It is illogical to think the things you wish to avoid will not happen if you simply do not answer the phone,” Ayeka said, and Kokoa grimaced only to stare in disbelief as the other woman pressed the button and took the call. “Yes, this is Ayeka Mizutani speaking. I am legal counsel for Kokoa. Please state your business, or I may have to file charges for harassment.”

“What? Give me my phone. I—Ayeka, don’t—my parents won’t—I’ll get Kent—”

“Is that so? Does this mean you have reconsidered your position and are withdrawing all support? Because if it is not, I assure you, you need not bother calling back. Your daughter deserves better than that, and as her legal adviser, I would not accept anything less. Of course, I do have a personal stake in it as the friend of your daughter who was assaulted is my son, and I assure you, if you do support this Neikan, you will face me and all I can bring to bear in court. I do not take threats to my family’s safety lightly. Kent is my only child after all, and it has been consistently observed how mothers in the wild will rise to the defense of their offspring. It is a natural biological imperative, and I am a lawyer. That is a dangerous combination, trust me.”

Kokoa winced. “Ayeka, please—”

“Excellent. Then I believe I can allow you a short conversation with my client.”

Kokoa accept the phone from the smiling Ayeka—Kent’s mother was something to see as a lawyer—scary, even, and she knew she never wanted to be on Ayeka’s bad side. Ever. “Hello?”

“You had a lawyer deal with us? How could you?”

Kokoa sighed. “You didn’t just lie to Ayeka and tell her what you thought she wanted to hear, did you? Because I’m starting to think the intimidating side of Kent comes from her, and I can see why Toma admires her so much as a lawyer and why Kent warned the detectives that they’d regret going up against her because she strikes fear into the hearts of other lawyers and… Tell me you didn’t lie to her. You can’t honestly be supporting Neikan after he attacked us, can you? He would have killed Kent. I’m sure of it. And Kent was just being kind, a good friend… he didn’t deserve that.”

“We heard from Shin and Toma and their parents. They all told us about Neikan.”

Kokoa balled a fist, furious. “So you can believe them and not me? Is that it? Because Shin and Toma told you what he did, it’s true, but me telling you is a lie?”

“At any rate,” her father went on, ignoring her question. “The ceremony could not happen with him in jail, and the papers were not signed. He has not been formally adopted yet.”

She wanted to be relieved, but she was still angry and hurt. It shouldn’t have taken Shin and Toma and their parents to get hers to listen to her. “I don’t know that this is enough. You should have believed me. It shouldn’t take someone else to convince you that I’m telling the truth.”

“Kokoa—”

“Don’t. Please. I… I will say something I may not mean because this still hurts too much, so I just… I’m glad you didn’t go through with it. I’m not going to change my position—if you do go through with it when he’s out of jail, I won’t—I won’t be your daughter. I can’t be. And I wish that meant more to you, but it doesn’t seem to, so… I think we have nothing more to say.”

She ended the call and shuddered.

Ayeka took hold of her hands, and she looked up at the other woman in surprise. “Traditionally, the woman is adopted into the man’s family. That is why daughters are seen as very little value, though it is far from true. We have biological functions no man can claim, and in the end, that power still matters to many. My point is… you do not have to rely on your birth family alone. Others are available to you. And you are most welcome here.”

Kokoa blinked, tears spilling down her cheeks as she tried to control herself. She didn’t think Ayeka was someone who hugged, and she could tell that the other woman was trying to comfort her, but it wasn’t enough.

She heard a noise and looked over through her blurry vision to see one of the men in the doorway. She wanted to run to Kent, but if it was Daichi, it would be awkward, and she couldn’t really tell right now what anything was.

“I apologize. Father seems to be getting tired again, and I thought it best to check on dinner.” 

Oh, it was Kent. That was good. And bad. How much had he heard?

“Kokoa?”

“They didn’t have the ceremony,” she said, reaching for him anyway. “But… it wasn’t because they believe me. They believe Shin and Toma and their parents… not me. I… I can’t… I don’t think I can ever go back...”

Kent put his hand on her head, and that was warm and oh so soothing she didn’t want him to move it. “It is good the ceremony did not go through and he was not adopted. It is foolish on your parents’ part to need validation from other sources instead of you, and it may be that the only reason they did not promise more was their own need to see the truth of Neikan’s actions for themselves. That is no comfort to you, of course, but that does not mean they will go through with it, either. And if they do, you have other options. Not pleasant ones, for the most part, but that does not mean they do not exist.”

“I… Yes...”

“I know you get little comfort from that as well, but I tend to apply logic to any situation first, and that may seem cold but to me, there is always a bit of relief in knowing that analysis can bring other options forward that I did not see and—”

“Your logic… it is strangely comforting. Or maybe that’s just your voice. Or your touch… I don’t know. I just… thank you, Kent.”

* * *

“I’ve fed your father, and he does seem quite tired,” Ayeka said, and Kent looked up at her, wondering exactly how much time had passed while he was still holding Kokoa. She had been very unsettled by that phone call, even if most of it was good news. The ceremony not going through was the best outcome she could hope for, and while it did sound like her parents had not grown any wiser, at least for now, Neikan could not use his status as _mukoyoshi_ against her.

“Oh. I… I’m so sorry, Kent. I didn’t finish dinner, and I didn’t—”

“It was nearly done when the call came. Do not fret. I simply turned it off and served it to Daichi, who enjoyed it, so do not let him tease you later about it not being as good as Kent’s,” Ayeka said, a bit of a smile on her face. “However, I do need to borrow Kent for a few minutes.”

Kent knew she was worried about his father making the walk to their bedroom. He eased himself out from under Kokoa and rose. “You should go change and lie down as well, Mother.”

She nodded. “I will. I just want to see to it that Daichi is in bed first.”

He hated how stubborn she was sometimes. He rubbed at his neck as he followed her into the other room, where his father sat, his eyes closed as he leaned back in his chair. “Ah, she’s fussing again.”

“You almost fell asleep during dinner,” Ayeka said. “I am not fussing. I do not fuss. That is illogical. Let our son help you to bed.”

Kent went to his father’s side. Daichi pushed back his chair and stood, taking a moment to get his balance. “I am fine. This is a bit excessive. I’m doing much better with this thing at my side. I believe they should have sent me home with it from the start. I am far less fatigued than usual.”

“She said you fell asleep during dinner.”

“Almost fell asleep, and while your girlfriend has some skill in cooking, the food lacked your usual spice, that bit of extra you’ve found that enhances the flavor every time, even if only in the most subtle ways. I always look for that in the meals, and hers lacked it. Quite boring.”

“I see. I do not think you should mention that to her. She will not understand and think she must cook for you again to atone for it.”

“I would not mind that.”

“Stop trying to matchmake us. It will not happen.” Kent did not want to speak on this matter further. He felt quite certain he knew what Kokoa’s answer would be now that she was free of the threat of her ex-husband, and it was not something he needed to hear. He could deal with the matter without having that confrontation and becoming just another one of many friends she rejected.

“You don’t know that. She seems to rely on you a great deal.”

Kent turned on the light and led his father toward the bed. “Reliance is not love.”

“Nevertheless, you should ask. You cannot know unless you test. You know this. It is the most basic foundation of the scientific method.”

Kent shook his head. “One does not need to test questions one already knows the answer to. Now both of you need to rest.”

“As do you. And you need food. You cannot care for us alone. You must see to your own needs. And Kent… you may well need her.”

“That is absurd, and both of you know better than that. Now go to sleep.”

* * *

“Is everything okay? You… sighed pretty heavily when you came back out here.”

Kent looked at her, and she almost regretted asking. She didn’t think he wanted to answer. Were things with his parents that bad again? Why had the hospital released them, then? Should they take them back over there? She didn’t want to think they were going to die right now or anything like that.

“They persist in seeing things their way regardless of the truth. It is… unlike them, but I suppose even rational people get irrational in the face of their own impending death,” Kent said, shaking his head. “That, and I am quite tired.”

“Oh. I should let you rest, then.”

He frowned at her. “You do not—that sounds more like you’re trying to convince yourself not to ask me something rather than you actually feel that way. What is it?”

She felt even worse knowing he’d seen right through her. “It’s stupid, actually. I… I still don’t want to be alone, even though I know better. Neikan’s in jail, and you should be able to sleep in your bed for a change, not… um… I mean...”

“I could sit in the other chair for a while, until you do fall asleep, if that would help. I’m afraid I’m not quite… ready to attempt sleep, as I have some reading I need to do, but I do not mind doing it near you if that would help.”

She nodded. “Yes, please. I’d like that. I… I should be ready to go back home tomorrow, but after that phone call… I still don’t feel… It’s hard to settle down, and every time I start thinking again, I feel… It hurts all over again. I still don’t understand why I’m not enough. What did I do that is so wrong?”

“I believe it more to be a fault in them,” Kent said, sitting down in the other chair and picking up a book from the table next to him. “Any child is a chance to pass along genetics and satisfy biological imperatives. Male or female should have no bearing on their worthiness as either is capable of carrying on that legacy. It is a byproduct of society to believe that the female sex has less value, and while less people believe that now than before, it still has some hold on even those of us who consider ourselves enlightened.”

“Not you,” she said as she laid down on the couch, already feeling a bit better just listening to him.

“Ah, there I cannot agree. You will note that I do have some tendencies toward believing women should not handle certain tasks nor be exposed to sensitive images or talk.”

She supposed that was true. “You’re not a jerk about it, though. You never have been, and you don’t act like we’re all incapable of doing anything but have babies. You believe we have minds and can reason. You may be protective, but not smothering. You would spare us unpleasant things, too, and that’s kindness… if a little condescending.”

He shook his head. “You need not flatter me. I am aware I do not know how to treat women properly or with any genuine level of sensitivity.”

“You’re just fine with me.”

He flushed. “I… That is different. We have already established a certain level of rapport and friendship that makes our relations far less awkward than most.”

“You’re adorable,” she said, flushing herself when that came out of her mouth. She shouldn’t say that, even if she did think it was true. He was, actually, quite sweet and his awkwardness was endearing at times.

“I am not. I thought you were going to sleep.”

“I… Would you mind reading aloud? Your voice is… very soothing.”

“More like monotonous and pitched at such a frequency as to help alpha waves put you into a relaxed state, but I suppose that would help. Very well.” Kent cleared his throat and began to read. “‘The interpretation of many-worlds in quantum physics is said to originate with Hugh Everett’s thesis, the Theory of Universal Wavefunction, though it was largely ignored for the following decade until the work of Bryce DeWitt. DeWitt’s use of many-worlds became more popular than...’”

* * *

_The cafe was quieter than usual today, which was a bit nice, as Kokoa could stay at the counter and watch Ikki and Kent in the kitchen, which didn’t happen often—Ikki’s fan club tended to swarm the place whenever they could, and Ikki was almost always working, not able to do more than a bit of teasing as he passed by anyone. Kokoa knew there was some sort of mandatory event at one of the schools, so that helped thin things out, and she had time to do her prep work while she waited for someone else to come in._

_The quiet was a bit strange, which made her want to stay close to Kent and Ikki, not sure she understood half of their discussion but enjoying the sound of their voices all the same. Ikki was never unpleasant to listen to, not when he wasn't flirting with his fan club, but Kent’s voice had something to it, too, always so intelligent and knowing._

_“If you factored it off individual decisions, the amount of worlds would be infinite, right?” Ikki asked, leaning back against the counter. He reached for something in the pan, and Kent hit his hand with the ladle. “Ouch.”_

_“Do not touch the food. How long have you worked in a restaurant and you don’t know that? Even with the gloves, that’s unacceptable.”_

_Ikki sighed. “Having you cook is like torture, you know? It always smells so good, and I can’t wait to try it. Especially when it’s a new recipe like this.”_

_“Behave, Ikkyu. Why are you asking about parallel universes? Is this an actual scientific discussion or something to do with a ridiculous farce of a television show?”_

_“It’s an anime, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t raise interesting questions. If you think about each decision we make spawning a new world—”_

_“There must be some limits to that, as any decisions based on the action of someone who does not exist or who has ceased to exist in an alternate timeline would not happen. So at some point, the ‘endless’ amount of decisions is actually somewhat finite in that sense because the elimination of certain elements would profoundly alter the original world and any spawning from it. Not, of course, that one could assume that it is our choice alone that dictates a given universe, however, it would make sense that some decisions could alter the generation of alternate worlds because those catalysts would not exist in every dimension.”_

_Kokoa blinked, not sure she understood half of what Kent had just said. So there were limits to something that seemed limitless? Or was he wrong about that?_

_“That’s kind of the point. If you were to continue to eliminate the catalysts—the people—would there still be alternate worlds forming? And if there is, what does spawn them? Not only that, but how much damage is done when a catalyst dies?”_

_Kent stopped stirring. “In some sense, I suppose, that could lead to a complete shut down of all worlds, not just one. Is that the concept of this show?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Interesting.”_

_Kokoa thought it sounded scary and a bit horrifying. Was it real? Could that happen if people stopped existing? Like if one world suffered a catastrophic loss of life, it could destroy others?_

_“You know that Everett argued that not having a living observer did not invalidate the theory. If one applies psycho-physical parallelism to the concept, then mechanical observers could still maintain the existence of the other wavefunctions and the many worlds.”_

_“Ah, but I’ve got you thinking now. You want to watch this show, don’t you?”_

_“I never said that.”_

_“But you want to know what they do that threatens the existence of the entire multiverse, right?”_

_Kent sighed. “Maybe.”_

_“Ha. I know what we’re doing after work today.”_

_“I did not say that we were going to do anything of the sort. I have research I should be working on for my presentation.”_

_“I have the whole series on temporary loan. This is almost a once in a lifetime opportunity.”_

_“Ikkyu—”_

_“Can I see it?” Kokoa heard herself ask, and when they both looked at her, she felt herself go red. She had not meant to say anything, and now they knew she’d been listening to them, and that was so rude and wrong. Why had she drawn attention to herself like that? “I… sorry. I couldn’t help hearing part of that, and while I was confused, it’s fascinating, too.”_

_“See? I told you.” Ikki grinned at Kent, seeming validated by her interest. Then he turned to her. “I suppose we could just watch it by ourselves. The two of us. That would be cozy.”_

_She stared at him, not sure how to react. Of course she knew his reputation, even if he couldn’t use his eyes on her. She was just his special friend, like Rika, but she was the one that made it sound like she wanted more. Inviting herself to something where she’d be basically alone with him was a really bad idea. She must seem like any old member of the fan club now, desperate to be at Ikki’s side._

_“Oh. No. Ikki, I… I don’t think I could. If Kent was there, and the three of us watched it, maybe, but I… It wasn’t a date. You’re a good friend, but I just wanted to see the show, especially after Kent mentioned psycho-physical parallelism because we were discussing that in my psychology class. It was… well, people were using that to argue that psychology is a real science, which I know Kent disagrees with and—”_

_“I never said that. I would argue that the application you suggest is being made in error. Defending psychology on the basis of statistics is a better foundation, since statistics have mathematical proof behind them, even if that can be subjective as well based on sample size and who collects the data and why, however—”_

_“Ken, tangent.”_

_He sighed again. “I am aware I asked you to keep me from using them in the presentation so that I do not lose focus, but you do not have to point out every time I have one when speaking.”_

_“Sure I do.”_

_Kokoa giggled, and they both looked at her. They were so funny together, though she knew better than to say that, too. “Sorry.”_

_“My answer is still no,” Kent said, shaking his head as he turned back to his cooking. “I have far too much work to do.”_

* * *

“I wish he’d said yes to that.”

“To what?” Kent asked, looking down at Kokoa. He’d thought she was still asleep when he came into the room, and he’d intended to go into the kitchen and prepare some coffee before he took her to her apartment, but then she’d spoken.

He didn’t know what she was talking about or who, but that was only more reason to ask, wasn’t it? He would be curious to no good purpose unless he did, and he did not need her occupying more of his thoughts than she already was.

“To watching that anime. I never did get to see it,” Kokoa said. Then she sat up abruptly and looked at him in surprise. “Oh. I… Sorry. I’m… I guess I was remembering Meido No Hitsuji… Not sure why, but that conversation you and Ikki had about parallel worlds and that anime came back.”

“Which one? We had several, considering he battled rather relentlessly to get me to watch it and then we had more debating it after we’d both seen all the episodes.”

“Oh, um...” She reddened. “The one before you saw them all where you refused to watch them even though I asked to see them, too, and I didn’t want to watch them alone with Ikki—we were only friends then. I hadn’t agreed to date him. I was interested in what you mentioned about psycho-physical parallelism—we’d discussed that in my class—and I… why are you looking at me like that?”

“It seems an odd thing to remember now, of all times.”

She frowned. “Weren’t you reading about it last night?”

“Oh. You did hear more of that than the first paragraph. I had thought you were already asleep by then.” He’d been able to close the book and go upstairs relatively quickly after starting to read, as her eyes had closed and she did not respond to his questions. “Well, yes. I suppose I did, so… Never mind. That is reasonable.”

“Is something wrong?”

Kent shook his head. “No. Nothing’s wrong. We should probably head to your apartment now.”

She looked down at her hands, twisting them together. “I… I suppose it’s silly to say I don’t want to go, isn’t it? Stupid, even. I know Neikan’s been arrested. He won’t be able to find me there even if he knows where I live.”

“You were still worried about him having caused damages there.”

She nodded. “Yes. That, too.”

“If that is the case, we will attend to it, though that is all the more reason to leave earlier to have sufficient time to deal with it. Not that I want to rush you, but it would be more practical. In that sense, at least. I… I’m going to go make some coffee. You take as long as you need to prepare yourself.” Kent hesitated, reluctant to leave her alone on the couch, but the more he gave into his weakness concerning her, the worse it would be when she did finally did separate herself from his life.

He forced himself to leave, going into the kitchen. He would make some coffee and then ensure her apartment was safe. That would be the end of everything.

And he was fine with that. He was. He did not need further complications to his life. He had enough to worry about with his parents’ health.

He crossed to the kitchen, thinking he may have heard her move after all. He did not want to look back and confirm that. He took the pot off the coffeemaker and started filling it with water.

“How are your parents?” Kokoa asked, stopping in the doorway to the kitchen. “Any change? Or… they’re still okay, right?”

He nodded. He hadn’t examined either of them too closely, not wanting to wake them, but he’d made sure they were still breathing. His father seemed to be doing better, and his mother resting properly should help her condition.

“Oh. That’s good.”

“It would seem to be, yes.”

“I… I suppose I should get ready.”

“Yes.”

She left, and he felt even more awkward than usual. He did not know how to be otherwise. They had to have distance. The closeness forced upon them by her ex-husband and the emergency with his parents, that was over, and it needed to end. Better now than prolonging it.

He was only a friend to her, and he did not know that even that was accurate, but he did know that she was not interested in him as a lover. It was his responsibility to see to it that his feelings, whatever they were, did not become as warped as Neikan’s had.

Kent would take her home. And that was the end of it.

* * *

Kokoa bit her lip and looked at Kent again. He hadn’t said much since they left. She had even asked if he was sure his parents were all right because he seemed so… off, but he insisted they were fine and then got quiet again. Something was bothering him, she knew it was, but he clearly didn’t intend to tell her what it was. 

Maybe it was something she did. Was he upset by her asking him to read last night? He hadn’t seemed to be, and she knew he’d slept in his own bed for a change, so he should be well rested, so it wasn’t just him being tired. Was it because she’d stayed again? Or was it about how she’d clung to him after Neikan’s attack?

No, wait, was it because of what she’d done after her parents called? That had been rather pathetic of her, hadn’t it?

She knew it wasn’t just because he was driving. He’d managed other conversations before, even if those were with his parents.

“Kent, I—”

“Is this the correct building?”

She looked over at the apartment building that was her home. She wanted to deny for some reason. An excuse to stay with him? To avoid being alone? Or was she just scared of what she might find in her apartment? “Yes.”

“Then I believe we should go in.”

She sighed, wishing she knew how to get Kent to talk to her. He did talk, often, and on many different subjects, but on this one, whatever it was, he was silent, and it bothered her. She was worried and also hurt, not that she should be. Kent didn’t owe her an explanation for everything, but she wanted to understand. She wanted to help.

“Do you want to get rid of me?”

Startled, Kent stared at her. “What? Why would you ask that?”

“You… Something is different. And I almost feel like… did I do something to make you mad? Or have I upset you somehow?”

“No. I may be preoccupied, but I am not mad at you. We do not have a lot of time, so I think it best we go see the situation with your apartment. The university has assured me I can hold classes today. I do not want to be late.”

She nodded, though she didn’t feel all that reassured. She opened the car door and got out, shutting it behind her and trying to prepare herself to go inside. She watched Kent come around to her side, swallowing and feeling her stomach twist up when she realized how much distance he kept between them compared to the last few days when she’d been so close to him. 

He frowned at her. “What is it?”

She shook her head. She didn’t feel up to explaining, though her chest felt tight and she wanted to ask him about it anyway. He had to be mad at her, wasn’t he?

They walked up to the door, and she used her code to get in. Kent held the door open for her, but it still felt off and wrong as he did. She didn’t know that she wanted to take the elevator even if she was a bit tired and didn’t want to do the stairs. That uncomfortable silence in another closed space was making her panic.

“Which floor?”

“Third.” She let him press the button for the elevator and followed him into it. He selected the floor and the doors closed behind them. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him. She wanted answers but couldn’t ask for them. She didn’t even know what had happened to make things so awkward.

The doors chimed on the third floor, and she stepped out, digging in her pocket for her keys. She should be glad to be home, but she wasn’t. How was it that this somehow didn’t feel like home anymore? She’d only been gone from it for a few days, and yes, it didn’t feel safe with Neikan likely knowing where it was, but when she thought of home…

She winced, shaking that thought off and shoving her key in the door, opening it with a bit more harshness than necessary. She stopped and looked around. “It’s… everything’s fine. It’s… It’s a mess because I left for work in a hurry that morning, but… he didn’t touch it. Nothing’s broken, I don’t see anything missing...”

“This is nothing missing?” Kent asked, frowning again. “You do not seem to have much furniture. Is that a style choice? Or is it because of the divorce?”

“The divorce. I… I didn’t take anything with me. I couldn’t. I just bought the basics moving in. I always planned on having more, but… it wasn’t really necessary, and I… I don’t know. It’s less for him to have ruined or taken, and I… I don’t know that I want to stay here, either. I should move, even if breaking the lease will be expensive.”

“I… Yes. You may wish to shower and change here. Excuse me.”

“You’re leaving? Don’t go.”

Kent stopped. “I should think having me in your apartment when you were involved in such things would be… problematic, at best. Inappropriate as well. I can wait in the car.”

She flinched. “Oh. You just meant you’d go to the car.”

“It would not be fair to make you late by denying you transportation. I simply meant to give you privacy.”

She nodded. “Yes. Of course. Thank you.”

* * *

Kent was aware of the silence as he parked the car in the faculty parking lot. He had not found any words since Kokoa rejoined him in the car at her building, and he did not have any now. He could not think of any way of expressing the thoughts within his head without exposing too much, and he would rather say nothing.

He got out of the car, taking out his phone and checking the message from earlier. He needed to know what alternate location they’d selected for his classroom. If he had time, he would gather some things from his office, but if not, that would have to wait until he had a break.

The room they suggested was not far from his assigned classroom, so he could head straight for his office. He did, walking away from the car and out toward the main campus.

“Kent?”

He stopped and turned back to see her standing there, and the outfit he’d paid no attention to before now unsettled him. Had she chosen that on purpose? Surely it did not suit teaching—that was meant for some kind of social occasion, wasn’t it?

“We really shouldn’t linger. I checked on my classroom and—”

“I can’t. I tried to tell myself I could, but I can’t concentrate on teaching if I can’t stop wondering what I did to make you mad at me.”

Kent sighed. He did not want to explain, but he had no choice. Lying would hardly help, especially if he was as bad at it as his father always claimed. “I told you. I am not mad at you.”

“You have to be. You’re acting so distant and almost cold, and I can tell you don’t want to be cold, but you have to be, or that’s how you’re acting and I don’t—just tell me what I did so I can fix it.”

“It is not your fault.”

“You say that, but… it’s not your parents. You wouldn’t be here if they were that bad. You’d be at home with them. So what is it? What did I do?”

He considered his words carefully. “Are you still feeling threatened by Neikan? Do you have that same desperation to oppose his adoption that led you to consider marriage and a child?”

“I... No. Yes. I… I haven’t felt the same desperate need for a baby with all that’s going on, but I still want one. And I’m still worried about Neikan, but I… I realized that even if he did try to use my parents’ company against me, I’m not afraid of it anymore. I know they’re my parents, but they would be making the choice to allow him in, and even if he tried… I don’t feel like I owe them anything anymore. I don’t have to let Neikan use that against me because… I don’t care what he does. I mean, I would feel a bit guilty—a lot guilty—but I won’t let him blackmail me. I’m done letting him terrorize me. I had him arrested, I’ll pursue the charges as much as I can, and I will find other ways to keep him away if I have to. And it may be a long time before I can forgive my parents.”

“Understandable.”

“And I know your parents are doing better, so there’s not the same push for marriage as there was when it looked like maybe they were both dying.”

“Also true.”

She frowned. “Why are you asking that? Are you now trying to tell me not to have a child? That… it’s my choice. Maybe I do need to adopt, and maybe I will, but that’s not for you to tell me to do or not do or anything of the sort just because I asked to be a donor.”

Kent grimaced, turning away. “Forget it. Just go to your class.”

“No. Tell me what’s wrong. I want to know.”

“No. You don’t.”

“Of course I do. I want to understand what happened and fix it and—”

“You can’t. You can’t just change everything and tell me that you now are capable of returning these unwanted feelings when time has proven you’re not, and you do not want to hear them any more than I want to voice such unreasonable sentiments and impossible emotions so just stop asking. Leave it alone and let us both salvage some dignity from the situation.”

She stilled, looking up at him with those wide, too innocent eyes of hers. “You… you’re… you’re not actually saying that...”

“I do not _want_ to. I’d rather this was the product of the strange situation and the stress and nothing more, though Ikkyu believes I had feelings for you even back at Meido No Hitsuji. I do not know to be certain, and I do not wish to know. I was trying to use distance to—don’t cry. I can’t do this if you cry—I get an irrational need to hold you—and I have even wanted...” He reached over and touched her cheek, wiping away a tear. “I am not going to be like Neikan was. Or Shin. Or Toma. I am not… angry with you. I am angry with myself because I knew better and I do not feel things like this, but you must allow me some time to… to put these feelings aside.”

She put her hand over his, closing her eyes. “I… I don’t… You deserve better than me, Kent. Someone who isn’t damaged and can love all the wonderful parts of you that I… I admire so deeply and… I want to love myself. I sometimes think I do… I know… I didn’t want to go home today, that I thought… you were home, not anyone or anything else, but… I can’t. I’m not...”

She pulled away and fled, running toward the gate at an alarming speed.

Kent cursed himself for upsetting her, and he ran after her, calling her name as he did. “Kokoa, wait! Stop! This isn’t necessary.”

She stopped at the sidewalk, looking back at him in misery, shaking her head as she did. He avoided some curious students as he walked up to her.

“You’re upset. That’s understandable, and I am not trying to—I think it best to go inside. You do not have to have my company as it is… less than desirable at present, but you should… this is hardly the place for this conversation. I… We can discuss this later. Somewhere else.”

Too many of the students hurrying to class were paying attention now, some stopping to listen, others just glancing in their direction. This would not help matters any. If she became embarrassed and flustered, she might run again. He didn’t want that. That was why he hadn’t intended to say anything.

“Professor Mizutani!”

A student called out his name, and Kent turned to find that same odd student rushing up to him. He sighed. He needed to fix this other mess first.

He faced Kokoa again. “Please come back inside.”

“I can’t. Kent, you don’t… It’s all my fault. I should never have asked you for anything. I don’t deserve it, and I… I ruin everything. I said I couldn’t forgive him, but… I don’t forgive myself, either.”

“I know you don’t. You’re too quick to accept the blame for everything that goes wrong, but that does not mean that you should. I do not blame you.”

“You should,” she said, backing away from him. “You really should.”

“Wait,” Kent said only to have his own voice drowned out by someone else calling in a panic. 

“Kokoa, don’t—you’re in the street—there’s a car coming—Look out!”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An accident happens, and people react, some of them poorly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'd originally thought that I should include more flashbacks and another conversation here, but I read over what I had this morning, and I didn't know that it would have improved the chapter, just prolonged it, so I decided to post what I did have.
> 
> I haven't been up to much with the migraines of late.

* * *

“ _Yet again, these things prove illogical,” Kent said, and Kokoa looked up from the salt shaker she was filling. Oh. He was talking to Ikki, not her. She felt a bit foolish—she should have expected that—it was Kent and Ikki was working, and they were slow again today. Of course they’d talk._

_She still liked it. Sure, it could be confusing since both of them were so much smarter than she was, but she also learned a lot, even if sometimes she had to go home and research things later. She was glad Ikki had pulled Kent in to help in the kitchen, and not just because his math course made it so she could actually pass Hasegawa’s class._

“ _You’re still mad about the ending, aren’t you?” Ikki grinned at Kent, who did not seem the least bit amused by what Ikki was saying. “See? I knew you’d be interested.”_

“ _More like frustrated. They built the whole thing on a seemingly sound scientific basis and then betrayed it for an impossible ending meant to appease the masses. There is no way that would happen if the other points of reality established in the world building held true. Basic logic refutes that, and they should know it.”_

“ _True, but would people actually like the show if it was all doom and gloom?”_

“ _I think that is also flawed reasoning. While much of western fiction and cinema features a happy ending, that is not always the case in our own media, and that is no reason to ignore the truths they presented earlier in the series.”_

_Kokoa tried not to sigh too loudly. She still wanted to see that show Ikki had mentioned, but now that Kent had seen it and disliked it, she’d probably get asked to watch it alone with Ikki, and as nice as Ikki was, she didn’t want to do that. Worse, she knew she shouldn’t. Rika was always warning her and Ikki about how other girls in the fan club were taking their friendship the wrong way. Ikki loved that his eyes didn’t affect her, so he spent too much time around her because she treated him normally—she knew enough about Rika to know she didn’t—and she knew that was part of why Ikki was such good friends with Kent, too. Kent didn’t act like Ikki was any different because of his eyes._

“ _It’s fiction.”_

“ _All the same, pretending that those actions didn’t have consequences is wrong. Simply returning the protagonist to his original world is not enough. It would not undo all the damage done to those other worlds. I’m not even talking about the moments that were shown on screen that they took back in the end. If you think about it, every choice he made while in the other worlds had an influence on it. Some were minor, but others resulted in people’s death. That doesn’t just reset when he goes back to his own world. The timeline would continue on those worlds like his actions had still happened. Meaning everyone who died, all the destruction that followed his arrival—even if not directly caused by him—still existed. The collapse of the multiverse was not prevented by his return home. He would simply have been in his home plane of existence when it all ceased to exist.”_

_Ikki sighed. “Talk about doom and gloom.”_

“ _I am not wrong. People often talk about the paradoxes that would be created by traveling back in time to stop one’s self from being born, and this situation is similar though perhaps worse. The people in the other worlds would have no idea that he wasn’t meant to be there, but his actions would still result in harm and even death to them, and that would not be undone when he left. He was responsible for the destruction of the multiverse, and he got off easy because the writers chose a supposed happy ending, but it’s not happy and it never could be. Even if it was, arguably by most moral standards, he would not deserve to be. He should have died to atone for his actions, though even that would not alter them. Everyone else would still be dead.”_

_Kokoa winced. That was an extremely depressing thought, wasn’t it? And yet, as she heard Kent’s words, she wasn’t so sure she disagreed. For someone to do that, to cause so much damage… would it ever be right if they were happy? How could they be, knowing what they’d done?_

* * *

 Tires squealed against the pavement as the car speeding past the school tried to brake, but that was not enough to deter it from the woman in its path. She cried out, a sound that Kent knew he would not forget. He ran toward her, past the now stopped vehicle and into the street. He knelt beside her, a sense of panic nearly overwhelming him. He hadn’t felt like this since he learned of his father’s heart attack. Helpless, powerless, unable to do anything of use. He had no medical training besides the limited amount he’d obtained caring for his parents and what he’d previously read in books. He wasn’t qualified to save anyone’s life and now…

“Kokoa...”

She did not look anything close to okay, as her clothes were torn and her skin scraped from the impact. He would not be surprised to see bruises later, though he did not know that she would live for that same later.

She was breathing now, but the labored way she did so was too much like when his father’s heart couldn’t draw in enough oxygen. Kent felt a similar sense of panic, and he almost couldn’t breathe himself. If she died—No, he couldn’t think about that.

“Kokoa,” Kent said, taking her hand, foolish as that was. She would have done it for him, he thought, but that did not mean it did her any good. “You… this… I… I don’t know where to start… how to help...”

“Kent...”

He swallowed, both relieved and worried to hear her speak. “This… I never… This wasn’t supposed to happen… You...”

Her head moved, just once, like she was trying to shake her head. “No… this… better… better this way… can’t… My fault… Neikan… Shin… Toma… Ukyo… because of me… but… this way… I can’t hurt anyone… not again… not you...”

Kent shook his head. “Don’t say that. That’s not even—you know it’s not your fault.”

“It is,” she insisted, her eyes closing again. He stared at her, not sure he had actually taken a breath until he’d seen her do so.

“She’s okay. I mean, she’ll be okay. She has to be okay,” a voice said from beside him, and Kent frowned at the student, not sure why he was there. “She will be, Kent. We’ll get her help.”

Kent was aware there was an entire crowd around them, and judging from the panicked ramblings of the driver, the paramedics had already been called. That was something, but far from enough. This should never have happened. If he’d been able to control his emotions, if he hadn’t made such a mess of things by being too obvious. He’d tried for distance and alarmed her, which led to the confrontation and her running from him.

This was his fault.

Shin had attempted to warn him, and Kent had bristled at the warning, but he’d still tried to create some distance. Things were supposed to be calmer, and with that calm, he’d thought that certain feelings, intensified by the situation, would fade again.

They must have before, if Ikkyu was right about Kent’s previous feelings towards her.

Still, that did not excuse this. She could die because he could not restrain himself as he’d tried to do, and she… she thought she wanted that.

He couldn’t accept that. It was wrong. Everything was wrong.

* * *

 “Ken?”

Ikki held back a curse when Ken didn’t look up from the waiting room floor. Damn, this was not good. Not that he’d thought it would be when he got word that Kokoa got hit by a car, but Kent wasn’t even the one who was injured, and he was a mess.

Kneeling in front of him, Ikki got a better look at his face. “Hey.”

Ken shuddered, and Ikki winced again. This did not get any better, did it?

“I came as soon as I heard.”

Ken nodded. “Of course you did. You are a friend, so you would. That is to be expected. It is the nature of things. No, it is not. If one thinks about it, friendship defies nature and the idea of the survival of the fittest. One should be out entirely for oneself and personal survival, with little thought outside of that and passing along genetics for the continued existence of the species.”

Ikki grimaced. “Okay, I realize things were really bad today, but that’s wrong on so many levels I don’t even want to start debating it with you. No. We’re more than that, and even you know that.”

“Do I? Apparently, I am just as driven by emotions as some mindless creature, and because I am, her flight or fight response kicked in and she ran… she didn’t even notice she was in the street...”

Ikki shook his head. “I won’t deny that she probably panicked after finding out you liked her, but that doesn’t make this your fault. You… you are allowed to feel love. I know I might not have said that before, not the way I should have. When we talked about it before, I warned you off, but… I didn’t want you hurt. I’ve seen the kind of damage that happens when only one person in the relationship is invested in it—I was the one causing it, and I didn’t want you to be the one suffering on the other side because in some ways… Kokoa is like the old me, the one who burned through women and didn’t care because I didn’t want to. She cared. She hated hurting people, but she still did. That’s what I didn’t want for you. You are a good friend, my best friend, and you never treated me like the others did when they got jealous or creeped out by what my eyes could do. You accepted me—you did have your curiosity and your experiments, but you never judged me the way they did.”

Ken frowned. “Are you suggesting I see her as some kind of experiment? I suppose she is a source of curiosity, and you were once, but this is… No. It would be better if it was simply curiosity. That fades. This… This will not fade.”

“Well, it may be a little too soon to—”

“I cannot forgive myself for my lack of composure that led to her running from me. I… She could die because I could not restrain my emotions. If I had thought of some excuse or not tried so hard to enforce a distance between us—but I needed that. I thought I did, at least. I thought… I was trying not to feel more for her. It… she was there when my parents were ailing and she was… the threat from her ex-husband and everyone assuming our relationship was more than it was… It… everyone seemed to believe it was love and even… mutual… and I knew it wasn’t, but… I still… I was still weak.”

This was what Ikki was afraid of, not that he’d really thought Kokoa would be hit by a car. He’d known Ken would get hurt, that he’d blame himself for feeling things Kokoa couldn’t reciprocate despite knowing better, but damn it, this wasn’t Ken’s fault.

“You weren’t driving that car. Don’t think you’re to blame. I don’t even know that the driver was. It was a combination, maybe, but mostly just bad luck.”

“No. There is no such thing as luck.”

“Ken—”

“Go away, Ikkyu. You cannot tell me to feel better or that things will be fine. That is not true. It was not yesterday, and it is not today and I… No. Leave me alone.”

“The hell I will. You’re in no state for that. You’re probably in shock, since seeing that happen would be traumatic enough, but you’re also not thinking straight because it’s not your fault, and you shouldn’t be alone while waiting for word on her condition.”

“They shouldn’t have brought her to this hospital.”

Ikki frowned. “I thought they did okay with your parents. You think they can’t help Kokoa? She was just here the other day. Or is that why you don’t trust them? They couldn’t find anything wrong with her when she had that fugue?”

“They assumed she was my wife. Again.” Ken put his head in his hands, looking like he wanted to pull his hair out. “All of these… reassurances… saying my ‘wife’ will be fine… or that… my ‘wife’ is strong… or the whispers of how it’s a pity I’ve seen so much of this hospital… or that I must be cursed since first my parents and then me and my ‘wife’ and now my ‘wife’ again…”

“You’re not cursed. You don’t even believe in that. And while I know Kokoa sometimes feels that way because of how her relationships end, she’s not, either. That’s not what this is.”

“Of course not. We don’t even have a relationship.”

“Ken—”

“Mr. Mizutani?”

Ikki looked over at the nurse, aware Ken was doing the same. She gave him a wide smile that was almost a relief until she spoke.

“Your wife is back from surgery. We’ll take you to her room now.”

* * *

 “I suppose this explains why I couldn’t get any information about her when I tried to ask,” Sawa said, biting her lip and glancing toward Kent. She hadn’t seen him this bad since Daichi was in the hospital the first time, and that made her worry worse, even if she could now see Kokoa’s condition for herself. They said she should be okay. Well, no, they’d said her injuries were severe, but she was young and strong and could pull through it.

Kent’s reaction to that was not good, though. Sawa was almost afraid to ask him why that upset him so much.

And yet… she had to know, didn’t she?

“Ken, you heard the doctors. She could pull out of this.”

Kent shook his head. “You weren’t there, Ikkyu. After it happened… she said it was for the best. That… it was better if she died. She was still blaming herself for everyone’s pain.”

“She’s not suicidal,” Sawa objected, shaking her head. “She’s not.”

“She never showed signs of that before, but her words… I don’t know… It… she was very upset. If I had only… I should have lied. If I let her believe I was actually mad at her, then she would have stormed off to class, not run from me into a street.”

Sawa winced. Ikki put his hand on her shoulder, and she leaned into him, grateful for his strength. Ikki was so much stronger than her, always had been, even when she thought he was weak for chasing after women and discarding them. She hadn’t understood the pain he carried, since no one would have believed he was suffering—he made it seem like he enjoyed all the attention from those women—and his not giving into that despair still surprised her sometimes, even if he had been wrong about how he chose to cope with it and if he hadn’t done his best to atone for his behavior, she wouldn’t have been able to forgive him and share the relationship they had now.

She knew Kokoa felt the same in some ways, since she always took the blame for her relationships ending even if there were two people involved. She’d allowed Neikan and her parents to put the guilt on her when it wasn’t her fault he was obsessive and abusive.

And now, if she did blame herself for the attack on Kent…

No. Kokoa wasn’t going to do that. She wasn’t giving up. Sawa wouldn’t let her.

She went over to the bed and took Kokoa’s hand. “If you don’t make it to see Number Five, neither of us will forgive you. Ever. That’s just… And Mine’s baby, too, and… you wanted that for yourself, remember? You wanted a family. You… you can’t give up yet. That’s not… Please.”

Ikki wrapped his arms around her again, and she let him hold her, trying not to cry. She was glad the kids weren’t here. They shouldn’t see this and get as scared as she was. She didn’t know how to stop worrying, and she wanted to hate Kent for putting that doubt in her head.

“Ken… this is hardly fair to say, but then again if I don’t… I’ve seen a few things lately and… I don’t think it’s as one-sided as you think it is. The reason people at the hospital and the university have the wrong idea about the two of you isn’t because you’re obvious about how you feel—you’re actually not to people who don’t know you—but because _she_ is. Kokoa… she has feelings for you, too. I’m sure of it. She probably doesn’t even know it yet because she’s locked into this idea that she can’t love, but we’ve all seen it.”

Sawa stiffened at her husband’s words. Wait. What was he saying?

“That is… You are mistaken. She ran when I admitted that was why I wanted distance from her.”

Oh. Oh, no. Kent was in love with Kokoa? That was… it was bad. Sawa didn’t want to think that, but… Kent was so bad with emotions. Kokoa would probably never believe he was in love with her to begin with. That was why she ran.

“I told you—she doesn’t even realize her feelings are real. She assumes she feels just friendship for you because that’s how it’s been in the past, and Neikan did a fair amount of damage as well, but in spite of that… she feels something. I know we can’t convince her it’s real while she’s unconscious, but it’s too soon to give up hope. You can’t let guilt eat you alive, either. This isn’t your fault.”

Sawa put a hand on Ikki’s and gave it a squeeze. She knew he was trying to help, but this wasn’t the way to do it. Convincing Kent Kokoa shared his feelings would only hurt him more later, and it clearly didn’t make him feel any less guilty.

They just had to wait. And hope.

* * *

 “Visiting hours are over. I’m afraid you will have to leave.”

“No,” Sawa protested immediately, looking at Kokoa in the bed. Her panic was visible in her face, and Ikkyu moved to comfort her again as she faced the nurse. “You can’t ask us to leave her alone. That’s not right.”

The nurse looked at Kent. “As her husband and her medical representative, you may stay.”

Kent tensed, unable to summon words. He knew that they should correct that misunderstanding, but he was, for some reason he could not explain, unable to say anything. This was not a physical impediment. He had no injuries to prevent speech. He’d been able to talk before, when the nurse was not present, but now no words came.

He swallowed and tried again, only to fail a second time. The nurse gave both Sawa and Ikkyu pointed glances before leaving the room.

“We should get back to the kids, Sawa.”

“I know that, Ikki, but if we leave—”

“I know she’s your friend. She’s my friend, too, but you’re way too stressed right now, and it’s not good for you or the baby,” Ikkyu said, sounding worried. “The hospital has done all they can, and you will start worrying about the kids any second now, too, on top of it. I don’t want to go, but I also… I’m worried about you.”

She winced. “I… That’s not fair.”

Ikkyu nodded as he embraced her. “I know, but I can’t help it, so I’d like it if you got some rest, too. We’ll come back first thing when visiting hours start tomorrow.”

“Actually, I… Perhaps Sawa should… this is a hospital… and my parents...”

Ikkyu swore, and Kent forced himself to stand. He had been here all day. He hadn’t checked on his parents for hours. Yes, according to the last report, they were both fine, but how could he be sure? He hadn’t seen them. He didn’t know.

He didn’t know if Kokoa would make it, either, but that was no excuse.

“We’ll swing by your house and make sure your parents are as okay as they claim,” Ikkyu said, touching Kent’s shoulder. He nodded, still feeling strange about the fact that the hospital was allowing him to stay. That was, he knew, because no one had corrected their misunderstanding of the situation. Sawa could have, but Ikkyu seemed determined to hold onto his foolish belief about Kokoa’s feelings and shushed her earlier.

Kent had not said anything, either. He should have before he apparently lost the ability to do so, but the emotional reaction he’d experienced when Kokoa was struck—even before that, if he was honest—had a hold of him that he could not seem to shed.

He should go home. He should be caring for his parents. Letting Sawa and Ikki handle that was irresponsible of him.

And yet… how did he balance that with this? Kokoa was alone—she might not even want her parents here, not that any of them had a way to contact them to get them here—and this was Kent’s fault. He should stay.

He rubbed at his head. “Do you have Toma’s number? I just remembered he would have contact information for her parents that I lack, and while things are strained between them… I do not know. Sawa… would it be best to inform them?”

She bit her lip. “I… I’m not sure. I guess maybe it might make them wake up, but if they only held off on the ceremony because of Neikan’s arrest… I just don’t know.”

“We can let them know when we have a better idea of her condition,” Ikkyu said. “And I know you’re over there having a debate with yourself over them allowing you to stay because they think you’re her husband and you’re not, but Ken… she shouldn’t be alone. Just remember that, okay? We’ll deal with everything else when she’s awake.”

Kent nodded, lacking the strength to debate it. “If need be, perhaps we should call Father’s nurse. I don’t… This is so...”

“Ken, don’t worry about your parents. Sawa and I will make sure they have what they need, but we need you to take care of Kokoa for us. I know it’s asking a lot with how awkward things are now, but I still have to ask it because the hospital is giving us the boot, so… please. Just stay. I’ll get Toma over to help with your mom if worst comes to worst, okay?”

Kent grimaced, but he did not know how to argue that point. Someone needed to be there for his parents as well as someone here, and if the hospital would only permit him given the misunderstanding they had, that made him the only real choice. So he had to stay.

Ikkyu gave him a smile meant to be reassuring and then prodded Sawa out of the room just as the nurse came back in, giving them another warning glance before going to the bed to check on Kokoa. If she’d heard any of that, she should have asked Kent to leave as well, but she did not.

She finished her examination and departed, leaving Kent alone with Kokoa.

He sat back down, feeling somewhat ill himself.

If he lost Kokoa, he’d never forgive himself, but if something happened to his parents, the same would be true.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kent waits at the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this took a bit to get to, but this is a very important part of why things went they way they did.
> 
> And the dialogue in Kokoa's flashback is straight from the game. I added her thoughts and feelings.

* * *

_Your parents are fine, already in bed and asleep. They were worried about Kokoa, so I lied and told them her injuries were minor. You just didn’t want to leave her alone._

Kent grimaced when he saw the message from Ikkyu on his phone. He did not want his parents worrying, not when stress had already done plenty of damage to his mother’s health. His father was not much better, but at the same time, lying to them about Kokoa’s condition and Kent’s reasons for staying was not acceptable. He was not here because he was… lovesick.

He was here because he had to be, because he owed her that much, and because if he went home and she died… He winced, again, looking over at her still form. The machines continued to make their noises, no alarms, but the steady hum of the vent sending oxygen down the tube into her lungs and the beep of the monitor showing her heartbeat were no comfort. Yes, she lived, but was that even enough?

_Do not lie to them. I am not here because I am in love._

_Yes, you are, and don’t bother saying you’re not again. That’s the truth. Just try and get some rest while you’re there, okay? I’m getting Sawa and the kids to bed now, but I will be up for a bit if you need to talk to me. And we’ll be back at the hospital first thing._

_No._

_Okay, second thing. I’ll stop by your house and check on your parents first._

Kent shook his head. He didn’t have the energy to fight with Ikkyu, so he did not bother sending a reply. He did not think he would sleep—he didn’t on normal days, and this was far from normal. He kept replaying the events of the day, knowing full well that they could not be altered and yet seeing each flaw in his reasoning and behavior that had led to this point.

He pulled his hand back before he could reach for Kokoa’s, not sure where that impulse came from. He could not hold onto her after what he’d done, and she would find no comfort in such an action. She was unconscious, after all, and even if she wasn’t, given the way she’d run from him when he admitted what he felt, she could not possibly want that.

He sighed. He should not have pushed, but he hadn’t tried to push. He’d meant to end things or at least get them back under some form of control. Why had she insisted on knowing why he was mad? He wasn’t mad. He was… desperate, he supposed, though that desperation was nothing to what he felt now that she lingered on in a coma.

“I do not wish for you to die,” Kent said, looking down at his hands rather than at her. He could not speak these words and face her, even if she was unconscious. “It is not that I believe I can’t live without you. I know I am quite capable of that. I will not enjoy it, but that is a different matter. I… That isn’t even—you needn’t fear that I would become like Neikan or even that I would hate you like you believed Shin and Toma did—they may well have for many years, though they do seem to have forgiven you now—I just mean… I knew as soon as I recognized what my feelings were that they were not reciprocated or wanted. I accepted that. I do not intend to force you to change or believe Ikkyu’s assertions that you feel more than you know. He thinks that is a kindness, but it is not. False hope is no kindness at all.”

Kent ran a hand over his face, trying to clear his thoughts and organize them. If he said this, perhaps it would give him some measure of peace, even knowing she could not hear him.

“What I am trying to say and yet somehow not managing to say despite the fact that the sentiment is quite clear—I want you to live. Not for my sake, nor anyone else’s, though there are many who care a great deal for you. I simply believe that… however natural death may be, it is not natural in this case. You should not have your life so cut short and… I almost wish I’d said yes to you back when you made that request of me—that yearning you felt for motherhood—if you had that to live for, would that be enough to overcome all this negativity and guilt and the abuse you’ve taken?”

Kent knew that was foolish, though some did say that willpower was part of survival, especially when it was against the odds. The human body could perform things it should not be capable of when the right circumstances and emotions combined.

“I don’t understand,” he admitted, shaking his head. “I almost could think… you’re afraid to love. Like Ikkyu, but not like Ikkyu all the same… You don’t even know you’re afraid. He did, but you… That makes no sense.”

* * *

“Actually, it makes a lot of sense,” an unexpected voice said, and Kent jerked in his chair, turning to see his student standing in the doorway. How much had this boy heard? Had he been there for all of Kent’s stumbling and stupidity? That was rather humiliating.

Kent put a hand to his head. “I don’t even want to know why you think you understand this. If it is about what you just heard, I’d like you to forget it. What are you doing here? How did you even get close to this room? Visiting hours are over. They should have sent you home like they did Ikkyu and Sawa.”

“I’m kind of used to coming and going as I please,” the boy admitted with a slight shrug. “It’s habit after so long doing it without anyone’s notice at all.”

Kent frowned. This conversation was already becoming absurd. “Do not make me repeat myself again. What are you doing here?”

“I came to see Kokoa.”

That made Kent tense. “I wasn’t aware that you knew her. You did not seem to have any classes with her, even if you offered on more than one occasion to help her. If you have developed some sort of crush on her—”

“No. That’s not what it is. I mean, if I’d been older when we first met, maybe, but I was kind of… I’d say we’re more like brother and sister in feeling. That’s more what it was. Or we’re just friends, but it was a really close friendship, kind of unique.”

“And perhaps one-sided?” Kent suggested, knowing full well she’d never spoken of this child to him before. He knew it was absurd to get jealous, but he might well be feeling that in addition to his guilt and frustration.

“Well, actually, yes, but only because she doesn’t remember me. She doesn’t remember any of it.”

Kent swallowed. “Are you referring to that incident where she was found unconscious at the university? What did you have to do with that?”

“Please let me explain. I… Well, you’re not going to believe it. You’re a very rational person, and what I’m about to say is going to sound crazy, but I swear it’s true. You see… I was there. Sort of. I… I used to be a spirit, and at the time, I was merged with Kokoa. She was the only one who could see or hear me, but I could see and hear everyone. That’s how I know you, Kent.”

“I would suggest you do not use such informal address until you’ve finished explaining yourself, and even then, I doubt very much that you will feel it wise. I am already tempted to—”

“Don’t call for security. I can actually prove what I’m saying. Well, a bit. I know things that only someone who was there would know. Like… you went to the festival with everyone from Meido No Hitsuji. Ikki tried to shoot the targets but missed because Rika and Mine were talking and leering over him. Oh, and everyone got into a contest to eat shaved ice to determine who should take Kokoa home, but you forfeited because you dropped your spoon.”

Kent had dropped his spoon, though he did not know that it was not a slightly intentional act on his part, since he’d been uncomfortable with the idea of being alone with Kokoa even if it was only sensible someone walk her home. A pretty young girl like her could have been harmed if she walked alone that late at night.

“Someone else could have told you about that.”

“Okay, true, there were a lot of people there that night. Um… When Kokoa went by her school on August first, you chastised her at the gate, telling her she should make up her mind and go inside rather than blocking the way. Then Sawa came up and wanted an explanation for the assignment, which she failed and Kokoa passed but she was worried about all the same as soon as she heard about it.”

“Again, someone else could have told you this.”

He sighed. “Only Sawa, but I doubt she even remembers it. Let’s see… Oh. Kokoa went by your school, too. She spoke to you, and you admitted that you’d made friends working at Meido No Hitsuji, just like she valued the friends she’d made. And then Ikki ran up to say you weren’t answering the phone but you were needed. There. Even if Ikki told me about that last part—and he didn’t—he didn’t know what you and Kokoa discussed before that.”

“And if she told you any of this?”

“Okay, fine, she could have, but she didn’t have to because I was there. You remember how cold it was for August, right? How strange the weather was? That’s all part of this.”

“I think you should leave.”

“Kent, I really can explain everything. You just have to be willing to listen. She’d tell you, but she doesn’t know. I think… Nhil thought it would be kinder for her to forget, and he’s not completely wrong—it is what drove Ukyo insane, all the remembering, and even though we were separated at that point, I could tell that she felt really guilty about everything. If she’d remembered, she might have wanted what Ukyo did—to die. And she might have… hurt herself to do it. Nhil couldn’t let that happen, not after all he and Ukyo had been through to keep her alive, so… I think he made her forget to spare her.”

“That was no kindness. Not knowing what happened to her or why she was so emotional was extremely distressing. She agonized over it, and it still bothers her now. Even you say it is part of why she behaves how she does, why she runs from relationships and believes she’s incapable of loving anyone.”

The boy winced. “I… That’s… Nhil meant well. He always does, but he still gets things wrong.”

Kent snorted. This was unbelievable. “A god gets things wrong?”

“A lot, actually. You should see him cook.”

“A god that cooks?”

“Well, he does since he got banished to Earth. We both did. It was our punishment for messing around so much in the affairs of humans. And all the damage it did. He lost his powers, and we were made mortal.”

“You do have some very elaborate delusions, but I have heard enough. I am going to get security and have you removed—”

“Do you remember Ukyo?”

Kent frowned. “The photographer? Waka really liked his work. I could find no true value in it, as they were often of the sky and I am not a nephologist to be interested in clouds.”

“Okay, um… Not sure what that word means, but the main thing is—you remember him, right? He was there that night of the festival with the shaved ice eating contest and—”

“He was, and he spent most of the evening with Kokoa, as I recall.” Kent put his hand back to his head. “And she spoke him as one of the men she’d wronged, but when Waka asked her if she’d seen him, if she knew him, she didn’t remember him. Not long after that, Shin and Toma started arguing because Shin supposedly made her cry. She kept saying she didn’t know why she was crying. I… What does Ukyo have to do with this? No one’s seen any of his work in years so the assumption was he went abroad or died.”

“The last part is true.”

“And she was there? Is that what she saw that was so traumatizing she ended up in the hospital for three days and had no memory of it? Was he killed violently? Or… he was rather too sensitive a person, from my observation. Ikkyu had a good laugh when I inadvertently made Ukyo cry.”

“Oh, it’s so much more complicated than that.”

“Either explain yourself quickly or leave. I will not tolerate this for much longer, and you have so far offered no proof of your words.”

He looked over at Kokoa. “I wish she was awake to hear this. She deserves to know. I thought… Well, it took them so long to decide what they were doing with us, and by then years had passed. You were out of the country, everyone from Meido No Hitsuji had scattered. She wasn’t friends with Toma or Shin by then, just Sawa and Mine—and Ikki, but he married Sawa and they had kids by then—and I… I thought it was better to keep my distance. I was just trying to live a normal life, and then I saw you as one of the instructors and remembered how hard your math problems were but how I actually understood them and knew I had to take your class. I… I missed you.”

“I’d never met you before you attended my class.”

“I know. You didn’t meet me when I was with her. I met you, though, and I liked you. I liked all her friends. Some are kind of weird, but mostly they were nice.”

“Are you going to explain what happened or not? You claim to know why she is like this, why she fears love, but I do not think you do.”

“You’re not wrong, Kent. She does fear love. And… she kind of has good reason to.”

* * *

“ _Ah. Finally Ukyo’s wish was able to be fulfilled. You lived to the end of August twenty-fifth.”_

_Kokoa_ _heard a voice in the darkness and looked around in confusion and fear. She didn’t understand. She didn’t know what was happening. She’d been with Ukyo, and he’d tried to kill her. She’d couldn’t fight him, but he fought himself. And he won. He’d stopped himself, and he’d died. She’d begged him not to, and even though she’d heard Orion say that their fates should be reversed if they both survived to the end of the day, Ukyo had died._

_She felt an ache in her heart and shuddered. Ukyo was dead._

_So who was this speaking to her?_

“ _Who’s there? Who are you?”_

“ _My name is Nhil. Thank you for fulfilling Ukyo’s wish. And… thank you for bringing Orion as well.”_

_She didn’t understand. “What?”_

“ _Once in a past August, you were involved in an explosion on campus and separated from the love of your life, a boy named Ukyo. And the person who was drawn to Ukyo’s grief was my master,_ _Lord_ _Nhil,” Orion explained. “_ _Lord Nhil is a god, and his powers are supplemented by making people’s wishes come true. Lord Nhil had traveled through various worlds and was starting to exhaust his powers. He looked for someone with a strong enough wish to restore him and met Ukyo._ _Ukyo wished to Lord Nhil that you would live. However… Even Lord Nhil cannot undo death. In this world, you have died.”_

_She swallowed. She was… dead? She’d died, too? Was that what this meant?_

“ _So… Lord Nhil took Ukyo with him and decided to search for a world where you were still alive. And for that purpose, Lord Nhil gave up his body and fused with Ukyo. So I think it was just natural for me to be drawn to you. I mean, my creator is looking for you. Of course I’m going to be drawn in._ _And that’s how Lord Nhil, who had become one with Ukyo, began his travels in search of a world where you existed. The story was supposed to end there. At a time when Ukyo could meet you again in another world. If he could verify that you were able to survive August, Ukyo’s wish would come true, and Lord Nhil would be separated from him.”_

_She tried to understand all this. It all seemed so strange even after weeks living with a spirit in her head. It sounded like an anime plot. Wait, wasn’t there one that Kent and Ikki were discussing that was like this? Not a man searching for a lost love with the help of a god, but there was one about parallel worlds. She did remember that now. Kent had been pretty bothered by it, so it was hard to forget._

“ _However, immediately after reuniting with you in one world, before Ukyo could even get close to you, Ukyo died. Since Ukyo is fused with Lord Nhil, he is half-immortal. And the same goes for Lord Nhil. Even if he fails, until he grants Ukyo’s wish, he can’t separate from him. So Lord Nhil had no choice but to move to a world where you were but Ukyo wasn’t._ _Still, even there, Ukyo managed to die in a tragically brutal way, and so they changed worlds again. They did this over and over and over. That’s when Lord Nhil realized that in each world there is a strong power to eliminate anything that never existed and shouldn’t exist.”_

_She tensed. That, too, was familiar. Kent had mentioned it when he and Ikki were discussing that anime, one she still hadn’t seen. He’d said natural laws within that universe would react to the presence of an outside element and destroy it._

“ _Even after coming to this realization, it was too late._ _If Ukyo can verify your safety before he dies, Ukyo’s wish can technically come true, but the universe just won’t let that wish happen.”_

_Though Orion sounded upset by that, she knew from Ikki and Kent’s conversations that it made sense. Something like that went against the natural order, even if Lord Nhil was a god._

“ _August twenty-fifth. That is the day that you and Ukyo died over and over. Ukyo alone retained the memory of those horrible and cruel deaths, over and over and eventually went insane.”_

_She felt a sense of horror wash over her. What Ukyo had suffered was terrible, but that was not all._ _How many times had Ukyo died to be driven insane? How many worlds had he visited—how many times had she died? How much destruction could that have caused? If it destroyed Ukyo’s mind, what about the others? Maybe she didn’t remember it, but she was in another world._

_Or still dead._

_She shivered, feeling cold and sick even though this place had no temperature, no real existence that she could tell._

“ _Ukyo can’t live in a world where you exist. By that logic, he should eliminate you first. In trying to run away from his fear of death, another Ukyo was formed,_ _and the rest is just as Ukyo told you. The other Ukyo would finish you off, and the sane Ukyo would grieve and travel to another world.”_

_She wanted to cry, wanted to tell Orion and Nhil and anyone else how wrong this was. She didn’t want Ukyo to suffer, but those other versions of her—they hadn’t deserved death. They didn’t even know Ukyo. They didn’t know the man she loved, only this horrible side of him that had been warped into a killer. They’d died terrified of him. They’d suffered, too._

_And he just went on to another world and did it all again._

“ _At this point, Ukyo’s existence itself is a fate of death. There is no other way to deal with it. And that’s when Lord Nhil decided to take the final plunge.” Orion’s words actually scared her. She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear more. “In order to allow Ukyo’s wish to come true, both you and Ukyo had to exist in that world. There is only one world among the many parallel worlds in which that could happen, and that is the ‘world of origin’ for you and Ukyo.”_

_She frowned. Wait, wasn’t she dead in that world? How could that even work?_

“ _You met Ukyo here before August first, and you died on August twenty-fifth. This is that world.”_

_So she was right. She was dead._

“ _It had to be this world, or neither you or Ukyo would be allowed to exist and Ukyo’s wish could never come true. That’s why Lord Nhil came here. He used the last of his powers to rewind the hands of time in this world. That’s why the climate here and in the worlds near it has been unusual for this month. He was able to turn back time, but not the physical world itself, so there’s a major gap between the time and season. If Lord Nhil became separated from Ukyo, I’m sure he could restore the world to its original state.”_

_She wondered about that. Could he? And even if he could, would that fix the other worlds as well? Or would they go on in the same altered way? Would those people—those versions of her or Ukyo, would they be dead?_

“ _Anyway, Nhil rewound time to July first of this year. That’s the day Ukyo moved from Kobe. Four days later, Ukyo was supposed to reunite with you, but Ukyo became scared that he would harm you and did not go near. He could not ignore the explosion that would occur on August first, so he talked to you because he knew it would be the last time he could see you.”_

_Startled, she almost jumped when she realized she wasn’t alone now._

“ _Can you see? I just connected your consciousness with Ukyo’s.”_

_She could. She wished she’d had some warning, though. That was… unsettling at best. This whole situation had her all over the place with confusion and hurt and fear. And love, though she felt a profound despair as well._

“ _Ukyo’s wish came true. You are alive. And now… he’s on the verge of death. He has one wish—to just disappear altogether.”_

_She flinched. A part of her thought that had to be for the best after all that had happened. He would no longer have to remember and suffer, and though it was a small step, it went towards repairing all of this damage done._

_She couldn’t help thinking of Kent’s words about the protagonist in that anime, how even if he had died, his death was not atonement enough for the destruction he’d caused. Ukyo had not meant for any of this to happen. He would not have known that it would when he made the wish, but ignorance was no excuse, was it? Not for him._

_And not for her._

_Could she really live with knowing all that had happened because she and Ukyo were in love? Oh, they romanticized the great loves that started wars or ended in tragedy, but that didn’t make it right. No, no one could tell you who to fall in love with, that wasn’t how it worked, but love was not some great thing that made everyone else’s suffering okay. He’d died for her. He’d killed for her._

_Those things… how did she live with knowing that? How could she possibly make up for her part in this?_

“ _Can you forgive him? Do you want Ukyo to live?”_

_She didn’t want him dead. She knew that. She didn’t wish death on anyone, but how could he go on? What did they do to make this right?_

“ _Ukyo did a lot of terrible things. He’s committed a lot of crimes. It’s not something that can be easily forgiven, nor should it be.”_

_She knew that. Even now, a part of her recoiled from him and wanted to run even though she had nowhere to go. She loved him, or part of her did, the part that had gotten those memories from before—but was that real enough? What if he had approached her in July this time? Would she have really loved him?_

_She probably wouldn’t have heard that conversation between Kent and Ikki, not if Ukyo was in the cafe with his pictures or she was busy flirting with him. And yet it kept replaying in her mind._

“ _But Ukyo was in pain.”_

_She knew that. She also knew that she would say her own hurt was any reason to hurt someone else. She didn’t want that. Ever._

“ _He was pushed to the point of madness. He abandoned his family, he shunned his friends, and he was caught in an eternal loop of death, but he still wanted to see you.”_

_She flinched. That just made her feel more guilty._

“ _He didn’t care what form it was. He just wanted to be by your side.”_

_She shook her head. She didn’t think that was right. She didn’t know that it could be. He should have let her go. None of this would have happened if he’d only let her go._

“ _But I’m not telling you that you should absolve Ukyo of all his sins,” Orion went on, and she almost snorted. To her, it sounded a bit like he was, and she felt sick all over again. “It’s up to you to make the final decision. So… what do you want to do?”_

_Who made her the judge and jury and executioner? She didn’t want that. That wasn’t right. She wasn’t worthy of this kind of power. That decision should be someone else’s, someone wiser and impartial and not the cause of all this pain and destruction. Not her. She didn’t deserve this. She didn’t deserve anything._

_She shouldn’t live, either. Both of them should disappear._

“ _I can’t forgive him,” she whispered, knowing that she couldn’t forgive herself, either. Neither of them should be allowed to live. Let it end here. Let it all end. That was for the best. That was what they both earned because of these choices. They were unforgivable._

_She didn’t deserve to live. She didn’t deserve love. Her love was poison, ruining everything, and she shouldn’t be allowed near anyone. She couldn’t love, couldn’t live._

_It should all end here._


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Orion continues his talk with Kent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I tried to include the cake bringing scene, and it was not a good one, so I cut it and used this other part of the flashback instead. And I know the end is cheating a bit, but... it's an update in spite of how utterly awful I feel today, so... I'm going with it.

* * *

_Kokoa looked around her apartment. Somehow it felt emptier than before, though she couldn’t say why it did. She felt lonely, too, even though she shouldn’t. She hadn’t thought this place was that big or that it could make her feel this way. Yes, it was bigger than her bedroom back home, but that didn’t make it to big for her._

_Her mother came up behind her. “You haven’t cleaned.”_

_She grimaced. Of course that would be what her mother noticed. She almost wished that no one had come down to be with her while she was in the hospital. She hadn’t even needed her mother since she knew from the nurses that all her coworkers had come by—and wasn’t she a lucky one, working with all those handsome young men? And so many nice friends—so maybe it would have been better without her after all._

“ _I was tired after work yesterday,” she said, though really what had exhausted her was all the crying. She’d been unable to stop once she started, making all of her coworkers and Waka worry. Waka had even tried to send her home._

_That led to a debate over who should walk with her so she wasn’t alone or calling her mother, and she had wanted to go alone after all the fuss. A part of her wanted to be alone now, and the rest of her feared it, that pain clenching up in her chest._

_What had happened to her? What was wrong with her? She didn’t understand this. She felt like grief was going to kill her, and yet at the same time… she deserved it, but how was that even possible when she didn’t know what happened?_

_She saw her mother cluck her tongue as she went to work on cleaning, and now she had nothing to do since it wasn’t even that messy. She didn’t have laundry to do or dishes, either, so now what? She was done with classes, and she didn’t work._

_Now she got to be alone with her mother for hours._

_That terrified her even more than not knowing what had happened to her, why she’d been at the school and ended up in the hospital and why she couldn’t remember it._

“ _You know that you could marry Ryuji-kun. He’ll take over the business and provide for you. You don’t have to keep trying to do school.”_

“ _Mom—”_

“ _I think you’ve proved that you can’t handle it. Really, ending up in the hospital? You collapsed, and that’s a sign you’re just not capable of this lifestyle. Working, school, it’s too much, and you should come back home. Ryuji is not the only option, either.”_

_She sighed. “Mom, it’s not that I don’t want to get married. I do. I want a home and a family and—oh, that hurts. I… I do want it. I just… not now.”_

“ _I think you should consider it now. Your health is not what we thought it was.”_

“ _I don’t want to fight with you about this again. I am fine now. You heard with the doctor said. I’ll be okay. And I am not going home to marry anyone right now. I want to finish my degree. I know that me being in the hospital, it scared you, but it’s not that bad. I’m okay now. They said so.”_

_Her mother sighed. “I think you should lie down and rest.”_

“ _I’m not that tired.”_

“ _They couldn’t ever figure out what was wrong with you. You should take it very easily until you’re well. After all, they had to send you home from work yesterday.”_

“ _That was different. I couldn’t stop crying.”_

_Her mother shook her head, and though she didn’t say it, Kokoa felt the disapproval anyway. Having a physical illness would be something her parents would understand, but this? The missing memory, the unexplained ache in her heart that wasn’t any kind of defect or murmur, just a profound sadness—depression—if she called it that—even if she named it grief, her parents would just tell her she was incapable and push again to send her home._

_That couldn’t happen. She was here to go to school and get her degree, not just pass time until she married and gave them a son-in-law to take over the business. She knew she could do this. She’d been worried when all that math came up in her course and scared her, but now she knew she could do it thanks to Kent._

_She could get her degree. Whatever this was that happened to her… She would deal with it, but she wasn’t giving up and going home. That… that was wrong somehow, even if maybe she felt a little like she deserved to be punished._

_That was so strange, though. Why would she think that? Why did she feel so guilty?_

_What had she done?_

* * *

“Your story is completely preposterous.”

Orion winced. He had a feeling Kent would say that. Kent was a real logical person, a rational thinker, and back when he’d known him as Kokoa’s coworker, he’d had a hard time believing that Kent could feel anything at all. Orion had even thought it was kind of funny when he heard and saw Sawa calling Kent a math ogre. He almost wished he’d been able to save that text.

Only… when Kokoa spent more time at work and Orion got to see Ikki and Kent together, he realized Sawa was wrong about Kent. So was Orion. He hadn’t realized that Kent had a sense of humor, or that he could be a good friend, but watching him with Ikki and Kokoa, he really was.

“I know it sounds crazy. I told you that you wouldn’t believe me, but I am telling you the truth. I think she’d tell you that if she was awake. She mentioned Ukyo, didn’t she? She shouldn’t have any memory of him at all, but I think it’s coming back to her. It… it may even be my fault that it is.”

“Your fault?”

“Well, I’ve tried to become a normal human and blend in and everything. So that’s why I’m taking university courses now. Since there was a gap between when Lord Nhil and I were involved with Ukyo and Kokoa and when they finally banished us to earth—trials can take eternities—five years in human time is short, really—it wasn’t like I could go back to where she was at the time. When I did meet her again, I picked up her handkerchief and gave it to her. She didn’t recognize me. I knew she wouldn’t, but… it still hurt. I kept my distance after that. I’d seem like a crazy stalker or something, and I’m not, but how could I explain the things I know about her without seeming like some kind of creep?”

“I will admit that what you do seem to know does not sit well with me, even if I do not entirely believe your story.”

Orion grimaced. He’d known that telling Kent wouldn’t be easy. Even now, after years had gone by and he’d learned a lot more as a student trying to live a human life, he still didn’t know enough of the complicated spacial stuff and quantum physics or mechanics. He wasn’t sure what the right term was, though he had done his best to prepare for this conversation.

“And yet you still believe seeing you meant she regained her memories?”

“I don’t know for sure. I think she remembered some stuff when I was there. I… What she said when that man attacked you… about how she couldn’t forgive him. She got weak after that, didn’t she? Dazed and confused and—”

“It appeared to be a dissociative fugue, yes.”

“I think she remembered, because that’s what she said. She said ‘I can’t forgive him.’ That was about Ukyo. She couldn’t forgive him for what he’d done, but more than that.. you heard her earlier. She can’t forgive herself. She feels guilty for being the cause of all of it. She didn’t know—she couldn’t have known—what would happen or how her death would start all of this, but you know her. You know her heart. She thinks she can’t love, but she loves so much… and she felt so strongly about Ukyo that I think… she could have found a way to forgive him in time.”

Kent rose, pacing the few steps he could on the other side of the room. Orion hadn’t meant to hurt him, but he did believe that she had once loved Ukyo a great deal. Maybe more than she loved Kent now. Maybe less. Orion wasn’t connected to her anymore to be sure.

“She didn’t have much time to make her decision, and she was overwhelmed by guilt and grief, so she chose not to forgive him,” Orion said. “Ukyo died for his part in what happened. I suppose, in that way, he atoned for what he did, but Kokoa… she lived. And she didn’t remember any of it, but those feelings… they stayed with her. She was grieving without even knowing who she was missing. She blamed herself without knowing why. She carried that guilt around, feeling that she should be punished. She felt like her love was the cause of all this destruction and death. She didn’t deserve to live or to be loved.”

Kent lowered his head. “That last part does explain a lot of her behavior. I had thought it was just a part of the abuse that Neikan put her through, but if she believed that was what she deserved...”

“It’s not, though. She’s a good person, and if she’d known about any of this, she would have done something to fix it. She still believed in the good, in the Ukyo she knew and cared for, and her faith gave him the ability to overcome his darker nature and break the cycle, but… she never wanted it in the first place. You know her. She’d have accepted her fate if she knew it, right?”

Kent tensed. “There is an emotional part of me that disagrees with that. She is usually ruled by emotions as well, so she wouldn’t necessarily believe that her fate was inescapable.”

Orion had to admit that Kent wasn’t entirely wrong about that. “Still, if she knew it was a choice between dying and this—”

“She would make it to spare others pain, yes.”

“And there’s still a part of her that thinks that,” Orion said, looking back at the bed. “I don’t know how to help her forgive herself. I don’t believe she should have to suffer. I was hoping… maybe if she could understand what happened, then she’d be able to… to put in perspective, you know? She’d be able to know what she blamed herself for and maybe she’d still feel it wasn’t forgivable, but at least she’d _know._ That would make such a difference.”

“Assuming any of your story could be believed.”

Orion sighed. Kent would still doubt him, wouldn’t he?

* * *

Kent was the sort of man who believed there was a logical, rational explanation for most, if not every thing. He did not believe in gods or spirits, though he did allow for emotions and their respective impact on people’s decisions. Facts, data, math, all of that was preferable in comparison to the mess human emotions made of nearly anything.

He did not want to make an emotional judgment, especially not after what had happened with his last one. Kokoa was injured and could die all because he couldn’t control his emotions. Hearing this child speak—he was caught between anger at the presumption and the fantastical nature of this story, but beyond that, he was afraid that he wanted to believe at least part of this tale to satisfy his own feelings.

“While it is true that certain scientists have found the complexity of the universe and nature suggest that it would be nearly impossible for it to have been created by accident—the odds against such a thing are ludicrously high, in fact—there are others who believe completely that science can prove there is no such thing as a god.”

Orion frowned. “Well, speaking as a being that had an existence outside the realm of human comprehension, I know they’re wrong. Nhil and I weren’t the only beings out there that people didn’t see or understand.”

“You are biased.”

“Yes, but so are you,” Orion insisted. He sighed. “You won’t listen to anything that doesn’t fit within your universe as you define it.”

Kent shook his head. “It also holds that just because we cannot observe something does not mean it is not happening. There is that expression about a tree falling in a forest without an observer—even if we are not present to hear the sound, it did make that sound when it fell.”

Orion rubbed at his head. “I’d forgotten how confusing it can be to talk to you sometimes.”

“That was not an unclear statement.”

“I… Never mind. Are you actually willing to consider what I’ve said or not?”

Kent adjusted his glasses. “You assume that I have not been? Or is that because I did not immediately accept your story as fact? That would not have been considering it at all. I have never been one to take any statement just as a direct fact—one can verify facts and often should, as many people make groundless claims. I have always done this. Your theory lacks much in the way of proof, but it does explain certain observed behaviors and fit with events I was present for. It cannot be entirely dismissed even as much as it is made up of several problematic elements. After all, yours is the first explanation I’ve ever heard for that strange weather we knew that August.”

Orion smiled at him. “Oh. I’m glad that—”

“And yet if what you say is true, I find myself with several reactions that I do not like.”

“Oh. You’re… you’re more than a little angry with Nhil, aren’t you? I suppose I understand that. A lot of people would be. The lives that were affected weren’t just Ukyo’s or Kokoa’s. What he did affected the other worlds, too.”

“That’s billions of lives on each world,” Kent said, and Orion flinched. “Even if the change in the weather was limited to only a few worlds—that does not mean the others were not altered. Do you even know if all of them were restored to the way they were before Nhil and Ukyo went to them?”

Orion shook his head. “They never told us if they did put it back to the way it was before.”

“So those deaths could still have happened, those lives forever altered?”

“Yes.”

Kent shook his head. “It would, perhaps, be better if she did not hear that. And yet… it is not right to keep the truth from her, regardless of her potential reaction to it. Only by understanding what caused this in the first place can she begin to react properly.”

“So… you’re going to tell her?”

Kent shook his head. “Such a story from me would not be believed, which you should know. Even if I may be closer to accepting it myself, she would not think it true, not from me. Not when I can offer no proof and it defies almost all the logic I know. It is true it explains the weather and it also explains why she would react to the mention of Ukyo and yet seem not to know him when my own recollection of the events differs—she did know him. She spent time with him on multiple occasions. Still, that is not proof. Anyone can take a couple facts or correlations and twist them around to make a theory. Did you know, for instance, that when western women’s hemlines went up, so did finances? And then they dropped when the stock market in the United States crashed.”

“Uh...”

“Some people would make theories out of that. Ikkyu liked to say it proved that all women should wear short skirts. Of course, he was not married at the time and would likely object to Sawa wearing such a hemline as he described when she was not alone with him.”

Orion shook his head. “Ikki. Really? That’s just… Well, no, having been a teenage boy now myself, I think I can see it more than I used to, but I did think he was the worst and kind of perverted and didn’t want him around Kokoa even if he was just a special friend at the time. His fan club was… that was just weird.”

“Weird?” Kent took a breath and let it out. “You don’t see it, do you? Have you forgotten, or were you not present? Would Nhil even remember?”

“What?”

“I did several experiments to determine the source of the effect of Ikkyu’s eyes and relieve his condition. I studied it by all scientific methods available to me short of any surgical measures that would have injured him.”

“Why are you telling me all this now? Are you thinking that you’d actually—”

“Do you know what Ikkyu told me about his eyes? He said he made a wish on a shooting star.”

* * *

Orion felt a bit sick. He hadn’t been with Nhil to grant that wish, but knowing what he did about Ikki’s eyes and the implication of Kent’s words and looks, they weren’t natural. Nothing in this human world could explain those eyes or the spell every girl seemed to go under looking at them—everyone but Kokoa.

And now Sawa, but back then she’d fallen for it and hated herself and Ikki for it.

Orion hadn’t been there to see her overcome it, but he was glad she had and they were happy now, but he had seen other worlds and knew that Ikki was miserable underneath his smiles and playboy act. He’d been afraid to try and love, just like Kokoa was now.

That was because of his eyes, because of a wish.

“I did not believe him, of course. That was foolish, wishing on a star and believing it had come true. There had to be a scientific explanation for the phenomenon, as odd as it might be.”

Orion tensed. “You… That’s not...”

“Now, of course, having heard what you postulate about your god Nhil and his observed behavior of granting wishes without true thought to the consequences, I suspect he may well have been the one to grant Ikkyu’s request for girls to like him.”

Orion flinched. Yes, that was like Nhil. Orion hadn’t been there, but he did think Nhil could well have granted Ikki’s request, not realizing how bad that would be for Ikki in the long run. Not that Ikki knew what he was asking for, either, if he just asked for that, but still.

Nhil had caused a lot of people a lot of pain without meaning to, and it wasn’t surprising they’d taken away his powers as a god.

“I… I didn’t know, Kent. I swear I didn’t know. I might have said something if I’d heard that was why he had that problem, but that would have been when I was with Kokoa, so only she’d have heard me anyway, and she wouldn’t remember now. She… never remembered me.”

“What do you mean?”

“There were other worlds. And in those other worlds… I still helped her, though it didn’t lead to her reunion with Ukyo. She lived and he died or he lived and she died. That was the cycle. I… Would it help you any to know that there were other worlds where you and she were together? And happy?”

Kent frowned at him. “I don’t know that—”

“And I’m not making it up, either. I can tell you that there were worlds where it wasn’t good, too—you didn’t believe she cared enough about you so you gave your presentation and Ukyo was able to get her alone and kill her. And the other time… You thought you were helping her with the amnesia, so you took her to the hospital and her mind disappeared but you never abandoned her or stopped loving her up to when she died.”

Kent grimaced. “That’s not—”

“But there were worlds where you dated long distance because you went to London and even a world where she went with you to London. She loved you enough to go to school there instead, and you two were very happy. You got engaged and—”

“Stop. I… I need you to stop. Now.”

Orion did. He hadn’t meant to hurt Kent with that. He was trying to help, he really was. “I’m sorry. You’re a good person, Kent. Never in any of those worlds did she have anything to fear from you even when you fought horribly because she’s so emotional and you’re so logical and both of you are proud. You don’t deserve to suffer like this, and neither does she. I don’t know if we’d ever convince her of that, but she’s not evil. She didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt, and loving Ukyo wasn’t wrong. It was… Well, maybe we should just blame Nhil.”

“I don’t think that any one person can carry all the blame. There are too many other factors to consider. One could go as far as blaming whoever was at fault in any small way for the original explosion that led to her death and Ukyo’s wish, whether that was the fault of some idiotic or careless student or bad engineering on the part of the builder who erected the building. All the same… some fault does lie with Nhil and Ukyo, who made decisions that affected so many others. Nhil acted without properly considering the effects of his choice, and others paid the price for that lack of forethought. As for Ukyo, one cannot expect a deranged mind to act with reason, but even so, killing her over and over again did not free him from the cycle that he feared. It infuriates me, even as that part of my mind that is still reasonable reminds me that… I wouldn’t know and she wouldn’t even be alive now if those two had not done this.”

“Kent...”

“I have been trying against all emotional impulses to accept not only what could happen to her now but with my parents and their poor health, and to hear this, to know that… No, I can’t do this. I can’t...”

Kent turned and walked out the door before Orion could react. He swallowed, looking at the bed and Kokoa and knowing he had to go after Kent before something else bad happened.

He winced. “I’m sorry, Kokoa. I tried to help and made it worse, just like Nhil.”

“Orion?”

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Orion talks to Kokoa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry. It has been very difficult for me to do updates lately. I wrote a couple short scenes for other AUs, but mostly... I didn't write at all, and it has been hard. I worked on this off and on, and I tried to update Clover Prince, and I got... basically nowhere, but tonight I finally managed the last pieces this needed, I hope, and so... update. Again, sorry.

* * *

“Kokoa? You’re awake?” Orion couldn’t contain his excitement. That was a good sign, wasn’t it? It had to be. She was awake. He was relieved, and yet... Maybe he shouldn’t be. What if she wasn’t actually awake? Or this was something bad, like her saying her last or something. No, he couldn’t believe that. He couldn’t accept it. “Hold on. Just stay there.”

He didn’t know where she’d go, but he didn’t want her to die or something while he was gone. He couldn’t lose her now. Not when he was finally ready to face her and tell her everything. No more avoiding her, no more pretending he was just a normal human and that he didn’t know her, no more denying her the truth.

He ran to the door, pushing it open. He leaned out into the hall. “Kent! Kent, she’s awake!”

Wincing, he hoped that he hadn’t woken up the other patients, knowing that if he did get the nurse’s or doctor’s attention, he’d be kicked out. Kent was way too fast. How far had he gone? This wasn’t good.

He looked back at the bed. “Kokoa?”

“Orion...”

“You… remember me?”

Her eyes fluttered again, and he grimaced. Maybe he had misheard her, or maybe he was just hearing what he wanted to hear. He wanted her to wake up, to know that she was going to be okay, but she was so quiet and still again. He sighed. He must have imagined it, or maybe she was just dreaming. Either way, he should probably go find Kent instead.

He knew this place was a hospital, but if Kent went the wrong way or if he went outside and maybe even—what if he went out into the street this time? Then he’d be hurting, too. Or worse. Orion couldn’t let that happen. He’d come to the hospital to try and fix things.

“So… tall… always… so tall?”

“That would be Kent,” Orion said. Even fully grown, Orion hadn’t gotten close to Kent’s height. He was more of the “cute” type according to all the girls that were “his” age. He was still kind of short, though he didn’t mind most of the time. He also didn’t mind being the type that people saw as cute. Some would, but not him.

“Kent?” Kokoa tried to sit up, looking around for him. Orion winced as he saw her do it, knowing she wasn’t ready to move around right now. She just woke up, and she had to be hurting, and what if she pulled something?

Orion grimaced. “Um, he’ll come back soon. Just lie still until he does, okay?”

She shook her head. “No. He...”

“He’s going to come back,” Orion said, though he knew he shouldn’t promise that, but if he didn’t, she might run off after Kent, and that would be bad for everyone. Kent just needed some time. Orion was sure he wouldn’t abandon Kokoa. He was too good a person for that. “He really cares about you. He’s here to watch over you, and I’m glad he is, since I haven’t been here for you in a long time.”

“You… didn’t have a choice… about leaving...”

That was true. Orion couldn’t have stayed. He’d have destroyed her mind and killed her if he had, blocking her memories the way he did, making her mind shut down even autonomous functions. He’d lived that with her in a couple worlds, like he’d told Kent about, and that was awful.

“I would have liked to have been close to you forever,” Orion said, and she looked at him. “What we had was pretty special, and I feel like I know you better than anyone, even if I haven’t been around in years. I just… we were really close. I shared your emotions and the new memories you were making, and it was something I wouldn’t trade for anything—except… I’d like to have been able to help you more. Being a spirit… I couldn’t save you.”

She winced. “You lost me. Over and over. Like Ukyo did.”

Orion grimaced. That wasn’t exactly the same, since he only retained his memories now, after being punished by the gods. He hadn’t remembered during the cycle of worlds, which was in some ways a relief but also would have been good to know since he could have helped. He could have stopped her from dying, could have told her the missing part that would have saved both her and Ukyo long before that last ditch attempt in that final world. Instead, he lost her, even died with her a few times, and it still hurt to remember.

Maybe that was part of why he’d kept his distance, too, but he shouldn’t have, not when she was suffering because she didn’t know what happened. Though now… would she finally be able to forgive herself? If she couldn’t… maybe it was better if she didn’t know or somehow forgot again.

“I’m not crazy,” Orion told her, and she frowned. “It does hurt, but it… it should. I mean, it was a part of my punishment, getting those memories, but I did have an advantage over Ukyo… I already knew you were alive and safe… I just wish you hadn’t been hurting all this time, too. If I’d realized you were afraid to love because of what happened, that you felt you didn’t deserve it… I’d have told you a long time ago. It wasn’t your fault.”

She shook her head. “It was… and it is.”

* * *

Kent stopped just outside the doors, realizing the foolishness of his actions. With visiting hours restricted, he might well not be able to get back inside now, and he wasn’t sure what to do about that. Kokoa was not alone, he supposed, but that strange boy was not the sort of person Kent should leave her alone with, no matter how strongly his emotions were affecting him at present. He knew better than this. He hated himself for being so weak to these responses, being overwhelmed by the feelings that were in conflict within him.

He took a breath and let it out before taking out his phone. He should not wake Ikkyu, but he needed to get some sort of perspective on this tale that Orion had told him, and he could not discuss such a thing with either of his parents.

He saw that he had texts waiting. Ikkyu must have gotten concerned when he did not respond before. Kent opened up the message app and frowned.

_Ikki tells me Kokoa’s in the hospital. What the hell happened? I thought her ex was in jail._

Kent looked at the message and sighed as he prepared a response to Toma. _He is, and Ikkyu should have informed you of the accident when he told you she was hospitalized. She was distressed and stepped backward into the street into the path of a car. There was no way for it to avoid hitting her or to get her out of the way in time. She was struck, but she made it through surgery and is in recovery._

Kent scrolled up, but the last message from Toma was the one that had called him home to check on his mother. Perhaps that one was Ikkyu as he’d thought before.

No. He did not recognize this number, though he had a good guess about who it was.

_I did not lock up that bastard so Kokoa could get killed by some idiot with a car. What happened?_

Kent grimaced, sending back a similar message to the one he’d given Toma, swearing he would have words for Ikkyu about what he’d told Shin and Toma. He wasn’t sure he wanted to try and discuss what Orion had said now.

Another text came in. _Glad she made it through okay. You need any help with your parents?_

_Ikkyu insisted they were fine, but I have not gone home to see for myself. The hospital was only willing to allow me to stay, and it seemed prudent to do so, even if that permission was granted because of a misunderstanding._

_What?_

_It is not important. If you could keep my mother occupied with a case she can consult on from home, I would appreciate it._

_Not a problem. I wanted her opinion on this one anyway. You sure that’s all you need? I might drop by the hospital in the morning as soon as visiting hours start._

_She would like that, I believe._ Kent started to put the phone away again, but stopped with another sigh. _I do not require anything._

He did not expect Toma to respond again, though he waited anyway, his eyes leaving the screen to look out into the night. He should try the door and return inside, having left Kokoa alone with that stranger for too long, and yet he had not resolved any of this emotional turmoil. How did he return without having some sort of… plan?

What would he do? Continue to sit at her side like he belonged there? Even if she should not be alone, why should he be the one there? Yes, the hospital was only permitting it because they assumed she was his wife, but that did not mean that someone else could not get away with an alternate assumption. Mine could claim she was a sister, could she not?

And did Kent actually believe that story the boy had told?

Some parts did ally with the things that Kent knew, remembered, or had observed, and yet how did he simply accept that as the truth?

If it was true, Kokoa should be dead.

And she was never meant to be his.

* * *

“Maybe I should go find Kent,” Orion said, thinking that not only had Kent been gone too long already but not sure he could convince Kokoa on his own that she wasn’t to blame for this. He’d tried, but she seemed determined to believe that it was her fault, even though it wasn’t. “I… he kind of left because I kind of upset him, but it’s okay. I’ll go get him now that you’re awake. I’m sure he’d want to know that—”

“No.”

Orion frowned. Was she actually telling him not to tell Kent? Or was she just afraid of Orion leaving? He wouldn’t go far. He couldn’t. The hospital might not let him back in, and even so, he didn’t want to go yet. He had so much he needed to tell her, so much he wanted to share, and he had to do something to make this better.

“I won’t be gone long. I just need to get Kent back and—”

“No. He… he shouldn’t have to be here… worrying about me… he… he has to take care of his parents. He… All I did was hurt him and cause him trouble…” She shook her head. “He should stay away from me. He was… right… He… I don’t… can’t… He… he deserves better...”

“Kokoa, it wasn’t your fault. Blame Ukyo. Blame Nhil. Blame me. Not you. You didn’t even remember… I bumped into you and took your memories, and you didn’t know what was happening to you. You couldn’t have. You didn’t know about the other worlds or the deaths or any of it. How can you think it’s your fault?”

“Ukyo did it… because of… me.”

Orion winced. “Maybe, but it wasn’t… it all got twisted up and wrong, but his original wish—for you to live—that was innocent. That was something we all want when it comes to the people we care about. I didn’t want any harm to come to you, and I’m not in love with you. We shared so much, but even if we hadn’t… I didn’t want anything bad to happen to you.”

She shook her head. “I remember… how stupid… I was… how… I… I hurt everyone. Shin, Toma, Ukyo, Neikan, Kent… so many more… I did that.”

Orion took her hand. “Maybe you did, but I know you tried to make up for what you could. And you didn’t hurt them because you wanted to. It’s different trying to love someone and finding out you’re not actually in love with them. Everyone does that in dating, I think. Well, maybe some lucky people just find that one on the first try, but I didn’t. I thought it was love, but it didn’t last. That didn’t only happen to me. It’s happened to so many others, too. It doesn’t make you a monster. It doesn’t make any of us that.”

“I… killed Ukyo. I… I killed him… when I chose not to forgive him.”

Orion winced. “It was what he wanted. He… didn’t want to go on living with what he’d done. And… it was wrong to ask you to make that choice. Not that going to the other gods would have changed much, I don’t think, but it wasn’t like Nhil or I could be impartial, either. I wanted… I wanted you to survive. So did Nhil. So did Ukyo. It was all so you could live, and it would have been pointless if you’d died.”

“How do I live with myself knowing what I did? What I caused? I can’t. I can’t forgive myself.”

“You’re a teacher, aren’t you? You’re helping people every day doing that.”

“It’s… not… not enough.”

Orion didn’t know what he could say that would convince her. He wanted her to believe, wanted her to know that she could be forgiven, but she had to be willing to let it happen, too, and right now, she wasn’t. “What about me?”

“What?”

“Do you think I can be forgiven?”

“You didn’t—”

“I did enough to get punished by the other gods. And even after I was exiled, when I had all the answers you wanted… I never spoke to you. I never told you the truth.” Orion hadn’t been close enough to know that she was still suffering over it, since he didn’t want to be a stalker and knew he couldn’t be her friend without explaining who he was and why he knew her. If he had known… He wasn’t sure he would have told her, even if it was why she was hurting. Kent said she should know, but was that right? Would she ever forgive herself knowing?

Was it so wrong for her to have forgotten?

“I think I agreed with Nhil about sparing you the pain,” Orion told her. “I didn’t want you to drown in your guilt like Ukyo was. He went insane over it. You… I didn’t want that to happen to you, too.”

“You said… you didn’t go insane.”

“I didn’t, and maybe you wouldn’t have, either, but even without knowing, you’ve been punishing yourself,” Orion said. She frowned. “Kent said it, and he’s right—you’re afraid to love. You’re afraid of it becoming the cause of something bad, being twisted from what it should be into something terrible, but you’re also sure you don’t deserve to be loved, so you avoid those that do and sabotage things between you. Not every time, no, since Ikki and Sawa consider you family and love you. You’re the kids’ favorite aunt, and you love all of them, but that’s not the same as the love you fear so much. For Ukyo, you were everything. You were his true and only love, and he gave up everything for you. Any time someone else got close to doing something like that, you backed out and… ran.”

She winced. “Can’t… don’t… shouldn’t...”

Now it was Orion’s turn to grimace. He didn’t want her believing that, though he didn’t know how to change her mind. “Please, Kokoa. You don’t have to suffer like this.”

“Should… just… go… fade… away… like Ukyo...”

“No. No, that’s not right. That’s not—it’s not how it’s supposed to be, not how it should be. Even if Ukyo felt there was no way to make up for what he did—and maybe there wasn’t, since he couldn’t go back and restore any of those worlds or give back the lives he took—but you didn’t do that. You didn’t know. You never meant for anyone to get hurt. Loving him wasn’t wrong. That’s… you shouldn’t have to suffer for that. And dying’s not the answer.”

“It is.”

“No, it isn’t.”

* * *

“K… Kent?”

He had to force himself not to wince as he faced her, though a part of him was experiencing some sort of exhilaration to know that she was awake. Regaining consciousness tended to be more of a good sign than bad, though in her case he was not entirely certain, not from the way she just spoke. Still, a part of him was relieved.

The rest was terrified, and he hated himself for it.

“I assume by your words and the way you speak with Orion now that you remember the events as he describes them.”

She flinched, though he could take that as a sign his presumption was correct. She did, in fact, recall everything, meaning she now understood the guilt she felt. Perhaps she had even remembered it when the car struck her. He was not certain. He didn’t know that it mattered, either.

“I admit that I am quite biased in this matter and that my own emotions are conflicting in many respects, but I believe that… if nothing else, the death you believe you want would actually not solve anything, not even for you. Oh, I suppose you’d be unaware and spared any thought of the pain or the guilt, but if you do die, then all of what happened is invalidated.”

He was aware that both of them were frowning at him now. He pushed his glasses up his nose and continued. “As angry as I am with both Ukyo and Nhil for their reckless actions, I am aware that without that series of incredibly poor decisions, I would not be able to see you now. The thought of that is… nearly intolerable, though I am aware that in every practical sense, I could live without you. I am not so emotional, despite the intensity of my feelings, to believe that life without you is impossible. I have done my best all along to accept that it would happen as you were unlikely to reciprocate my feelings. For me, it is enough that you do not disappear altogether. I do not… I come close to sympathizing with Ukyo’s actions and at the same time cannot support them or condone them. I suppose that comes in part from all the time I have spent trying to come to terms with my parents’ mortality. They will die. I know this. And I accept it, as much as I can, because it is the natural order of things. We live, we die, and that is how our world works. I do not care for the interference of gods upsetting the balance and destroying other lives in an attempt to better one or two. In Ikkyu’s case, I do not think anyone benefited from that decision at all. That is not the point. The point is… If all that destruction and chaos and death was caused so that you would live, if you die… then you only further unbalance the scales. Those people you already feel guilty over would have died for nothing at all. I know it is not fair to place that burden on your shoulders, and yet… If I did not say it...”

She closed her eyes, and he saw a wet sheen to her cheek. Tears. He sighed, but then something shoved him, and he almost fell toward the bed. He looked back at Orion, who nodded to her, holding up a hand. Kent frowned. Surely she did not want that. She had run from him, and she still would rather die than risk hurting someone else again.

“Kent...”

He took another step toward her, cautiously setting his hand next to hers on the bed as he watched her in concern. She took hold of his hand and squeezed it tight.

He reached over with his other hand and brushed back some of her hair, tempted to wipe away the tears as well. “Please rest. There are many who wish for you to get better. Even those you think you’ve wronged so much they can’t forgive you—Shin and Toma—they’re worried about you. Ikkyu and Sawa as well. I suppose even my parents and Mine… Maybe the children. I don’t know how much they told them at this point, but… everyone wants you to recover.”

“He’s right,” Orion said. “We all want that. We want you to live.”

She looked up at him, her expression full of uncertainty and even fear. “You… you won’t leave? I… I shouldn’t ask… but… I… Please. Don’t go.”

“I do not think I could. For all that I tried to use distance earlier—that was such a mistake—I am sorry you are hurting now because I couldn’t control my emotions or find some better way to approach the situation and I—”

“No,” she whispered. “You saved me. Again.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokoa is still in the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is a much better version of the cake scene. It was pretty awful the first time around, but adding this conversation to it helped, though it ended up much longer.
> 
> It was more important than I realized at first, though.

* * *

“ _Where do you think you’re going?”_

_Kokoa stopped at the door, turning back with a frown. She didn’t know why her mother was asking her that. “I told you—I have to work today. I’m going to be late, actually, so I should leave now or I’ll be in real trouble.”_

“ _You know better than that. You’re not well, and you’re not going.”_

_Kokoa frowned. “Mom, I’m fine. The doctors let me go. There’s nothing wrong with me, so I can do what I need to do. I can work. They told me I could. I know I came home in tears the other day, and I really don’t know why, but I rested afterward like you wanted, and I slept in late today, so I’m fine. I’m going to work.”_

“ _No, you’re not. I already called in and told them you would not be coming in today.”_

“ _What?” Kokoa demanded, staring in shock at her mother. That wasn’t right. She was fine. She could have worked today. She didn’t want to stay cooped up here, and if she was around her mother for much longer, she’d go insane. “Mom—”_

“ _You are staying home and resting, and tomorrow I think we should start packing your things so you can go home with us.”_

_Kokoa nearly screamed in frustration, but then her buzzer rang, and she rushed over to answer it, aware of her mother glaring at her for running. She was fine, though, and this fuss wasn’t necessary. She hit the button and saw a face she didn’t expect. “Kent?”_

“ _You’re not well enough for guests,” her mother said, and she balled up a fist as she tried not to yell in response._

“ _Oh. I am not staying, so I hope that’s permissible,” Kent said, and then there was a box in front of his face. “I merely wished to leave this with you. I was told it was customary to leave food with someone who is not feeling well, so… I brought this by on my way home. Is that too much? I didn’t know, though Ikkyu said it was not an improper response, but then he does like to tease me. Still, the others were worried as well when Waka said that you would not be in, so I offered to stop by as it is almost on my way home and I had the shorter shift today on account of—”_

“ _Thank you, Kent. That’s wonderful of you. Please come up.” Kokoa let him in to the building, aware of her mother’s disapproving look on her back. She swore she didn’t care. This was just a friendly visit, and refusing Kent would be horrible since he was so uncertain when it came to social things. He and Ikki got along, but he tended to alienate others, and it was so nice of him to do this for her she didn’t have the heart to refuse. She also didn’t want to worry everyone if she turned him away. This really was the best option, and she couldn’t be more grateful to him._

_She smiled happily as she opened the door, and he smiled at her in return. She hadn’t even known that Kent could smile like that unless he was joking with Ikki or talking about math._

“ _I am glad you seem improved today. After that call, everyone was concerned,” he said, holding out the box again._

_She waved him inside. “Come in for a minute. I won’t force you to stand on the doorstep.”_

“ _Kokoa!”_

“ _We’re not alone, Mother,” she said, no longer able to hold back her temper. She hoped Kent didn’t notice too much. “Please don’t worry about it, Kent. Mom is being overprotective because of what happened, even to the point of calling in for me when I didn’t need to do that, but I’m fine. I don’t mind the company, and I’m so—it’s so nice of you to do this. I can’t thank you enough.”_

“ _I believe you can as once is sufficient for me.”_

_She had to smile at that. Kent’s logic was so… did she dare call it cute? Because right now, it was actually cute._

“ _Now that she has thanked you, you can go. She’s not up to visitors.”_

_She winced. “Mom, please. You don’t know what I’m capable of or how I feel. I am fine. I wish you’d listen to me—the doctors said I was fine.”_

“ _You don’t even know why you were in the hospital. You said you don’t remember what happened or why you were at the school.”_

“ _That’s true, but that doesn’t mean that I—”_

“ _So until you know why you collapsed, you can’t say you’re fine. And as I believe it must have been the stress of you doing too much, you need to stop being so stubborn. Quit your job and come home with us. You can try college again if you’re well, but I really think you should consider Ryuji-kun. He’s a good choice for the company.”_

_Kokoa stared at her mother in disbelief. It was one thing to worry, but to say that in front of Kent, to treat her as nothing more than a way to keep the business going, that couldn’t be right._

“ _I believe I may be able to help with that,” Kent began, and then when they both looked at him, her mother frowning as she sized him up as a suitor, much to Kokoa’s mortification. Kent didn’t see her that way. He wouldn’t. She wasn’t nearly good enough for him. He caught their looks and added, “With determining the cause of your incident, I mean.”_

“ _Were you there, then?” her mother demanded, making things that much worse. “If you are responsible for what happened to my daughter—”_

“ _Mom,” Kokoa snapped, losing her temper for Kent’s sake. Who could ever believe he was capable of something that horrible? He wasn’t. “Kent had nothing to do with it. He isn’t the kind of person you think he is. He’s kind. A good teacher and a good friend, and if you’d ever seen him with Ikki, you’d know that, but you didn’t bother meeting any of my friends at work. You just assumed they weren’t capable of helping me and forced me to come home. And Kent… Kent’s so smart. He’s a genius, and if anyone could figure it out, it would be him.”_

_Kent stared at her, and she tried to find a way to make things better and less awkward. She didn’t have any good ideas, though._

“ _Would you mind taking that box into the kitchen, Kent? Mom will worry if I try and lift anything right now, even though I feel fine.”_

_He gave her mother a glance and nodded, carrying the box along with her into the kitchen. She thought she recognized it as one of the ones they sent the cakes from the cafe home in, and that sounded divine, since it was Kent and he was as good a baker as he was a cook._

_She opened the box up as soon as he set it down. “My favorite. Thank you, Kent. That’s so nice of you. I could eat it all right now.”_

“ _That’s not the sort of food you give a sick person, and you are not going to eat that, Kokoa.”_

“ _I am so,” she said, taking the box before her mother could reach for it. She swiped a fork from the strainer as she backed away with the cake in hand. “It would be a crime not to eat one of Kent’s cakes, and he came all this way to give it to me and I’m hungry. And I don’t care if I get fat. I don’t care about anything but this cake.”_

_Kent frowned, and she could hear the concern in his voice. “Um, Kokoa, I think perhaps you might be overreacting—”_

“ _No.” She took a bite and moaned with delight at how sinfully good it was. She really was going to eat all of this right here and now, and no one was going to stop her. Maybe it was stupid of her and foolish, but she didn’t want to lose this. Kent’s gesture was so kind and unexpected, and somehow it was like each bite made her heart ache a little less._

_She almost wanted to ask him to stay, even knowing that he was busy and that her mother would never let that happen._

_A wicked part of her thought about grabbing his hand and dragging him with her before her mom knew what she was doing, but she buried it down with another bite of cake. Kent was a friend, a good special one, and she couldn’t ruin that like she ruined everything else._

_She swallowed and looked at him. “What do you think happened?”_

_He shook his head, stopping to push up his glasses. “I admit I’ve considered it a great deal since I learned that you were unaware of the events that led to your hospitalization. It is such a curious thing, and there may be some truth to the supposition that my brain is eager for distractions to take me away from my preparations to leave. Ikkyu says that is the case, as he believes I’m avoiding it for all I say I’ve been working on them because I’m nervous. That’s illogical, but the fact remains that I did spend far more time thinking about the cause of your trouble than I should have.”_

“ _That’s because you’re a good person and you care,” she said, getting another frown from him. “So, what do you think it was?”_

“ _I am not certain. My best theory is that if you considered the various scenarios, one might trigger a memory that would explain the missing time. It may not work that way at all, but even discussing each scenario could be of benefit. I cannot be certain. I would begin by the most likely, or at least the most common theory that prevails now—that you were too stressed and collapsed due to the strain.”_

_She shook her head, taking another bite of the cake and almost getting sidetracked by the taste again. “You make the best cakes, Kent. I swear, I’d want you to cook for me forever. I’m going to miss that when you go to London.”_

_He flushed again. “I do not think I have any great skill. It is merely the application of someone else’s recipe. I can follow directions and am precise in measuring, that’s all.”_

_She didn’t think so. “It’s very good. And I’m not just saying that because I want you to agree with me that it wasn’t just stress. If it was stress, why now? I was on summer break. I wasn’t in classes—not besides yours—well, and that lab I took, but that was already over by then, and I don’t mind your class at all because you make it so I can understand it. That’s not pressure. It’s almost… fun. Well, mostly listening to Sawa and Mine is fun. I guess I just don’t see why I’d have problems now when I’m out of school.”_

“ _It could be a delayed response, I suppose, though I agree you have more free time and less pressure now in the summer. I have more, in fact, as it was not as much of a relief to have the presentation over with as I believed. I am glad I was chosen, but there was that waiting period when I didn’t know the results, and now I suppose the stress of making sure I have everything ready is… I no longer feel as confident in my ability to speak English, but I suppose I’ll see.”_

“ _Better than mine, I’m sure,” Kokoa said, focusing on the cake again as she tried not to think about how her parents had thought taking English wasn’t that important and how she hadn’t really fought them about it because she hadn’t wanted to do anything hard._

“ _At any rate, I did not observe any visible overexertion from you since I’ve known you. You’d have to ask Sawa or Mine who know you better if that is the case, but from what I can tell, you were not operating at level that would cause you so much stress that you collapsed. Admittedly, it will be difficult to disprove.”_

“ _I don’t think it was stress. The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that it wasn’t stress. That’s not your kind of proof, but to me… I am so sure that’s not it. I don’t know what is, but… I can know that, can’t I?”_

_He considered her words. “There is some truth in that only you can know for certain, but if you do not remember the events, you cannot say that it wasn’t a particular reason with any true conviction. There is something to instinct, I suppose, but if you want me to accept that as your only proof, no. You know I can’t.”_

“ _Not everything can be proved by science or tests or facts. Some things are beyond that.”_

“ _So you always say, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want to have facts or data to back up any assertion. I’m not sure we would have those for you, unfortunately, though they did enough tests at the hospital to rule out most of the likely suspects, yes?”_

_She nodded. “Yes. They told me none of the tests explained why I’d collapsed or why I didn’t wake up for three days. That’s why they said stress, but does that really sound like stress to you?”_

“ _I admit it does not, but I am not a medical expert.”_

“ _They had a lot of them examine me, too,” Kokoa sighed. She wished she knew what had happened to her, and when she thought about not knowing, it was terrifying. She could imagine terrible things. What if—but the doctors—but—was that really true? Would they lie to her?_

“ _What is it?”_

“ _I was just thinking about what it could have been,” she admitted, returning her focus to the cake. She didn’t want to ruin it with a bunch of bad feelings. “About… the bad it could have been.”_

“ _All the more reason for you to go back home.”_

_Kent frowned, eying her mother for a moment and shaking his head. “I think that discontinuing your education now would be a mistake and a disservice to you, but then I can’t make that decision for you. I simply believe no one should stop educating themselves no matter if it is formal or not. No one benefits from ignorance.”_

_She nodded, taking another bite. She was glad she at least had Kent’s support with her parents being so difficult about it._

“ _And as for thinking about the bad possibilities… perhaps if you did look at some of them and found a way to disprove them, you’d feel better about it. After all, clearly you did not die, so it was not that sort of incident. You had no visible wounds so you were not stabbed or beaten or bruised. Those things all were eliminated, yes? And most common drugs were as well, though uncommon ones cannot be discounted. Still, that’s a lot of things you know did not happen. Would you like to make a list? I sometimes find that helps to organize matters like this when developing a hypothesis.”_

“ _Would you?” Kokoa asked, not sure why he’d be so kind to her. She didn’t deserve so much consideration, and she didn’t understand it, even if she knew he was a nice person._

“ _Of course,” Kent said, taking out his phone and starting to type. “One, you know you were not gored by a giant panda.”_

“ _What?”_

“ _Two, you know you were not struck by lightning.”_

“ _Kent, are you really writing that down?” Kokoa had to ask, and when he looked up at her with a small smile, her stomach summersaulted a little. She supposed that was a byproduct of too much cake, and now she wanted to cry all over again. She didn’t think she was sick, but she felt a pressure in her chest and like she’d done something terrible again._

“ _Did that help? I find my sense of humor rarely translates well outside of math, and even then, it is rare anyone understands it.”_

_She nodded, still fighting tears and that sensation in her chest. “Thank you. You’re doing so much for me… this is… I don’t even know what I’d do without you to help me with this. You’re right. So many of those things… they couldn’t have happened. So it’s not as bad as I thought, right?”_

“ _Perhaps not.”_

“ _Am I keeping you from your packing?” Kokoa suddenly felt guilty. What if she was taking Kent away from things he needed to do? She couldn’t do that. He had work to do to get to London, right? She couldn’t burden him with this._

“ _Actually, I got word from my parents that they hired a moving company to pack up my things for me. Aside from being slightly concerned that something will be missed, I do not have that obligation to see to right now.”_

“ _Then… you can go through more possibilities with me?”_

“ _Yes.”_

_She could almost hug him, wanted to cling to him and stay there, to have real comfort and not just what her mother had done in fussing or a bunch of false sympathy. Kent had really helped her by this, and she was a bit sad to think he was going away._

_Then again, maybe he should. Maybe it was better if he did._

_She shuddered at that thought and went back to her cake as Kent started listing off more possibilities. She almost hoped he didn’t try and make her laugh again, though she wanted him to at the same time._

_She felt very confused, but Kent was helping, so she pushed that confusion aside, focusing on cake and his voice, all the soothing knowledge of what had_ not _happened to her making it a little easier to breathe even as it annoyed her mother._

* * *

“I don’t understand,” Kent protested, and Orion frowned at him, wishing he could be a little less literal for once. Orion’s words hadn’t been enough, but Kent’s were. He didn’t feel great about that, but it was true. Kokoa had needed something Orion couldn’t give her—something Kent had.

“I didn’t do anything with your medical care to keep you alive. All I could do was hold your hand and worry, and that is nothing praiseworthy. I didn’t know how to treat any of your wounds. You owe your life to the paramedics who got you to the hospital and the doctors and nurses who treated you after you arrived. They saved you, not me.”

Kokoa shook her head at Kent’s words. “No. You… did… Please… stay… I couldn’t… ask then… when… you gave me… cake… and helped me… move on… from that… I didn’t know what happened… but you… you helped me… be less afraid… I still felt… guilty… still didn’t understand… what I lost… and I didn’t ask then… but I… now… stay.”

Kent closed his eyes, almost looking pained. “I have no intention of leaving. I told you that before.”

Did Kent think she doubted him? Orion didn’t think she did. She was still thinking she didn’t deserve him, but that wasn’t true. Even if it was, Kent loved her in spite of that. He really cared about her, and he knew everything. He hadn’t given up because of Orion’s seemingly crazy story or even the truth, knowing that worlds could have been damaged to keep her alive.

“I wish… could say… more...”

“You’re supposed to be resting,” Kent told her. “I am almost certain that is what your doctors would wish. I should even go get one for—”

“Don’t go. Please.”

“I can go get one if you think we should.” Orion didn’t want to leave, but he had a feeling that things would be really bad if Kent did. Kokoa needed him now, not Orion, as hard as that was for him, but then he’d been out of her life for so long he should be used to it by now.

“Will rest… promise...” Kokoa brought Kent’s hand close to her, looking a bit like she was trying to snuggle up against him even though he wasn’t in the bed with her.

“It is probably best they look you over.”

“Not now… too tired...”

She wasn’t the only one who was exhausted. Kent looked worn out, too. Orion wondered if he would sleep now knowing she’d woken and was going to be okay. She was already on the way to forgiving herself because of what Kent said. Orion believed she was going to make it, and he knew she was in good hands with Kent.

“Rest,” Kent said, though Orion figured he was going to get the doctor or nurse anyway. He supposed they’d make him leave then. He didn’t want to go, but at least he knew Kokoa remembered him now. He could talk to her again.

“You… too...”

Kent gave her a sad smile. “That is difficult in this chair.”

“Would offer… share… but… that… you wouldn’t… want...”

Kent flushed, staring at her, though Orion didn’t doubt she was willing to share. She did seem to want to be close to Kent as well as worried about him.

“Be… like… couch… not… bad… was… very nice...”

“You just had surgery. Unacceptable. I will not injure you again. Just… sleep. I will be fine. I have slept in worse places and positions.”

“Orion?”

“Yes?”

“Not dreaming? You’re here?”

“Yes, I am, but you probably should be dreaming and go back to sleep. Just rest. Kent and I will be here when you wake up. Promise. Well, as long as the hospital doesn’t force me to leave, I mean. If they do, I’ll come back as soon as I can, but you just rest.”

“...kay.” She snuggled close to Kent again and closed her eyes with a slight smile.

* * *

“You look ridiculous,” Shin said, and Toma shrugged as he shifted the balloons bouquet in his hands. The florist warned him that he might not be able to bring flowers into the hospital, so he didn’t, opting for the other option, a get well package made of balloons instead. Maybe he’d been suckered, but he felt better having them, which was more than Shin could say, since he looked awkward enough in that suit.

He’d probably fidget like hell when they were inside, since he didn’t have anything to offer anyone.

Shin walked ahead of him and pushed the door open, not about to wait or even knock, though maybe he should have, since he grimaced when he saw how Kent had fallen asleep with his head on the bed next to Kokoa’s.

Then again, Shin was over that, right? Toma was, too, more or less.

“Who are you?”

The teenager with the hoodie lifted up his head, looking more than a little strange with that thing up on his head. Who put flaps like horns on a hooded sweatshirt anyway? “Oh. Shin. Toma. You’re both here. Wow.”

“What? Who the hell are you?”

“Orion. I… I know Kokoa. It’s complicated. Oh, but you’re going to wake them. Don’t do that. He had the hardest time falling asleep, and I swear she kept waking up to check on him, of all things. I don’t know why she thought—well, no, I do know why she thought that Kent would leave her, but he wouldn’t.”

“I swear I don’t want to know,” Shin muttered, but knowing how suspicious he was, Toma figured that he did actually want to know. Was this one of her students? That was still really strange for him to be here. Ikki, Sawa, Mine, yes, but a student?

“You sure about that?”

“Shut up, Toma.”

“Why… you two… always argue?”

“Oh, Kokoa, you’re awake,” Orion said, looking at her with a smile. “I’m glad and yet sorry we were so loud.”

“Orion.”

The smile on her face said he wasn’t lying about knowing her. She closed her eyes again, but only for a moment before she tried to move, bumping her head against Kent’s as she did. That stopped her and she winced, reaching over to touch his cheek.

“You stayed.”

Kent looked at her. “Were I someone else, I think I might be offended you doubted me. As it is, I am a bit… concerned. Even knowing what was discussed last night, why would you think anyone would leave you alone here?”

“You know I don’t… don’t deserve...”

“Okay, that’s bull,” Shin said, and she frowned, looking over at him. “I won’t deny I was angry as hell when it ended, and Toma probably went off the deep end a little, but that doesn’t mean you deserved to be hurt. Whatever that ex said, he didn’t have the right to touch you, and you didn’t—no one deserves to be run down by a damned car, okay?”

“Some people do,” Toma said, and Shin grunted, unable to deny it. “You’re not one of them, though. Shin’s right. I was angry, too, when it ended, and it was… I didn’t know how to cope with it, but that was a long time ago, and I’ve gone through a lot and even had therapy since. I’m better now. And blaming you didn’t solve anything. It took a long time, but I know now you did the right thing. It wouldn’t have been good if we stayed together.”

“Go put that down on the table. She’s not going to take you seriously with that dumb thing in your hands,” Shin ordered, and Toma almost laughed as he took the balloons over to the table.

“That’s a nice gift,” Orion said. “Thank you, Toma.”

“Why are you thanking me?”

“We still don’t know what you’re doing here.”

Kent sighed, sitting back in the chair as Kokoa frowned at him. He rubbed his neck. That must have been one hell of a position to sleep in, especially for someone as tall as Kent. Toma had done similar things before, and he knew how much they hurt.

“Orion was present when the car accident happened,” Kent said. “As were others, though from what I understood when the other officer spoke to me, they believe it nothing more than that. She stepped backward into traffic while she was panicking, and the driver was unable to stop. They did not think prosecution would be necessary.”

“I don’t want to cause them trouble. It was my fault. Don’t say it was yours, Kent. It wasn’t. I didn’t… I shouldn’t have run. That was wrong. I… You asked me to go back inside, and I still went into the street. That was all me. I’m sorry.”

Kent touched her forehead. “I should have waited to discuss that matter with you and not blurted it out in such an offensive manner.”

“I wasn’t offended. You… you were right. I was scared. I… I said too much and had to get away. It… It’s not what you said… well… it’s… You’re too good to me.”

Shin grunted. “I think I’ve seen enough. She’s better, and I need to get to work.”

Kokoa tried to sit up again. “Wait. Shin… I… thank you for coming. And… for your help… and everything… I know I can’t… I can’t make up for all the mistakes from before, and I’ve said I’m sorry, but it’s not enough, either. I just… I am grateful for everything, and I hope you will be happy. You deserve so much better than I was able to give you, and even now, knowing why… I can’t fix what I did wrong. I can only hope that maybe you can still be happy in the future.”

“Don’t get all weird like that. You sound like you’re dying or some crap like that, and it’s not allowed, okay? I have your ex locked up, you’re safe, and you are going to get out of this hospital and have your own good life, damn it.”

Toma had to smile at that, though the clapping was over the top.

* * *

“Nice speech,” Ikki said, and Sawa elbowed him, shaking her head at him. He shrugged. He hadn’t said anything he didn’t mean. Shin’s speech was a good one, even if he still had a lot to learn about how to treat a woman. He felt a bit sorry for the girl Shin was dating now. “It was good. I’m not being sarcastic.”

“Shin was almost emotional there,” Toma said, laughing. “It was good, though she did sound a little strange before he gave that speech.”

“She’s not suicidal. What is wrong with a bit of an apology, anyway? You should be glad and not make it seem like she’s something she isn't. And maybe you don’t want an apology, but maybe she needs to give one. Just let her do it and stop being an ass about it.”

“Another good speech,” Ikki said, though he had to frown. “Wait. Why are you here? I recognize you as that student who was very worried about Ken, but… you’re at the hospital? Why?”

“Orion is an old friend of Kokoa’s,” Ken answered. “It is not important at present. Ikkyu, you said you were going to—”

“Daichi and Ayeka are fine. It was all we could do to convince them to stay home so they didn’t make themselves worse in an attempt to see Kokoa. Both of them were worried, of course, but we assured them you’d tell them all about her condition when we sent you home to shower and maybe nap a while.”

“Thank you.”

Ikki smiled. He hadn’t minded a bit. He was glad to know that Daichi and Ayeka were doing okay. In fact, Daichi had a lot more life in him now that he was on oxygen, even if it was a bit strange to hear that machine going. Ayeka seemed a bit better, too, since she didn’t have to worry about Daichi as much.

“I’m so glad you’re awake,” Sawa said, rushing over to Kokoa’s side. “We were pretty scared when we first saw you yesterday, and Kent was a wreck. You being awake… it’s such a relief. You don’t go scaring us like that again, okay? I don’t think Number Five can take it.”

Ikki grimaced. “That’s true. We even got out the fetal heart monitor Ken got us when we had Kaya and had a listen for a while just in case.”

“You got them a fetal heart monitor?” Shin asked, frowning at Ken like he was crazy.

“It was their fourth child, and Ikkyu was obnoxious in his concern. It seemed reasonable to provide some kind of reassurance for him if only for my own sanity. He would forget the time difference and call at all hours while I was still in Europe.”

Ikki grimaced. He couldn’t deny that he had, and Ken had gotten the worst of that. He hadn’t shared most of his fears with Sawa, who had been stressed enough with the pregnancy. His parents weren’t that sympathetic about it, and talking to his in-laws was impossible. Most of the other friends he’d had disappeared when he disbanded the fan club, and he still had restraining orders against a few of them.

“I think that’s very kind of you, Kent,” Kokoa said, giving him a smile. “Not just practical but also very sweet. So you.”

Ken tried to force a smile. “Not particularly.”

“We did appreciate it,” Sawa said, reaching up to her eye. “Ugh. Hormones. I kind of hate this. I’m telling you, Ikki, this is the last time. We are getting you fixed.”

Ikki frowned as the others shifted uncomfortably. Toma actually laughed. Shin just shook his head. “So not something I needed to hear. I’m going to work now. Once you’re out of here, I do need that statement from you, Kokoa.”

She frowned. “What?”

“About when Neikan attacked us at the school,” Ken reminded her. “We were going to deal with that after work on the day of your accident as we did not do so after seeing my parents home from the hospital.”

“Oh. Right. Yes, Shin. I will do that.”

Shin nodded and walked out of the room. Toma gave her an apologetic smile. “I’ve got to be going, too. Lots of cases to work on, and I still have to drop one by for Ayeka, too. I’m just glad you’re awake.”

“Thank you again, Toma.”

He smiled at her and left. Ikki shook his head as he went over to reclaim his wife, wrapping his arms around her as he got close. She smiled up at him, and he rocked her gently as they all settled into the quiet. He supposed it was a little awkward, since he got the feeling Kokoa really wanted to be alone with Ken, but Sawa was still going to need a bit before she was ready to go.

“What do the doctors think?”

“They believe she should recover given proper rest, which she’s not getting. The main concern is avoiding infections and other possible post-operative complications, though in many respects the damage was minor.” Ken took his glasses off and studied them with a frown. Ikki thought they looked a little bent, probably from sleeping on them. “They believe it is a good sign she is already awake.”

“I think we all think that,” Sawa said, smiling. “I know I’m glad you’re awake again.”

“Me, too.” Ikki turned to Ken. “We did promise your parents that you’d go home for at least a little while. I know you probably don’t want to, but it was that or have them come here—”

“It’s fine, Ikkyu. I would like to see them for myself as well.”

“You’re going?” Kokoa caught Kent’s hand before he could rise. “You… I know I shouldn’t ask, but… you won’t be gone for very long, will you?”

“Oh, sweetie,” Sawa said. “You know you’re safe, right? You can’t get in an another accident here, and Neikan’s in jail, so you don’t have to worry.”

Ken touched Kokoa’s forehead, brushing back some of her hair. “I can remain until you fall back asleep, and if you are able to remain that way this time, I should be back before you wake. You do not have to fear.”

“Kent...”

“I may not have said it in the words I should have, but to be perfectly clear—I do not believe you are to blame for any of it. What choices you made, you made in good faith with the knowledge you had at the time, and that may have been flawed, but that does not mean you should be punished or abandoned. That is not why I’d be leaving. I have a responsibility toward my parents, and I feel that I should check on them. That’s all. Well, no. I do think if I delay for too long, they will come here on their own, which I would like to avoid. You do understand, don’t you?”

She nodded. “Yes. I just… I feel better when you’re here… and… I know it’s stupid, but since there’s still such a big part of me that can’t accept that I can be forgiven, I… I’m afraid any happiness or good might just disappear. You… and Orion… even… others. I… After Ukyo, can I really think that I… can I—I can’t… he was… I caused him so much pain and death and I never even… that wasn’t proper mourning and...”

“Shh,” Ken said, continuing to comb through her hair. “Ukyo made his own choices. Those were not yours to make. What happened when you chose your path, that shouldn’t make you responsible for his. You were within your rights not to forgive him. That didn’t mean that you wanted him dead. You can refuse to forgive someone without wishing them permanent damage. It is possible there was a misunderstanding or a misinterpretation. You already know how far from infallible this being was. Another mistake was made, but you are not to blame for it, and whatever forces may exist, they should not be conspiring now to take any happiness from you. That was not part of the wish, was it, Orion?”

“What?”

“He didn’t want her dead, and one would assume he wanted to see her happy as well. Is that not true? Or is that too much of a generalization?”

Ikki frowned. “What are you talking about?”

Orion glanced at him and then back at Ken, who shook his head. “Um… no. I don’t know the exact words of the wish, but I can’t imagine Ukyo wanted her alive and suffering. He loved her. He would have wanted her happy, even if it wasn’t with him.”

“See?” Ken asked, and Kokoa blinked back tears, trembling a little as he continued to try and soothe her. Ikki didn’t understand all of that, but he did think Ken wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kent goes home to see his parents and the others are curious about Orion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been stuck and stuck and then... I was able to start this today, and I can't say why, but it did start going, and I was almost done, I thought, and then... Um... there was a minor flood in my house... and I thought for sure I wouldn't finish it, it all seemed terrible when I came back to it, but... I tried. And I finished it, and it got long, but maybe it's okay?

* * *

“Kent? Is that you?”

He nodded as he shut the door, though he remembered a moment later that his parents could not see that action. He was not in their line of sight, and he would guess their voices came from the other room. He walked down to the doorway and stopped, seeing his parents sitting next to each other on the couch, both of them displaying their concern.

“I am fine, and Kokoa has woken. She should make a full recovery according to the doctors,” Kent said, and both of his parents seemed to relax at that. “Did Ikkyu not tell you this when he was here earlier?”

“He said she should recover, but not that she had woken, and it is different hearing it from you.” Daichi said, and Ayeka nodded. “Your friend is a good man, but he is prone to some exaggeration and a tendency toward soothing statements rather than plain facts. It is no good to have false hope, and you know this well.”

Kent nodded. He had thought that often as his parents’ illness progressed. Knowing that they would die was difficult, but he preferred it over the lies. He did not need lies to placate him, nor did they do any good at such an action.

“Have you resolved anything with her?”

Kent grimaced. That was not something he knew how to answer. Though he had told Kokoa of his feelings, the accident and other factors complicated that. “She is aware of how I feel.”

“That is good.”

Kent snorted. “Oh, yes, when she backs into traffic to avoid my feelings, it’s a great thing.”

Ayeka winced. “Kent, this is not your fault. Even if she was startled by your admission—and she shouldn’t have been, you were quite obvious about how you felt to all of us who know you well—you were not driving the car, and what you told her was not wrong to say or to feel.”

“We all have some affection for her,” Daichi agreed. “She quickly became a part of this place, even if she and you had no intention of that. It is nice to have her here, and almost a shame she would return to her own residence now.”

“Not before she is fully recovered, Daichi. Kent, you bring her back here for that. She needs someone to be with her, and as she has no family worth speaking of, she should come here where she is welcomed and wanted.”

Kent swallowed, not able to find words. His mother rose and came to his side, placing her hands on his arms. “We are not the sort of people who share emotions easily, none of us, but you must know that we care for you and for anyone who is important to you as well. It is true that if you had been interested in someone less desirable in personality, we might have objected, but your friend is kind and sweet and has shown us every consideration. For that alone, we would be interested in seeing that she recovers, but knowing how much she matters to our only son makes her that much more valuable to us as well.”

“Mother—”

“It is only right that the whole family unit would be accepting of a new member. Otherwise there would be friction and a great deal of unpleasantness. It is best if all can come to an accord when introducing a new member. And we are of an accord, Kent. We very much approve of the choice you made.”

Kent did not bother telling his parents that it was not a choice, as they would not understand. If he had been able to choose properly, he would not have chosen Kokoa. He knew that was not a thought she would care for, but she was convinced she could not love, and why would he feel he could change that? Now, knowing what he did about Ukyo and Nhil and the events that led to her missing memories and formerly unexplained coma, he still did not know that he could be someone she could love. She might no longer fear love now that she could understand _why_ she feared it, but that did not mean that she loved him.

She would also have to learn to forgive herself before she would be willing to accept love, which made things difficult as well.

“You look tired, Kent. You should shower and perhaps rest for a while.”

* * *

“So… how exactly do you know Kokoa?” Sawa asked, eying the boy across the hospital room from her. “Because I’ve known her a very long time, and I don’t remember her ever mentioning you before. I’d remember an Orion, trust me.”

He tensed, and Ikki had to frown at him as well. Orion he did remember as the name Kent had objected to as a wrong answer on that paper, and he did recognize this kid as the one who’d asked him about Kent before, though it was still odd him hanging around and claiming to know Kokoa.

“That’s true. Her childhood friends Shin and Toma didn’t recognize you, either. Ken seemed to accept you, which is a point in your favor, but the rest of that… not so much.”

“Um… well… it is… complicated. You wouldn’t have been aware of me when I was in Kokoa’s life before,” Orion began, which didn’t help matters at all. That was no explanation. “Really, it’s… Can Kent explain when he gets back? You might accept that a bit better than me saying anything.”

“That does not sound good.”

“I promise it’s not bad. Not really.”

“That also doesn’t sound good.”

Orion put a hand to his head. “You know, if we argue about this, we’ll wake her. And if she wakes without Kent, she’ll be really upset and get freaked out that Kent won’t come back for her, which we know he will, but she’s really down on herself right now because she remembered, and that happening would be bad… so… please wait for Kent?”

“I like this less and less,” Ikki said, and Sawa nodded in agreement. “It can’t be good if you want Ken to explain it.”

“I told you… it’s complicated.”

Kokoa mumbled something in her sleep, and Ikki found himself grimacing again. Fine, they wouldn’t push Orion right now, not before Ken came back. He didn’t want her setting back her recovery, and he’d seen for himself how worried she was about Kent going anywhere. She was afraid he wouldn’t come back. Orion wasn’t lying about that. She was wrong, but she wasn’t exactly rational at the moment, now was she?

Not that she didn’t have a pretty good excuse—she’d been hit by a damned car, after all, but this whole thing bothered him. Ken blamed himself for the accident because he told her what he felt and she panicked, and she blamed herself for every failed relationship she’d ever had, which just fed on itself and destroyed more chances for her to be happy.

Then again, maybe what she really needed all along was for Ken to come back into her life. She had come to depend on him so much Ikki wouldn’t be surprised if her feelings ran deeper for him than she realized and had for longer than she or anyone else knew. Maybe Ken wasn’t the only one with a crush back then. Who knew what might have happened if Ken hadn’t gone to London when he did?

“Fine. We’ll wait for Ken to come back, but I want answers.”

* * *

“Here’s the report you asked for, Detective.” The officer held it out to Shin, who reached for it. “Seems pretty straightforward. All the witnesses agree—the woman and her boyfriend were arguing, he tried to calm her down, but she backed into traffic. The driver didn’t have time to stop.”

Shin nodded. He’d heard all that already, but he wanted to see it for himself. He didn’t know why it mattered—he’d never known Kent to lie, and Shin was over Kokoa, but those protective instincts didn’t seem to want to quit, not for him or for Toma, who was doing his best to make sure Neikan didn’t see the light of day for a long, long time.

“The one thing… that is that lady that came in to report a stalker, right? Is that why you wanted to see the file? You thought it was him?”

Shin shook his head. “I arrested her ex-husband for attacking her and Kent. He’s no longer a threat to her. Just makes me mad that some random idiot in a car almost killed her after I did.”

“There is no reason to blame the driver of the vehicle. He did not know that she would step out in front of him,” Kent said, and Shin jerked in surprise. “If you blame someone, I believe that fault lies with me, as I was the one who upset her so much she stepped into his path.”

Shin didn’t know that he wanted to start down that road. Kent was clearly blaming himself, but from what he’d heard at the hospital, she blamed herself. Even the driver of the car wasn’t really at fault. It was one hell of a case of bad timing.

“This is a bit of a surprise,” Shin said, leaning back in his chair. “Shouldn’t you be at the hospital?”

Kent nodded, but he took a seat across from Shin anyway, looking even more tired than he had when Shin had stopped by the hospital. Shin doubted he’d gone home to rest, even if Ikki and Sawa were there to watch over Kokoa.

“I wanted to give my statement.”

“That could have waited.”

“Perhaps, but I was concerned that if both of us waited, then Neikan might be released by some means, and that kept me from resting when I went home to see to my parents. As Kokoa is still not well enough to leave the hospital, I am the one who can make the statement, and I did not have a fugue during the incident, either.”

Shin nodded. “That’s true. Still, he’s not going anywhere. Toma pulled every lawyer trick he knew, and I have a solid case backed by a lot of evidence and eyewitness reports. That was no small crowd, half of them filmed it, and even if they hadn’t, I was there. He won’t get away with this, no matter how good his lawyer is. I know better ones.”

Kent managed a small smile. “Still, I would prefer to give my statement now and be done with the matter.”

“It will take a while. Are you sure you want to do this now?”

Kent reached up to rub the back of his neck. “There is too much uncertain and unsettled at present, and I would very much like to find something I can do instead of this… overwhelming sense of helplessness. Between my parents and now Kokoa… This is something I can do, Shin. I need to do it.”

Shin could understand that, even if it was strange as hell to hear Kent of all people talking about emotions like this. “Okay. I’ll get everything we need.”

“You warned me.”

Shin stopped, not sure what Kent was going to say next. “Yeah.”

“I believe it was already too late for the warning then. If you believe Ikkyu, it was too late back when we all worked at Meido No Hitsuji.”

Shin grimaced. “Kent, I really didn’t need to—”

“As I understand it, there is a potential bias for the case in that respect, and though both of us had stated we were not dating—we are not—the assumption has been made at least by the hospital that she is my wife—you should be aware of this as you did visit her and she is registered under my family name, not hers—and it could complicate the case. That’s the only reason I mention it. I am not trying to make things difficult, but… That is how it stands.”

“I kind of figured as much.” Shin wasn’t a fool. He’d seen how close they were, and he wasn’t surprised that the hospital made that mistake. “It’s not going to change this, Kent. He was stalking her, he attacked you… I’m still tracking down where he’s been besides up lying to her parents, but the guy’s fixated and delusional. No one else can have her, that sort of thing. She’s a possession to him, nothing more.”

“Yet that sounds as if you already know more. You do. You learned something more of him?”

“Yeah. Bastard only married her for the _mukoyoshi_ adoption. He was dating another woman before he did it, and near as I can tell, never stopped. She may even have been hiding him while he stalked Kokoa.”

“I see. Do you believe there is any chance she would act against Kokoa as well?”

“I’m doing my best to rule that out.”

“Thank you.”

“I haven’t done you any favors, Kent.”

“You arrested Neikan, for which we are all grateful, and your diligence has already yielded results which, while unpleasant, may provide her with further relief. She did not deserve all the blame for that marriage failing, but she has consistently taken it because she didn’t love him. He never loved her, only warped his ‘possession’ of her. It is not a cure, but it may help with the burden of guilt she already feels.”

Shin thought about that. “Is this to do with her weird speech earlier? And who the hell was that kid that was there?”

“How willing are you to suspend your disbelief and hear things that defy logic and sense?”

“Not very.”

“Then I suppose I should not answer that question.”

* * *

“That took a long time. And for someone who was supposed to go home and sleep, you don’t look very rested,” Ikki observed as Kent reentered Kokoa’s hospital room. Orion couldn’t help his relief. Things had gotten very tense in here since he couldn’t explain who he was and why he knew Kokoa, and the others were clearly fed up with waiting. “You didn’t sleep at all, so… where were you?”

“He gave me a statement about Neikan’s attack,” Shin answered as he moved past Kent into the room. “And then things got weird when he refused to talk about you, kid, so I decided I wanted to see if you were still around.”

“This is bad, isn’t it?” Orion asked, wincing. “Everyone suspects me.”

“You are an odd person, even without knowing the past history you claim for yourself,” Kent said, and Orion frowned at him. “And your story will likely not set their mind at ease, as it is very difficult to believe.”

“Only you did. You accepted it.” Orion stopped, no longer so sure of that. “Or… didn’t you? Did you just let her think you did?”

“She accepts your version of events, and she is the only one in a position to know their veracity.”

“Um...”

“Ken’s saying that if Kokoa believes you, we probably all have to, since she’s the only one who can say if you’re lying or not. Still, if that’s what we’re discussing… this is about that thing back at the school? Where she was found unconscious and stayed in a coma for days without an explanation?”

“You’re not even old enough to have had anything to do with that, are you?” Shin asked, eying Orion with suspicion. “Or were you there and caused some sort of trouble and—”

“Well, yes, but no. I was there to help, really, and I did. I just… um… Things happened, and I don’t know if you’ll believe me because it sounds impossible and I actually don’t really want to tell some of you because I’m kind of afraid of how you’ll react, especially after what Kent pointed out and how angry he was about it and—”

“Spit it out,” Shin ordered, taking a step closer to Orion, who backed into the wall. “Or I will make you talk.”

“Uh...”

“Perhaps you can start with asking them if they remember Ukyo.”

“Ukyo?” Sawa frowned. “That photographer that was always hanging around the cafe? He had those pictures Waka liked, and Waka invited him to the festival, which made Mine happy because hot guy, but then she spent all night watching Ikki with Rika and… didn’t Kokoa spend all night with him?”

“Yeah, she did, and he won the contest to walk her home, but… she said she didn’t know him when Waka asked her about him after she was out of the hospital. That was when everyone accused me of making her cry. What the hell does Ukyo have to do with this? Did he hurt her?”

Kent shook his head. “You need not seek vengeance upon him. It would seem Ukyo has been dead for many years now.”

“Okay,” Ikki said, looking at Kent, now suspicious of him, too. Orion didn’t think this was going very well. “What do you know?”

“Orion already told me this story last night, and Kokoa confirmed it.”

“Then someone can tell us what it is already, because I’m losing patience.”

“That’s nothing new for you, Shin,” Toma said as he came into the room. “I was on my way home and thought I’d check on her before I started working again. What is going on? Shin looks angry, he always does, but the rest of you seem pretty upset, too.”

Shin was really not happy right now, and it showed. He had that look on his face—not the usual angry at the world one but the really, dangerously angry one he had when Kokoa was threatened. “Kent apparently knows what this kid was doing here, but he doesn’t seem to feel like he should share it.”

“I think that a story repeated third hand loses details that may be important.”

“Okay, okay,” Orion said, holding up his hands. He hadn’t wanted to do this because he’d been afraid of their reaction, and maybe he was right to be afraid. “Wow, you all are kind of scary when you get mad. You more than anyone, Toma, since I’ve seen the kinds of things you get up to when you… uh… go too far.”

“What?”

“Um, that’s really not something I want to discuss, though, so… Um… Well, in simplest terms… what you remember is not the whole story. You see… your memories of Ukyo are fuzzy, but they were also changed. You… everyone… you all relived the events of August that year. You had no choice. Time was rewound so that Kokoa didn’t die on the twenty-fifth as she had the first time you lived that August.”

He had everyone staring at him. This was bad. “Okay, I know that sounds crazy, and it kind of is, but you have to understand, it wasn’t impossible for a god to do, and there _was_ one involved. Nhil. Nhil’s power worked by granting wishes, and when Kokoa died, Ukyo wished that she would live. It was a seemingly simple wish, and he thought he could grant it, and he didn’t… Ukyo’s suffering was great. He… he loved Kokoa more than anything… he was devastated when she was injured in the explosion and when she died. He wanted to see her live so much his plea reached Nhil, who decided to help him. Only… Nhil didn’t go about it very well. He thought it would be enough to go to another world and let Ukyo watch Kokoa live past the twenty-fifth. That was all Ukyo asked for, to see her survive the twenty-fifth, so it should have been simple. But… He chose a worlds where Ukyo didn’t exist, thinking it best not to have two of him around, but... the universe didn’t like him being there when he wasn’t, and it worked to erase him one way or another. He died, over and over again, and it drove him insane to where… he went insane. He split, and he started killing her to spare himself the pain… the cycle couldn’t end because he was half-immortal after merging with Nhil, so… um… the only way to fix it was to return to the original world and reverse time. This is that world, and doing what he did... That created the strange weather you all remember that August.”

Shin looked at Kent. “You actually believe this?”

“A god that grants wishes?” Ikki asked, a strange tone to his words, and Orion grimaced. Yeah, that was what he’d been afraid of. “Like those of a stupid boy who wanted girls to like him?”

“Um… yes,” Orion admitted reluctantly, really wishing he didn’t have to right now. “Kent did suggest that Nhil might also have done that and caused you a lot of trouble. I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I wasn’t there for that, but it… it does explain your eyes. Now that I think about it, I even told Kokoa that in a couple worlds… when you admitted to her about the wish and made another that she could—”

“Ikki’s eyes are not the result of some god granting a wish,” Shin snapped, though Orion wondered how he did explain that to himself. “And Kokoa’s boyfriend going to other worlds… No. This is ridiculous.”

“It’s not,” Orion said. From his perspective, it was the simplest explanation for Ikki’s eyes, as unpleasant as it was to think of Nhil causing him and so many others such grief. “I was a spirit, and I was created by Lord Nhil. And when this all happened… I was merged with Kokoa and witnessed it. Over and over. I didn’t go insane like Ukyo, and neither did she because neither of us remembered the cycle. I only know now because that was a part of my punishment. Back then, I didn’t know. Now… I know things. I know you, Toma, and I know you, Shin. I know Sawa, too. I know worlds where Kokoa dated Shin and sang in a band and he called her ‘dummy’ but worked to be part of her band with her… and he and Toma often fought over who got Kokoa’s love or attention… and Toma… well, you… um… you have issues. Big, cage shaped issues. And Sawa, you’re a great friend, better than Mine who wanted to steal Kokoa’s boyfriend when she was dating Ikki and...”

“You actually buy this, Kent?”

Kent adjusted his glasses. “Parallel worlds are an existing scientific theory. Many in quantum physics believe in the existence of a multiverse. It is not just science fiction, though Orion’s story was far less convoluted when he told it to me.”

“That may be why he wanted you to tell it,” Ikki said, and Sawa nodded next to him. Orion did think Kent would have managed a better job of it. “Though if you knew about my eyes and didn’t say anything—”

“I learned of this possibility last night and what would I have said this morning, Ikkyu? That the cycle you hated for so long was because of that wish as you always insisted?” Kent pinched his nose, looking pained. “It is not that I cannot admit that I was wrong. I can. Still, it is a bit much to say the rest of this. As much as I accept that some things may not be able to be confirmed by our current level of science and technology, gods and spirits are not something I generally believe in, no. Orion offered me some proof that he had been there as he claimed, though even that cannot be verified aside from taking Kokoa’s word for it. Honestly, what good does it do for you to know that a god who lacked forethought or even basic common sense who caused so many problems on so many worlds? You were a child when you made your request, and you didn’t know what you were asking for, but he should have given more thought to the consequences. Both times that I know of he failed to use proper planning and consideration, and there were probably many other occasions as well, though it may be of some comfort to know that he can no longer cause such chaos in human lives.”

“That’s true,” Orion said, still feeling guilty. “Nhil was stripped of his powers and stranded on a planet. I was turned human and given my memories from all the worlds I was in, not just one. It was our punishment for interfering too much in the lives of humans. Nhil… did try and fix what he’d done, and he did use his power to restore the proper weather and all, but the others weren’t happy about all he had done to the various worlds.”

“What Orion is not saying is that he cannot be certain all the ill effects were undone in every world. In the worlds where the insane Ukyo killed Kokoa or others… they are likely still dead.”

Orion winced. Did Kent really have to do that? Now they were all very mad at Nhil, and they might even hurt him if they could find him.

Shin folded his arms over his chest. “In which case, someone needs to go beat his ass. What the hell? Assuming any of this is real, why does he get to live a normal life after causing that kind of damage?”

“It wasn’t intentional.”

“He was still an idiot.”

“No one is arguing that point, Shin. I believe we all think Nhil was quite foolish if not outright stupid, however well-intentioned he may have been,” Kent said. “Whatever his reasons and whatever pain Ukyo knew, which most of us can sympathize with, especially after recent events… I cannot say his actions were justified, and certainly they were not executed with true sense or skill. It should not have taken enough deaths to drive Ukyo mad to change the patterns of behavior.”

“I did tell you that Nhil tried to change things so—”

“His change of tactics still came too late,” Kent said. “One or two failed attempts would have been enough to draw a conclusion as to the likelihood of success, and his methods should have been altered before they resulted in a cycle where Ukyo killed her. You cannot convince me otherwise. Just once would have been enough to realize that was not working, either. This last attempt should have been his first, and if he’d thought it through, he may well have known that before any of this extra death and destruction happened.”

Orion winced, again, but he knew he couldn’t deny that. Nhil had a big, generous heart, but he didn’t plan like Kent did. He took the simple, obvious solution, and it wasn’t always the best one.

“So, he got his wish, right?” Toma asked. “He had to have, because she’s alive. What the hell happened after that?”

“Ukyo, for his part, wanted to die after what he’d done—”

“Good riddance.”

“And when Kokoa chose not to forgive him, death was what he was granted.”

“Wait, what?” Sawa asked, swallowing in disbelief and putting her hand on her stomach. “They asked that… of her? How is that right? And why did her choice mean his death and—that’s why she’s felt so guilty all this time? Because she… made a choice that killed him?”

“Yes,” Kent answered, and it really sounded so much worse when Kent said it. “That, and all the suffering from the other worlds. Everyone who died or was injured, she felt responsible for it as well as they might not have come to harm if Ukyo had not made that wish for her sake. Ukyo forsook his family and his friends to pursue this for her, out of his love… it drove him to several desperate acts. He did many immoral and criminal things when he was in those other worlds—and, I believe, this one.”

Orion nodded. “The other Ukyo tried to use Ikki’s fan club to kill her and then went after her himself when the sane Ukyo saved her and tried to keep her alive until the end of the twenty-fifth. He just barely did. They both lived to midnight that time, though Ukyo was dying. And then… I had to tell her everything, and she said she couldn’t forgive him.”

Shin frowned. “She couldn’t forgive him. That was what she said right before she fugued out on us when Neikan attacked her.”

Kent nodded. “Yes. I believe she may have remembered a part of it, or at least the feelings associated with it, and it unsettled her. She still didn’t know why, though, as she hadn’t remembered everything at that point.”

“She was still irrationally scared of love and feeling guilty over everything, so then when Kent admitted he loved her, she panicked and ran, even stepped out into traffic,” Orion said. “She… She’s afraid of love, afraid she doesn’t deserve it and that it will cause the same horrible consequences. She blames herself for everything and doesn’t feel like she deserves to be forgiven, either, though Kent tried to tell her she was wrong about that.”

“It sounds like it was all Ukyo and Nhil,” Toma said. “Not her. She didn’t know, right? So how is it her fault?”

“That’s what we told her, but she still hasn’t completely accepted that. That was why she was afraid Kent would leave or something bad would happen to him. She doesn’t think she can have happiness… and she may even have thought she deserved what Neikan did.” Orion sighed. “I didn’t know she was suffering so much or I would have told her years ago what I knew, but she didn’t remember me… Nhil took her memories to spare her the pain, and she was suffering instead without knowing why. Now she knows.”

“How does that help her? Isn’t it just more pain and guilt and she’ll do something stupid now?” Shin demanded. “What if she goes and kills herself?”

“It would invalidate all the other suffering and the damage already done,” Kent said. “Which I already told her… and she told me I’d saved her. I… I don’t believe I did, but I think she did accept that much.”

“She did.”

“Okay, then… so why hasn’t she said anything? If this is true, and she almost woke up earlier… why hasn’t she done that now?” Sawa asked. “That wasn’t… she’s supposed to get better. The doctors said so. And she has to know that we don’t blame her.”

“I’m angry with this Nhil and with Ukyo,” Shin said. “Not her. I put that behind me years ago.”

“Same here,” Toma said. “Stop looking at me like that—I had therapy. Ayeka will tell you all about it if given half a chance. Court mandated anger management courses. I didn’t want to do them, but I did need them, and in the end, I made changes. And I let things go. Yeah, it still stung a bit to see her with Kent because she loves him in a way she never did me, but I’m not going to flip out and hurt her for it. There might be a part of me that wishes I’d known about this back then because I’d have done everything I could to help her see she wasn’t to blame and that she could be loved and maybe love me back, but that time has passed. Why aren’t you all looking at Shin or even Ikki? He dated her, too.”

“I’m also very happily married with a bunch of kids, so people have proof I’m over her,” Ikki said, shrugging. “It never got that involved with us. I wanted to date her because my eyes didn’t have any affect on her, but it wasn’t enough. With Sawa, it’s real, though it’ll never be enough.”

“Mind out of the gutter, Ikki. This is serious.”

“If we believe it, which we’re still not sure we do. It’s crazy.”

“Yes,” Kokoa said weakly, “but it’s still true.”

* * *

“I remember it,” Kokoa whispered, feeling a familiar ache in her chest as she did. That part of her heart that went to Ukyo had never healed, never even had a chance to, and she knew that it wasn’t fair to anyone she’d dated after him because he had that hold on her and she didn’t even know he did. She couldn’t be upfront about it and tell people she was still mourning someone she lost.

“Have you been awake all along?”

She shook her head. “No. Just a little while, when everyone was getting angry. Toma was so loud when he was defensive, it woke me up and… Oh, I’m sorry, Kent.”

She released her hold on his hand, not even sure when he’d taken hold of hers or she’d taken his, but her hand had been white, so it had to have hurt him.

“I am glad to see you are awake. You had everyone worried again,” he said, combing back some of her hair and making her want to cry all over again with the guilt. She knew he didn’t blame her, but she still felt awful. He loved her, and she didn’t feel like she could deserve that. Love from a man like Kent was rare and really special, and she wasn’t special at all.

“So, what Orion told us was true?” Ikki asked, looking troubled, and she knew he had to be thinking about Nhil being the one who gave him those eyes that caused him so much trouble. “You and Ukyo were involved, he lost you, chased you through other worlds, and then somehow you broke the curse or whatever it was when he came here?”

She nodded. “Yes. Or at least the cycle ended. We both had to live to the end of the twenty-fifth, and we did, just barely. Ukyo closed his eyes not long after midnight. And then… then I was back in the spirit world or world between worlds where I first met Orion. He and Nhil explained to me all that had happened and I… I couldn’t stand knowing what we’d done. Ukyo and I… so much death, damaging so many worlds… You remember that anime you and Kent debated over, Ikki? It… it was that. My life had become that, and I couldn’t forgive what either of us did. I didn’t—I still don’t—want Ukyo dead, but… I… I couldn’t just accept that we were supposed to live on and be happy after that.”

“So instead, you made yourself miserable for years not knowing why. That’s awesome.” Shin was very mad again. “If I find that god—”

“Get in line. He’s mine first. It’s personal,” Ikki said, and Sawa frowned at him, pulling on his arm. He sighed, and she hugged him close.

“I love you in spite of them, and you know it. Maybe it even makes what we have stronger because we did overcome that and that damned fan club,” Sawa said. “I don’t… It’s not that I want you to have suffered that, I’d take that pain away if I could, but I can’t, and you didn’t deserve it even if it was a stupid wish like I’ve told you for years now, but don’t do anything stupid or think you need to hurt someone when that’s… the eyes aren’t you. They never were. This Ikki, this man, he’s the one I love and he’s the one who is better than that.”

“Damn, you really are good for me,” Ikki muttered as he clung to her, and Kokoa had to smile because they did have something special in this world. Even if in some other one Ikki had loved Kokoa and she’d loved him back, this world was his and Sawa’s, and their love was beautiful.

“Okay, enough with the lovey dovey crap,” Shin said. He looked straight at Kokoa. “You want us to believe all that and… what, exactly?”

“I didn’t expect anything of any of you.”

“That’s not right, though. All of you can tell her what Kent and I have already said. It wasn’t her fault, and she doesn’t deserve to be punished. She can be happy. She has a right to be happy, and she should be loved. She’s got a big heart and a good one, and she… she should have a full life. She does deserve that,” Orion said, and she had to smile at him. He was such a sweetheart, and she’d missed him, too, not even knowing what she was missing. “She does. I know her really well after being connected to her, and I know she didn’t mean to hurt any of you. She was just scared and grieving and not even aware of why she was doing these things.”

“Orion, you don’t have to defend me.”

“I already said it once, but I’ll say it again—it was Ukyo and Nhil, and while you may have been the reason he did it, you weren’t to blame for it. You couldn’t have known, and we all know you enough to know you would have stopped it if you knew about it. Whatever it took, you would have.” Toma looked over at Shin, who nodded. “And we’ve both already said that we don’t blame you for how things ended when we were dating. Not anymore.”

She tried to accept that, though it was hard. She felt Kent’s hand on her head again, and she turned to him, trying not to cry.

“Words alone will likely not convince you of the truth of these sentiments. That may take more, and as they say, time, since it is supposed to heal all wounds. I think that’s erroneous, but you can’t force yourself to change all your convictions and the emotions that go with them in one day. None of us could. It is good, though, that you know how everyone feels even with the full knowledge of what happened.”

“I’m not sure they all believe it happened.”

“Perhaps not, but that doesn’t mean that you should ignore what they have told you. It holds whether the situation is hypothetical or not.”

She nodded, though it was hard to believe she could ever forgive herself, even if she knew that she had to keep going. She couldn’t let everyone’s suffering be for nothing. She took his hand and held it in hers. “How are your parents? I didn’t get a chance to ask earlier.”

“Well enough aside from worried about you. They both believe you should stay at our home for your recovery.”

“I think… I’d like that, actually. That apartment… I was so happy when I first got it, but now I don’t feel safe there, and it’s not home. Though… I kind of wish I could bring Orion along, too. It’s so strange now… remembering what it was like when he was always with me.”

“Always? What a perv.”

“Hey, I didn’t look,” Orion protested, looking between Shin and Toma and frowning. “Wait, were you just teasing me? Does that mean… you accept me?”

“Don’t go that far,” Shin said, turning to leave. He stopped. “Don’t let Kent do everything for you when you recover, but don’t be stupid about it, either.”

“What Shin means is that we all agree you should stay with the Mizutanis while you recuperate,” Toma said, getting a glare from Shin. “Though he does expect you to be as self-sufficient as possible all the same.”

“Please, like she wouldn’t be that stubborn anyway,” Sawa said, and everyone laughed.

Kokoa smiled, feeling tired again, but she was also relieved. They all knew. And none of them hated her. She still had her doubts, but Shin and Toma were getting along, and things seemed so much better now… was this a dream? No, it couldn’t be, she hurt too much for that, but somehow… this was good. She wasn’t sure why, but it was.

“You should probably rest.”

“Kent’s right. We need to head home to the other four, and I have a feeling Ikki will be in cuddle mode all night, but you just rest and focus on getting better, okay? No more blaming yourself or thinking you don’t deserve love because we all love you.”

“She’s right about that,” Ikki said, grinning, “and I don’t just mean the cuddles.”

Kokoa laughed, seeing a smile on Orion’s face as well. She watched them go, knowing he was about to say he should leave, too. He had to by now, right?

“Um… not that I really could, but… I think I’d like to stay with you, too,” Orion admitted. “It was nice being with you all the time. But… I can come visit, right? And I’ll get to have some of Kent’s cooking. Ooh, I missed that. Okay, so… I’ll come by and check on you after class tomorrow. I would come sooner, but I’ll probably oversleep and be late to my first class like always, so… no promises about seeing you first thing in the morning.”

She smiled, nodding as he left, too. She was alone with Kent, but she didn’t mind that.

* * *

Kent did not know if being alone with Kokoa was a good idea at present. Though Ikkyu and now Toma had made assumptions about her feelings, she had not said any such thing, and while she had asked him to stay earlier, she had not expressed that wish since his return.

He should probably check on his parents, too, and had not made any arrangements to do so. He would prefer it if there was someone there more often than he was and that nurse was useless in that respect.

“There is a spare room in my parents’ house,” he heard himself say and fought the urge to grimace. Yes, thinking of the nurse had brought something else to mind, but that hadn’t necessarily needed to be said, either.

“I already said I wanted to come and stay while I recovered. I’m not going to change my mind. I want to be there.”

“Oh. No. I… that is, I think there may actually be room for Orion,” Kent said. “When we were doing the rearranging for my parents to have a bedroom on the ground floor, we gave consideration to having the nurse live there full time, though my parents were against it, but if there was room for a nurse, then there may well be room for him.”

To Kent’s surprise, Kokoa tugged him close to her and held onto him like Sawa had held Ikkyu. “Oh, Kent, you are far too good to me. We can’t impose like that, but I… I can’t thank you enough for thinking of that.”

“It’s not just for selfless reasons,” Kent said, and she looked up at him with a frown. “My parents’ health will continue to decline. None of us can deny that. It would help knowing there was someone else who was there in case something happened. Even with my hours as at their most efficient for watching over them, it is hardly enough when I am still gone more than I am home.”

Kokoa touched his cheek. “I don’t think Orion would mind at all, and they’d probably love him, though it’s hard to be sure since he is older now. Still, I… I couldn’t do that. It’s too much to ask.”

“No. My parents have informed me that they see you as family, and would like to be part of your recovery and even to have you extend your stay. I know that may be uncomfortable knowing the sentiments that I did express to you—”

She put a finger over his lips. “I know you’ll get mad at me if I say I don’t deserve that, but it’s true. I don’t. Your family has been kinder to me than I deserve, especially when I… I’ve taken so much advantage of you, Kent. I didn’t mean to, but I have because… I mean… I want to… I…”

She trembled, tears spilling out of her eyes as she shook. Kent shifted so he could hold her and stop the tremors.

“Shh. Don’t trouble yourself. It’s fine. We all want to do this, and I do not believe you are taking any sort of advantage of me when I offer something freely. Do not think I have not considered the consequences. I have, and I still make the same offer.”

She looked up at him, her eyes still shinning with tears. “I want to love you.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokoa continues to recover and leaves the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so... the last line of the last chapter left me intimidated about following it up, and so it took a bit to get back to this. And now, time to post it, and the panic returns. :P
> 
> Still, this gets things closer to resolution, even if they're not all settled. They're moving forward, which is really all anyone can do, right?

* * *

“I think it is best you rest now. You still need to heal.”

“Kent,” Kokoa whispered, her heart hurting again. “Don’t ignore what I said. Please.”

He closed his eyes, looking pained. “I am not. I… I could not. However, I… I would much prefer to …. I do not want to have this be a product of your gratitude or… or your acknowledgment that what you had with either Shin or Toma is truly over now that they have both moved on and are able to act only as friends to you. I… You are under no obligation to feel anything for me.”

She shook her head. “That’s not what this is. I know it may seem like it is after the way I ran from you, but… it isn’t. I was scared, Kent, and a part of me still is. It’s terrified. I know that there was a very good part of Ukyo who was acting only out of love, and yet… what happened… and I still feel like I don’t deserve love or happiness, and I know… I know that the love of a man like you is rare and special because men like you don’t fall often and yet in some respects… when they do, they’re better than others despite all the reasons you’d think they’d be terrible at it… You are logical and can be so blunt, but you are also so kind and generous and I have seen the depth of your love for your parents. Don’t say that’s obligation, either. You love them.”

Kent lowered his head. “I still think you should rest. This was a very stressful day for you, even if you know now that the others understand and do not judge you for what happened.”

“I don’t want you to dismiss what I’m saying.”

He sighed. “It is simply difficult for me… Even though you may not be wrong about my parents… it is a topic that I do not know how to speak of most times. I am still very aware of their mortality. They are… I… Can you please just rest?”

She took his hand. “I’m not trying to make this harder for you. I just wanted you to understand why… I _do_ want this. I… I am not saying that just because I have wanted to be in love all this time despite being scared of it, and I am not saying that because I want… forgiveness, all though I do. I know I can’t just go out to the world and tell them what happened. I can’t ask for their understanding. I don’t know how I could ever make it up to them. I can’t. And yet… I’m still here. I still have… a life to live, and I don’t want to do it alone. I don’t want to suffer even if there is that part of me that thinks I should.”

“Kokoa—”

“I don’t know that I won’t end up trying to run again even as good to me as you’ve been. And I don’t know that I won’t be unreasonable or that we won’t fight. We will, and we used to argue pretty good before. I know it won’t be easy, but Kent… I want it. I really, really want it. All of it. The love and the home and the family… and you.”

He combed back her hair. “This is… unromantic and not what you want to hear, but I think… I would like to take some time and verify that these feelings are not… the product of the moment or the situation and that… they are what we both believe them to be.”

She smiled despite the fact that she was crying all over again. “That is so like you. Wanting proof.”

“Don’t laugh. Please.”

“I’m not. It’s just… it’s not funny, but it’s you… It’s so very much the you I know… the part of you I love… You know how people say we need our opposite? Not that we can be complete opposites, but that other one...”

“‘Only that which is the other gives us unto ourselves.’”

“Yes. That one. I thought about that a lot when I was trying to find out why I couldn’t love anyone. Trying to find what it was that I didn’t have or they didn’t have… what I needed to look for… why it never worked with anyone… I didn’t dream it was about Ukyo or any of that, but I tried to find it… I never did… I… you don’t go _choosing_ love, you can’t pick some perfect partner and make it work. I don’t even know that I can say that Ukyo and I had that, though he loved me and I… Maybe you seem like more of the other, but that’s not even why I feel like I do about you.”

Kent nodded. “I suppose I should also say that I do not think that you fit my original conceptions of a romantic partner… certainly not the one that my parents believed my genetics would lead me to. I have to think that were genetics the only factor, you’d be taller.”

She laughed, and he frowned, but she found that so adorable. “I’ll wear heels.”

“That is not necessary.”

“Still, I will. At least once. For you.”

“I do not need that.”

“I still want to. At least once. To try it. And… I really, really want to try a kiss, too.”

Kent flushed red. “And I really believe you should get some rest.”

* * *

“Can I go home now?”

Ikki almost laughed at Kokoa’s impatience. Since the doctor walked in this morning, that was all she wanted to know, even as Ken tried to ask a few more balanced questions about her condition. They did need to know what she was looking at for her recovery, after all, even if most of her injuries had turned out to be minor and she was eager to get out of here.

She looked like she was doing a lot better, and the way she kept looking at Ken with smiles and blushes was adorable. Sawa kept frowning and looking at Ikki, but he could only smile in return. He’d been worried when Ken first admitted that he had feelings for Kokoa, but he’d been wrong to fear that. She wasn’t going to break his heart.

Now that she had an explanation for her past and her inability to love, she and Ken had a real chance to make this work. It wasn’t going to be simple or easy, but it could still be something good.

“You are getting ahead of yourself,” the doctor said. “I haven’t finished going through what you need to expect, Mrs. Mizutani.”

She blinked, looking a bit confused.

“There was another misunderstanding,” Ken said, and she looked at him. “It… It can be corrected.”

“Yes, as I was saying, I’m not here to discharge you yet. We haven’t gone over what care you will need and how your recovery should progress.”

“I’m supposed to rest and take it easy and no lifting, right? I know that. And I will take it easy. Kent is going to make sure of that,” she said, giving Ken another smile as she squeezed his hand. “And his parents said… well, they’re very interested in making sure I recover properly. And… I have Orion, too. He offered to stay with us and help out.”

“He did?” Sawa asked, frowning a little. “He is a little strange, Kokoa. Are you sure... Can you really trust him?”

“Yes.”

Ikki didn’t figure she was going to change her mind about that. He looked at Ken, who didn’t seem bothered by that at all. If Ken accepted it, then it was probably okay. He wasn’t going to risk Kokoa’s safety, and while Orion’s story _was_ weird, Ikki did have a few more reasons to believe it than most.

And if Ken, of anyone, could believe it, then it just might be true.

“I am glad to hear you have a support system, but as we did just discharge your parents, I believe it may be best to wait on sending you home just yet.”

“I don’t intend to do anything crazy. I… it’s hardly fair to Kent, but he would let me stay in bed all day at the house. I just… I really don’t want to be at the hospital, and since you mentioned Kent’s parents—it’s a bit hard for him to be here and with them, so why not let us all be in the same place? That way he’s less stressed, they’re less stressed, and I don’t have to be here where I’m stressed.”

Ikki had to laugh at that. Kokoa was even giving them the doe eyes. She looked so innocent and sincere that she was bound to get her way, even if the logical argument failed.

“I can see to it that she rests,” Ken said. “That is the point of her going home with me.”

The doctor frowned a bit, but then he didn’t know that Kokoa and Kent weren’t married.

Yet.

Ikki had a feeling that wasn’t too far off for them. Even if Ken normally wouldn’t rush it, his parents’ health might force the issue a little. Not that Ken was marrying her just because his parents were sick. That wasn’t him, and it wasn’t like that between them. Ken did love her. That was obvious to Ikki, and those smiles and blushes… she was definitely aware she felt something, too.

“Sawa and I were planning on bringing by food and stuff, too, so you wouldn’t have to worry about meals.”

“See?” Kokoa said. “I can go home. I’ll get lots of rest at this rate.”

* * *

“Here,” Orion hopped out of the car and ran around to the back door, opening it for Kent. He grinned at Kokoa for a moment. “I’ll hold it just in case so you can pick her up safely.”

“Orion.” Kokoa was blushing so red Orion was tempted to take out his phone and snap a picture of it. She looked beautiful, even if she hadn’t picked out her clothes—Sawa brought them for her—and she wasn’t able to make a rose with her braids, either. “Stop it.”

“The doctors did say you should not do much walking,” Kent said, and that just made her redder as Kent leaned in to gather her into his arms. She didn’t try and stop him, and Orion knew she wanted this. She just didn’t want to admit she wanted this.

“Yes, but I didn’t walk to the car. And it’s not that far to the door. I don’t actually need to be carried.” She buried her face in Kent’s shirt. “This is...”

“Oh, she’s just embarrassed because she’s only ever seen this as a romantic thing to do, not something practical. It’s like those stories she used to read as a kid—almost every girl read them, about princesses and rescues… fairy tale picture books are full of stuff like this.” Orion said, and Kokoa actually made a little noise that sounded like a shriek.

Kent grimaced. “If you intend to embarrass her, you can leave.”

Oh, Kent was so protective. Orion wouldn’t have thought it when he first met him, but he was a nice guy.

“I was trying to explain? She does _like_ it, you can tell she does, but she’s too shy to admit it. Only I think… with all that happened… you both are going to have to be a lot more open about how you feel than you were before. Because you have doubts and she has doubts… and you need to talk. A lot.”

“Orion.”

“You may not be wrong about that, but I do not know that it is your place to give us romantic advice. This… relationship is ours, and it is… It has not been as private as I would like, but that does not mean that everyone else should just give us advice or think they know what’s best. It… no matter how well-meaning that advice is, if we cannot learn these things ourselves, it is of no benefit. And… We are still determining what this is and what it will be. That is not the time for others to make decisions for us.”

Orion winced. “That wasn’t my intention.”

“I know you’re a bit used to talking to me about nearly everything and you were connected to me so you know a lot about my past relationships, but Kent and I do need to do this ourselves,” Kokoa said. “If we don’t… I’m afraid of what might happen… and I don’t want to do that again. I don’t want to lose Kent.”

Kent looked down at her, his expression troubled, and Orion figured he better stay out of it. He did go up and open the door to the house for them, though, letting Kent carry her inside. Orion heard someone call out to them, and then when he went around the corner, he saw Kent’s parents sitting next to each other on the couch. He recognized them from his times in worlds where Kokoa was with Kent, though it was strange to see Daichi with the oxygen tube on his face.

“Kent?”

“Mother, this is Orion. I told you he’d be helping settle Kokoa in for her recovery.”

Orion lifted a hand and waved. “Hi. I mean, hello. I… it’s very nice of you to take Kokoa in like this. I’m really grateful.”

“She is very close to family,” Daichi said with a smile. “I understand you are her… brother?”

“Sort of?” Orion said. “I mean, we’re not blood-related, but we got really close, and I guess the best way of describing our relationship is like that. We’re like family, I’d think, right, Kokoa?”

“Yes,” she said as Kent settled her into the other chair. She looked up at him, frowning when he left her there. “Um… Again, thank you both for this. I didn’t really want to be alone in my apartment after what happened. Just knowing that Neikan knows about it… it doesn’t feel safe or like home anymore.”

“Then you intend to move later?” Ayeka asked with another frown. “After you find a new apartment.”

“That… hasn’t been decided.”

“The cost of breaking her lease is excessive,” Kent said, “though we were able to convince her landlord that a sub-lease was best under the circumstances as she needs to recover.”

“And I had a friend who was looking for an apartment, so he was glad to take it over because it is so close to our school. Oh, I am a student at the university where Kent and Kokoa teach,” Orion added, smiling. “I think he’d like to stay there forever because Kokoa’s apartment _is_ nice. He even hugged me. At least it wasn’t the whole head thing. Why is it everyone pats me on the head or ruffles my hair?”

“I suspect it has to do with that strange garment you wear that makes you appear to have horns.”

Orion thought about that. “Oh. You may be right, Kent.”

One of the hardest things he’d had to adjust to after becoming human was not having horns. He was pretty used to them, so he had some hats and that hoodie that made it look like they were still there. That helped.

“You did all this with her apartment already?” Ayeka asked. “I thought they did not want to release her, and Kokoa just said things weren’t decided.”

“Ikkyu and Sawa had a run-in with the landlord when they went to get Kokoa’s clothes, so I felt it best to explain the situation and offer a solution.”

“And when I said things weren’t decided, I didn’t mean…” Kokoa took a breath and looked at Kent. “I don’t know that I will go back to my apartment even if things don’t work out, but… Kent is the only thing that feels like home now. I want to be where he is.”

That time, Orion saw Kent blush.

* * *

“Are you comfortable?”

Kokoa looked up at him with a smile, and Kent felt a little unsettled. He did not wish to believe that she would go through some kind of pretense with him now, but he did still worry that all of this was too soon. She could not put aside all of her past that easily, and she still needed time to mourn what she’d only now remembered. She was not ready to go forward.

“I am, Kent, thank you for everything,” she said, still smiling. “Not just the promise at the hospital or finding a place for Orion or even the sublease idea. It’s all so kind of you.”

“I did not do it to be kind.”

She laughed. “I know. You were being practical and logical, and people don’t think that can be kind, but it is. And even if it was… well, if you did it out of love, that’s kind, too.”

He could not think of a proper response to that, so he said nothing.

“Only now I’m a bit worried that I chased you out of your bed, and that’s not really okay,” she said. “I know Orion has the spare room, and he was so excited about being able to decorate it. Your parents seem amused by him, too, but they really made his day. Still… that room is the spare room, and this one I can tell is yours, so… where are you sleeping? Don’t say the couch. Please.”

He did not have a convenient lie, and she likely would not have believed it. “That was my intention.”

“Kent. That’s not right. You can’t… you made space for us, but I can’t accept it knowing that. I’m sure Orion will say the same thing. He wouldn’t want to put you out of a room.”

“I do not use this room much. It does not bother me. Having you here is more important.”

She blinked, and it looked like she might cry. Kent frowned. That was far from his intention. She wiped at her cheek. “Oh, I really don’t deserve you.”

“Kokoa—”

“I still can’t force you out of your room. Please. I… is it too much to share this bed? We… sort of have done that before, and it… it was nice.”

He stared at her. “I… No. That’s not a good idea.”

“Why not? It was fine when we were friends, but not when we’re taking steps towards dating?”

“Well… yes.” Kent grimaced. “And no. It was… when we slept in the same space before, it was mostly an accident. It was done to make you feel safe, staying there as you fell asleep or even holding onto you. And… that was intimate, in a way, but it was not… I was still refusing to accept what I felt, and you didn’t know what I felt… and you don’t know what you feel now… and it is not a good idea to confuse things with too much physical proximity.”

“You are such a gentleman.”

“It’s not even that. It… Certain touches inspire chemical reactions in the brain that can be mistaken for what they’re not. Lust is often confused with love. Physical attraction can have emotional components, but it can also… ‘create’ them, making people believe that what they feel is more than what it is.”

“That’s not what this is.”

Kent blinked. That assertion was not verifiable. “Kokoa—”

“Which is not to say you’re not handsome,” she said, flushing. “I… it’s just… I am attracted to you, but that’s not why I want you to be able to have your room. And it’s not gratitude talking, either.”

“Perhaps not, but it would be best for your recovery if you were not sharing a bed.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“What?”

“Well, they said not to move around too much, and I kind of do when I’m sleeping, so… if the space was smaller, that’s better, right? Having you next to me would keep me still for longer.”

He stared at her. “That is a… logical, yet devious, theory.”

She laughed again. “Please just stay, Kent. I’d feel better about it… I’d be too guilty over forcing you to the other room. I should take the couch—”

“No.”

“Then just stay here.”

* * *

“You don’t have to carry me again,” Kokoa said, blushing as Kent came around the car again. She could walk. Even if the doctors said not to do too much moving around because of her stitches, she could still walk, and while she did love being in Kent’s arms—she was still a bit mad at Orion for saying that, though—she didn’t want to do that here. This was work.

And Kent looked tired already, so she didn’t want him to push too much. That was her fault again. She’d tried to do the right thing by giving him back his bed, but he was so tense she doubted he got much sleep.

“We’re just walking with you to make sure you make it to your classroom okay,” Orion said, and Kent nodded. He seemed to hesitate and then put his hand on her back as they walked.

She felt a little weak, but that was because he was touching her, not because of the accident. Kent had a point about physical contact. The more she got with him, the more she craved it, especially since she could cling to him and use him to shut out all her own negative thoughts. She listened to his heartbeat until it was all she heard or she inhaled his scent and tried to puzzle all of it out. He did so much for her without doing anything.

Maybe this wasn’t love yet, but it could be. She wasn’t going to run this time. She didn’t know that she had with Toma or Shin or anyone else, not in the same way, but she’d known she didn’t feel enough. She’d tried to make it more, but it wasn’t. That part of her heart that was Ukyo’s and her guilt held her back.

She couldn’t bring Ukyo back, and she couldn’t make up for what happened the way she’d unconsciously been doing it. Maybe teaching wasn’t enough, but she could start there and do more. Maybe doing right by one person was where she started, and that person… it was Kent.

“Here we are,” Kent said, and Orion dashed ahead of her to open the door for her. Half the class was already there, and she could feel the anxiety coming off of them. Some of them had been there when Neikan attacked her. Others when she stepped into the street. Kent helped her sit. “Are you sure you want to do this today?”

“I’m fine, and we’re going to watch a movie and do a reading assignment. I won’t move around much. Promise.”

“Okay,” Orion said. “I kind of wish I could stay, just in case, but I have other classes… I don’t really regret majoring in literature—I’m leaning towards being a writer because I could tell a thousand stories after all the worlds I know—but it does mean I can’t stay now.”

“Regretfully, I have my own courses to teach and cannot remain to watch over you, either.”

“Not right now, though, right?” Suki asked, and when they looked at her, she seemed to want to disappear into her chair as her friend Lin giggled next to her. “It’s just… you gave us a guest lecture before, so you have to have a free period now or you couldn’t have done that before.”

Orion grinned. “That’s great. Thank you so much.”

Suki flushed red as Lin whispered in her ear, and then she elbowed her friend hard. “Shut up.”

“But you do think he’s cute, too, right?”

Orion frowned. “Me?”

Kokoa tried not to giggle. He was adorable, actually.

“Her supposition is correct. You should go to your own class, Orion. We will meet you later depending on if Kokoa is up to finishing her classes today. I do not think it wise, but she is stubborn.”

Kokoa flushed herself. “Hey.”

“Okay, see you later,” Orion said, and he gave Suki a wave that had her just about crawling under her seat as Lin moaned about her friend getting all the guys.

“If you set up the projector, we can start,” Kokoa said to Kent, and he nodded. She watched him do it with ease compared to her, since she could barely pull down the screen for it, and he didn’t have any trouble getting her computer to connect to the projector, either. “Okay, pick the one on learned behavior patterns—that one. Thank you.”

Kent gave her a slight smile, and she patted the chair next to her desk. She used it to stand on when she was getting down the screen, but it would be fine for Kent to use.

He eyed it and frowned, but sat anyway, making her smile as he did.

“If you get really bored, you can help me grade papers,” she said, eying the stack that had built up while she was preoccupied by her ex-husband and then in the hospital.

“That would be unwise. I know very little about emotions.”

“You know more than you think, and that’s not all psychology is.” Kokoa said, but he still didn’t touch the papers. “I’m terrible at math, but I’d still help you grade yours.”

“That is different. These answers will be subjective.”

She grimaced. “Some of them, maybe, but I still think—”

“If you were grading my papers, you’d have an answer key. There’d be no confusion over the matter, even if the subject is not your strong point.”

“An answer key?”

“Yes.”

She couldn’t help it. She laughed. “Oh, Kent, you’re adorable.”

“That statement was not at all humorous or adorable.”

And that just made her want to kiss him more.

She didn’t deserve this happiness, she knew that, but she swore she’d do everything she could to keep it, to be worthy of it.


	22. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time has passed, and Kokoa has things she did not believe she could have had before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went back and forth over this idea a few times. It is a time skip, though Kent's route's good ending has that, and that's almost fitting in a way. It is all over the place with emotions, since parts made me want to cry and others made me laugh and others were cute, too. 
> 
> And I know that skipping over some of these events is a bit... unfair or rushed, but it would be another novel for a lot of them, so I think it better to do this and maybe fill in some of the pieces later. That's a bit fitting, too.
> 
> The lesson Ikki mentions Kent learning is in the Math Dorks stories I did, the one for babysitting.

* * *

 “Kent?”

He looked up from his project, turning his head toward her. “Yes?”

“I want to have your baby.”

He laughed, reaching over to place his hand on her stomach. “I suppose that is good, seeing as you are currently eight months pregnant with my child.”

Kokoa smiled back at him, and he took her hand, giving it a kiss near the wedding band on her finger. She actually loved that he did that. She loved so much about Kent, and though it had not been easy to get to this point, not with her missing memories or her ex-husband, now she had everything she’d ever wanted.

Well, almost.

She would always miss Ukyo, and even now she felt guilty about her part in all that happened and what led to his final death. She hadn’t been able to forgive either of them then. It took a long time for that to happen, and sometimes she still found herself trying to fall into those bad patterns.

She worked harder to continue her redemption, adding some volunteer work to her schedule of teaching and she made dinner whenever Kent would let her, and she made sure she was there to help with Daichi and Ayeka, too, as Daichi’s health was still declining despite how excited he seemed to be about the baby.

“I think I know that look,” Kent said, moving closer to her and taking her into his arms. “You were thinking of your parents again.”

“I shouldn’t. I… I have a good, wonderful family here. Your parents opened their home to me and called me daughter long before we were married. They gave Orion a place to stay, and he still comes by whenever he’s not traveling. They adore him. And they’re both so happy about the baby. Only… I never could make things right with them.”

“In my highly biased and yet very sound opinion, they are the ones who are not worthy of you, and if they are unwilling to put aside their pride and stupidity to reconcile with you, it is no great loss. Though I understand. Losing one’s parents...” He leaned his head against hers, and she sighed, knowing he was thinking again of his own fears. Kent had a theory she feared as well, that Daichi was only holding on to see his grandchild and then they really would lose him. She hated thinking that.

“You are, as always, too good to me,” she said instead, touching his cheek. She sighed. “Doesn’t redemption mean I should be able to make it right with them?”

Kent shook his head. “I do not think so. You are already doing more than I believe you should to atone for the choices of others, and their refusal to reconcile is still _their_ choice. You did something I find nearly impossible and forgave them. They are the ones who foolishly ignore that and throw away a gift they do not deserve.”

She reached up to wipe a tear from her eye. “I really love you.”

“I do not doubt that.”

She laughed and tugged him close for a kiss. She knew she shouldn’t be distracting him from building the baby’s crib, but he was so adorable she couldn’t help herself.

Kent didn’t seem all that eager to get back to it, either. He’d probably hold her like this all night if she let him.

“Also… I meant it. I really want to have your baby.”

Laughing, he put his hands on her stomach. “I know that, too.”

“Like today. I want to have it today.”

He continued to laugh for a bit and then stopped, tensing. “Wait… Are you…?”

“Yes.”

* * *

“Superior genetics.”

Ikkyu laughed, and Kent found himself shaking his head at his father’s statement, reaching over to brush back some of Kokoa’s hair. He felt a rather severe exhaustion, so he could only assume that she was even more fatigued. She smiled weakly at him before returning her gaze to the baby in her arms.

“Yes, it is true,” Ayeka agreed. “Kent is the product of good genes, after all, and it only makes sense that he would pass that on to his children.”

“Children?” Mine squealed from the doorway, making Kent wince. He did not know who had informed her that the birth was over, though he assumed it must have been Ikkyu or his wife. “You never said you were having twins!”

“It would seem the ultrasound technician took Kokoa’s emphatic statements about not telling her anything about the baby to a bit of an extreme,” Kent said. When the others looked at him, he shook his head. “It does not make sense to me. We should have seen the second child on the sonogram, and we did not.”

“I did think I felt kicking from two places at once, but that was impossible, right?”

“What’s impossible?” Shin demanded, pushing past Mine. “And quit blocking the door.”

She glared back at him, but that faded as she got close to Daichi. “Oh, look at how adorable she is. She’s beautiful. Oh, I need to see her sister.”

“Brother,” Kent corrected. “They are fraternal twins.”

“Having one of each is so like Ken,” Ikkyu said, and Kent considered throwing one of the stuffed bears at him. Ikkyu grinned as if he knew what Ken was thinking, wrapping his arms around Sawa. “Doesn’t this make you nostalgic?”

She looked up at him. “No.”

“Really?”

“Five is more than enough, Ikki. We got you fixed for a reason.”

“Damn, I picked the wrong moment to walk in,” Toma said, shaking his head. “Guess I could have waited until the crowd was gone.”

“I wish I had,” Shin said. “But I need pictures.”

“What?”

Shin smiled. “Have to send them to my favorite collar.”

Kokoa winced. “You don’t have to send them to Neikan. Really. It’s enough that he’s in prison.”

“It is not,” Ayeka said. “He hurt my children, and while I understand the law in this case, I should very much like to do worse to him.”

“She’s still scary,” Toma said in a not-quite whisper, making everyone laugh.

“Tell me I’m not too late!” Orion cried, bounding into the room. He pushed back his hood and rushed to the bed. “Oh. I am.”

“Relax, Orion,” Ikkyu said. “Ken learned very wisely from me and Sawa, and no one was here for the birth but the two of them. Well, the doctors and nurses, but no one else. We only got to come after it was almost over.”

“Yes, it would seem a miscalculation was made.”

Orion looked at him with a frown. “What? Wait—one, two… twins? You had twins? That’s so amazing. I’m an uncle. Ooh, I’m so excited. Have you named them yet? What are the names? Can I hold one? Please?”

“See if Grandfather is willing to release his grip for a while. Mommy hasn’t been,” Ikkyu said. “Then again, he was a surprise.”

Kokoa tried to sit up a little, her actions awkward with the child in her arms. “It’s okay. You can hold him, Orion.”

“You look super tired,” Orion told her as he took the baby from her. “You probably don’t need all of us here keeping you up.”

She shook her head. “No. I want you here. It means so much to me that my family is here.”

Kent smiled at her, once again tempted to brush back her hair. She should rest, but he did not think she would until the others had all had a chance to get their fill of the children.

“Were you thinking of naming him Ukyo?”

“We considered doing so if we had a boy, but we both believe it best not to burden the child with any kind of legacy. It would not be right never to speak of Ukyo or his role in Kokoa’s life, but with the amount of guilt she feels… it did not seem wise to risk passing such a thing along to the child.”

“Kent and I will take the children to Kyoto when they’re older and show them the gallery,” Kokoa said. “Since Waka had so many of Ukyo’s photos, it really is a showcase to his work, that house he loved so much. I know it’s not enough… nothing would be, but Kent’s idea was wonderful, wasn’t it?”

Kent shook his head. “It was nothing that amazing. It made sense after hearing you and Orion talk about Ukyo.”

Orion grimaced. “That was pretty rude of us. You would have had every right to be mad.”

“I admit in the early days of our relationship I was… very insecure about the depth and sincerity of Kokoa’s feelings for me, believing that she might be confusing gratitude or something else for love, but time has proved otherwise. In that first stage, perhaps it might have been upsetting, but if you do care about someone, you accept their past as well as the present you share with them. You cannot erase that.”

“Sometimes you wish you could,” Sawa muttered, and Ikkyu grimaced. “Not that you didn’t totally change after you realized your dating cycle wasn’t helping and you were going to make sure your next relationship was real and lasted, but it’s still not easy sometimes to think about all those other women.”

“There is only you now.”

“I know.”

“My husband feels the same,” Mine admitted. “He wasn’t very happy to hear I’d been divorced twice before we met, but he understands. Thank goodness, or I’d be here with the whole entourage. If I take the kid, I have to take the dog, and if I take the dog, for some reason that means the cat and the turtle, too.”

Shin frowned. “Turtle?”

“She loves animals. How can I say no to that face? I’d spoil her rotten if he wasn’t around to keep me in line.”

“Sounds about right,” Toma said, and everyone looked at him. “What? I was talking about the love of my life, not saying anything about Mine.”

“And when do you two plan on doing something about kids?”

Shin did throw a teddy bear at Ikkyu. “Don’t give him ideas. And don’t ask about me, either.”

“Ah, does that mean Orion is fair game?” Ayeka asked, and his eyes got wide. “While your sister has an affection for roses and rose scents, you currently smell like a very different perfume. I think everyone knows where you were.”

“I… That’s...” Orion looked over at Kokoa. “Help?”

She just laughed. “You know you’ll end up admitting to everything between her and Shin.”

“Hey, I don’t even want to know.”

Toma snorted. “Liar.”

* * *

“You are supposed to be sleeping.”

Kokoa lifted her head, taking her eyes off her children and looking at Kent, trying to summon a smile so he wouldn’t worry. Kent would, he usually did, for all that he was still the calmer of the two of them. He just had enough knowledge to look at all those worst case scenarios and consider all of them, and if he could reassure himself with how unlikely those things were, he was fine. If it had a high probability of it happening, he was not.

“I can’t help watching them. Everything seems too perfect right now.”

“Which is why that look is on your face,” Kent said, and she winced at being caught. “You do not have to feel guilty for your happiness. If nothing else, remember that was what Ukyo wanted for you. To live on and be happy. And if this makes you happy, you should not feel guilty over it. It is true he could not accept your death, but I doubt he would have wanted you to act in a similar manner or to mourn him forever. You still remember him. That is… it is all anyone can hope for after they are gone. They are dead, after all, and that means… well, baring religious beliefs, which I do not actually have, it means they have ceased to exist except in someone’s memory. You have honored him and kept his art alive, protected the home he loved… I do not know of anything else you could do, and I wish...”

She reached for him. “Kent, it’s not that I don’t love you or our family. Even if a part of my heart was still Ukyo’s… all of this… it’s yours. Ours. I… I love you. And I love them. I love my whole family. I just… I started thinking about how I used to believe this was impossible. Not just being a mother, but love. Family love. I didn’t realize how much that was missing from my life, too. I’d forced some people away, ran from others, and then there’s my parents who… who never gave me the love I really needed for all they thought they had. I have loving parents now. I have my brothers back—I gained a couple along the way, even, and sisters, too. And I have you. I know you hate when I say it, but I will never deserve you.”

“Hmm. And as I have stated before, we are even, because I do not deserve you, either.”

“You do like things even.”

“Why are you smiling like that?”

“Because Ikki’s right and it’s very like you to have twins and one of each gender… very equal.”

Kent shook his head, though he fought a smile all the same. “Why would I want to deny myself the enjoyment of the time spent trying to make it equal?”

She went red. “Oh. Wow. That was… That was a good line.”

He laughed, combing back her hair again. He kept doing that. She must be a real mess. “Never doubt that I want you. That was not an issue. Denial, your missing memories, insecurities, even a stalker, but not that.”

“That shouldn’t be funny, but I want to laugh all the same.”

“That may be a rare feeling in the days to come. As one might expect, the difficulty goes up with the number of children, and I swear Ikkyu was practically gloating when he said that to Sawa about at least they had a bit of time before there was two.”

Kokoa snorted. “Not that long. There’s barely more than nine months between Yamato and Akito. He couldn’t keep his hands off her.”

“Not an image I need, but true nevertheless.”

“I have done some thinking.”

“Oh?”

“Yes. I think we should encourage Orion to move back in with us for a while. We may need assistance.”

She smiled. “I do like that idea, but I think he’s getting really serious about this one. It might even mean he’s ready to start a family of his own.”

“I sincerely hope you mean by marriage and not by procreation.”

“Stop making me laugh. No, don’t pout, either. It’s not fair. I just gave birth, I’m exhausted, and yet I want to… to kiss you. You’re too damned adorable.”

“I see.”

“Stop it.”

“I am not doing anything.”

“Yes, you are, and I love you for it, but I’m tired.”

He kissed her forehead, touching their daughter’s head with his other hand. “Then you rest. I’ll be here. We’ll all be here when you wake up. I promised you I wouldn’t leave you, remember? And though I cannot guarantee that with absolute certainty, I feel there is very little risk of anything happening while I am sitting here beside you.”

She nodded. “I just… I don’t want to wake up and have this all be a dream.”

“I think when the squalling begins, you will find it is very much real.”

“There you go, being so… you again,” she said, and he frowned at her. She shook her head. He was right. She’d have two hungry babies to feed soon enough, and that would feel just as real as he said. “I’m glad you’re you, though, and no one else.”

“Oh?”

“I never thought, when I first met you, that we’d get along, and if someone had said we’d make a good couple, I’d have… well, I’d have said some really unkind things because I didn’t know you or understand you. Now that I do… you’re the only one. The right one. Maybe even perfect.”

“Hardly.”

“When I thought of you back then, when I made that horrible request of you, I thought you were the right choice because you were logical and you’d understand all the practical reasons I’d lined up, but I was wrong. You were the right choice… because I could build all this with you. A family. A home. All this love I thought I couldn’t have. I… I said I regretted asking you, but… that’s not quite true. I don’t regret it.”

“I did admit that it was what forced me to acknowledge I had some feelings for you that I had never admitted to before,” he said, giving her a slight smile. “And then I knew… you were the only one I could have this with, the only one I wanted it with.”

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

“So not fair,” she grumbled, and he laughed again before he kissed her.

Maybe she didn’t deserve this, but she knew she’d still treasure it, every minute of it, and she’d make sure she’d did right by all of them. She’d done as planned, started with one person, and because she had Kent, she’d been able to do so much more. Now she had two more to care for, two more to help, two more who would probably go off to help others, and since they were Kent’s kids, maybe even cure cancer or something.

She smiled at that just before she drifted off to sleep, safe and happy with her family.

 


End file.
